Is It Just Me?

by Vera Ezimora

For so long, I have stayed away from writing about this because I figured certain people might not take it the right way and it might strike some controversy, but now that I think about it, when has controversy ever been my enemy? Never! So I apologize, but I can no longer keep my peace. Seriously speaking, all things being equal, how much should an engagement ring cost?

Let me make my stand known. I, Vera Ezimora, do solemnly swear that I cannot and will not appreciate a cheap ring. I will take it, but I cannot appreciate it. Now, I do not expect him to rob a bank or remain in perpetual debt because he wants to buy my ring (unless he insists, of course), but common, cut me some slack.

This is the way I think about it: if you can finance an eight hundred dollar camera and a one thousand dollar computer, then why not a six thousand dollar ring? Seriously who says you have to pay everything at once? Likewise, I do not want my husband wearing a cheap ring either. I know men do not generally care too much for their bands, but I do.

I have been in perpetual disagreement with my friends, Funmi and Busola. Actually, Busola and I are on opposite ends; she does not care how much her ring costs while Funmi and I completely agree that the ring should cost a little something-something. Know what I mean? Funmi wants her ring to cost at least ten thousand dollars, but she will settle for nine (funny, I know). I, on the other hand, do not have a particular amount, but I do know the ring I want, and I know it is at least five thousand dollars. If it means anything to you, Uju is on our side.

I am glad that I have one Yoruba girl on our side because you know how we (Igbo girls) are famous for being famous gold diggers. Needless to say, any gold digger that will accept a five thousand dollar ring cannot be a true gold digger; she needs some lessons. That being said, I am removing myself from the list of gold diggers – just in case you have put me there.

I am not someone who is big on jewelry; in fact, my everyday life does not consist of me wearing any jewelry apart from my wrist watch. If you were to run into me on the street, you would probably think I am a member of one of those churches that do not believe in wearing jewelry. I need not mention any names. I only have time for jewelry when I am actually going somewhere – as in attending a function. And when I do attend those functions, the jewelries I wear do not put dents in my account. Can you believe that at my age I do not have one single real diamond? Do not be fooled by the sparkly things I wear; they are all fake, but I do not mind really…at least not yet. Of course, if you are considering buying me a real diamond, I would be foolish to say no. Speaking of things I do not have at my age, can you believe I have received flowers only twice? And both times, I got them from the same guy (an admirer). Do not let me bore you with my tales of woe.

But when it comes to my engagement ring, I refuse to compromise. I can wear my fake jewelries for a few hours and take them off, but my engagement ring stays on twenty-four-seven. I get to meet a lot of brides-to-be on a daily basis, and some of them do not even have to say they are engaged before you know it. The sparkle from their rings is enough to blind you. Sadly, the brides with the sparkling rings are hardly Nigerians. Or Africans. Only a handful have been descendants from the Motherland. For some other women, of course, you can hardly even notice they are engaged. When they tell me they are engaged, I have to dilate my eyes to two hundred percent to find the rings. Sometimes, I want to say something ignorant, like “Oh, is that your ring? I thought that was just glitter from your lotion!” The only reason I do not say it is because I am afraid of getting beaten up. You know I cannot fight.

I am not an inconsiderate person – at least not to my knowledge, so I do not expect a man who truly cannot even afford to make the monthly payments to buy me such a ring, so in such a case, I will most definitely compromise. But I will do it in hopes of a better tomorrow. In other words, I will do it in hopes that my ring will be upgraded in the nearest future. However, if he can afford it, but simply thinks it is a waste of money, then we are going to have a problem. Whatever is worth doing, is worth doing well, right? If my fiancé (whom I do not have right now) gets me a ring I do not want, I will be crying during the proposal, but they would not be tears of joy. I bet you know what I will be crying for.

Am I asking for too much? I do not think I am. I am not asking that he buys me bracelets every month (although that will be good); I am not asking that he even goes to Jared every Valentine’s Day (although that will also be good); and I am most certainly not asking that my engagement ring be from Harry Winston (although the thought of it causes sweat beads of joy to form on my forehead). All I am asking for is my engagement ring – the one I want – the one with the visible diamond, set on platinum (not gold, thank you!). Will he not gloat and bask in the glory when other people praise him for my ring? Will his head not get swollen when other women tell me how lucky I am to have him? Have I asked for too much? Will I not wear this ring everyday for the rest of my life? Should I not be entitled to a ring that will not fade after a few months or years? Is it so bad for me to adore the ring my husband has so beautifully adorned on my finger? I know you know the answers to my questions.

So I ask again, is it just me? Surely, there has to be someone else (apart from Funmi and Uju) who believes that an engagement ring should cost a pretty penny. Of course, it is what the ring represents that truly counts, so why not make it count for a lot? The weight of my big diamond is enough to remind me that I belong to someone. But if I am forced to wear a light weight ring, I cannot be blamed for forgetting that I am engaged (or married). And you know what will happen when I forget.

Diamonds are forever. Heavy diamonds are forever and ever and ever…and then some!

