Nigerian Men and their Foreign Wives

by Sabella Ogbobode Abidde

Increasingly, and in greater numbers, Nigerian men are marrying non-Nigerian women. In droves, they are marrying Caribbean nationals, White-Americans and African-Americans. They are marrying, not for the primarily purpose of acquiring “greencard,” but for other noble reasons. They marry, not for the curiosity, but because they are bonded and are determined to make a success of the marriage institution; they are bonded by love and faith and a commitment to one another to live their lives as one in a happy matrimony.

The more I notice this phenomenon, the more I wonder about some Nigerian men. I wonder. Culturally, Nigerian men are overbearing, controlling, and paternalistic. They relate to their fathers and mothers differently. They believe it is “a man’s world” and so they have the tendency to relegate women to subservient roles. True, things are changing. True globalization and modernity and westernization are impacting the Nigerian culture. In cities across Nigeria, these changes are noticeable; but over all, the effects of these changes are minimal. A Nigerian may be well read, well educated and well traveled, in the end though, he will succumb to the weight and influence of the Nigerian culture.

We have a society where anthropological and sociological behaviors are still paramount. For instance, a great many Nigerians still practice levirate and sororate marriage, and they also engage in polygyny, bridewealth, and matrilocal and patrilocal living arrangements. And in spite of westernization, Nigerians are still not comfortable with public display of affection, i.e. kissing and verbal declaration of love; and neither are they comfortable with open and public discussions of abortion, sex and exotic sex acts. That Nigerians are not comfortable with such public declarations and have not completely embraced westernization is due, to a large extent, on the hold the traditional African culture has on the vast majority of the populace. At the core of every Nigerian, and indeed every African, is the thumbprint, the umbilical cord of their ancestors.

This non-public declaration and display of love and affection is not unique to Nigerians living in Nigeria. No! The vast majority of Nigerians living in the United States are loath to engage in such practices, too. Furthermore, most Nigerians do not engage in endearing practices like candlelight dinners, flower giving, romantic walk by the lake or park, or even running the bath for their wives or lovers. It would surprise most westerners to know that a typical Nigerian father or mother would rarely, if ever, utter affectionate or confidence-building words like “I love you…” to their children; yet, the children have no doubt that their parents love them. Children are the crowing glory of any respectable Nigerian family.

Haven digressed a bit, I return to the issue of Nigerian men and their foreign wives. I am stunned, perplexed, taken aback by the transformation Nigerian men, married to non-Nigerian women, have gone through in the United States (and perhaps all over the Western world). My goodness, here are a group of macho men, fiercely independent, with a burgeoning sense of entitlement who thinks the world belongs to them; and that women are made to be at their beck-and-call. Here they are; they have suddenly or gradually gone soft and sensitive and romantic and wide-eyed. How did these groups of men become “oh baby, oh baby” kind of guys? How did they become “yes honey, yes sweetheart, yes darling” kind of fellas? What has happened to them? What got to their hearts and soul?

How were they able to adjust to living under a different set of rules and matrimonial conventions? How is it that a breed of men married to their fellow countrywomen would behave in a given and predictable manner; but then adjust to a different matrimonial lifestyle when married to foreigners? When they are with the Nigerian women, these men are all about control and power and they expect their wives to cook and clean and raise babies and provide sex on demand; but with the foreign wives, their balls shrink! Such men live by schedule. They have daily and weekly schedule of when to do the laundry and the dishes; of whose turn it is to empty the thrash; and of whose turn it is to sweep and mop the floor; and of when to eat out and cook at home.

These men — especially if married to White women — feel lucky and grateful and mightily blessed. These men meet and exceed all matrimonial expectations; but would rubbish and dominate their Nigerian women. What is it about a White woman that makes the Nigerian male lose his senses? Could it be because of their skin color and their supposed sensuality and submissive attitude in bed? Could it be because they engage in all kinds of mind-altering sexual acts that, understandably, the Nigerian woman would NOT engage in? Or perhaps it has to do with the warped mentality of some Nigerian men who thinks everything white is good and desirable and so must be had!

Why are Nigerian men afraid to turn control over to their Nigerian wives? Why are they averse to showing their sensitive side? Why the need to control and dominate? Why are Nigerian men reluctant to take their wives on a romantic walk to the parks and beaches, buy roses and cards? Why the need to bottle up their romantic side? Why have they refused to do for their Nigerian wives what they would heartily do for non-Nigerian women? After all, Nigerian women, unlike their foreign counterparts usually do not demand to be co-captains of the house. They usually do not demand for more than is earthly possible. And way more than their foreign counterparts they understand what it means to be a wife and a partner; they understand what it means to be part of the extended family.

When it comes to matters of life, love and death, Nigerian women have stood by their husbands. They are there during the passing of their in-laws; they give succor in times of crisis. These women understand what the African family is all about. But not much can be said about non-Nigerian wives who may not even find it necessary to visit or attend marriage or burial ceremonies in their husbands’ ancestral homes. For non-Nigerian wives, life begins and ends in American. For these women, marriage is not about marrying into another family; it is about “us and us alone.” And in fact, they would rather you not bother them with stories about your extended families and the need for the monthly or quarterly remittances.

Yes, some of us can’t help with whom we fall in love; but to the extent that one can, I would rather a Nigerian. A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw you out of your home; she is not likely to call the cops on you based on flimsy reasons; she is not likely to drag you through the judicial system; she is not likely to throw the divorce papers at you at the slightest provocation; she is not likely to turn her backs at you in times of financial difficulties and other crises. In order words: Nigerian women are likely to stay and be loving and generous and supportive for the long haul! Again and again and again, they have proven that of all God’s creations, they are the very best. And indeed, they are!

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Nono January 21, 2011 - 10:54 pm

I agree with you gil, iam also dating a nigerian for the past 8 year and i feel that he is a good man compare to my previous south african man.

mojisola animashawun April 26, 2009 - 4:27 am

I would agree that this is a well written article with some ounces of unease truth about Nigerian men. looking at this article from another perspective, i will say it does not apply to just Nigerian men, in my opinion, it applies to most Nigerians in general. Before any one attacks me, to all reading this comment, please think back, when was the last time you said ‘i love you’ to your siblings, parents, friends and loved ones. If you express your love often to these people in words then i say kudos to you. From experience, i discovered that mere words made from letters can penetrate the body more than a sword. To think of it,why do people get annoyed when verbally insulted, its this same words! For me, it is too late to declare my love for my father, he never declared his for me either but i compensated mum and brother by declaring my love as often as i can. My mum’s mood often gets brighter anytime i say ‘i love you’. It’s only 3words with a simple rule: ‘say it only when you mean it’. If you never really thought saying those three words are powerful, say it to someone you love i.e not necessarily an intimate friend, see for yourself how it makes them feel.

unknown April 25, 2009 - 3:59 am

the thing with this person who write this article is that i think he only know abount nigeria and us , he does not about other culture or race in the world, how man and woman behave is going to be how they were raised, and how they love the other persons because this is not about Nigerians, Americans this is about been human.

pretty face April 23, 2009 - 9:02 am

I just want to say that alot of american people especially women, dont understand african men period or there culture. The only way that you will have the exsperience is by dealling with them for a long period of time and thats only if they except you. I am spanish and black and i was born and raised in american but i have alot of african friends from west african. I have been dealling with africans and especially nigerians for many years. alot of american people dont understand the way they are because they dont understand there culture. I have been to nigeria and 80% of the nigerian men in nigerian treat there woman good. African men demands there respect when i comes down to dealling with there wife. alot of american woman think that they treat there woman like slaves but thats not true. Back home were they are from the woman are sappose to take care of there husbands and there children and the wife is taught to behave as a respectable wife infront of friends and infront of there family. Nigerian men have alot of pride and they will not except a disrespectful wife. They beleve that a woman should be humble and soft spokin like a lady should be, but they want a strong black woman an not a week one and to be submissive in a good way, the way a woman should be, but in america alot of woman dont behave that way and the reason why is because america has lost its respect. Its a nigerian mans dream or any african mans dream that if they get involved with an american woman that she has very close tendencies as there african woman back home because if she do then there is a 80% chance that he will stay with that black american woman. African men are not very controlling with there wife in africa like they are here in america because they no that anything goes in america and its alot of exceptable and disrespectables ways here in america and they see that alot of american woman who have no respect for them selves, so that is why they might seem very controlling with american woman because alot of african woman do not behave the way american woman do. I no that there are good and bad african woman and the same goes for the american woman and vice versa with the african and american man, but i will be truthful about all of these nigerian tippics because alot of african men do have wives back home in africa, but alot of them dont have wives back home in africa and the majority of them that are not us citizens are looking for one thing and one thing only and that is there green card and ther citizinship. They will marry who ever they will have to marry in order to get, but they want just marry any woman, alot of african who already have there citizenship arranges the marrage and will pay that person to marry one of there family members from back home so that they can get them up, and of corse the african man will treat that woman like gold untill she marries him and he gets his green card and his citizenship and if he has a wife back home….nine times out of ten he will leve you and devorce you after he gets his

citizenship so that he can bring his wife to america, but if he does’nt have a wife back home then you might have a chance with keeping your husband, but some of them dont care if your there wife because to them, its just buisness because they need that green card and that citizenship and alot of those type of african men will step out side there marrage and cheat because they no that when they get there citizenship….your history and 80% of them will go and find there black woman instead of being with that white woman because african men long for being with there own kind, so if you are a white woman, good luck because alot of them will marry you only because they beleve that it will be easier to get there citizenship and when they get it you are history, but some african men will stay with the american woman because they truley love them with all there hearts, anyway when it comes to sex with african men, they love having sex with american woman because ameican woman are way more exsperienced and spontanious in bed, the african woman are more conservitive in bed and if an african man is married to an african woman in america he might step out side of his marrage just to forfill his sexual desires with an american woman because his wife do not no how to be a freak in the bed and most african woman are not freaky in bed they are more conservitive in bed, but he will not leve his wife under any circumstances for the out side misstress especially if he has kids with his wife. the only way an african man will leve his african wife is if she cheats on him, other then that he will not leve here. There is one thing that i do love about nigerian men, They are very strong minded people and they will stop at nothing to gain success and thats even if they do fail but failing is the least in there catagory. Dont get involved with an african man if he is not a citizen because all he wants is his papers.If you like african men then get involved with one who already have there citizenship……All in alll, I love african people and they are no better then us americans because we all have our issues, so dont be so quick to point your finger when you no that you have done things and have behaved in ways that you secretly hide to yourself…I have some of the most beautiful hearted african friends in the world and i would never replace them for nothing or nobody. Its alot more that i wish that i could tell you about the african culture and there ways but i can because i dont have that much time on my hands. they only way you will understand them is if you put yourself in there circle completley and thats by having understanding but you have to want to do that in order to relate and this message goes to all my african female friends…..You guys are truley enveyed by alot of american woman because alot of them wish that they can have men that take care of them the way your husbansd do and by the way way there is one thing that i love about you, and that is that you sapport your husbands 100% and thats beautiful. American woman allways want to talk negative about you african woman but at least 90% of african woman have way more self respect then alot of american woman. Alot of american woman say that african woman put up with alot of bullshit with there african husbands, Its only because they are not trying to loose there husbands to alot of you trampy american woman, But like i said there is good and bad in all of us and alot of african men are controlling with there wives in america but they give them freedom as well, they just dont want there wives getting caught up with the american ways of the world and forgetting about who they really are and were they came from because they no that it would be easy to do….Like i said i could go on and on but i cant so good by….My on personal views

Mrs. Okonkwo April 18, 2009 - 7:36 pm

I can undrstand the authors point even though I am African American and I am married to the most wonderful man who happens to be a Nigerian. I have one brother-inlaw from China and one from Egypt they have been my in-laws for 20 years since I was 10. I always felt that we as people of color had a similar story when it comes to western civilization. I am very close to my in-laws and one day I will return to Nigeria with a house in the Nnewi and a house in Abuja. My husband and I have known each other for 9 years marrried 5. I learned how to cook soup, moi moi, stew all of them. I helped him fill out his first work application to work in America. We created are own business together. We have been been through the thick and thin. We teach our children to speak Ibo and about all of Africa but especially Nigeria. I know other American and African couples like ourselves proable half are like the article explains but out of the the 9 I know of four that want to go back like myself and one that have already reached there goal and are now back home. We have about 8 close Nigerian family friends both man and women are Nigerian. 3 doctors 1 Lawyer 4 are business owners one Pastor. 6 of these families will visit and do business but they never want to live in Nigeria. 2 out these 8 are making plans to go home. Most Africans tell me I don’t act American. I tell them everyone in my family acts like us my friends act like me. You attract who you are period. I am a African women born in America. No women from anywhere can make my husband any more happy them me because it is hard to catch a good man but easy to keep him. They just want the upmost respect and admiration. Alot of good loving and the kind of food he loves to eat. I mother his childern and treat him like my hero because he is. So you haters out here need to get a partner that will make you happy, you with partners need to face your own relationship ooH!

Ozochukwu’s Wife

BabaQ April 5, 2009 - 12:54 am

Whatever, this blogger sounds bitter if u ask me, but then who cares? it’s ok to say Nigerian women are the best period, but like you and i know as well as millions of other people know, that is untrue, Nigerian men will marry outside Africa for various reasons….personally if i dont marry a Nigerian woman, i have my reasons and i will have my reasons, but it’s of no ones buisness and no one’s concern…but i will say something tho, just so i back up my statement…i havent met a Nigerian i can trust, which is putting your trust in them and realizing they CANNOT be trusted and i am not disloyal, i put that on anything. now are you thinking i am still interested in looking for a Nigerian woman??? im not taking any chances thank you!

elzycie April 1, 2009 - 8:55 pm

Very sweet, wish you all the best.

leky March 3, 2009 - 5:48 pm

Hello, just want to hear more of your opinion. Am Nigerian always dated and attracted to white, latino females, never attracted to nigerian females but to few non-nigerian black female.

Recently, a grown up Nigerian told me am only wasting my time thinking of marrying a non nigeria or white female. Is it true ?

Abha February 20, 2009 - 1:34 am

Not sure why Nigerians should be bothered about who other Nigerians marry. I guess that is why our country has failed to develop after 49 years of Independence. We should be asking ourselves why so many young Nigerians are unemployed, selling food on Eko bridge instead of going to school and have no access to simple free healthcare. Successive governments have failed us and we live like slaves in our own country which is why so many of us feel being abroad is the only way out of a life of poverty. I am Nigerian and my wife is British and I couldn’t care less what any fellow Nigerian thinks about why I married her neither do I owe it to anyone to explain anything about our relationship. Life is short and when you’re dead you’re dead, so please enjoy your life and stop bothering about other peolple. As Fela said, second bass jare!!

julius-adeoye February 19, 2009 - 12:55 pm

it is not fair that some of you contributors don’t get the drift of the article. the author is not negating AA or WA women nor calling nigerian women doormat that will contain every dirt. he is discussing with nigerians and telling them to appreciate what they have. he presented the article from 2 perspectives, and those perspective are founded. there is nothing wrong in marrying from any race and culture, but when you a nigerian man is with a nigerian woman give her love as you will give the foreign woman. i will like to state here that love is everything…when you love a man or woman, you can take any dirt from him/her. today, many nigerian women residing in nigeria don’t belive that you must continue to endure maltreatment in marriage. to them if it doesn’t work, get out of it before you die. men love respect while women love affections, and you will enjoy your marriage/relationship if you give it to them. it is a wonderful thing to share your pain with your woman dont be a macho man who feels no pain. nigerian men today are romantic, but still we like to be incharge of the situations. love is not defined by race, color, ethnicity nor country of origin. kudos to the author engendering these discourse. thank you.

Canadiangirl February 16, 2009 - 5:47 am

I am a white Canadian woman, engaged to be married to an amazing Nigerian man. I think that much of what makes us different brings us closer. He is committed to the well-being of his family, their health and financial well-being. I have never been close to mine, but welcome the chance to build strong family ties with this man and his family. I am thankful to them that they raised such a fine son. He knows his mind and values, as do I. He works very hard and is an honest man. It does not make any difference to me that we look different…in his eyes I feel beautiful, and in mine, he is great. God is good!

bisi February 16, 2009 - 3:59 am

i have advise for the non foreign wives, you are better off with your own race because nigeria men will always look for a nigerian woman. no matter what the circumstance is, even if you relocate to nigeria with him , he will find a nigerian girlfriend. ist funny because nigerian men refers to their foreign wives as girlfriend s they need a nigerian lady. i have seen lots of cases like tha beause our men are polygamous by nature, it takes love and religion for our men to be faithful, but the faithful ones are beautiful and kind hearted. to the guy that wrote the article obvioulsy you havenot met a wild nigerian women. our women have a high sex drive but its culture that plays an important role but once you are married the tigeress is unleashed. i ahve ben married for 7yrs and my husband has to duck at times because i have high sex drives and teach him things he will never imagine. the new generation of nigerian women are intelligent, well educated and tigreess in bed . you need to connect with the right person and treat her right she will go all the way.

to all the nigerian mane with foreign wives at least try and marry the educated ones not the uneducated with the big tummy and pale skin. i have white friend s tha are married to nigerian men i pity them because the guy will aleays go back home. even after 40 yrs he will look for a nigerian wife. not all white women are controlling or snappy some ar every good and understanding infact too good but the problem still lies in the fact that our men will alwyas go back home to marry.

Chidi September 7, 2015 - 7:48 pm

Not true. I am a Nigerian man and I am married to my beloved white Eastern European wife. Together for 28 years, married for 23 years. Four very talented, intelligent and beautiful children she birthed for me. They are obedient and well behaved, credit to their good mother. I love and respect my wife and I do not desire any other woman whatsoever. I will remain faithful to my wife. She is a gift from God and I thank him for her and my children everyday.

lisa marie February 15, 2009 - 2:36 am

I agree with you ladies…..I have dated aNigerian in my past and he was good to me ….however he was a control freak and not in a good way. I was reluctant to get involved with another . However, recently i have met a wonderful, kind, generous,funny , extremely handsome man….and yes ladies I have fallen head over heels for a Nigerian man again. Its like all people in general….there are good and bad in people regardless of their race, religion etc……Good luck to all u women who are blessed like i am…..and to my dear mother I love him so you will just have to deal with it…

OLAF February 13, 2009 - 6:15 pm


Let me tell you this. White women take you to cloud 15 with thier mouths. I love all women. I am married to a White woman for love. Apart form the excellent bedroom acts I recieve from her. God bless her. Jesus Christ!

