(An excerpt from my journal written on Sunday,11th June 1995 in Kano)
Hi friend, in keeping with my plan to share entries to my devotional journals, I have lifted up this piece which I had written during my undergraduate university days in Kano; months after I’d given my life to Christ and had read so many Christian books and put in so much effort to develop spiritually. Much as I was growing in my love-relationship with God, I experienced some degree of struggle with sexual temptations which awed me. In my naïve mind, I had thought that getting born again would assuage the sexual tension most young men face from their teen years. Being in my early 20s then, I thought I was going to be free from the thoughts of sex and the temptations that come with it. So I cried to God for ‘deliverance from sexual temptations’ so I can live a holy and righteous life .Please find below the text of my prayer to God as I recorded it in my journal then. With maturity setting in though, I now reckon that I may’ve asked for too much then since we can only be immune from temptations to sin ( in anyway possible) only after we’re long gone and dead! I hope this prayer makes sense to the readers and feel free to send in your comments and suggestions:
Shalom and God bless.
Felix Abrahams Obi
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DELIVER ME FROM SEXUAL TEMPTATIONS! : A Psalm of Dereliction
LORD!
I am ashamed. How can I behold your countenance? I’m so embarrassed by my thoughts. They plaque me at day and haunt me at night. I even dread to lie on my couch till morning.
LORD!
When will you deliver me from this snare? I know it’s all my fault. But you can’t leave me to waste away in this valley of desolation. The skull of the enemy scares me with its gapping jaws gnawing at me. He pokes my soul with thorns and briers. My bone wastes away all day long.
LORD!
My sins and thoughts separate me from you. In weakness, I see me go back to those things I’ve forsaken. Destroy the wall of flesh in me. I long to have a broken and contrite spirit; and a pure heart before you always. How many times will I wake in filth and shame? I hide my stench from those that love me. But the enemy rejoices over my dereliction and accuses me all day long. LORD! DELIVER ME!
LORD!
Many are my woes and afflictions. In your LOVE remember me. Break this crushing yoke upon my neck. Pour your wrath upon the enemy of my soul and release me to serve you. Cause me to Love you with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. Let me be glued and riveted to your LOVE, oh Lord!
LORD!
You created me for your glory. May my life glorify you. But the dead cannot praise you. I have nothing to offer you, save this. Take all from me; for yours they are forever. Purge me. Make me an instrument of praise now that vigor and zeal are within the gates of my frame!
LORD!
Take me to the mountain. Lead me through; The GATE; The DOOR. Unveil the Sanctum Santorium (Holy of Holies) and cause me to behold LIFE in abundance. Let your Shekinah GLORY overwhelm me with Love.
LORD!
You alone will be LORD in my life. By your grace, idols will flee from me. I will live to declare your GLORY for you have removed my iniquities far from me. No longer will I wake up in shame and fear. For you alone knew how much I have suffered.
LORD!
Exalt the horn of my youth. Anoint me with hot oil. Let your Presence herald your fullness. And never will I be oppressed again because you are now in the throne of my life. For you have not disdained my cry of dereliction! AMEN!
I do remember my early days as a Christian convert.I was in my teens then and no one told me hormones were part of growing up,I wish someone had.I spent days despising myself and feeling like I had let God down.I prayed and fasted and filled my journals with prayers.I daydreamed about my first kiss and the wonder of falling in love as soon I turned 18,all these thoughts and day dreams led to more self-loathing.Thank God for wisdom and knowledge,I got to learn about my body and how natural those thoughts are.Thank God for keeping me sane and whole all those years.Today,I know when it’s hormones and when it’s just temptation and I have learned how to handle them both.
I am saved and God has shown me greater and better ways to handle lust and sin in general….same can be done to evryone….we are not perfect…but can always be close to being perfect.
I am in my middle 20s and I am someone trying to grow spiritually and strong in the Lord.I am impressed by this article and prayer.
I have been in a situation like this several times but never saw it as a temptation.it was when it kept coming that I decided to put an end to it by all means like handling the urge and thoughts as I would do in other sinful ways.
God bless you for the messages here.
for those who see fornication and adultery as good,you better repent because grace cannot and will never abound when we continue in sin….everyone who sins must get the reward…in the negative of course.
Yeesh! Dude, you were waaaaaaaaaay too hard on yourself. Being raised Catholic, guilt is horrible for the soul and those priests I went to confessions to did a good job of making sure the guilt was well set in. I hope you are in a better place spiritually now. And it is okay to look. You are a man now abi? How will you find your life partner if you are not looking?
And this is why you people will keep living miserable lives. You live a phony life by deprieving yourself of the good things in life. Do you really think any of your prayers will save you from temptations? Keep praying and keep suffering in silence.