Thursday, November 29th 2007

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dee November 4, 2008 - 10:14 am

LMAO @ glitter from ur lotion

I am yet to decide if i care

ADI A September 6, 2008 - 5:35 pm

Heck Yeah! I want a VISIBLE REAL DIAMOND RING. if you can’t afford it, put it on LAY AWAY MONTHS BEFOR YOU PROPOSE. This might be my only hope of a real diamond in my years to come. abeg shake body joo!

Wonttell May 16, 2008 - 2:52 am

Ok ladies here’s a little secret, if you go to a good , yet cost effective jeweler, your man won’t need to spend 10 grand on a beautiful ring. Its not the size or the cost that counts, its the clarity, quality, and cut of the diamond. Trust me you can pick a shape that looks like it cost a million bucks but your man will only spend $2000. The bafoon I married spent about $5000 on my ring, and it was a 2 carat, but bullshit quality, hence it being not as expensive(but I took it back and got a 1.72 carat that looked almost the same in size with better cut, color, clarity, hence making the quality better for the same price) . If you are willing to settle on a lower color grade and a slight inclusion in your diamond, then honey you can get a fab ring from the diamond district in any major city. By the way, don’t let these idiot men fool you by claiming the diamond was so costly that the setting looks like hell. That’s not true. The truth is you can get an outstanding setting in white gold with smaller grade diamonds surrounding it, and it won’t cost your man more than $300 for the setting, and he can splurge on the diamond. Another great way to go is to have your man purchase your birthstone and set it in a beautiful ring instead of purchasing a diamond, unless your birthstone is a diamond then you’re shit out of luck. Oh yea, if you happen to live in the US or UK, try having your man purchase a good quality gem (birthstone) from a reputible department store. they actually sell diamonds, and other gems, and are required to refund your money in full if it isn’t the right quality. How do I know all this? Well, like I’ve said repeatedly in many previous posts, I married a jackass, and had to learn the hard way, which meant practically sueing the initial jeweler that sold my bafoon the first Bullshit ring he bought which we had to take back because the inclusion in the ring was so bad I couldn’t get my ring appraised. Anyway, I hope this helps.

errica February 28, 2008 - 5:06 pm

You are so damn right!! Amen!! I want my big shiny ring. I am worth ten grand and more!!!

sugabelly January 23, 2008 - 11:09 pm



At the first signs of any kind of conflict in the relationship, I will promptly open a Swiss account and deposit the ring there. 🙂

Reply January 9, 2008 - 5:25 am

I guess culture matters and the income of your fiance too. From my little survey the cost of an engagement ring is normally equivalent to a months wage. I guess during your courtship /dating the lady should be able to pass across her desires in a subtle way.

I suppose that older a lady gets, the less emphasis is placed on the ring, of am I wrong there?

Anonymous December 9, 2007 - 3:58 pm

I will take a $10,000 sparlking diamond ring. In case we break up, i get to keep it (wink)

Lagosbobo December 4, 2007 - 3:19 pm

Look, lets be real, this is the most important “item” that an American woman wears daily. Diamonds are big here period. Nothing less than a 1.5 Carat VS or VVS, color less diamond for a classy woman. For those who are truly African with only truly African buddies, the diamond no mean, however if you are in any way integrated into this country. Please represent. Yes I know, it is all vanity… but then what isn’t? And I know you all have food clothing and shelter .. or you wouldn’t be wasting your time surfing the net.

bennie December 2, 2007 - 5:54 pm

@unknown poster #2,

You're probably right. "Some women are too scared to admit that they care what their ring looks like" On the other hand, there are a great number of women who do not care what their ring looks like. I am one of those women.

My husband and I both wear matching wedding bands, which works for me. He's offered and asked on several occasions if I would like a diamond ring like other women. My answer has always been a resounding, "No thanks!" I think the only reason that he has not surprised me with one, is the fact that he knows that I'll take it right back and ask for a refund. Frankly, I'd rather invest that money in the stock market or put that money toward paying off my house or going on a 5-7 day cruise.

To me, no outlandish diamond ring is worth being a slave to some lender. I'll rather be debt free.

Of course this is just me!

Anonymous December 1, 2007 - 10:35 am

lol. I like your candidness. Some women are too scared to admit that they care what their ring looks like. I was thinking today, a 1.5 or 2 carat canary diamond solitaire set in platinum would be nice. I can live with a regular diamond, preferable 1.5 to 2 carat solitaire. It should be visible abeg.

obi December 1, 2007 - 2:46 am

You said, "Sadly, the brides with the sparkling rings are hardly Nigerians Or Africans".

True! but remember that half of those women paid for the ring and the remaining half bought it as an investment of which they will collect back in case of any form of break up, also, the men neither paid dowry nor the rigourous expensive process in African marriages coupled with the serial frivolous engagement parties. We don't ask for pay back or engagement ring as soon as the engagement is called off except some new breed westernised African brothers that do it these days without shame. Ask yourself where the pride of a man lies if he asks for his ring back.

Anyway, nice article…way better than the previous one and also try to save money to help him buy the 3000 carat diamond afterall there is no social or religious book that mandates a man to buy the ring. Men and women are the same in the 21st century.


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