Bina February 7, 2009 - 12:09 pm

This article can be rated as okay. Most of the things were not covered about Nigerian men. In general men are polygamist because they are naturally unstable when it comes to women. Population of women in Nigeria is more compared to men. Nigerian men naturally expect a Nigerian women to be as quoted in article because they want her to reflect their mothers. Some Nigerian men don’t expect that from non-Nigerian women because they are accustomed to different culture. Nigerian Parents are to be blamed if their son turns out to be different to other women and expects more from nigerian women and treats her like thrash. It is no where acceptable on this earth if a woman is treated less than a man. But they are still treated like thrash. A woman has more responsibilities compared to a man. She works at home, at workplace, sorts out financial and other issues and also gives more attention to family members (most importantly her husband and children). One mistake a Nigerian woman does is that she teaches her son the same thing that her ancestors did and blames the rest of the world. A nigerian woman HAS to treat her son and daughter the same and give equal importance. As time passes people analyse and learn but the problem comes when it is time to implement. Every individual should teach themselves good principles and treat everybody equal. Compromising is very important but a typical Nigerian is an egoist, egotist and selfish person and thats why they can only marry a Nigerian woman who in turn produce another copy of typical Nigerian. I think its high time that women in Nigeria change to bring these guys to their senses.

sheila February 4, 2009 - 2:25 pm

I am in love with a nigerian, bt guess what he is married to a white woman has no green card and a has a kid, im confused

Ronda January 14, 2009 - 2:10 am

I find your comments to be true on all side. I just met a Nigerian guy and I feel like I met my soulmate. He is very passionate, smart, and adventerous. My eyes have been open to the importance of living life to the fullest and without boundaries. He always displays the attitude that nothing is impossible. Overall, I found this articale to be very informative but lacking emperical evidence backing up certain claims.

ThilJ January 9, 2009 - 8:15 pm

I am a white woman with a nigerian husband and I have to say that what I just read is rubbish. Why is it that we still in the 21st century care about who marry who and what color they have or what culture they are from?

Proud Girlfriend December 28, 2008 - 1:12 am

i am the proud black american girlfriend of a full bred nigerian man. My soon to be husband means the world to me. We are equally fascinated by each others culture and refuse to let negative people like you (author) have an affect on our relationship. Everyone is different in their own right!

Mrs. Umoh December 26, 2008 - 6:39 pm


abdce December 22, 2008 - 9:35 am

Its obvious that u are ignorant and just like the ignorant AA u distinguish yourself from. Good News: I am her to enlighten you. Western Imperialism was carried out partly to secure and control resources in african regions rich in natural resources before other competing imperialistic nations stood thier flag on that region. With so many inustrialized nations like france, Germany England, if it was not Us it would be one of them.Nigeria is not condemn to trading oil solely with the US. other inustrrialized nations would jump on the opportunity to establish trade relations with Nigeria. Nigeria will stiil be the filty rich nationn it is. because oil is a hot commodity-always in demand. the world runs on oil thats why ppl kill for it. its the blood of the world.-coming from a US based Nigeria whose family ran one of d major oil companies in Naija 4 years.

Secondly , what do you intend to convey by “They know what’s to be expected when they get here yet they still come and find us”?

Lastly. it is obvious you very uninformed nd are ignorant individual. We r fortunate to have libraries for public reference so y do u choose to remain this way ignoramus?many of the technological inventions that we use today to make our lives easier erent cinvented by blacks. not even a good number of Amnerican inventors r by blacks , even they the hanful of black inventors did not work on contrive in slavery a the time, maybe oppresion; not slavery as you say,and whites predominate the pages of American inventor. dont make ma overstatements to support ur argument it only shows the degree of ignorance you suffer from-absymal. For your information Americans as well as Europeans invented most of the technological conveniences that we enjoy. Europeans create the more sophisticated products (Phones).its common of their brands to be superior to American-brands, and u could asdk ur Edo bf and he’ll affirm that the phone nigerians use r more sophisticated and extremely rare in America and unheard of to the average American

unknown December 20, 2008 - 1:33 am

I have to say that after reading this artical i have to disagree , as an American that has married into the Yoruba culture, i adapted to the culture and made it my own… I learned to cook the food and even have started to study the language, my family has been together for five years and i pray that we are bonded forever… My husband is just everything to me and more, without him in my life i would not know where to start… Olu sent me the right person and i am proud to be an american but mostly i am proud to be an African American… I disagree with you about standing beside your man, American women have and do stand beside there mate, if you recall it was an American Woman in the White House that after the mate was accused and even found gulity of going outside of the marriage she proudly stood by her man! so please limit your words about American women and not being able to hang in for better or worse… Thanks

linda December 16, 2008 - 12:17 am

well due to your observation sabella, well that is africa man for you, for example in my life i have never enjoy sex,till the time i met my man, i am so happy and free to have such a man that my body clicks with, but to normal africa man,they can call you diffrent name,like dog, rabbit,e.t.c, so this makes some women pretend to their husband and be doing cheat outside their marriage with another man.

TO SOME LOW I.Q NIGERIA man they see it as a wild life to see a nigeria been good to his man like a modern or western woman, they would be thinking otherwise, even like to drop the open minded one for a pretender,who they will think she is their pet, or call baby, or miss everlasting queen.


linda December 15, 2008 - 11:56 pm

You´ve made a good point, mr sabella, above all nigerian wives or non nigerian wives, the most important thing is God favour ,because the word of God said who find a wife find favour from God, some of the nigeria women were out of cage, the moment you show them love,they don´t belive that good man is costly than gold,many men were all around,but good man who are up to the level of husband are costly,some women cherish this . Then to some nigerian men, they love to call a cow daddy because of what they will gain. THIS type of lazy men, when you look at them most of them are not well educated, lazy to work, like food,enjoyment , not honest, or serious in any form, crack a lot of jokes, from polygamous home, and mostly like sex.

For them they don´t like to suffer much or gain from their own sweat, so they will like a woman that will labour for them to eat, then to see their fellow nigeria woman as a woman is hard for them, but they have forgotten one thing,! culture,! east or west home is the best, a bird at hand worth thousand in the bush, let the lazy babies(men) come out of their shell and be a real gentleman.cherish what you have.


Sharon Johnson December 5, 2008 - 5:10 pm

If this is so TRUE then tell me why so Nigerian men want to marry American Black women and start a life with them if we are so bad for you. All American women are NOT like that. Every black woman does not do DRAMA!!!

Sharon Johnson December 5, 2008 - 4:53 pm

I am an African American woman and I have been with my Nigerian boyfriend for 1 year he is the “greatest”. We never fight we have disagreements but we always work things out. I have been to Nigeria and it is a beautifil country we are getting married soon on the beach. We have never been so happy.

Gaga December 5, 2008 - 2:32 am

Good job Mr. Sabella, baby. Glad you prefer your NigeriAN women. But if you met this non-Nigerian lady you would go gaga for her. Good luck.

Kunle December 1, 2008 - 7:20 am

Oh! Barack Obama is a product of mixed relationship because you seem to criticise people who engage in it (interracial relationships). I personally believe people should be free to find love and happiness without regards to race. We are all created in Gods image and I do not have any evidence that God forbids such relationships.

Shay November 2, 2008 - 4:14 am

I agree with Miah, I am about to marry a nigerian man and he is the best thing that has ever happen to me. He is well educated, affectionate, loving, respectful, does not care about showing his emotions and knows how to treat and appreciate a woman. I love him so much. All nigerians are not the same, so for all of those that has something negative to say about them what you hear is not always true. Me, I love my finance, and i put that on everything!

Godwin October 19, 2008 - 2:30 am

I think you have miscontrued reasons for the spike in the relationships between black men and white women or women of other races. First and foremost my personal experience has shown that most of such relationships are initiated by the white ladies especially if the black guy is nice and educated.

Secondly if you are not a slim white woman your chances of attracting enough attention from white males will keep shrinking as your weight increases. It is a known fact that the black man will not mind it, if his woman is a little bit plump while the reverse is the case with the caucacians. So common sense dictates that such white ladies who fall within this category will prefer to seek their partners among black men who will not make much fuse about their size.

Besides a good number of white women are like Mrs Clinton who is ready to forgive and forget. You may also want to ask why increasing numbers of black males in California are dating Japanese and Filippino, they are simply looking for women who by their cultural background are groomed to acommodate their male partners excesses.

Sometimes finances may be a reason if the woman has a better job but inferiority complex as a result of race is not because I have come to see a situation where a black male will tell you he love to date japanese women. then a white male telling you I have been dating black women since I started dating, So it is a matter of seeking whatever catches your fancy.

Unknown October 13, 2008 - 4:12 pm

I feel you I am married to a nigerian husband and he is controlling, judgemental self righteous, he’s never wrong he still trying to live the african way in america, I;m not telling him to froget about his country but he have to consider were he is today. I am going thru a divorce with him because he’s a fatt liar who lied about his age his children back at home and his wives and deceivced me to try to gain green card but I investigated my husband and am currently divorcing him for another nigerian soon to be husband who so so very loving compassinate and caring and he has his paper’s already he wants a wife but no kids right now but we are very happy an he too told me stories that he was drilled on about African American womaen but I am proving whomever wrong because us African Americans are damn good women and we love our men regardless if we have to let them go we put up with alot before we go to the extend of getting rid of them and we only get rid of them if whatever they doing is a cycle, I mean who would put up with negligence forever.

Greg October 11, 2008 - 1:58 pm

Yes, I agree that the article was well written, However, I beg to disagree with the general sense that Nigerian men lack affection or do not know how to show it, especially with his paragraphs 3 and 4. It looks to me that the writer (Adibbe) grew up or at least have been relating with the very primitive of Nigerian families…. I came to the US as an adult, in fact in late 30s, however, I grew up in a family where my parents, especially my Dad never failed to remind us about how much he loved us… He was not afraid to say that to my mother nor to any of us.

Yes, my first and best friends up till today are my parents and siblings… I could and indeed we did discuss our relationships with our parents and my Dad encouraged us to bring our GF and BF home!

I am sure that in the streets of Lagos, Abuja, PH etc in our universities and polytechnics Nigerian boys and girls openly show affection; kissing, holding hands backing each other etc…. What we have in Nigeria is a society where decency still prevails. Somehow our youths, despite of western influence, still realize that the core values they were brought with is superior to the lewdness we see here in the US. This so called open show of affection could account as part of the reason why we have so much of 14 year olds who are already mothers here in the US.

Back home, we still do know that it is a big shame to have a baby out of marriage. It is still a shame back home to drop out of school! So Adibbe wrongly categorized all Nigerian men!

swanetta english September 30, 2008 - 8:35 am

I feel like you are telling my story….Kudos to you Girl…Continue to love your man no matter what walk of life he comes from…cause love has no face, color, or rules…..Good Luck to you and your partner….I know I feel the same about my soon to be Nigerian husband….

Miah September 20, 2008 - 6:14 pm

I would just like to thank, the author for this article. It was informative and inlightening. I am about to marry the most wonderful man in the whole universe. He is Nigerian and he is all the man I need. He is affectionate, gentle, kind considerate and everything else that goes with being a good guy. I have never dated a Nigerian before but I have heard the horror stories, you know, Africans are controlling, possessive, and they dont trip their woman well at all. Well Ladies this new generation of Nigerian men, so to speak, are to die for. I love the hell outta mine and I will forever. thanks

unknown August 14, 2008 - 2:12 am

Bravo! this is an awesome writing and depiction of typical nigerian men in united states.i am a nigerian and married to one as well.i will tell you my brother that it gives me a great joy to finally see a nigerian man frankly and boldly write about this for the world to see.i sincerely hope that fellow nigerian men will read and have an open minds to change.because to the majority that are disgusted with this writing it is true not stereotype but i am here to tell you that this guy hit the nail on the head about majority of nigerian men treatments of their nigerian wives; and it is also true that a lot of us do not take bull***t from our husbands and that’s not to say we do not respect them but rather to keep them in check that we not super women,who will work so many hours and still come home to cook and do all bull at home.

Nicki August 9, 2008 - 1:07 pm

I’m a Black Brit and have been with my Nigerian husband for the past twenty-five years. And I pray our relationship will continue into the future for another how many years. Yes, there is none of that ‘Oh Baby Oh Baby or Honey’ stuff but I do get birthday/Xmas/ and Valentines cards from him. There are always the perfumes and the occasional fresh flowers which are always given with a sense of humour. Then there are the clothes that are either the wrong size or design but the Western part of me reminds it’s always the thought that counts. But the materials have never particularly washed with me. What has been important is his commitment to our relationship and to our kids; his strong sense of responsibility and his strong sense of discipline – always gets up early to go to work, has always been his own man and most importantly, an intellectual that has always maintained his intellectual independence.

With regards to other Nigerian women – no doubt there is hidden resentment and jealousy about what we have and perhaps also the feeling of what does she have that we don’t. But then resentment also comes from other quarters – West Indian/Black British women who are still trying to understand how my parents let me marry an African; White women who feel that because he is black, he should be with them. But with a thickened skin what matters to me is that he still seems to ‘love’ me. I thank God.

But life is full of contradictions. Many years before I met my husband, whenever I saw white women walking side by side with black men, I used to make sure that I gave my most unpleasant stare. But I’m now with my Nigerian husband, and the Nigerian women find out I’m not a Nigerian I also receive similar cold stares. So, as I know what it is like being in both camps. I guess the key thing – if it’s not too much of a cliché – is that we have to get along.

As for the author preferring Nigerian women at the end of the day, I guess what he is really saying is that he has no inferiority complex and can see the true beauty of his own women. And why not? Nigerian women are very very strong and thank God that not all Nigerian men overlook their women for something that could be seen as being exotic to begin with but eventually loses its novelty.

Barbara Wright August 2, 2008 - 8:35 pm

I must tell you that when I read your comment, I was choked up inside because it was me that you were describing. I to am involved with a Nigerian man & he is the most beautiful person I have ever met. I am a white American and have NEVER met an A merican man that treats me like my Angel does. When I look into his eyes, I dont see color, i see love and respect and I give him back the same. Yes, I am a white American woman but, I was raised by two people that were 46 & 57 yrs. okd when I was born. I watched them struggle with finances due to neither one having an education yet, they had an overpowering love for one another and I give God praise that they passed that Love on to me. True love is color blind. I will follow my man where ever he leads because I know that he has my best interest at heart and for our future. Im the one who feels humbled to have such an awesome blessing in my life. Good luck to all who seek true love, beyond the rehlm of color. ( I must add that in my first marriage of 17yrs. to my white husband, I was abused in every imaginable way & was to afraid to leave) so I just dont believe that a woman can truley appreciate a good man, until she has had a bad one in any color!!)

concepcion ortiz de zarate maguregui August 1, 2008 - 4:14 pm

In my opinion the cuestion is ¿ how many we are able to give and to recive.

If i love you, I´ll be happy having relationship with your family. And if you love me you´ll be happy commig with my family too.

I don´t need be with my family because I´m a independent woman, but I like see you with my people. ¿Does you lilke I be with you family too?

NECHIA July 31, 2008 - 11:56 pm

This article although well written is not a true statement of nigerian relationships with western women. I am an african american woman who happens to love Nigerian men because of their strength, background, culture and sense of responsibility. I have not dated an afro american man since 1997 and honestly I know that I most likely never will. For the author of this article to generalize us is such rubbish and I am apt to wonder exactly where he gets his fact from. The Nigerian men that I have dated respect both their country as well as its women on a very high level and to listen to them speak of both is such a breathtaking insight than what I as an african american female am accustom to. We dont get to hear the real stories of africa only the bad things that happen or western “made up” views of the african nation. Through these men I myself have developed such a great respect and intrest in the culture that it just happens that I have developed this desire to become more apart of it and become more open minded to the fact that no all africans are not swinging from trees, infested with aids, full of violence, unable to be civilized and completely known for their brutality. Through my friendships with both nigerian men and women I have learned soooooooo much and gained so much respect there just is not enough space on this page to type it all. The men that I’ve known and dated have always had wonderful things to say about their respect for their country women it just happens that they also date westerners as well as their own woman and I never saw where that is a crime. As an african american woman I strongly disagree with this authors take on our relationships with Nigerian men, I work full time, go to school full time and I am more than happy to share every part of my live with a good man because I am a good woman. I am happy to share what I have and everything that I am based on how good he is to me, and it is his love and respect for his country and its people that attracts me, not that he “bows down” to my will. I have good relationships with both nigerian men and women and have also been matched together with Nigeran men from Nigerian women, I wonder if the author would think these women insane. We are all childern of God at the end of the day and the beginning of the day no matter what side of the earth we come from. I cherish every relationship I am apart of and I dont and will never conform someone to “bow” down to my will, thats crazy. Nigerian men are strong willed men and very very proud, how a person behaves in their relationships is only a reflection on that particular individual not the whole lot of Nigerian men in western relationships. I would say I have also known some men who do treat western women better than they treat their country women but that is that mans personal issue within himself and it is a shame that some nigerian woman have to deal with such men but believe me when I tell u time and time again, that there are PLENTY and I do mean PLENTY of Nigerian men who date western woman that also love and respect their own women as well. Men in general will be attacted to women no matter where she is from and the same goes for us women, now how that man embraces his culture and country when he steps out of his home enviornment is solely based on his mentality not that we treat them like crap and they bow to us and forget their background thats ridiculous I have yet to meet such a man and honestly I love myself enough to not take a man who lacks a love of his culture. Also for your information I honor and respect every event and cultural observance of Nigeria no matter if it is here or Nigeria so that my sadly misinformed friend is a lie. I have been to Nigeria 5 times already for such occurences not only for my Nigerian relationships with men but also those of Nigerian woman friends as well and my american friends all would love to share the experience. I suggest you either clear your eyes and take another look at the things you speak so blindly of or simply change the quality of men that you hang around because they have low self esteem or you may be jealous that you have yet to find a good western woman who would except this caveman mentality that you have on mens relationships with women. Nigerian woman are a heck of a lot stronger than the submissive, mindless souls that you have made them out to be and I am proud to say that I admire them and I tip my hat to them, they are responsible but also have strong personal views of their self worth and you need to realize that and recognize that they are not their to be your personal slave and are not as close minded at you think. Have a nice day and find yourself a clue and a real woman so that she can teach you the real value of a relationship and I pray that she is a Nigerian because I would love to see what your next article will be after you take out her trash and help relieve the stress of her day by cooking and cleaning and telling her you love her. My got its 2008 WAKE UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

Rommel July 26, 2008 - 1:02 pm

This writer clearly has demonstrated that he does not understand what drives men to whatever women they want.Although some men do not know what they want in women but can identify it when they see it but other who are lucky to search for their women in clear eyes have if the sex is bad,the marriage is bad period and I for instance,if I see a lady that can understand fully what I want and how crazy I love sex and would not mis understand it to mean that I have lost my head over her,guy I will surrender and that is one quality these white people have that our ladies do not.You show them so much love,they take advantage of it to deride you thinkin that they are making you crazy,therefore it intoxicates them but these white chics are used to it and themore you show them these wild imaginations called love,the more they love you and believe and even become more loyal than our ladies so any where you find love,Guy go on all what we are looking for is peace of mind and if i get it from japan,men no one can stop me.

