Decoding Animal Talk Jagbanjantis!

by Michael Oluwagbemi II

“Fela wetin u go talk again o? Dem go worry me…worry, worry, worry, – dem go worry me!” As I croon across the information highway whiling time away listening to the ever living, eternally impregnable works of the musical maestro and legend: Fela Anikulapo Kuti I could not but help draw parallel to what Fela had in mind then and what is going on right now. How better can you describe the recent oral diarrhea by Mr. President – two of such strokes in one week? You see my people, im don long wey I know say OBJ no sabi talk- na now me sef I recognize. If Baba Fela dey alive, im go talk say una Baba dey yarn Animal talk- absolute jagbanjantis!

Two animal talks in one week cannot be forgiven even after we take into cognizance that may be it is because our president is rusty in local politics or perhaps jet lagged after his numerous vain trips abroad. On one hand, he wants us to believe that his own former minister now governorship aspirant contesting against his anointed candidate in Ondo state is corrupt! Haba! Na news be that? Was it not Machiavelli that said the true worth of a leader is the quality of advisers he choose to surround himself with? If Afolabi your rigger in chief was corrupt and died in jail, Anenih your bear and pepper soup joint friend is a known but uncaught thief, Bode “Wing Commander” George is all but indicted; if Tafa Balogun his security back up for the rigging was corrupt, if your official houseboy Uba was arrested for smuggling in Obodo America, if your self proclaimed and officially anointed political godson in Ekiti (Fayose) is an edifice of corruption and bad governance that will make Mobutu Sese Seko green with envy, how else do you want to describe your government Mr. President?

Obasanjo as a specimen never ceases to amuse me. This is a man that nominated a Vice President for two terms, I mean twice in the space of four years and then turns around in the eighth year to tell us he is the most corrupt politician in the history of Nigeria. No be animal talk be that? Mr. President when will you start taking responsibilities for your decisions? Of course, while Mr. President demands loyalty from his subordinates the same standards cannot be expected from him. He betrayed Wole Soyinka to be committed to prison during the civil war, he betrayed Okonjo-Iweala when it was time for her to earn the number two job in the UN, and this week he is betraying Dr. Mimiko. Of course it is not my intention to hold brief for the “honorable” doctor- he like Atiku and the rest of the Old Boys Association of Obasanjo friends turned enemies should have known they were feasting with the devil from day one when they partook in his meal of death. Anyone that makes friend with Obasanjo is all but dead- he is a dangerous man.

Okay now if you think that gaffe was outstanding- hear the second one. In his quite unmistakable gust and guts, in a rally where he was welcoming new members to his empire of corruption, OBJoke had the gut to label another party as an Alliance of Corruption. Okay let us go down the list: Atiku, Okadigbo, Wabara, Enwenrem, Dariye, Alams, Fayose, Akala, Ibori, Igbinnedion, Odili, Jonathan Good luck, Uba, Adedibu, Afolabi and Tafa Balogun etc. What has all the names on the roll call got in common?Definitely corruption and PDP produced. Okay, I hear you- most are no more in PDP or perhaps the last one (Tafa that is) was never an official card carrying member but we all know better. PDP is the engine room of corruption, and if AC is an Alliance of the Corrupt, then Mr. President’s party must be a good breeding ground and hiring agencies for the corrupt since we all know AC as the association of PDP rejects: used and dumped by OBJoke. We are not including the known and certified criminals like Old George and his brigade commanders on the field- we will allow sleeping dogs “lie” (sic).

It was not even OBJ’s taunting criticism of his baby political association (AC that is) that was annoying; it was he words that followed. Hear Animal talk as reported by the Guardian in their Tuesday February 6, 2007 issue: “There is enough to share in the PDP. So, there is no reason to cause confusion. There is even more than enough, from local government to state and to the federal level.” Okay without being mischievous my people, wetin dem dey share for PDP? Na your money be that my friend. The slogan of the party from day one has always been to share the money and assassin bullets. That is their modus operandi and that was what Mr. President was alluding to in code. In essence he was saying, the rest of the defectors will not partake in the loot this time around and that the more loot and less participants the better for those in house. That is classic OBY-speak for you my people; na code. So how much of our animals don chop, so tey im boku to go around? See the reason why MEND is in the sweet spot of the action? Indeed, I am sure there is enough in PDP to keep paying the ransoms too while the oil money of the Niger Delta is frittered on frivolities!

My people, una sabi say for animal kingdom, animal get level…abi no be so? Another animal in this animal farm was quick to reply OBJ and here is his reply: it is the AC Spokesman Alhaji Lai Mohammed speaking in his rebut to OBJ’s animal talk, “It is not enough for you to allege you must also prove. It is instructive that the most exclusive club of corrupt politicians and appointees are found only in the PDP”. Na animal dey answer animal- full stop. Let me decode this animal talk for you my people: Lai is simply saying the PDP club of corruption is Exclusive, while that of AC is open for all! Gbosa! All of them na thief; hear animal talk?

Anyway, so far so good; I must confess I love these animal talks. The more the man (OBJ) talks the more he cements the image of a loud mouthed, low intelligence yet megalomaniac ruler who believes in nothing but throwing his lightweight power around. When his time expires in May 29, we shall see whether his swagger and gait will remain: knowing who this chicken farmer – a man better suited to be a courtyard jester than a soldier- he will be busy either hiding in Otta Farm or trying to rewrite history by saying Yaradua after all was a mistake he never should have committed. I beg, save us the animal tall and jagbanjantis. Anyone who has ears let him hear.

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