I Need a Ghanaian Visa, Fast

by Sylva Nze Ifedigbo

I need a Ghanaian Visa urgently. Time is running out on me. Can anybody help? I must be in Ghana next month. I am eager to commit treason. Treason as defined by the PDP Deputy national Chairman Dr. Mohammed H. Bello. I want to join Nigerian opposition leaders to the Gold Coast to commit treason. Treason committed with the active connivance of the leader of the free world must feel good to commit. I need a Ghanaian visa fast.

Yes, I want to join forces with a “failed” presidential candidate, two former Speakers, a former Senate President and “a sprinkling of political hangers-on” plus the United States embassy in Nigeria to cause instability in Nigeria. No, not just instability, I want to generate a tsunami. A tsunami with a strength that is yet to be recorded in geography.

The tsunami shall leave no refugees in its wake. It shall blow across the land. To Wadata Plaza. To Aso Rock. To kebbi state. To the palatial mansion of one big mouthed Veterinary doctor. It shall blow roof tops away and bring down walls. It shall open the can of worms and the scatter the piles of papers used to seal dirty deals.

When the tsunami is done, we shall know why the Railway has remained comatose despite all the bla blaa black sheep Government has been singing about it. And wait, did I mention the Presidential panel on Customs shall also be on the Tsunamis flight path? When the tsunami is done, the chairman of the panel, the same talk talk vet doctor will remember where he kept the terms of reference for his assignment.

Did you not read that Siemens recently landed a new contract from the Federal Government? Siemens !, The same Siemens you know. I still have a copy of the daily with a shouting cover page headline indicating that Siemens had been black listed by the Federal Government a while ago. After a macabre dance of sulugede, Siemens is unblacklisted and is landing juicy contacts. Our talk talk Vet, the jack of all trade is also not far from the circumstances that led to the initial blacklisting. I hope my tsunami unfolds the mystery that Farida has failed to reveal.

Give me a Ghanaian visa let me go. I am so eager to destabilize this country. Surely Barack Obama should have the formular. Or perhaps Attah Mills will also play a role. Aha, Jerry Rowlings will not be far away. Who else has a better, tested and trusted way of destabilizing a country but Rawlings? I want to seat down to a glowing tutorial on country destabilization 101. I want to learn from the best.

Abeg I need this visa. Even one day outside this country will help my life expectancy. I need to breathe a different air. Air devoid of election rigging. I want to see light for twenty four hours. My laptop can remain full charged all day. Oh, Oh, Ghana, here I come. I heard I wouldn’t have to push and fight to enter a bus. I need a Ghanaian visa.

This is my dream trip. An experience of a life time. Nothing could be better? Anything that would destabilize this country is welcomed especially when the indications comes from the reincarnation of Abacha’s Wada Nas. I sign up. Mohammed H. Bello thank you so much for exposing the plans of these failed members of the opposing. They wanted to have the booty alone. Now we all know. I am also going to Ghana. I just need a visa.

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bemnyax@yahoo.com June 11, 2009 - 9:40 am

Nice style of writing. Reminds me of great satires like Animal Farm. More power to your elbow.

Sokie June 9, 2009 - 12:35 am

great style of writing

k_adora@hotmail.com June 8, 2009 - 10:47 am

My dear, with your ECOWAS passport, you don’t need a visa to Ghana! But for the fun of it, we can arrange for one! But that will delay execution of your plan. I want you out there asap!


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