Maggie July 21, 2008 - 2:39 pm

I’m a white-European woman getting seperated at the moment with my husband who happens to be NIgerian. By all means I must say that THIS man is not the man I fell in love with 4 years ago. I’m underlining here THIS MAN. We have beautiful baby girl and my heart is breaking because, after he visited his homeland for the first time, he has changed. I don;t know why or how but that is the fact. Sad fact. He became controlling and was critisizing me in everything, complete oppsite man than I knew before. I’m just heartbroken…..

Elena July 15, 2008 - 2:37 pm

Ignorance runs rampant in these generalizations. It is unfortunate to read the words of this article and some of the associated comments and realize that we continue to have an insane need to blame the failures and successes that are shared by humanity on specific ethnic and cultural groups. It would be easier and make the chaos of life simple if we could put the blame of failure on a particular group. That way we wouldn’t have to face the fact that we ourselves and our family might not be perfect and as a result we may have to leave our comfort zone and….think for ourselves. Yes, I understand that our heritage and seperately the beliefs that our family shares may lay out the blueprint for our way of life but ultimately it is our own responsibility to act in accordance to our self. Perhaps we choose to act in a way that is close to our blueprints, perhaps we choose to remodel. In the end it is the individual who should be judged. Not the culture.

I am a firm believer in the idea that if there is an exception to a rule…then the rule is wrong and should not be followed. So if you can say that every nigerian man is controlling and unfeeling then great, your rule is true. But, if (and the posts prove it) there are even a few men who are nigerian and happen to not be controlling and can actually express themselves emotionally (and may have even had parents who did so also) then please, I beg of you, stop spreading rumors. The same for women who are nigerian. If there are some women out there who are nigerian and don’t mind sharing the responsibilty of housework or (god forbid) don’t do housework because they are too busy making money….your theories in this article fall flat. I am sure that the author of this article did not have the intention to perpetuate misinformation and consequently hate but that is what happens when these loose words fall on ignorant eyes. I hope to see the day when we are able to look past our gross generalizations and identify abuse and love when we see it…

Kian July 13, 2008 - 9:35 pm

This article was informative. I am a African American Woman engaged to a Nigerian Man. He is a understand and very sexy guy. The one thing that I love about him is that he has never for once tried to change me. He compares our relationship to that of the movie “Coming To America” LOL. Although I’m aware that the movie is was fiction and hilarious, I feel that it had some great points. It is great he doesn’t want a push over as a wife. I’ve asked him (because I can ask him anything) why he didn’t chose a Naijan wife and he states that he wanted someone with their own mind. Being that I haven’t decided to research his culture until now I feel that I have so much to learn. Keep posts such as this coming so that I can see all views on such issues.

Clinton July 12, 2008 - 9:04 am

I’m Nigerian and i’m suprised some girls are critising nigerian guys, thats a wrong impression. Not because i’m Nigerian guy but because i believe every body is different and i am. i am myself with my own principle. so ladies feel free to date NIgerian guys they are cool and careing if you get the right one. I wish i will get a loving lady.

Purple2 July 6, 2008 - 7:33 pm

Ann, I live in America and have both professional and unprofessional African America female friends. I went to junior/high school and graduated from University. I have seen, read and witness it. YOU DO SEEK TO BE EQUAL WITH YOUR MEN. It is the fact. As a matter of fact, you believe that a MAN and WOMAN are equal. Who cooks in your house? Don’t tell me it’s you….

Purple2 July 6, 2008 - 7:23 pm

I bet you the article will be filled with words like: Nigerian women respects, cook and take good care of their foreign husbands. Even though their foreign husband wants to cook for them, they [nigerian wives] will insist and etc…..

The article will further states, how she does the same things to her foreign husband as she does to her unappreciative Nigerian husband. You cannot compare how Nigerian men treats their foreign wives as Nigerian women treats their foreign husbands. This is a general statement and I stand by it.

You wonder why some caucansian male go to countries like Germany and Russian to marry ‘economical’ wives? Do some research.

Ann July 3, 2008 - 9:08 pm

I agree that Nigerian women are the best, but what makes you think that African-American women can’t be as supportive and dedicated as a Nigerian woman? These men are trying to make a change for their families and children’s future. As an African American woman, I would be all those things for my Nigerian man, and more. Maybe they have what you’re missing. The best of both worlds. Some American women like a man to take control over them, and be the dominant one. We do not seek to be equal to our men, but rather be respected and loved by him. Let’s not be divided by our ignorance of one another, but rather learn from each one’s differences.

Yinka July 3, 2008 - 12:20 pm

Any Nigerian man who disagrees with this article probably has a white wife or girlfriend. They should stop embarrassing themselves and wake up. The white man has degraded the black man so much he now cannot bear to be around his people or marry women who have the same skin colour as himself. Whil the black man continues to engraciatehimself with white women he is only confirming the white man’s justification for racism – that black people are inferior to white people. Please learn to love yourself and the motherland. Thank god for real men like Barrack Obama.

Peace and love.

Yinka July 1, 2008 - 11:59 am

Firstly I would like to commend the author of the article for this perky expose of this growing phenomenon. It is true that the black man and white woman trend has now reached epidemic proportions. One has to face up to the fact that no other group of men from a particular racial group are flocking to white white women in such a vast number that black men. The article makes a distinction between black African men and black men from other racial denominations but for the sake of completeness I do not.

In examining the reason why increasing numbers of black men are marrying white women one thing is clear – the vast majority of them are not marrying these women out of love or want for happiness. If you compare the proportion of black men marrying outside of their race it is blatantly obvious that a disproportinate amount of black men are marrying outside of their race when compared to other racial groups. Most of these men know the real reason they marry white women but would never admit it, not even to themselves in the most private of moments. The indignity of slavery, racism, oppression and inequality has been eating at the core spirit of the black man for centuries. What is left is self loathing of themselves, their culture and traditions. I can only deduct that they feel a growing need to reassert themselves and rise against all odds as they should. However it is painfully obvious that most have concluded that by attaching themselves to a white woman they are propelling themselves to greater social and professional acceptance. They are ashamed to be black yet they are too cowardly to admit it so they belive that a white woman will give them greater esteem in the wider world to account for their own degradation that being their black skin. What these men fail to realise is that they are simply reaffirming the age old racist beliefs that black people are inferior by aspiring to marry a white women and propelling the popular myth that white people are superior to black people by holding the white women at the pinaccle of this social / racial heirachy. During slavery the white woman was the prised posession of the white man. The black man is adopted a slave mentality by seeking out white women in their droves. The shackles have been unchained but it will take years, if not centuries for the mental healing to begin. I pity these men when I see them with their white women. White men laugh at their ignorance and white South Afican man recently stated at a party that he felt “Sorry” for black woman when considering the antics of black men in general. I hope that these men will “WAKE UP” and stop embarrassing themselves soon.


Erika June 29, 2008 - 2:41 pm

I could not finish the article because of complete and total annoyance! the reason that Nigerian men are marry white women are more submissive is because african man have this disgusting way of acting completely inferior when they see white people. Why would you see what someone else has and think that it is better than your own? anyway you probably would not find a white man saying must of this junk, because white men no how to respect themselves. Those who marry outside of their race and culture doing nothing but hurting the confused children that they will be bringing into the world! These men feel it is their duty to completely rid the world of their cultures by choosing wives that have nothing to do with it, and for all of you simple minded fools I congradulate you, because you are acomplishing your mission, with the mindlessness that has guided you people for centuries.

Lola June 27, 2008 - 5:20 am

The author is one sided and obviously favors his country women. It is very understandable but not a very accurate description of “A Nigerian Woman”. Just as in any culture especially African there are good ones and bad ones. They are not all good or else the Nigerian men and many, many of them wouldn’t be looking to marry outside of their people. In fact many of them these days complain a lot about the Nigerian women being golddiggers and materialistc, cheaters etc. So for the author to say they are the best is an overstatement. I believe there are many loyal Nigerian women but also many of the Nigerian women just like the men are looking for the white man. So they aren’t all be as loyal to thier Nigerian men as the author wants us to believe. Many of them are dying to be with the white man. It could be for the same reason that the Nigerian men are looking for the white women…the clolor of their skin, to have light skin babies or because the white man treats them like as a wife and not a cook, maid or whatever the case maybe. The article is very well written but is very biased,

Omodele June 16, 2008 - 9:43 pm

It is just plain IGNORANT to label a group, sex or culture of people. Would it be nice to say African American men are lazy, or don’t like to father their kids or prefer jail to being home? Or better still can I refer to South African blacks as “oh they don’t like to get education” or “the white man thinks he’s god”. These statements would be deeply stupid and utterly ignorant of me, I don’t think the writer understands what it means to live in a civilized society and not in a culturalized society and most importantly the evolution of individuality.

This writer has a very myopic opinion or knowledge about human psychology and global co-habitation.

One last advise to non Nigerians reading this misarranged piece, please don’t be STUPID enough to use this one article in concluding what “a” Nigerian man is all about.

yolanda June 11, 2008 - 6:12 pm

As far as artices being written is concerned, an excellent job was done here. However, with regards to the content of said article I do have an issue with it.

I am an African-American woman who has dated nothing but American all her life. A little over a year ago I was in Johannesburg on a work assignment where I met a man who I would later grow quickly to love and desire to spend the rest of my life with….it just so happens he’s Nigerian. I won’t sit here and lie and say he doesn’t exhibit some of the “traditional” male Nigerian attributes (stubborn, etc.,) but I won’t sit here and say that he’s unromantic either. If anything he’s quite romantic, passionate, charismatic and not afraid to let me know how he feels about him and being a woman who is not one for public displays of afffection he has brought me out of my shell regarding that and we “make out” all over the place..LOL

I say all of this to say that true, Nigerian men have their stereotypes, but what race of man doesn’t?

Cella June 11, 2008 - 3:16 pm

I am an American wife to a Nigerian man of 22 years with 4 children (all his) in tow. I didn’t know what a green card was until after I married my husband and many people(Nigerian) were surprised he stayed with me. I did not understand until many years later that many Nigerian men were marrying for green cards. My husband introduced his culture to me early in our marriage. He didn’t hide anything from me by pretending to be a Prince or one of the richest men in Ngeria. He was truthful. He loved me and I loved him. Even now, 4 years after his death I still love him more than when we married. He taught me the Nigerian traditions (family life) and I was able to work with them. I came from a close knit family and we both agreed they(family) are important. He accomodated mine and I accepted his. I maintain a close relationship with his family and keep the children in contact with them. And, yes I returned him to Nigeria for burial. THe children will always know where their DAD came from and who their family is.

SMC June 2, 2008 - 3:57 pm

I think this article is in bad taste. And if being a MUGU equates to being the best wife, then I’d say go get your Nigerian Mugu. For centuries, the Nigerian woman has been opressed and subjugated, harrassed and abused by her spouse…dominated without any respite, forced to suffer the indignity of having her husband marry another woman and bring such a woman into her matrimonial home. Centuries of enduring having a randy dog as a husband who pummelled her at the slightest provocation and threw her things out of her matrimonial home at his slightest whim. Being in the driving seat of such oppression, the men adored the situation (afterall was it not a man who came up with the “it’s a man’s world” slogan?).

At Mr. Abidde, the Nigerian woman is taking her rightful place in this world slowly but surely. I can assure you that things will not be the same in the next century. It may be too late for many alive now, but the change will definitely complete itself in time. Anyone can tell you that things are different now from how they were in our parent’s time. So if your definition of the perfect woman is one who is meekly and obediently on the receiving end of abuse and injustice, then let’s hope you lead by example and order/encourage all your female siblings and offspring to be doormats.

whateveruwantit2be May 7, 2008 - 5:53 pm

This gives an understanding of the culture. I have a Nigerian guy and I am American – and his prior girlfriend who is also from Nigeria called the police on him for very small things and stole his money. She is NIGERIAN and called the cops, then when she got pregnant by a white man she tried to put it on her Nigerian boyfriend. A lot of Nigerian men I met before him were not very honest people either. So this article would’ve been nice if he hadn’t made a generalization about American women in the end. That is like me saying that all Nigerians are thieves because they meet and date women on the internet to get money from them… People are people!!!! There are good and bad in every shade of brown.

Gift April 29, 2008 - 12:19 pm

I think this is an excellent piece and it truely describes the behaviouyr of the Nigerian man in this aspect. Although the truth in the piece is true for majority of Nigerian men , the trend seems to be changing nowadays with Nigerian men becoming very caring and affectionate to Nigerian women. Not in silence – but spoken. Excellent work.

blackwomen April 28, 2008 - 6:48 am

whatever!! they all do love! stay with your lovely nigerian women ook!!

anitore love April 24, 2008 - 10:39 am

My boyfriend is a wonderful, loving, intelligent, witty, Nigerian who treats be like a Queen. ! I am truely blessed to have met and presently dating this wonderful Christian Nigerian man, who loves God and loves me the way i’ve always longed be loved and to love in return. I believe that the article while truthful, has generalized behaviour not exclusive to Nigerian relationships. I am a Christian Caribbean woman with local and international friends who have experienced the same good & bad relationships with local and foriegn guys. Personally, being a Christian and Caribbean of mixed decent ( dougla..Indian , African and Chinese parentage ) my friends and I have had similar experiences in that… you are treated better in relationships when you date outside your culture ( or country ). So Nigerian women you are not the only ones who have been mistreated in relationships…we in the Caribbean & Latin America too endure!!! All women, be it Christian , C’bean, Latin American , American , European or Nigerian… long for the same thing…to find a man that is sensitive to our spritual , emotional and physical needs and will not be afraid to show public affections to express their love . We as women…all across the globe…have settled in too many relationships for less than what we are worth and when we do find someone ( be it Nigerian , Caribbean or otherwise ), we do whatever it takes to make it work…because we love to be loved.

So Nigerian women it is happening to us too…and guess what…thank God for cross cultures! What is poison for you is medicine for us ( me ) and vice versa ! Hope you meet and love our Caribbean and Latin men

and they treat you like African Queens.

anitore April 24, 2008 - 9:28 am

I am hopelessly in love with a wonderful, intelligent, sensitive, loving Nigerian man! He is the best thing that ever happened to me and treats me like a Princess in every way. As a Christian woman from the Caribbean ( mixed cutural roots , i.e. a dougla . mixed with African , Indian and Chinese parentage ). I have experienced with my girlfriends ( local & international ones ) and in dating both local and foriegn guys, that one cannot generalize. However, personally more often than not, men from one’s own culture, race and nationality tend to take you for granted and treat you worst than they would a foriegner ( as experienced by Nigerian women back home ). It is not a “Nigerian thing” how their men treat their own women, but one all women from around the world, the C’bean, Latin America, Europe, North America have experienced with our men…and we still love men… but we love more, those that love and treat us well! Thank God for the men ( Christian ones too ) that are not ashamed to be sensitive to the physical & emtional needs of their women ! Finally some REAL MEN.. Nigerian or not!!

jen e. April 21, 2008 - 7:47 pm

I felt compelled to reply because I am a white American married to a Nigerian man out of love and faith for five years now. First I would like to say that there are always exceptions to generalizations. For example I have been facinating in learning about the Nigerian culture. I made it a priority to save money on our tight budget to go and visit his family in Nigeria. I am also trying to learn the basics of Igbo and I plan to send my children when they are older to spend a year in Nigeria to stay with family and learn the language. He has taught me how to cook various soups and red stew. We both decided to retire there as well.

As far as the way that a Nigerian man treats his foreign wife I can only speak of my specific experience. My husband is not romantic and hasn’t gone out of his way to romance me…I think he has given me enough of an understanding of his upbringing that I understand the other ways he shows his love.

As far as household duties go, I believe that he does a lot more around the house than if he were in Nigeria because I have not been prepared since childhood to run a house like most Nigerian woman have.

The last point I have to make is that our marriage works first and foremostly because we ultimatly base our entire exsistance, our joy, and every choice we make on our shared Christian faith not on what we do for eachother.

unknown April 5, 2008 - 5:15 pm

i think nigerian men have a duty to be with there own nigerian women, if not there own, a black women!!! i have nothing agaisnt white women!!

just “stay with your own” lol xx black british girlx

shola April 5, 2008 - 12:53 pm

Hello this is shola but most important i think i have to contribute is…..i will like you to confront parents not to give there kids to those who they want them to marry but who they love and want to marry thereself i think this will stop marrying someone and after man treat her

Jaz April 4, 2008 - 5:38 pm

Granted there are some averse generalizations in this article but I am definitely in agreement for the most part with the author and I am pleasantly surprised that he has such an open mind as he is Nigerian (that there is a generalization esp. as my dad proved the typical stereotype of the “overbearing/unyielding/unromantic” Nigerian man wrong. But we speak in stereotypes and labels people). The sad fact is that majourity of Nigerian men living abroad WILL treat their foreign wives better than they would treat a Nigerian woman they were married to. It’s sad but it’s mostly true.

