Chatting Across Borders

by Aalagba Saamu

Alaagba Saamu: well done ooo. I say make i see your face today through technology.

Logunleko: ok o… ese o. how are you doing today? Mr. Legba nko?

Alaagba Saamu: Mr. Legba is there oo, he dey salute u oo

Logunleko: ok o… greet am too. say i dey salute tooo

Alaagba Saamu: he go hear o

Logunleko: so how far with your runs?

Alaagba Saamu: everything is grounded in the country for now…the usual rituals of fuel scarcity at Xmas…umoru is lying down half dead in a Saudi hospital and the country too lying comatose here

Logunleko: my dear, i am tired ooo

Alaagba Saamu: we are all tired o…and waiting for a miracle…even some wishing for a Rawlings like bloodbath in Nigeria to clear the mess

Logunleko: i hope the country will not be divided o

Alaagba Saamu: the American CIA didn’t say that… It only said the country could break up by 2015

Logunleko: oh, so break up is the word?

Alaagba Saamu: yes… as a failed state

Logunleko: so are you supporting that?

Alaagba Saamu: why not …this is an impossible union. The alternative could be better dos; a proper federal state with a weak centre that will allow every constituent parts develop at their own pace. i have always clamoured for a true federalism… where the central is very weak. that is when we can move forward o…

Logunleko: break up will not favour anybody o.

Alaagba Saamu: the cabal is making it impossible. They prefer a more juicy centrally controlled, internally colonized people to milk dry

Logunleko: They need to be removed, simple

Alaagba Saamu: we are at the end game now i guess; the bubble will burst very soon

Logunleko: very soon you say? Did i tell you my dad had a dream in 1982 of Nigeria breaking up… in fact he said the map was cut into several pieces… and the name Nigeria disappeared from the world

Alaagba Saamu: Your papa must have been an ogbologbo aje (witch)

Logunleko: which one be aje inside this matter now?

Alaagba Saamu: i believe the CIA prediction of 2015…they got it right in the case of the Soviet Union of old and in Yugoslavia… i don’t think they will get it wrong this time

Alaagba Saamu: Your dad was a prophet and must have worked for the CIA!

Logunleko: what data does the CIA use?

Alaagba Saamu: they use various data…religious crisis… corruption index…political crisis. Unemployment rates, level of poverty etc… they are very scientific.

Logunleko: ok… and?

Alaagba Saamu: Sometimes back… they even conducted a war scenario of the eventuality becoming a reality…how they will evacuate their citizens

Logunleko: really? this na real war o

Alaagba Saamu: or how else can u predict what will happen. when a criminal stole money…decided where he wanted to be trialed. Handpicked the judge and paid the judge $5m to be discharged of 170 count charges in day light?

Logunleko: ivory?

Alaagba Saamu: yes ibori

Logunleko: ehyen?

Alaagba Saamu: he was discharged and acquitted last Friday in a court in asaba while his wife and sister are still in a London court for money laundering charges

Logunleko: i heard so o

Alaagba Saamu: This is the same man sentenced in London as far bk as 1990 for credit card offence and 9yrs latter became a governor in Nigeria

Logunleko: rogues and thieves.

Alaagba Saamu: You uncle…Chief Bode George was sentenced with a minor jail term and he is appealing for a bail

Logunleko: that one is not serious, he should stay there o

Alaagba Saamu: this is a unique country in the world…so when the CIA predicted 2015 for end of the market…you better believe them

Logunleko: so what is going to happen to all of us o?

Alaagba Saamu: we hope it will b a peaceful breakup…so we can be in our south west republic or is it oduduwa… people like you may need visa to visit me…if you haven’t migrated to your new father land in swiss

Logunleko: u don come o

Alaagba Saamu: Your people started their bombing of pipelines again yesterday in the Niger delta…MEND said they have no patience for a sickly president dictating the pace and peace in the oil region

Logunleko: so where do we go from here?

Alaagba Saamu: u better start asking for citizenship from where u are

Logunleko: dem no go take me o

Alaagba Saamu: when we settle our mata you can come back

Logunleko: Na so the matter be now?

Alaagba Saamu: my daughter is asking for one st Kitts Island… she learnt that Nigerians are many there and she will like to migrate there with her hubby…its abt 3,500 pple island in Caribbean

Logunleko: has she started the process?

Alaagba Saamu: not yet…still searching for more info

Logunleko: ok… this one na serious matter o… u seems to be very frantic abut this issue o

Alaagba Saamu: it is so. their generation cannot stand what we went thru…working for 3 decades now and i can’t afford a decent holiday on my salary!

Logunleko: this na serious matter o. God will help us all o

Alaagba Saamu: amen oo

Logunleko: na prayer oo. if we have to break up then it has to be peaceful o

Logunleko: we don’t want war o

Alaagba Saamu: we hope for a peaceful one o

Alaagba Saamu: You know my own better…na only u i dey pity… i have kits and kins in benin republic….cuba…trinidad and Tobago. they will accommodate me… na only okoro people like u have nowhere to go

Logunleko: ehen? e don become like dat?

Alaagba Saamu: yes ooo

Logunleko: so when r u relocating?

Alaagba Saamu: I will wait till after the 2011 elections and pretend to be an incurable optimist and a stubborn patriot till 2013.

Logunleko: and?

Alaagba Saamu: i communicate with my people regularly in Ketou, Ajase. Pobe…The only thing left for me is to brush up my Yoruba to suite their own, because they have polluted the language beyond recognition

Logunleko: (laughing) Please stop… (more laughing) I’m dying over here

Logunleko: I hope it will not be difficult for you o

Alaagba Saamu: I will manage hopefully

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