Terry March 30, 2008 - 8:10 am

I must comment to the writer, that the article is written without total support to back it up. It is one mostly written out of opinion. I ask you do you believe in God? If so, how could you make a statement such as,” Again and again and again, they have proven that of all God’s creations, they are the very best. And indeed, they are!” If man and woman are created of God, and made in his image, how can color make a one better than the other? This is the typical closed minded statement which I have heard time and time again by those with cultural stigmitism. It is not necessarily true that African women are the only women that believe in extended families, or family unity. There are families in the US that love there immediate and extended families and do so very well. When times have been tough amongst these families they pull together. A prime example is Hurricane Katrina, when family and friends pulled together to help those who lost everything in the floods. In a loving marriage there is a uniting of that couple and an acceptance of the family and growth into that family that develops into love. In some cases in African marriages back home, the wives may not care for the mother in laws at all and when the husbands are away, may prove that every moment to her. In some cases with threats, abuse and so forth and more threats if she dare speak up about it. Also many times if there is any form of marrying outside of the tribe, for example Igbo marrying Yoruba, the family definately may not be supportive. The writer has mentioned before about the subservient way African women are treated by their husbands back home. If this is the attitude of the way these women are treated and the African society back home has adapted to and accepting of this, then it doesn’t mean that these women don’t have feelings that are always supportive of their men, but maybe fear and this ideology of being subservient they have embraced. They have learned to be quiet and acceptive of these ways due to this is what is expected of them by the African society. So I am saying in conclusion to the author that I don’t think this makes the African woman more ideal, or better as a mate, but only receptive to this way of thinking.

towser March 28, 2008 - 6:53 am

I just stumbled on this article and enjoyed most of it and the comments as well. I was n’t going to get involved till i read the last comment by Marie.

I m a Nigerian man currently living inthe UK. I have been in relationships with non-Nigerian women before but my girlfriend is Nigeria. So I kinda think I have seen both sides of the divide. While it is difficult to explain why, I found it to be true that when in a relationship with non-nigerian women it felt like I became a lot more romantic (or shall I say,I expressed my luv more) i.e did all the giving of flowers, writing poetry ,walks in park and public show of affection which were not totally novelle acts (as i did that even while at Univeristy in Nigeria). However, I have to admit that it felt like the natural thing to do.It felt a lot diiferent to how it felt trying to hide a bunch of flowers in your car or under your shirt while at university so as not to appear ‘soft’ to your mates. So, I’ll posit that the society -the nigerian society affects our (Nigeian men) attitude to our women. So much so that when we are ina relationship with Nigerian women we find it easier to fall back into our unexpressive shells even when we are not in Nigeria. Everyday gestures or things that should be everyday gestures become one-offs and our nigerian women kinda just let it slide.

Now before any one jumps to unecessary conclusions,let me quickly say, I dont beleive your country of origin should determine who you are with because if that is how you reason than you are not better than your average racist. 2. I dont take my Nigerian girlfriend for granted,if anything being able to express myself with my non-nigerian exs have made more appreciative of her.That has got nothing to do with her country of origin.Simply put , I stong man would know that is only a weak insecure man that would consider being able to express your feelings to a woman you love a weak thing.

Finally, Marie civil,unrest,disease(MRSA and all), Violence,dislike for White (and blacks, asian,muslim, Christian) and (even) domineering view towards women, these things happen even in the west…but you still go out to work and play everyday. C,mon if your Nigerian man is being truthfull he will tell you that the most fun he’s had in in life was in Nigerian.Go visit someday you might not want to return…..

now for someone who didnt want to comment. I ‘d have to say I talk too much…..

Marie March 25, 2008 - 12:37 pm

I stumbled upon this article trying to learn more about Nigerian culture, and Nigerian men. I have recently met a man from Nigeria through a friend of mine. (I myself am half native american, half french) And I wanted to learn more about the culture, and maybe what to expect if we got into a relationship.

I found the article very interesting, UNTIL the author got to the point of basically stating that a “western woman” will not stick by her man through financial hardships and otherwise, do not believe they are marrying into a family, and will throw divorce papers at a man’s face over the slightest provocation.

I would like to remind the author That these stereotypes and blanket generalizations are the very root and cause of racism and hate in the world. Not every western woman is like that, just like not all Nigerian men are domineering, not all Japanese people like sushi!! Good LORD that just gets under my skin!

Also, you mentioned that western women refuse to got to Nigeria for burials and weddings etc. But please, use some common sense about this. As an American that has grown up in a sheltered sense compared to other countries in the world. What female would not have fears of going to a country that still has so much civil unrest, disease, violence, dislike for white people, and domineering point of view towards women?

anyway, thats my 2 cents

sara March 23, 2008 - 12:30 am

I just found wedding photo’s of my boyfriend (who happens to be from Nigeria and is currently visiting) and I wasn’t aware he was ever married. I don’t know what to think or feel because I’m in love with him. I’ve never had a better relationship in my life so this has thrown me for a loop. Is this typical?

Odi March 21, 2008 - 2:42 pm

Sounds like the author has some unfulfilled wild fantasies about white women.

The author’s statement is no different from white people who think Nigerian/African/Black women are highly sexed freaks.

OAA March 20, 2008 - 10:20 pm

I think that your article had a good intention but I do not think that you have painted a true picture of the 2008 model nigerian man. I am one of these, well accomplished harvard-educated yoruba man, who would prefer to be dating a nigerian woman than an american. In my small world, I hardly meet nigerian women, and hence lack the variety that one needs to find a good partner. I say that these days, it’s already hard enough finding a good woman with all the attributes one is looking for, then to compound that by saying she has to be nigerian is quite limiting.

Nursebutler March 18, 2008 - 9:09 pm

Sorry, but maybe you picked the wrong litter. I happen to be engaged to a beautiful nigerian man, one who is loving caring and very emtional. he would not deny his love for me to anyone who will listen. I could not imagine him being with a nigerian woman and treating her any different. God most surely played a role in this union, He has blessed us abundantly. He gave me a true king, and he gave him his queen. my hat is off to all of you african women who feel betrayed, let-down or just thrown-away; somtimes we have to look inside ourselves and see why we allow certain things to happen to us, I did and i dont intend on going back. My future is bright, and I thank God for showing me that sometimes true love is not next door , but thousands of miles away. We have a choice on whether or not to follow our hearts or to just be content.

Onyeomiko March 18, 2008 - 12:30 pm

I think this author has a closed mind. He obviously does not believe that peoplel deal with problems when it comes relationships. It does not matter the nationality of the woman or the man. A woman has to love herself and realize that she does not have to stay in a relationship if she is miserable. I have met women of different nationalities ( including Nigerian women) who feel the same as I do and who may put up with a bunch of mess from a man. However, we get tired of it. Some of us leave and some of us stay with the man because we feel obligated due to other issues(children, finances, we may love him more than we do ourselves). I am an African American woman who is trying to get un-involved with a Nigerian man. I thought he would be different from other men (I should not have generalized). He seems to be like every other man I have been attracting for the past couple of years. I think I was just intrigued by his culture because I felt as an African American, that my roots have been lost. He made me feel connected to my roots. I think I have taken the wrong direction and need to do some self evaluation. However I will not let these issues discourage me. I know there are some good men out there. I used to prefer African American men, but now I don’t care what nationality a man is. I am not stressing about that. There are good people and bad people. I have just made the wrong choices in the past.

Sac CA March 16, 2008 - 3:25 pm

I will give that some of the information is to be true about foreign woman and about white woman. Secondly I wouldn’t be so quick to say a white woman is more likely to be one to kick a man out of his house and call the cops. I am with a Nigerian man and have a mixed son. To assume we don’t care about the extended family and taking care of those is very niave of you.

His family is my family and they are always welcome in the home. We are bestfriends partners and share a equality life. He is a man and is head of the house. It is because of these thoughts and postings that give Nigerian men such a bad rep. Not all Nigerian men are over powering and mean, and exspect woman to give into their every need. It would be to say all white woman perform oral sex. Which is not true either. Can it simple be the way God intended it and not man. That we take our diffrences and become one? Is that to hard to ask or say. I stand beside him not behind him or in front of him.We are one and we do it together because we love each other, how we show it should only matter to us. Not the world, since the world is not in my relationship. Who cares what others think or say. I have a wonderful Nigerian man that treats me as a woman and I treat him like a man not because of where he comes from but for who he is. We have a wonderful child together, and he took on my oldest son at 3 months old and has raised him as hiw own. I can say not many men African American, White, Hispanic or what ever that would do that. You have some strong points but very wrong about others.

unknown March 8, 2008 - 4:47 pm

hello am english, am a girl, am with a nigerian man, am afro-carribean, black. i read this but i don’t no how to feel lol. it’ll be lovely for nigerian men to be with nigerian women but it doesn’t always happen, but as long as there with a black women doesn’t really matter, i love him and would stand by him watever.

Dreez tha breeze March 3, 2008 - 4:00 am

Love’s a state of mind far from delusorily disguising it,Some engage in relationships from the heart,while some toys with it. There’s no such thing as fate,Interacial marriage now evolves so rapidly amongst new generations nowadays.

Still nobody understands it in terms of dealing with their Man or woman from another race,Its takes a shitload of patient to keep the marriage moving so If you’re the fast-life speeding type that cant even deal with a man from your own race then you probably need to enrol in on interacial marriage councelling,

Which in most cases,It doesnt work…but to always be on a safe side and not regreting ever dating another race. Get your game right and stick to what you already know.


my own woman February 15, 2008 - 6:03 pm

I have a Nigerian boyfriend, we’ve been together for about 9 months now…he is talking about getting married and all that. he has told me that he wants me to be a submissive wife, and that in his culture the women listen to their husbands, so i should do as he says..where i come from, the women enjoys a certain level of freedom..yes she’s married but she has a mind of her own, and although her husband may say something, in the end, she usually goes with what she feels is the best choice. Another thing we talk about is finances…I told him that if he wants me to be submissive, he’d have to pay all the bills…but he says that’s not how iti is in his country,that the spouses put their money together to take care of bills and household needs. I’m beginning to be worried that i could be abused in my marriage for wanting to do as i feel…that if we really have some big arguments on these things he’ll be furious with me and abuse/hurt me in some kind of way.

j.l January 13, 2008 - 11:12 pm

beware of all culture men, stick to what you know or think you know

Bolaji January 12, 2008 - 4:48 am

Nigerian women a money draining pits, they take all and leave nothing in return. Their position is that of a begger because they don’t have the intellectual capacity to face challenges outside so they reduced themselves to domestic slave while being emotionally self-involved, self-centered and very materialistic. They are so much confused as to what the societies female expectation of them and their husband or family’s expectation due to their regular gossips with close circuit of friends, where they iron out their dirty laundry in the air.

I think generally, most nigerian women are a lazy lot who still believe in “men always wrong & women always right” and are more honest, friendly and close to their friends than they are to their spouse.

Generally, most of them are out to ruin their spouse (either intentionally or through innocent actions) and love to them only means one thing and one thing only – money.

just me January 11, 2008 - 12:55 am

Because it is written does not make it so. How can anyone make these kind of generalizations about any group of people. I would suggest there is a scourned man (probably by a western woman) responsible for this article. This article demonstrates intolerance, ignorance and even racism. I know many Nigerian men that do not fit the stereotype presented. A shared cultural background is obviously a plus when two people are in a commited relationship, but the absence of this does not mean that a successful relationship cannot exist. How niave to think that unless our birth certicates indicate a common origin that true love cannot exist. We are all members of the human race regardless of our background, skin color, religion etc…

Sarah January 8, 2008 - 11:48 pm

I disagree whole heartedly with this article. I am and African American married to a Nigerian, I would never “throw him out of his own house” over something frivolous or petty. Not every American woman is so petty as to drag him through divorce court. As for the “us and us alone” comment, I care greatly about his family, so much as to take full responsibility and care for his sister’s daughter for the next 4 years, when even he didn’t want to do that. His parents, who are and live in Nigeria are exactly what you described in your article as the “American woman”. You should not put all of us in the same category like we are some type of predator taking all of the Nigerian men, just to treat them like trash and not respect them. I do respect my husband, care about his family and about his culture and him. I was highly offended by your comments, if you’ve had problems in the past with American women, then maybe you were looking in the wrong places. Don’t generalize based on a few bad experiances, you give the good ones a bad rap. I would never say that all Nigerian men act like the dominant overbearing people you described, none of his family is like that. You should get your facts straight.

KENTUCKY December 30, 2007 - 2:32 pm

Well I must say I am offended by the broad statements that western women don’t stand by their man. Some do some don’t and we all suffer from those sterotypical ideals. My question is this, ” why are you so sure that these men are so wipped or over come by their emotions that they can not be the head of their household.” Maybe the women they encounter not only love them and respect them but also their culture. Could be that they embrace the Nigerian culture? For you to think that a man as strong as you assume is not in control of his household is contradictory in my opinion. I think that his strength is exactly what western women are seeking. There is so little of it in the states that when it is properly place in the community. He is embraced and encourage to exhibit is strengths through out the community. I’m sorry if you feel that your men are being taking from you. Maybe you should try something different.

steve December 28, 2007 - 9:30 am

i gave this article an excellent

sweetiemaintenance27 December 27, 2007 - 12:02 pm

I give this website Five star rating, and thank this article for the information that is so helpful to me… I’m dating a nigerian and for the love of god I can’t figure him out why he does things certain ways, although I don’t have a problem because change is good and I believe in be submissive to my husband/ or man. But now I have a clear picture of why? and I thank the person who wrote this article I can be a better non-nigerian african american woman and can learn to except these cultural gestures and deal with it… I’ve learned also that when you look at it its not what a man tells you is what he does and My man is a great provider, he is very smart and he comes from a family with strong values… and he provides great security and I think these are the real thing that any woman out there is looking for.

Godwin December 21, 2007 - 12:12 am

Exhibition of affection in public among couples or lovers varies from one culture to the other. Please next time when you observe the ways couples relate to each other in public in a particular community, try to to do a little bit of research on their cultural values.

You may be surprise, that if a Nigerian man should hold his wife, cuddle her in public, caress her back continously or kiss randomly in public in Nigeria, the man would be called stupid and other unprintable words by the same women folks you think are being denied their dues. Your female partner would certainly do everything to discourage you. It is not in our culture to overly show affection in public and that does not mean we love our women less. We have our own ways of showing affection to our women, it only those who has thorough understanding of our culture that can figure that out when such happens

Even amongst blacks in America you will find out that though they exhibit affection for their partners in public the percentage is not as high as that of whites. I use to live in Baltimore. I see old men and women mostly whites holding hands even when they are in their seventies and eighties. However I seldom find old black couples in the same age bracket holding hands or is it an attitude old black couples tend to outlive. however thanks for your observation and word of advice for Nigerian men

veronica December 20, 2007 - 1:31 pm

I would like to say that i do agree with some of what i was reading but not everthing. I am a spanish and black woman i have alot of african friends and they are from different parts of africa. I have been to africa and i have seen alot of what this man was talking about and i have also seen this type of behavior here in america among my african male friends who have african and american wives. I believe that the american woman are more controlling as far as demanding respect from there husbands the american woman are less tolerable when it comes down to there husbands cheating on them and alot of the american woman will divorce there husbands for that. THe african woman will tolerate it much more and i believe the reason why is because back home in africa alot of african men have mistresses or more then one wife. That is why the african men look at alot of american woman like we are crazy when they see men being put of there homes because of cheating or when the american woman call the police on there husbands for putting there hands on there wives for cheating on them or for calling it quits when there financial situations get bad well the african men need to understand that when it comes down to finacial situations with american relationships that the only reason the woman would leave her husband is because her husband is not taking care of the family because if he was then she would not be going any were. What i have noticed about african men is that some of them will not marry or be with an american woman because when it comes down to cheating they know that the american woman are less tolerable to that and i hate to say it but african woman will stay maybe not all of them but the majority of them and i have witnessed this myself and also by being with an african man but i will say that the african woman will stay with there man and help take care of there family and his to untill they get old i believe that its that way because of there culture because back home in africa there are no day cares and there are no old folks home for the old people the family back home in africa take care of eachother they dont let there parents go to old folks homes and have people that they dont even know take care of there parents there family take care of them and another thing that i have witnessed is the african men who marry american woman, there marriges dont last because they realized that they can not except the american ways of the woman and that is because things in america are not the way there are back home in africa. What african men do realize is that there lives would be more content with there african woman and some of them do realize that all american woman are not bad. I have noticed how african woman are very skeptical when it comes down to american woman because alot of american woman has made a bad name for american woman and i have also noticed that alot of african men love to be with american woman because they know that there are alot things that they can get away with in america but they know that they cant behave that way back home. because the woman back home will not tolerate it and so it becomes fun for the african man then all of a sudden they start drinking, smoking, cheating, and even without knowing that they are disrespecting there self and then all of a sudden they want to act like they have forgottin were they come from when knowing that deep down inside that what they are doing is wrong and they are behaving this way because they are trying to fit in and they think that they are getting away with it but what they are not understanding is that the person you was back home is what alot of american woman want, like myself because the ugly person that you have become here in america is ugly. Dont change who you are for the american way. I can understand if you came here to america to go to school or to make money so that you can take care of your family back home but while you are here do not let the corruption make you or break you because only you know the truth, dont pretend that you have forgottin you culture when you come here because if you do you are removing whats good about yourself away from you and that is your dignity and your pride and your self respect.

Lawrence(USA) December 17, 2007 - 6:14 pm

I think most Nigerian guys marrying a foreigner are just shying away from the exorbitant dowry/bride price that are always attached and other wedding expenses that are involved.These, couple with African extended family problems associated with marrying a fellow nigerian lady may partly be responsible to choosing a foreigner that are not attached to these strings of spending fortune in the garb of marriage

ARS December 13, 2007 - 7:03 am

I liked this article mostly. Its true. My Nigerian man is wordly, cultured, and well-educated. He is very dominant, but it turns me on. I am very dominant too and he is the first to not back down. I love that. There were alot of stereotypes thrown in though. Every person is different. My Nigerian man takes very good care of ME (and African-American western female). He cooks for me and does things with me in mind. He's not afraid to say sorry and always kisses my forehead cares about what I think so it proves the article wrong in some ways.

Queenie December 10, 2007 - 4:36 pm

Dear Sir,

I think you need to get yourself some more education. There are millions and millions of people in Nigeria and you can not tell me that all of them, men and women are the same. From the way your article reads you have not had much exposure to non- Nigerian women or any women for that matter. Nigerian women are not all that perfect. You are trying to portray Nigerian women as having a character that is above all others. If that indeed was the case then Nigerian men would not be dating or marrying outside of their culture. There are wicked men and women within every race or culture etc. I am so sick of people making broad generalizations. By the way I am an AA female married to a Nigerian man for the past 8 years we have had many ups and downs. I have assisted him to bring all of his children, who by the way were abandoned by their Nigerian mother when they were young, to America. I support him in sending money to his brothers in Africa. Through thick and thin we still stand. I have traveled to Nigeria many times and it seems that that there is not much difference in the cultures. I was expecting to see demure, traditionally dressed women and all I saw were hoochie mamas dressed in jeans so tight that it was ridiculous, looing for men up and down. So don't make people think that Nigerian women are all akin to Mother Teresa and all of the rest of us are scum unworthy of marriage. Again sir, you need to get yourself some more education and exposure to life before you start posting nonsense articles on the internet.

Ali December 8, 2007 - 2:17 pm

I gave up 3 years of my life for a Nigerian man, married him, gave him shelter, support, emotionally & financially, as soon as he could support himself independently he left me!!

I was willing to do anything for him, that was the depth of my love, the only thing I could not be was African! I think what your article says has a lot of truth as I know African men who have wives and children at home but work abroad & maintain a relationship there also, but never forsake their roots. Their wives accept this gladly as long as they receive the money to keep themselves & their family. No-one is right or wrong but love & marriage is a serious thing (for which my husband was not prepared), I wish everybody luck and happiness. I have my God & he will provide for me when my needs are great & I know he will also judge my husband on judgement day.

White American Woman in love with a Nigerian Man December 6, 2007 - 6:46 pm

I read this article more than once and while I felt that there were some unique points of interest, I found that there are other points which seem a little incorrect. I am a white American woman who has been dating a Nigerian man for about 8 months now. I have noticed that my man does not offer many public displays of affection except maybe when we are leaving for work. On the other hand, nearly every time he speaks to me he calls me babe or some other pet name. Also, whenever we are together which is usually 2 or maybe 3 days a week, I go out of my way to make sure he is fed with delicious food, has a massage if he would like one and am more than happy to oblige if he wants to be intimate. Never have I felt the need to control him or make unnecessary demands. Right now, I make more money than he does and I know this bothers him however, I encourage him often that he will come into his own soon enough and mine will just be for extra. I believe this Nigerian man is exceptional and everyday I fall more in love with his kindness and generosity and the truly wonderful person he is. Regarding Americans and marriage, I value the institution of marriage and do not believe one walks out of a marriage without making every attempt to keep the family together. I would support my Nigerian man in times of financial struggle, or any other struggle. When given the opportunity I will embrace the Nigerian culture and if children are in our future, these children will be taught to embrace their Nigerian culture and values as well as their American ones. Nigerian men don't love their foreign wives because they make them less of men, maybe they love us because we make them feel more like the men they know they can be. I know I love my Nigerian man and would go to the ends of the earth to make him feel like the king that he is…he also goes to the ends of the earth to make me feel like the princess I am… Love goes both ways no matter where you are from.

star December 4, 2007 - 11:00 pm

From my experience with Nigerian men, they are cruel, controlling, and verbally abusive towards women. I would never even consider marrying a Nigerian man. You article talked about equality in the home as if it were a bad thing. It is certainly not. You also insinuated that American women are petty, disrespectful of culture, family, and tradition, and would leave their husbands in times of trouble, but that is certainly not true about all American women. You must do more research to truely understand American, and other non-Nigerian woman.

Ayokunle Joel-Taiwo November 23, 2007 - 12:19 am

You really shouldn't be writing, you live in your own separate world and have no clue whats going on in the real world.

Blessed November 20, 2007 - 8:57 pm

I have read the majority of the comments and some were harsh, some were based on indiviual experience as it should be. I am dating a wonderful nigerian man who was sent to me by God himself. He is a God fearing man, he loves people, he's educated, tenderhearted, nurturing, witty and one has a smile to die for. Out of nowhere we met and have been equally yoked as one. I am anxiously waiting for our wedding day. I have had other relationships and been married before but never have I been so respected and loved in this manner. We need to take each man or woman no matter where they are from on a case by case basis. I cant wait to go to Nigeria as well, after all it is who I am, our people were forced on a one -way cruise,and it wasnt carnival okay?

Amy Oluwafunto Ajayi November 18, 2007 - 11:38 pm

I am sorry that you feel as you do, but you truly should do more research. I am one of those foreign wives, married to a wonderful man who cherishes me as his African Queen. My skin may be white, but Mama Africa has my heart and she always will. I love my husband's country and it's people and his family is extremly improtant to me. When I married him I married the entire family. As eldest son, he made me aware of the duties and responsibilites. Not only do I support him in his quest to support his family but I continue to work at a very well paying job so that I too can contribute to the income back home. My husband does not cherish me because I am white or American. He loves me because my heart is large, I recognize his strength and his power as a strong, African man and I respect it as his wife. Not all American women are outspoken, demanding bitches who force their men into submission. Even those of us who are strong outside the home, submit to our husband in the home. I would do anything he asked of me, as long as he did not hurt or disrespect me and for this he rewards me with love, respect, romance and a never ending passion that keeps me begging for more. The Nigerian women in his family are all very strong women, beautiful and kind hearted. When I asked him why he did not seek a Nigerian woman as his brother had he told me that he had not been so lucky and all the women he had dated turned out bad – gold diggers and adulterers every one. I do not know those women, but I beleive him when he told me that. One last thing you should know – my husband demanded that I be a strong African wife, not a weak American crying and unable to cope with life. As a black man I would think that you would know better than to make broad generalizations about any group, but in reading your article all I can say is you are either very lucky to have married well or you are unmarried and bitter about the loss of good Naija men to what you see as a weaker race who will surely dilute the Naija pride. I will promise you this – our children will be raised as Africans – whether on American soil or Nigerian. They will be proud and strong, they will know their roots and their ancestry and above all they will be loved deeply by their parents = both of them for they are a blessing.

Anonymous November 6, 2007 - 10:16 pm

I too am an American woman married to a Nigerian man. He is and has always been the most kind and loving man I have ever known. I don't know about how he would treat a Nigerian woman, but he treats me like a queen. He has never had a problem being romantic or expressing how much he loves me. Today was my birthday…he surprised me by ringing me and singing "Olo mi" entirely to me. I agree with comments #19 & 20. I love Africa and Nigeria almost as much as my husband. I am learning to cook the native foods and adore the beautiful native wears my husband buys for me and our children. I am of Native American descent, and our tribal cultures are very very similar, so it may be that because of that we have an easier time of it adjusting culturally to one another. But I agree, true love, in ANY CULTURAL MIX, is not about assimilation but about learning and accepting each other's cultural traditions, and teaching your children to embrace who they are……….BOTH sides of their bloodlines. I do not think that a man who expresses love for his wife an family is weak at all. I think it takes a strong man to admit his true feelings, and I adore my Nigerian Prince Charming. I don't want to change him or "Americanize" him…I even hope he never loses his sweet sexy accent! I would embrace Naija culture with all of my heart and be a very happy hardworking Nigerian wife just as happily as an American one. But then, maybe it is I that am the exception and not the rule. I just think any cultural generalizations are to be avoided. That doesn't keep a culture pure. It just perpetuates close-minded hatred for others who are different than you are. Like it or not, this is one small world we live in, and the more we embrace other cultures, the better off we will all be. Sign me white on the outside but Naija in ma heart.

Anonymous November 5, 2007 - 8:01 pm

I'm just amazed that so many people have so much to say about this! Who cares?!

Dr Manny November 3, 2007 - 5:47 am

What an interesting topic indeed.I agree with the writer in some area and disagree in some. Everyone who responded to this article,has done so out of their opinion or experience. It was also nice getting responses from the Non-nigerians who are or have been in relationships with Nigerian men.

Its actually rare to see interracial marriages lasting into old age. No doubt, White ladies are passionate,open and romantic but their is a higher tendency of a broken home especially if u met at a NIGHT CLUB or ONLINE!!! And you have to trust the fact that they dont tolerate "nonsense". Just misbehave,they will sure kick ur black Nigerian butt out off the matrimonial home. But many Nigerian women will prefer to tolerate,not really becos they are nicer but a lot would do so to save their marriage cos its in our culture that divorce brings shame to the family.

I am a Christian and i believe that the marriage institution was created and ordained by God. Any marital union that is not strongly rooted in God,has a greater chance of failing. 50% of marriages in the Western countries end in divorce.This % has been shown to be lesser with Christian homes.

The Bible says men should love their wives as their ownselves and women should submit to their husband. In both love and submission stated in this Bible context, there is no room for beating, dominance, abuse or slavery. It means respect, regard, strong affection and care.

Difficult times will always come in marriages but if we have a strong will to work things out,we will always surpass the challenges.I know of so many broken Nigerian marriages so intra-racial or "intra-national" marriages are no more a guarantee. My dad has advised me not to marry away from home but personally i do not mind race.Its all about where i find love and understanding. Men please,whichever you prefer, 2 things are important:

1) NEVER abuse your wives in any form. She is your "wife" and not your slave.

2) NEVER marry a lady who will not embrace your heritage or will keep you away from your root.

American Girl October 31, 2007 - 5:51 pm

This is the most obscene and offensive article I have ever read, I can’t even allow myself to stoop to your level of immaturity by expressing how I really feel about this article. You don’t deserve any response at all. With that type of bias outlook on everyone but your own kind you deserve to be nothing more than an internet writer. I wouldn't give any other writing the time of day. Reading this was a waste of time. And I am going to PRAY that God changes your outlook on non-nigerians

Not A Nigerian Woman October 28, 2007 - 11:34 pm

Well i must say im an american woman who is married to a Nigerian man. let me say this to you… Yes in the beginning they are very romantic… flowers, candy, cards you name it.. Then you get married and all of a sudden this dominant creature arises.. For me it didnt matter if i was a Nigerian woman or a western women .. I've found that Nigerian men will still treat their wives as doormats no matter what part of the world you come from. The majority of them want a " BECK AND CALL GIRL " They are emotionally unavailable to you and your children they have no sense of what it means to trully be a family. I'ts the man goes out does what ever the heck he want to do and the wife is suppose to just take it.. But not so for this African American Woman.. My husband thought he could do these things to me. He also found out I will not be used as a toilet niether as a doormat …. and that's why we have so many problems in our marriage as of now.. I demand respect .. truthfullness.. companionship being a loving father to your children.. knowing that im appreciated.. just as i appreciate him.. But one thing a Nigerian man does correctly is this… Putting a Roof over your head and paying the bills… they are to pridefull to ever be behind on finances… they act as if they wipe their behinds on golden toilet paper .. and to be late on payments or not have any money is very shamefull for them…

But with all that being said.. because of their silly and i mean silly traditions on what they think a marriage should be and how it should be ran … is the very reason why im considering divorce.. I've had enough of the arguments on how i want to be treated and enough is enough for me im exhausted with his Nigerian views though my husband is very Americanized.. he still reverts to his upbringing… But if i had to do it again I would and will not ever marry another NIGERIAN or african man for that matter.. to many headaches !

buk October 24, 2007 - 10:03 pm

I am a Nigerian lady engaged to a Nigerian man and we both live in Europe. He is an independent,charming,honest,faithful and God fearing man. we have romantic outings ,he helps in doing householdchores ,he respects me and we are madly in love.I wouldn't have asked for more becos i am blessed to have him. So not all African men are terrible. Some are wonderfully created. As long as you have a good heart,God will surprise u! Buk.

NON-Nigerian WOMAN* October 24, 2007 - 2:42 pm

this article as the last is very well written and thought out! i wouldnt put past the face that u probly had taken time out to create an outline for this ONE!…. now unless u are an non Nigerian woman u can not say what we will and will not do! there are many AA women in the states that are just as submissive to the "MEN" as the "country" women are!…. and rahter you choose to admit or not there are some "country" women that wont think twice about putting it to "YOU ALL"… all of them bing scary is something i wont believe! every human has the ability to be FED UP…. now me personally if i marry a man and things are good he will be treated GOOD…… vise versa if i marry and the man is a piece of sh*t and i cant take care of it myself he will in some way be cursed to hell.. f*ck em'…… There are many women in t he states that will kill for their husband for all the right and wrong reason just as Nigerians!!!!all Nigerian men -may- play the role as these (MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY) people but deep down in side most of you there is something that knows the real truth about what kind of man you are! thats just like a man liking on fat women but i will never show it in front of thoes who it really should matter, they hide it and put on an aire! sooooo i have read many of your articles and i can say that this on holds truth but home boy!!!! that last paragraph should have been kept on hush or rethought****** put on the shoes that u normally dont wear and see if your thoughts change! as i said before the whole world is suffering from the same diease!!!! there are some AA men that wouldnt touch a AA woman with a 10 foot pole and his mother was at stake! ok SOOOOO ITS ALL THE SAME SH*T JUST 2 DIFFERENT TOILETS!!!!!!!

Anonymous September 16, 2007 - 9:15 pm

I date a Nigerian man and I'm a African American female and he definitely tries to control me but he really can't because he acts like a man that can't do anything without a woman. Sometimes he tries to act American and sometimes he all about his Nigerian cultures which gets on my nerves sometimes(the American part). September 6, 2007 - 4:26 pm

I am an African American woman dating a Nigerian man. I love him more than anything in this world. To my AA sistas, don't be upset about the comments that were made about our women. I am happy to know that people everywhere will now know that you should leave a man if and when he stops respecting you and I am glad to know that this belief is starting to rub off on sistas in other countries!

Austin.Di September 4, 2007 - 6:18 am

It is unfortunate that someone with the writing skills of the Author of this mind bender will devote their time in this direction.

First of all, she or he believes the world starts and ends in America.

There are many Nigeirans married to women of other nationalities around the world.

In my own case, I married a Nigerian woman in the past, she was beautiful, with the right statistics, ok and all, but, it just didnt work out for us, so we parted ways, when I remarried, I did so not on the basis of ethnicity but purely on the basis of finding someone who I can live with and who can live with me, we all have our own peculiar *wahala*, so, I will say, God blessed me with a my own kind of Woman and subsequently with a child, hey, I used to help out at home when I was growing up, I used to wash the car, clothes, do dishes and help out in the kitchen,our Mum had servants but insisited we also do house work.

When I married a Nigerian woman, I also helped out at home, also cooked although my exWife was a greater cook, I also did some of the cooking. I dont know where you get this issue of Nigerian Women being indolent in bed,Lol, I dont know who youve been with, but, lets not go there or else, My ex may be remarried and in Nigerian etiquette, its not right to talk of other peoples Wives

Anyway. I have to go and feed my Kid, vaccum the play room, dress my child before entering the bath to come out looking like a King. and attend that business meeting(with my kid, yes)

see you on

Anonymous September 1, 2007 - 6:20 am

This article is silly. I can't speak for all western women, but I can speak for myself. I am a white Canadian married to a Nigerian man. I love his family like my own. I call his mother "Mummy" and call her on the phone every day. My African girlfriends have expressed that they are envious of the close relationship I have with my in-laws. I love to hear stories of my extended family, of my husband's childhood, and of beautiful Nigeria. My mother in law has taught me to cook Nigerian food and, I must say, I make a mean goat stew with okra soup. My husband and I, along with our extended family, have had to define for ourself what makes a good wife and mother (just as we've had to define what makes a good husband and father). We may not be your typical Nigerian family, but we are happy with our arrangement. His family adores me. Mine adores him. Our daughter is healthy, happy, and well adjusted. That's all that really matters, isn't it?

A further point that I'd like to make is regarding the household chores. From what I understand, most middle-class families can afford domestic help. Thus, when a women has a professional career, she also has the additional responsibility of coordinating domestic chores amongst the help. However, she is not coming home from work every day to scrub floors and wash their husbands' underwear. Here in the West, most of us cannot afford a maid or nanny. Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that you'll find Nigerian men changing the occasional diaper or preparing the occasional meal? I personally have always found it discusting when both the husband and the wife work full-time, and then the man comes home, puts his feet up, watches football and lets his wife put in another 5 hours of work around the house. I've seen plenty of "white" households where that happens, and I think it's wrong.

temilayo August 30, 2007 - 4:40 pm

I am an american woman married to a nigerian. I have been complimented by my husbands family, neighbors and friends how I am different from what they thought americans are like. My question to you is, do you personally know any american women? how can you know so much about american women and how they treat, don't and won't treat their man? sounds to me like this article is based on stereotypical information. no matter what your culture, we are all human beings with feelings and idiosyncricies. if your an asshole, then it doesnt matter where you are from! if you are a strong or weak, culture has nothing to do with it. i rated your article as excellent because it was like reading a great fictional novel.

cally ndu August 29, 2007 - 5:33 pm

o boy/ you reallyexposed your self, but you needed to be broad minded . REmember, we are all nigerians and you do know in nigeria we have 3 major ethnic groups with huge cultural differences,now which nigerian man or men are you refaring to?Mr writer you shoul have defined with michael west dictionary.====== controling ====Contoling is Relative.How offten do you visit texas,new york york new jersey the devoce rate,Police calling,separation regardless of how many children involved amongst born and raised nigerian men/women.PLS Bro think and rephrase your article

Eric August 28, 2007 - 5:26 am

My dad, though not perfect was one of the greatest men in Nigeria, they stayed together for close to 30 years before his death, gave birth to 11 children (All Boys) and still endured to the end. i won't say there was no disagreement between them, they were cases my mom wanted to leave him and the kids, but changed her mind, and there were times my dad refused to come home too. but he still remained that loving father."his immediate family first before any other thing" i learned from them and i must say being a Nigerian man is not about all these negative things i hear people say about us. i planned on falling in love with a white woman, but with the way i hear about what and how they do things, i get frightened sometimes but i must say things happen all over the world. not only Nigerian men are keen on breaking hearts and giving wounds to the heart, it happens everywhere. Just pray to have someone that's going to love you for you as i pray to have someone of such too. the article is not that fat to be called an article, full of sentiments, please try and lighten up your writing skills

Michele August 27, 2007 - 5:24 pm

This give a very good insight to some men in Nigeria. But I must say that my Nigerian man is very loving, he always sends cards to me and my daughter. He tells us he loves us very much, and all the time. Maybe the reason why they put up such a "dominant" front when in Nigeria is because of the judgments from other men? The man who wrote this article, wrote it very well, but how easily would he say the same if most men were "soft" with the women from Nigeria also. Would he applaud them for being sensitive and romantic? Or would he ridicule them for being too soft??

Elvis August 27, 2007 - 5:11 am

that is so true brother!! im a south african man, living in SA. we africans are not raised in lovey dovey families so romance is not in our blood. we are not financially stable that is why u find african men changing to do all this crazy thangs. what i hate most is this foreign women think we are SEX TOYS. OH AFRICAN MEN HAVE BIG @@@@@ thats all they see in us. i must say most men are esp Africans are abusive due to the way we were raised. there is still alot to change 4 us to be rromantic and all that!! honestly some men are using the aedvantage of their sezx organs to be taken care of. We as SAns r suffering from same problems.

Anonymous August 19, 2007 - 6:38 pm

Love is love and today I am just sure about it. When me and my husband (Igbo ) decided to get married, people looked down on me just because he is from AFRICA and for being a Nigerian. Some people associate Africa with poverty and Nigeria with Scam (419) , but the most important thing is that we love each other and we have a beautiful family. We both live in NY and besides that, THEY (nigerians)DON'T JUST MARRY FOREIGNERS FOR CITIZENSHIP, my husband was the one who sponsored me for my greencard. So ladies out there just don't listen to this article… BE HAPPY !!!!!!!!

Anonymous August 16, 2007 - 9:56 am

'After all, Nigerian women, unlike their foreign counterparts usually do not demand to be co-captains of the house…'

Its not a master sevant relationship – thats why! & Nigerian women should demand partnership.

Anonymous August 13, 2007 - 4:07 pm

I'm an African-American female and maybe Nigerian men can't handle African-American females. A lot of us are NOT submissive and will never be submissive to any man. i think Nigerian women should rise up against what was described as a barbaric Nigerian husband. I gave this article a 3 because parts of it upset me like the barbaric husband and submissive wife. It got a 3 because I want to thank the author of the article for warning us African-American women what to watch out for.

Lina August 12, 2007 - 3:55 am

As in most situations, there are two sides of a coin. I was married to a Nigerian man for nine years. We ( I thought) was very much in love. After 9 years, he said that he no longer wantede to be married. It was been about four years, and I am still very much in love with him. I miss him. I thought he was happy. He does not want any contact with me, the excuse he gave was that it was not working out, but he could not give me a good reason. He did not want to speak with a counselor, it was as if our vows meant nothing to him.

As I said, I am still very much still in love with him and have tried to get on with my life. I have always thought he was a wonderful person, and although he divorce me, I still think that he is.

Anonymous August 8, 2007 - 11:45 am

Let no one be fooled that the Nigerian will let their Men trample on them in America. A Nigerian in Diaspora can be very vindictive she will deal with the Nigerian in such a manner that America will suddenly become a living hell and he'll have to run back to Nigeria.I have seen what many Nigerian women have done to their so called men in several cases…but to each it's own 'cause there's no generalization on this issue

anny August 7, 2007 - 8:42 pm

Well am Nigerian and hubby is nigerian as well.Its so funny but truth be said i know my husband to do all this things to me and even spoil me more.Hubby apologises when hes wrong and we do romantic dinners and take holidays .He even went as far as telling he does want more than two kids cuz he wants to have enough time with me which i find very romantic and sexy as per treating women of different race special not all men and most importantly i want to believe our nigerian guys are becoming more romantic than our father days and lest i say it depends on the way you want your relationship to be.Not minding the race or ethnic.

Tolu A August 7, 2007 - 4:58 pm

This guy just wants to get laid!! And as expected, your article is biased.

Who cares who you marry or who you don't marry? What makes you think walking in the park is for every woman/man or kissing in public?

These types of acts are glorified in western countries as if that is what matters the most. This is a short-term thing.

I can easily buy a girl roses or a romantic date but what difference does it make if I'm doing it for the wrong reasons? I can be doing it because of guilt but, to her, I'm the best guy!

My mum doesn't have to tell me she loves me for me to know it. What good are words if you don't mean them or follow through?

Maybe most girls and some guys need to hear it but it's not a requirement. Anyone will prefer it being shown.

I've seen Nigerian women treating their boyfriends/husband like trash and vice versa. I've also seen Non-Nigerian women/men do the same thing so what’s the big deal?

Your argument is as useless as those who expect men or women to be molded to their perfect partner.

Relationship is like a business transaction: You both bring what you have to offer and table it. You continue if agree with the terms and you stop if you don't. If you feel the guy/girl doesn't meet certain criteria you don't want to sacrifice, don't date him/her.

Marry anyone you wish to marry as long as you understand each other and you're happy together.

Latifa August 2, 2007 - 2:29 pm

As a highy educated African American woman, I must agree with some of the comments people have made based on my one relationship experience with a Nigerian man here in the U.S. When I first started dating him, he was like a dream too good to be true. He treated me very well, i.e., he was kind, caring, wrote messages in store bought cards, bought me jewelry, took care of my car maintenance, wined and dined me, took me on a 3-day vacation to Wildwood, etc. Also, he professed his love for me and wanted to marry me. Then, as our relationship matured he started mistreating me, i.e., insulting my intelligence, belittling my lack of African culture, saying I don't know my duties as a woman, expected me to do what he wanted without doing anything for me in return, etc. Can somebody answer this question, is it part of Nigerian culture for the men to treat their women like slaves? What I mean by the aforesaid is, not treating their women with courtesy, humanity, love and respect; just treating women like they are the scum of the Earth instead of the Queens that God meant for them to be treated!!

FEMI August 2, 2007 - 2:11 am

Comment #65. This is one of the most retarded comments I have ever read in my life. And that coming from a Ghanaian made it so rude and unbearable.

yolanda August 1, 2007 - 7:38 am

It always amazes me how people will want to narrow down behaviour to a certain race, culture, religion etc. As far as i'm concerned in any race or ethnicity you will always find sensitive/insensitive, crooks/straightforward guys (sure you see where i'm headed with this). Just pray you have the wisdom to spot a good black/white, nigerian or otherwise type of guy and thank your lucky stars (and God) when you do .

TIFFANY JACKSON July 30, 2007 - 6:19 pm

I went to lagos may 2007. Yes, the men in nigeria are wonderful. However, the women seems to be very unhappy with their lives. My husband is from nigeria. I don't want my husband to show me affection only behind doors. Nigeria needs to become more loving towards their spouse. Sex is not love. It's just sex. A woman wants a man to hold her hands, walk along the shore.etc.

Sade olorode July 27, 2007 - 8:10 pm

Excellent and brillant thought. A Nigerian woman have an idea of where a typical Nigerian man is coming from! I have seen the humilation thrown at Nigerian men when they fall in love with wrong women regardless of the cultures! Anyway, I hope Nigeria men and women will find the right soul to treat them right!

east London July 26, 2007 - 6:07 am

Life is way too complicated to make sweeping statements like this. An uncle of mine in Portharcourt Nigeria was going through hard times – his wife started prostituting to make ends meet and contracted AID's luckily for my uncle was not infected. Although this actually happened, i would never make sweeping assumptions about Nigerian women based on this single event.

All i know is that we are all human beings first. I have been married to an East African for ten years, its not all cookies and cream but we love each other and it works. She could have been a nigerian, who knows – it just depends on the human being.

marina July 26, 2007 - 1:54 am

This article is a huge stereotype. First of all I am sure there are many sexually freaky nigerian woman in suge a hugely populated country. People in general can be freaky no matter where they are form. When a man and woman love and i mean love there is no record of who does what….love keeps no record. As a white woman happily married to a Nigerian I can safely say that he is the head of ourhouse hold and he respects me and my family just as I respect his. Every human has the same colour blood…remember that! It is the content of your heart that determines your behavior not the colour of your skin. We all need to see each other as people.

cranese July 25, 2007 - 1:21 am

I think the article had too many stereotypes. When I met my husband, in 92, I was 24 year old nurse and he was a cab driver for 5 years. I was single, no kids a christian, submissive african american female. He was persistant with much reservervation, I married him despite his temper and flirtatious ways. I foolishly thought loved conquered all. I saw the potential in him I knew what his career was back at home. I put him through nursing school working two jobs. I paid all the bills. I cooked cleaned I enjoyed sex a lot, I was very adventurous in the bedroom I had a very insatiable appetite only for my husband. I loved him so much. He never lifted a hand to help me around the house. He would not carry the groceries up the stairs or help withthe laundry. On his off days i still had to take the baby to the babysitter. He had affairs on me. The way he arranged his schedule, I wouldnot see him days at a time. He was very controlling. He would tell me when to laugh what to wear etc. One time I laughed at someones joke at aparty, he scolded me severly saying that I was acting like a tramp. The first timehe staid Out allnite, I spent 7 days at my moms home. Once when he became a nurse, someone on his job threatened to tell me about his affair, he confessed to me I told him to tell that person that I know and to stop holding it over his head. After I had our son, he did not have sex with me until three to four months later. He would invite to bed and say I can't then hewould say ok lets do it only to say I cant'. He became so disrespectful, not coming home I went to church, prayed, fasted,etc for my marriage to get better , but it didn't. I left and went to Michigan. We communicated aon and off, and after one year, I took him back. He relocated to Michigan, we visted Nigeria. I enjoyed Nigeria, and all the traditions,and cultures. So much of the Black culture was lost when wewere bought to America as slaves.His mom and all the elders praised me and even knelled before me . They say that My mom raised me well. For instance we we ate dinner I would serve my husband first and give him the biggest piece of meat. Getting back to Michigan,all was well, we were happy,both of us nurses away from everyone depending only on each other. I wanted him to achieve all of hisdreams one of those dreams was topass the bar exam. I toldhim to buy his review books and dot to work and study for his bar exam. I figured an advance for him would be and advance for our whole familly. I would say about 7 to8 months later he started going out at nite stating he had to move the car. Instinctively, I knew something was up. One day, he acuused me of having a choke hold on his neck. Little did I know about his plan to drive to chicago to pick up his lover and bring her back to Michigan to stay in a hotel 5 minutes away from our apartment. The minute he had checked into the hotel in michigan, he had a nervous breakdown. He left he girl in the hotel and drove home for me to take him to a hospital. He staif in the hospital over a month. I visited him washed his clothes etc. My father told me to"leave the mother ucker" I told him that I couldn't leave him in that state because he is the father Of my child. Hewas released he came home. He made plans to go to New york. I sent him money until he found a job. With him gone I could focus on my own hurt and pain. Ifelt very used ,hurt, I never saw it coming. I gave all of myself . Ifelt very ugly . I had low self esteem. I had lost myself into him all my goals, dreams, plans were lost. I was healed one day when I prayed to god and I broke all kinds of yoke with the gift of tongue. I had to go back an discover the girl inside. I tried to save my marriage one more time but a week before I was supposes o move to New york my husband changed His mind. I thought from now onI have use my head and not my heart. We have been apart for 7 years. I was surprised for the support I got form the Nigerian community. Many of his friends were mad at him. I thought that they would support his behavior. They condoned it. They called me aNigerian woman the way I stood by his side. So author there are acceptions to the rules. Today I am busy raising my son andwaorking as a nurse. im trying to start up a nonfor profit business for aids and Hiv education, and Im trying to be a mentor to disadvantaged children. I'm cellibate waiting for god to sen the right person. I am much stronger never will I let someone disrespect me ever again. I am a queen very beautifull and special and my mate has to treat me as such.. My son is very smart, polite, happy, child He is being raised in a happy home full of warmth and love. Meantime my husband had another breakdown andhe probably has to be on antidepresantsfor life. I seen him a few years ago his hair and beard is so white he look like he is in his 60's insteadof his late 40's

Joyce John July 23, 2007 - 3:52 pm

This is an excellent article coming from a male point of view. I am glad that non Nigerian women respond to the article. Nigerian men are smart and they are great provider, but they need to readjust their ways. They say practice make perfect.

Opinionated July 19, 2007 - 5:33 pm

I agree till certain extent with this article. Nigerian men are dominant and often show no affection they want to be captain of the ship all the time. However, I do not agree that American women would leave their men at the drop of a hat. I have been dating a Nigerian man for two and a half years and i have put up with all of it. The baby momma drama from a nigerian woman. The insults and much much more . So i think it is unfair to say that only nigerian woman will stick by their husbands because i am a puertorican woman and i have stood by my boyfriend and all his mess for two and a half years and been by his side and faithful at all cost

Anonymous July 16, 2007 - 5:58 am

I am an Asian wife and my husband is of Yoruba culture. I have red these postings with mixed feelings. Though, my man does not like buying flowers and taking romantic walks – he says Nigerian man dont do 'such things' he can be persuaded to. Since Asian wives were brought up with different expectations, I have sought his understanding on these things many times and he has tried where possible to compromise without having to give up his Naija culture and habits. Household chores are generally shared esp when the wife like myself is a fulltime working professional. If I cook after a long day at the office and if he offers to help with the dishes, why not – is it not an act of kindness? I dont think he's going soft coz I am a non nigerian wife. On the other hand, I have seen Naija man become real softies and looking at any man running silly behind is wife is quite disgusting. I was brought up with Christian conservative family values, so my relationship with my husband on the whole has turned out generally very well. So I say – people should be kind to one another and all will be ok irregardless of what cast, creed or religion.

nutbusta,p**crusha,blacknasty mu***a July 15, 2007 - 4:29 pm

Well,I'd like to make a big shout out to that lame gimp that started up the damn article,anyway..First off,right from the jump we all understands the fact that Love appears in different colors,plays in all kinds of dimensions,and lastly evolves powerfully more into a life time contract*marriage*,See on one hand the writer was on track but on the flip side It was nothing but just an unreasonable point due to the writers perspectives of viewing "Intergrated marriages". I'm a Nigerian,ain't married but when I'm good to go,I guess nobody's gonna tell me twice on how to cherish,care and love whoever it is I'm gonna end up my life with in peace and harmony,God bless each and everyone of yall.

Shannon July 14, 2007 - 1:58 am

I know alot about the Nigerian man. I am a white female that has been in a happy relationship with one for 11 years. I do not like your judgemental statements made about the "white" women. I grow up in a Christian home and I have no problem letting my man be head of the household. I have contact with my in-laws and I would go visit but my husband has not returned home in 20 years. I have encouraged him to teach our children about his homeland and he has shown no interest. I give you a low rating because I don't think you did enough research.

Anonymous July 12, 2007 - 9:14 pm

In response to comment #527, I am a African-American woman who is married to a Nigerian man. I am also a teacher within the education system. I have to say that I was highly offended by the lack of correct grammar that you used in your particular comment. You also had the nerve to comment the writer, whom did an excellent job with usage of grammer, on his ability to communicate his point correctly. However, you did not convey any comments or reply to the subject that was put before you. You should always review your article before hitting the post button because this speaks volumes when you have this many typos. The statement put before you was that African American women do not support their Nigerian husbands in times of sorrow. Instead, you chose to comment about our Motherland's tradition as to burial rituals. It doesn't matter how long the uncle was held before burial. The question was did you attend the funeral in support of your loving husband. After all, you did have three months to prepare to attend with him. Think about it! Through many of your articles you have chosen to make it a point to speak of the conditions in Africa that you were shocked by. I married my husband this year and traveled to Nigeria also. I chose not to take pictures of things that I saw that would have been in poor taste. I respected everything and everyone that I saw. It made me realize how blessed we are here in the U.S. and how ungrateful we also can be over medial things. Learn of your husband's culture but don't use the internet as a background to exploit the living conditions in their country. The news and media does enough of that themselves. As you would well know since you mentioned that most things you knew about Africa you learned it from the television and movies. I am not angry about your marriage but I feel that this was not the platform for you to use to say what you did. This forum is for Nigerians to exchange ideas about what they think maybe happening in their homeland. You should read, comprehend, and study what they are saying so then you can become even more educated about your husband's people and culture.

Mindy July 12, 2007 - 4:20 pm

I would have to agree with this article up until the end because it seems a little bias. I dont think all American women act that way. I know I would rather work things out with my name no matter his race than to get a divorce. Flimsy reasons… well I know as a female im not gone let no man no matter where he come from put his hands on me. American women call the cops or sometimes settle for divorce because they are fed up or some of them just dont understand. They dont try and get to know someone else's culture. Personally I feel like on some levels this artice was correct and then on other levels its a little off because not all women are like that. After reading this article i felt alittle offended because the writer put all American women in the same category and thats not the case.

Anonymous July 12, 2007 - 9:12 am

I am a white american woman who is dating a nigerian man. This article has provided some help to aid me to understand him. I think nigerian women should not be hostile as there are other men from other backgrounds out there for them as well.

crescenda July 7, 2007 - 8:39 am

Ok, so I met a Nigerian man recently. He's been in the states for 2 years so I'd expect he's had at least a little time to learn the culture here. By the 2nd day of our communicating, he was professing his love for me, begging me to have his children and wanting to ask my parents could he marry me. What's up with THAT? This one has no problems saying "I love you"…he keeps saying it over and over. Wants to be all hugged up and kissing and what not. And then declares that I'm acting "strange" because I'm not immediately buying into all this. Excuse me for not being so daggum gullible! What happened to people taking the time to get to know each other? He is hearing NONE of that! As an educated Nigerian man (engineer), I'd expect more. And while he is terribly arrogant and self-righteous, quite frankly, I don't see the machoism that the writer characterizes Nigerian men with. He's kinda wussy for my taste, letting people run over him, etc. I don't need a tyrant, but as an extremely assertive AA woman, he wouldn't last 6 months with me, let alone a lifetime.

Tekasheena Hughes July 2, 2007 - 3:57 pm

First of all, some of the things are true about the Nigerian man concerning his control issues. But because I am an African American woman engaged to a Nigerian man, I was offended. It is wrong to put all American women in the same category. We are not all unsupporting wives who divorce over the smallest matters. Some of us are strong, devoted wives to our husbands and loving mothers to our children. Also, I think that it is a shame if the Nigerian man does treat American women with more affection. Maybe it is because he is in a different place with different customs, so it gives him a different attitude. But for the most part, Love is love. We all have different ways of showing love. In Nigeria, you may show love in a more deeper way than just phyisical affection. But in the U.S…………we like to kiss! God Bless.

Yolanda Thompsom June 29, 2007 - 5:52 pm

I beleive your comment about non-Nigerian women married to Nigerian Men is bias and racist. There are Nigerian Men and Non-Nigerian women married and the foreign wives are interested in cooking her husband's cultural food and go with him to Nigeria when a family member have passed away and have received the families visiting them with open arms and respect and the family love their non-Nigerian daughter in law. So, you are stereotyping and being a black man, you should know better because you only going by a few and not by many unless you have been in every mix marriages homes. Which I doubt very much.

Anonymous June 27, 2007 - 2:43 pm

My husband comes from Nigeria, me from eastern Europe. I must say that we never had any bigger problems in communicating, when he was introduced to my family, immediatelly everyone called him son, or uncle, or grandson, ironically, his family had problems with accepting oibo wife, exactly because of some stereotypes connected with the lack of certain values in european culture..We had to strugle, both during studies, he couldn't work because of lack of work permit so the men's duty to provide was fulfilled by me, it was neve a problem for me, cause I knew that we are together for the good and for the bad, in times of sickness and in times of joy…let us all get ird of the destructive stereotypes in our head, only then this world will improve

Angel June 25, 2007 - 12:00 pm

I some what agree. I'm engaged to an Nigerian Man (i'm African American) and the reason He Changed is because he had no choice. When two cultures joins some things have to give on both parts. I remember he told me i had to bow when handing him something. I love this man so much i told him "Hell NO! I only bow to Jesus." He understood that. I respect him but i have to be able to respect myself at the end of the day.

Anonymous June 19, 2007 - 2:32 am

Erm re that lady from Europe who said European women were prettier and better than Nigerian women. I guess that's why all you're European men are asking for my hand in marriage( I am Nigerian). Hmmm, I wonder why?!

Michelle June 17, 2007 - 9:07 pm

This article was very helpful in understanding my Nigerian man of 4yrs.I am African American. He started out kind and romantic then he changed to throwing fits of rage, jealousy, being secretively and just plain arrogant. I loved him still and even continued to try to understand the culture from other Nigerian friends. Te older female nigerians would tell me to just be patient with him he's just stressed from being in law school. While my gut feeling we're sayin Run as Fast as you can this dude is Crazy… I did leave . We're just friends and have talk a lot about his single mindness etc and my unwillingness to not except his ways. He admitts that he has to work on his ways in order to prevent Good Women from leaving his a**. I had to remind him that what goes on back home isn't what's going on over here in the States. It takes two to make it work in a relationship. We are strong sistas that don't take to kind to Any Brotha trippin like Nigerians try to. Illinois

Margaret June 13, 2007 - 1:37 am

I am a white American woman married Traditonal African marriage to a precious Nigerian man. He is my soul mate and we are totally compatable in every way. We even talk and reson the same. It is amazing! I respect him with a great deal of humbleness. Even when I ask him for something I say Sir first with respect. My wonderful Nigerian husband is a good father and loving gentle yet strong man. I LOVE his parents and family and try to demonstrate all the kindness and love I can to them. WHY am I this way…..I am a born-again Christian and strive in everyway possible to honor and respect my precious husband as he also treats me with the same. Am I blessed? YES and I believe he feels the same way. For all eternity I would want to spend my life with him. In all of my life I have NEVER met a more sensitive and romantic man. We have been married for several wonderful blessed years.

Matt June 6, 2007 - 3:58 pm

Your article has some merits and some assumtions that are way too general to apply in every situation. You completely missed the point in your last paragraph, and as a Nigerian who is married to an African American, and has lived in this country for about twenty seven years, I can say that most of what you said in your last paragraph apply to both sides of the continent. If you think Nigerian women don't throw their husbands out of the house, call the cops etc.., you haven't lived long enough in this country. It's only a question of time after they arrive from nigeria – two years – for them to know how the system works, before they start questioning your manhood – why don't you own a big house or drive a luxury car like you friends? Remember most of these women marry men they are not attracted to or are much older, just for the chance to come to the US, and many of the guys go and marry much younger women they do not have anything in common and can't hold a conversation with – recipe for disaster. The Nigerian women may only be dominated for a shot time before they wise up, unless they get pregnated very quickly as soon as they get here, which is usually what happens – and while this gives the man the assurance he will not lose his wife to another Nigerian who didn't go through the expense of briinging the woman here, it leaves the woman in a hopless situation and probably a loveless marriage. The Nigerian men here would rather not marry other Nigerian women here because the women are educated here and knows the system, which is a threat to the men. But, there is one exemption, you will find that the younger you are when you first came here the more likely you are to be more sensitive to your wife and treat your marriage as a partnership. Nigerian men who are already in their thirties or older are more likely to stick to their home values and unwilling to change, and this usually causes a lot offrictions in their marriages and non stop fighting – Nigerian women are not forever mistreated or dominated by their husbands, they quickly wise up, especially when they start making some financial contribution to the household. On ther hand, those who came here young and practically grew up and matured here are more like to adopt the the practices – romantic and sensitive, because we have been couched through out our adult life. We are also most likely to marry here, because in my situation, I felt it was too risky to go and marry somebody you hardly new or met. Simply because you are from the US is guaranty that you can get any body to marry you in Nigeria, you are their ticket out of the Nigeria, and once they get here, trust me, many of them leave for somebody else. I'm a witness.

Anonymous June 3, 2007 - 10:37 am

unbelievable! that is so racist and offensive, perhaps western women give the nigerian men a certain something that nigerian women fail to do?!?

Bisi June 1, 2007 - 11:23 pm

There is a saying Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Not all Naija men are that Bad. My father, a high ranking professional in America and Nigeria, cooked, cleaned and reared me and my siblings. He is not gay! My Mother is Nigerian but he still did all that. Though he is controlling and likes to dominate. It is not just men, anybody that does not value their mate and knows that they have all the power and can abuse their mate and they still remain; will continue to do that. If Nigerian Women want their men to change, they must respect themselves and demand change. The men know they can get away with doing anything because the women will never leave them. Foreign Wives on the other hand demand better and once they know that the Guy is not living up to his full potential, they will leave. Knowing that their mates try to hang on to them by pleasing them. Stop complaining Nigerian women and do something. The lack of Divorce in Nigeria, is the reason why Men continue to mistreat their women. Yes, American Men abuse their wives but a vast majority of the women leave. If we stop stigmatizing Divorced women, women will have the option to demand better or leave.

Lady from Europe June 1, 2007 - 9:14 pm

The author knows ABSOLUTELY nothing about European and American culture & people.

Are you asking why Nigerian men treat foreign wives better than Nigerian ladies? The answer is simple: no one wants to marry a SERVANT. Servants are paid and emplyed for comfort but not for spending valuable time with. Besides, who wants an uneducated woman to be a life partner, that he cannot engage in an intelligent conversation with? The answer again: no one.

So, us Europeans are more interesting to be with, obviously more beautiful and better- educated. Once a Nigerian man realizes this, he will never go back to his country women, and also, he will treat a European lady better, because he knows how lucky he is.

A Nigerian woman is only good for 'cooking, cleaning and providing sex'… just like servants. (What a boring life anyone can expect marrying one!) European and American women are PARTNERS.

D June 1, 2007 - 3:10 pm

Articles like this are good for conversation starters but truth of the matter it has no substance. I hate stereotypes and this is what this person is doing. I don't care where you come from, Yes we all have differences in are upbringings. That is what makes relationships interesting. This is a 2nd marriage for both my husband and me. Initially he married a Nigerian and I married an American man. (The idea that Nigerian woman will remain in a marriage that they are both unhappy goes out the window). It didn’t work and we’ve divorced those mates.

I'm an "African American" woman with culture for those of you whom believe we have none. (It’s the same culture …so many try so desperately to imitate. (Think on that one and get back with me. That’s another blog for another day). I'm married to a Nigerian man that loves the ground I walk on; not by what he says … (and YES he says it), but how he displays it to me. He is a good man and father to our children. He is good not because of my nationality, and his wishes to get a green card because he possesses dual citizenship (US & UK). I’m not his financial supplier as we are both professionals. My husband is good to me, because I too am good to him. He knows he is loved and when he comes home it is just that a home.

I’m not his servant but I love to cater to him as he reciprocates the same to me. I do not walk behind him; but I stand proud beside him. He is attentive to my needs as I am to him. We laugh and hold hands and kiss in public places. We have no set chores for anyone in the house, whom ever comes home 1st cooks if; we don’t feel like it then pick something up. We both do laundry and the kids take out the trash. (It is really not that deep) What matters the most is our love for God, each other and our family. I love my in-laws and when $$$ need to go home monthly it’s already budgeted; the same goes for my own parents that are retired and on a fixed income, when they need they get; so if monetary gifts is what we can do; it’s OUR family it’s done. My brother’s wife is from Japan. Love has no color or nationality. Instead of trying to set another wall of prejudice for each other, we need to embrace the positive we can get from any and all cultures.

Amira May 30, 2007 - 6:00 pm

Thank-you very much for this enlightening article. In my opinion, the reason why Nigerian men behave differently toward their married non-nigerian women counterparts is because the non-nigerian women challenge the men's beliefs (i.e., get Nigerian men to see things from another person's perspective), demand to be treated with respect and as an equal (e.g., Non-nigerian women tend to be more verbally expressive about out feelings, ideas, beliefs, and what's on our minds than nigerian women), and they get the Nigerian men to compromise in the relationship.

As an African-American women courting a Nigerian man in America, I've noticed a change in him. I think I've gotten him to realize that a woman should not be treated as a servant or dehumanized just to stroke a man's ego or to elevate his self-esteem. I'm not telling him to abandon his culture, but I expect him to treat me with respect, honor, and dignity. If I marry him, I will treat him like a King but he has to understand that I should be treated like a Queen. Therefore, we should have mutual love, respect, and care for each other.

Anonymous May 23, 2007 - 4:53 am

Very interesting article. Albeit I would like to point out that a Nigerian woman living in the West is very different

from her counterpart back home in Nigeria, granted while any Nigeraian wife is less likely to throw you out of your

home and change the locking thus freezing your butt in the middle of winter, the western type Nigerian wife

is very capable of, and just as fast as any foreign Wife, calling the cops on their hushand, dragging him

through the judicial system while throwing divorce papers practically in his face !!!

– Trust Me…I have the battle wounds to prove my point 🙂

Suffice to say,… Just pray you find love, happiness, and understading in a woman regardless of her colour or creed

Tiffany May 21, 2007 - 1:26 pm

Very interesting and thought provoking. Here's an idea – maybe Nigerian men give more respect to foreign women because foreign women expect and demand to be respected.

Ejiro May 11, 2007 - 3:37 pm

Interesting article, definately a passion stirring one as well. As a NIgerian woman, I have to say first that I honestly can not bring myself to care who a fellow Nigerian marries. I think Nigerians have a strong enough culture that no matter who they marry, they still tend to stick very close to home and their people. Nigerian men treat their foreign wives better, because the foreign wives, expect and DEMAND it. Nigerian woman (raised in and overly influenced by Nigeria) do not demand it. They take what ever they get and accept it as the type of man he is. Also, Nigerian thing aside, I am sure every BLACK male in America knows, you mistreat a white chick and you will pay, not so much a black female. I don't think the wives nationality matters. I think what matters is what you train you man to become. Afterall, they are all dogs. teach them to sit down and lick and they will, allow them to poop all over you and you will be cleaning up after his shit all the days of your life. 🙂

jmills May 10, 2007 - 11:34 am

I don't see the arguement here,like we all know there is nothing like love without material gains to a nigerian woman.So why would they borther going into a relationship with someone without a fat bank account or someone at the bottom of the labour ladder.Like the amiable gentleman said he used to work at harrods doing menial jobs but now earns 35k pounds,my broada you shall live to earn 50k….laura's nigerian friend like every other nigerian woman could not see the light at the end of the tunnel,she didn't want to struggle before enjoying,she only lookd at today and not the future,no wonder she is still attending marriage ceremonies and not hosting one.It is not news anymore that nigerian men go after foreingners,my dear friends don't get me wrong there are some worthy nigerian women but only a few…Marriage is more than settling down and having some one we call a husband or wife,it is a companionship that should be based on love without conditions.Im based in the uk and i am talking from experience,i left a white girl for a nigerian and my people i am regretting it like mad..I listened to people and now i wish i could turn back the hand's of time..Nigerian women should get the mterialistic idea out of their heads maybe we would'nt go after the "jamos and whiteys" afterall…..Marriage is more than culture,beliefs and race.I have a friend married to a romanian girl not for papers ,but for love- just to give you an insight ,ever since she visited nigeria she has never looked back,infact she would proudly tell you that she is nigerian and her best holiday destination is calabar.Today my friend and his wife are working towards settling in naija..

On the issue of foriengers calling the cops on their spouses,ild call that mere talk ,because even a nigerian woman can do same…

epens May 8, 2007 - 9:57 am

it is funny and sometimes irritating to see the way our men turn into slaves when they are with foreign women, i think its time they face the truth and grab the fact that foreign women have no culture what so ever and can never be compared to our Nigeria women.

Anonymous May 6, 2007 - 5:15 pm

This article writer does not know Nigerian men and women. Try chase a nigerian girl if you have no money or if you do not give off the clues that your bank account is robust and see what happens. I live in England, I have not seen a single Nigeria lady who married a Nigerian man that has no papers (immigration papers). 99 percent of Nigerian girls would rather date/marry an old rich man sometimes as old as their grand father instead of a young graduate who is still at the bottom of the ladder. I will tell you a story, in 2002 I was studying for my MSc at Kings College London. I worked part-time at Harrods selling China. I worked with a nice Italian lady whom I admired. She always made complimentary coments about me and thought I would be a dream man for every black girl. She also told me that she wouldn't dare go out with a black guy because if she failed, she would find it difficult to return to her fellow Italians. She had a very close Nigerian female friend whom she new was single and was keen to meet someone preferably a Nigerian guy. My dear Italian Laura arranged for me to meet her friend. When she told her friend about me, she asked her what I did in Harrods, Laura told her that I did the same thing that she did. She asked Laura how much she earned when laura told her, she kissed her teeth to the utmost surprise of my innocent Italian friend. Her friend Agnes, the beautifull Nigerian lady would not go out with any guy who deos not earn a minimum of £25,000. My friend Laura did not give up. As long as she was concerned, there is no man like me. One month later, she introduced me to her other friend, Clara, a British borne of Jamaican parents, a model and marketing graduate. I completed my studies in 2005 and work as a Network Engineer. I and Clara got married last year and are blessed with a beautifull daughter. I took my wife to Nigeria last Chrismas and we plan to return to Nigeria to live in Abuja. At the moment, I earn £35000 and my wife earns £32000. Agnes is not married yet. I did invite her and Laura to my wedding. On the dance floor, she whisppered a joke to my best man's ears ''Jamaican girls are the next white girls, they are snaching our promising guys" So long as Nigerian women put money before everything else, they would always marry the wrong man. Nigerian men are as romatic as every other men on the planet if not more. They are more family orientated than anyone else. I can proove it to you, the Ibos of Nigeria has the most stable family life on the planet.

akintokun o May 2, 2007 - 10:28 am

What a prat,this guy who wrote the article so because you someone differrent makes you a traitor l`m nigerian blessed with a beautiful white woman with a bobby dazzler of a son,b4 meeting her and infact b4 coming to uk l never thought l`ll fancy a white woman never mind dating one but l did and no course for regret.

What the writer failed to understand is unless you have the mentality of jackass then the tendency of associating all people in inter racial so nigeria is a better place because the bastards running the countrty masqurading as rulers aregood becos they are black and nigerians?l went to a board ing school in the north and some of classmate were muslim and fulanis needless to say the parents will have their daughters marry someone else than me christian and from yoruba and l can bet he is one of tjose nigerians that goes home and treat less fortunate with contempt due to his dollar shame on this prat.

Sheila April 27, 2007 - 3:00 am

I must say that this article disheartened me very much. I date a nigerian man and have been socializing in the Nigerian community for about 10 years. I see an article full of stereotypes and assumptions. I have Yoruba and igbo friends alike, who are both men and women. I do understand the their is a great deal of tradition among Africans which I love and appreciate very much. I wish as American we had that much tradition. Although my family is primarily from south and north carolina so I did grow up in a family where family was important and when someone is thinking of divorce they do go to their parents or grandparents so indeed all americans are not on the same playing field. I'm very curious to know if you have ever dated an american women yourself and if so was she that bad. Grant it there are bad american women as well as bad African women, however all women should be treated with love and respect especially if you are a good women taking good care of your man as you are supposed to. I will say this however this article did give me better insight into your world. It explains why when I go to a wakekeeing or a bachelor eve party or whatever event there is african women tend to give me that crazy stare, but I guess if they are being treated as you said in this article I understand. However instead of me giving them a look back I just try to embrace them and show them that all of us american women are not uncivilized beings but just as they are loving kind women who just want to be appreciated. As for the african men who are treating their women in such a biased way, shame on them. One thing that many nigerian forget is that the only thing that truly separates us is slavery, we did not ask to come here but we are, and the same way the ones who brought us here put division between us africans then, or as you would call us african americans, this is the same way u the author of this article and many africans in this country are doing the same thing causing division. Try to judge each person individually and maybe then our captures will not have won. I will have no parts of an african man or any other race treating me badly. My parents are still married and my grandparents that are still alive are as well and through them I have learned what it means to be in a good relationship. I guess this is why I find it really hard to date american men now although I have if they to have grown up in a traditional family as I have. Also I must beg to differ we americans care deeply for our familes where did you get this research? So in closing don't blame us american women for wanting the best and trying to bring out the best in them. I don't think african men have gotten soft at all they want affection, romance and a good women but some of your so called culture have stopped them from being free to do that so for those who say yes to love good for you. To my nigerian sisters give up some of that old fashion tradition and give your man a great big hug and hold his and or even say I love u baby the next time you see if him whether it is at home or out in public he deserves it. I always see african as very religous have a great deal of love for god, where is that love when an article such as this needs to be written, god says love they neighbor not love thy neighbor only is she is african! April 24, 2007 - 10:37 pm

I am an African American woman, that traveled to Lagos, Nigeria and married my Nigerian husband on January 4, 2007. We are not waiting to be approved through Immigration. It was the first time I had flown, the first time I had traveled out of the country, the first time I had visited a Third World Country, and the first time that I was not surrounded by family and friends on such a wonderful event in my life. Prior to marrying my husband, my only knowledge of Africa that I had was by watching television specials. I have read a few other articles that portray Nigerian men as being extremely dominant, completely in charge of their Nigerian or African wives, and not that affectionate at all. And, yes, my husband has, and is, very romantic, affectionate, loving, kind, and just wonderful to me. One thing that I disagreed with was the following statement when you said, " When it comes to matters of life, love and death, Nigerian women have stood by their husbands. They are there during the passing of their in-laws; they give succor in times of crisis. These women understand what the African family is all about. But not much can be said about non-Nigerian wives who may not even find it necessary to visit or attend marriage or burial ceremonies in their husbands’ ancestral homes. For non-Nigerian wives, life begins and ends in American. For these women, marriage is not about marrying into another family; it is about “us and us alone.” And in fact, they would rather you not bother them with stories about your extended families and the need for the monthly or quarterly remittances.

Actually, I love Nigeria, my Nigerian family, and I was saddened and shocked at the level of poverty I saw there. Since I have been home awaiting my husband and step-son, whom I prefer to call my son, I cannot get enough of Nigerian and Africa movies, for it makes me feel closer to Nigeria and the people, I listen to Nigerian songs constantly (Sunnny Neji is one of my favorite artists), and needless to say my husband and I call one another and IM one another daily.

How can you say an non-Nigerian woman does not have the same dedication to family or understanding during the passing of one's relatives. My husbands's uncle not to long ago, and I was very shocked when I learned how long it takes to have the actual funeral, for our relatives are buried usually within a week, and his tradition would allow his uncle to not be buried until three months. Yet, I respected his traditions, for now I must honor them as well.

Now, let us talk about why Nigerian men treat non-Nigerian woman differently (more romantic, respectful, less authoritative). Well perhaps it is because as I watch many African movies and have witnessed, Nigerian woman, to me, allow themselves to be treated as though they are less important than the males species. I mean they "bow" before a man when they greet them, they leave a room when men gather, they seem to "Know" their place. My husband knows that, even though I am a Christian, I believe my thoughts, feelings, aspirations, desires, hopes, and dreams are just as important as his, and if we work together as one, we can accomplish must together and be happy together. You see, we demand respect (not verbally), and to be treated as if we are somebody–and not beneath the male. God created us differently, but we are somebody. We BOTH deserve respect, and we both need to be loved.

In watching many Nigerian and African movies, the African women cry a lot, plead, beg, and depend totally on their husband's resources for financial support. You see the non-Nigerian woman has been both mother and father, paid rent, paid the electric bill, bought groceries, bought cars, paid the insurance on the cars, etc. .we have Associate, Bachelors, Masters, and Doctorate degrees, and we should be treated with the SAME respect as are American or Nigerian husbands. Are we better than a Nigerian woman (of course NOT), but why say we are not as good of a wife and do not care for the things of our Nigerian husbands. How many mixed couples have you observed, and therfore, can make a statistical remark such as that. Basically, people are people! Why compare our ethnicity to that of a Nigerian woman . .unless you know our story, and even after you know it, there may be many variables that contribute to making all of us (no matter what our culture) who we are today.

I will take who God gave me–no matter what his ethinic background. In my case, God blessed me with a wonderful, Nigerian man, whom I plan on loving, romancing, and treating like a King for the rest of my life.

African American married to a Nigerian man and proud of both races!

Although I do not agree with some things you said in the article, it was well written. I am a teacher, and I appreciate a well written article.

kit April 17, 2007 - 10:50 am

I met a nigerian man (i'm english) and tried to go for a drink with him. I thought we were just going as friends. He was nice until i tried to say goodbye at the end of the night, whereupon it turned out that he had been expecting sex all along (we weren't even dating). He also presumed to ring me up and tell me off after I saw him in a library for not coming up to him and talking to him. He informed me he did not like my "behaviour".

He thought nothing of groping and grabbing without asking me, and expected to basically come into my house at any time and have sex, without my being allowed to know where he lived. Needless to say, I showed him the door.

Is this behavior normal in Nigeria?

Anna April 11, 2007 - 12:18 pm

This article is very interesting and provokes a question as to why this kind of change from Nigerian men. Definitely there is some generalization, and what can we expect with an article based on an opinion without hard evidence. I found this interesting since I am head over heels involved with a Nigerian man. He is the first man who has been as sensitive, supportive of my career, and gentle that I have ever met. But there are too many factors that may explain this kind of difference to be able to pinpoint one reason. But my final point would be that the last sentence of the article is why too biased. With the complex race and ethnicities and cultures that we have how can one possibly say which is the best. If anything I solute these Nigerian men who have stepped out of ‘what we are supposed to do’ mentality and took a chance to discover a new culture. And rather step all over that we should all be so lucky to be that open. I have met beautiful Nigerian woman and beautiful white woman; there is no ‘best’ kind. To the writer, I think you should step out of your bubble and experience new people and learn new things. My guy treats me like a queen, and because he does that I treat him like my only King. How much better can it get than that?

Nyameka Peters April 8, 2007 - 7:25 pm

I disagree with a writer. I met my Nigerian man 2yrs ago. He showed affection to me, that I believed he loves me dearly. He was so possed with me he did want any man to laid his eyes on me. He was so jealousy. He tried to suck all my money but I saw that coming he didn't get a khobo. We fight all the time I don't think there was love on first time. I left him for another Nigerian man he treated me so well he called me his Queen. He is so loving, caring he comforts me when I'm down. They are not the same, like other race, they lie, cheat and abusive too. I love my man I can't expect him to be the angel he will make mistakes like other men.

Jacqueline April 7, 2007 - 10:56 pm

Well to begin, I am a Black woman, not American or African American, but Black. I am offended by some of your comments about Nigerian men marrying Black (African woman who's ancestors were brought over in boats); because WE ARE ALL BLACK DAMMIT! Yes, our cultures are vastly different, but we are the same. It really hurts when I hear and see an African brotha' or sista' make such remarks. I do however agree with your point(s). I too notice this fascination that Black men (African and African American) have with abandoning the Black woman. I myself love African and African American men, but I am more partial to African and Jamaican. Anyway, I do understand your point of view and it is good to see a brotha' have one about the most beautiful creature on the planet…the Black woman.


Kolajo Oluwaseyi April 1, 2007 - 4:40 pm

While being appreciative of your nicely written article, it's too much a sweeping generalisation and cast in the same mould as all Nigerians are fraudsters. My parents BOTH Nigerians, have been married for thirty two years and my dad obviously must be Plutonian as he is the complete opposite of the Nigerian man as you made us out to be! Simply put, a man will treat a woman as he defines her regardless of their racial backgrounds. I wonder if you the author are married and if so how do you treat your wife or partner? As "your culture" demands or as you see her that is if they are not one and the same thing to you. My self defined culture is to proudly treat her as my support and not as an appendage whatever race she may be. Funny enough, in conversations and observations, a whole lot of well respected Nigerian men agree with me on this. The Nigerian man you have based your article only resides in your imagination and fittingly so!

Anonymous April 1, 2007 - 1:10 pm

Well written, but highly opinionated. Black, White or Brown, each race has its own share of the good and the not so fair minded people. To be a 'Strong Man' is to embrace the virtues of honesty (to one's self and one's creator), commitment and patience. With honesty comes openness and vulnerability no doubt, but also the opportunity to have what a man ultimately wants: a wife's unflinching trust. It follows then that a man needs a 'Strongwoman' to hold him accountable on these values or at least lead him to an appreciation of these virtues, if he his to be a 'Strongman'. This i believe is the crux of the argument. Are Nigerian women abroad ready to hold their men accountable on these core values or at least ready to lead them to valuing them as important? I believe they can, just as many AA and American/Canadian women are doing, they only need to keep in mind the purpose(s) of marriage, and be always mindful of their own heritage. It really a matter of striking a balance.

Anonymous March 30, 2007 - 12:57 pm

I think your observations, views, and opinions are very interesting. Though many of them may be very true, I believe that a man, no matter who he is or where he is from will do just what he is allowed to do. I am a Black American woman in love with a very wonderful Nigerian man. The one thing that I believe keeps him here with me is the fact that I have laid the ground rules and my expectations of him from the very beginning. He knows what I will and will not tolerate in order for us to remain together. I believe Nigerian women are wonderfully strong women to deal with the type of Nigerian men you speak of. But the one thing I have learned is, you won't know or acknowledge better if you have not had better. I can promise you that if there were Nigerian men who would love and RESPECT their wifes as Nigerian men are with their foreign mates, the Nigerian woman would not allow it to continue to go on. Because Nigerian women seem to commit no matter what, many of them will never come to know and feel any different. So maybe Nigerian men need to get a taste of a no nonsense woman to begin to show and teach their boys how to really treat and keep a woman as more than just a possession or out of obligation of commitment, which will in turn break the cycle of the disrespectful and controlling nature of the Nigerian Man.

Alex March 29, 2007 - 11:55 pm

Wow!i dont know where to start,Been in US for six years seen all in all Majority and Minority.I was not exposed talking to a women or approaching a women.

Now i have many friends White americans,Black Americans,Asians,Indian and Many more.

i)One of my white american friend married a beautiful white american girl.He was calling her like 5-8 times a days to wish her day.He was spending bunch money on her and she was happy girl .She was spending almost $200-$300

in hair every two weeks.Life was great.After two years things start to fall apart.i witnessed he never even cheated on her.Dude lost he's job ,and small problems start accumulating .Never Support my friend ,she ,never provide even gas money for him to find another job.Never a single advice on him what to do ,She left him.He was very stressed never get good sleep.She never call him again.

And many of my white friend there married but their wives spend a lot money on bunch stupid stuff.And they say yes honey i love ,sweet i miss you.hey baby where are u?Candle light with fake smiles on there face.And i see all.They ask me about African women and i tell them about ,They dont believe it.Because they are broke everyday except friday and saturday paycheck day.Now one of my white friend married a Zambian lady.He calls me every week for dinner because she cook ,clean and wash her close.He is a happiest many in his intire life.He's dad he was telling me how happy he is. now His family there happy because he is happy.

ii)One of my Black American friend she asked me to hook her up with an African men.She dated him for about six month and they moved in together but things starts falling apart.She told me that he was so controlling and using western union everymonth to send few $$$$ to his mom.She never got chance to carry his Credit card in her purse.

After few Month she met a Black American men.She was happy making good money with her nursing job and with new black american guy.They had one baby together but the fiance start cheating on her,using her car to drive around.They broke up and few month later we met her and little boy.And i asked how he is dad doing,she replyed "I dont even want to know"

iii) My Father he was African and My Mother she is African.They met in 1975.They from different regions(states)I was born in 1977 and in 1979 my dad passed away in a plane crash.He was burried in his home town my my now stays 1000 miles away from where my dad was burried.But Since that time my mother still go to visit my dad grave and she never married again.I never asked her why because i didnt know anything back then,Now my mother she 50s

And still heading 1000miles to visit my father grave.She has a good job so she support a lot young kids in my fathers side,like nephews,aunts ,my auncles in my father side.The bond between both sides still together since


iii)So if your going to marry someone you need to be committed with all she have or he have.

Thats why many many single womenw/kids over the internet profiles ,They call it PACKAGE DEAL

You'll have to take it or leave it.

And some of them they live w/pets If you dont like pets your not welcome.

But Most of American men,White,black and anybody men born in america.They dont stands for what they are???If a lady wants to date an American men and later finds that,He's has pets and she dont like pets!!! she will tell him to get rid of them.And because he's weak he'll say okay sweet .So 98%they like sweet,honey ,baby .i miss you

Most of them fake and ended up in divorse ,fighting,child support.

If you think your not the one above then your in the 2%.

Nigerian Men are from Africa.They fight most every week with there wives but there is no divorse in the marriage.Most of there wives are proud of they husband.

They raise big family with hardship.

But at the end is real love.

So ask your self again,what you want in a marriage.

End.A real Men should be the head of house.He should raise his mouth where there is problem.

He must control 85% of finance till he dies.He must wake up 5.00am and look his empire.He must love and live and support extended family.

Finally .He must be aggresive to support his wife no matter what.

Anonymous March 29, 2007 - 5:13 pm

there is no such thing as a "Nigerian man." There are over 120 million Nigerians on earth and no two are alike. Education, status, culture/ethnicity, religion and upbringing weigh more heavily in determining behavior than the colour of a passport or where one was born.

This article over-generalizes and is based on lazy assumptions.

Finally, what any adult wants to do within the confines of the law is his or her own business. If Nigerian men choose to date only women from Uzbekistan, that is their right.

pamela March 27, 2007 - 4:14 pm

I think this article is very real its the truth of the matter. I can say I am in a happy marrige as a foreign wife but its only the second year up and running. Only time will tell. To be quite frank I think Nigerian men will never change their attitudes they will treat women how they please and then come up with a valid convincing excuse to do so. They are experts. I work same hours as myhusband and I dont know how many times I asked him for some help with taking down trash etc he just sits there and I serve him but I dont mind becuase in return he really is a great father to our child as a matter of fact he is a better mother than I am I guess it is compromise to a certian extent. Unofortunately I see a lot of married Nigerian men hanging around bars etc (in the occasion that me and my husband go out together as we ONLY go out together and not seperatley). In these bars they are with white ladies mainly and some with younger african ladies while their wives are at home. I just dont understand why Naija ladies dont ring their husbands ohone at 12.00 and when they dont get an answer why not follow it up. Instead they pray and go to bed. One couple I came across, the husband and wife go to church every Sunday the man being settled and 43 yrs old then they seperated for a while because he impregnated his mistress. Then his wife took him back and continues to put up with his games as well as work, cook, clean, riase children, serve him. yes ladies its good to fear God but why get hurt like this in the process. As for Nigerian men/foreign ladies marraige most of them dont work and wont work reason be that the westerners wont put up with the crap Naija ladies put up with.

Dee March 26, 2007 - 2:19 am

Stop Generalizing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TinTin March 22, 2007 - 10:28 pm

This Article is MISSING the point.

Why do women get attracted to Nigerian men in the first place?

It's thier perceived confidence and attitude that goes with it -even if the men have no social value.

I see across the country in bars and clubs women jumping into their arms – because it is exiting, exotic…

Inter-racial is the fastest growing race in the world. It is the chemistry our body seeks, wether we know it consiously or not.

Now, I do not want to stereotype anything or anyone here. But men generally are programmed to seek many partners (especially in their 20's and 30's) – ALL men Nigerian or NOT.

Women are programmed to try and build relations, so once women is in love with a man, whatever he does ; becomes kinda cute to her ( which incidentally she would have rubbished, if she did not)- again due to her programming. I can understand why women here are fiercely defending their husbands and partners.

This article raises some pertinent points, but does not have the depth.

It is better to understand the reasons, than just observe facts. At the end of the day, everyone is unique and everybody has their reasons.

One thing I can tell you for certain – It is very difficult, if not impossible to change one's beleifs and you have learnt them when you are growing up. That probably holds the key to this debate than stereotyping nationalists or race.

Aletor . S March 21, 2007 - 10:02 am

It's all about understanding love at the end of the day. If you have a woman who understands your love and you understand her love, it doesn't matter where she comes from. what we are trying to achieve at the end is a wonderful and peaceful world for us general next ( our kids ). There is absolutely nothing wrong with marry someone who is not from your country, I think you will find that some people even have issues in marry people not from their villages, where does it stop. The more we accept people uncondotionally the more the world will accept us unconditionally. I really don't think its an issue because at the end of the day, marriage or a civil long time partnership is all about compatability,preference and above all love. sometimes over familiarity breeds disrespect and a little mix is good. we as nigerian men should see the big picture in a woman ( irrespective of nationality) because what is constant amongst women all over the world is their ability to love, mother and support us and our kids unconditionally if we treat them right and with respect.

amy March 17, 2007 - 10:26 pm

I dont agree with your article, i am an american and i am married to a yoruba nigerian man and yes he is controlling and wants to always play the dominant role and i have accepted him he is who he is and raised with the cultural influences just as me as an american have been raised with my own beliefs and traditions. Another point i want to make is this i cant see any nigerian woman going through the visa process and what i went through for my husband and it was love that kept me going not only did i go through a pregnancy all alone in the time frame it took to get him to the US but gave birth and returned to work when my child was only five weeks old in order to meet the income standard for the visa process. How can you say nigerian women are better than american women it is down right WRONG i believe no human being is better than antoher and am totally insulted that an african man who was raised knowing God would write such an article. I love my nigerian husband and have proven it time and time again with endurance and substance and there have been many trials and heartbreaks and financial set backs but i am still with my husband and the love i have in my heart for him is still strong. I would stand by him and keep my family together that is how i was raised, my parents have been married for fourty six years, my father has one wife, and has been a good solid respectable man, he didnt need to marry four or five women to feel wealthy or meaningful he earned his respect by his actions and his great ability to be a wonderful father and husband. Maybe some of the nigerian men over there with unreal thoughts in there heads of how to be respected need to think. And if nigerian men feel nigerian women are the best of the best then the majority of the nigerian men need to get there asses off the internet and quit soliciting american women and focus on the wonderful nigerian women arent there over nine million people in nigeria and i am sure a large majority of them are women…..the way i was raised is a man who has to show respect in a way of mistreatment or total dominance over another human being is not a MAN at all.

Queen March 15, 2007 - 2:55 am

When a man meets a woman he sees someone beautiful, someone he wants give his heart too, and she the same. Because a women comes from another part of the world does not necessarily want to change the way her man thinks, and the way his culture emulates itself. What is wrong with wanting to show our differences. I have met a Nigerian man who was yes Married to a Nigerian women who, practically ruined his life. In any part of the world this can happen. In my country it happens all the time.. A women was made in mans likeness. I do beleive we are equals, and should treat each other with respect and understanding. Each must not wish to control each others life, but want to love the life they have together.

Life is beautiful, and marriage is a beautiful institution which no one and nothing should come between, including outside influences or family…

We all have opinions, and one must value them. Your opinion is valid and intersting, but it is solely yours. A man is great and what makes him great the women he chooses to spend the rest of his life with, good, bad or indifferent.

One last things I am a BBBW (Beautiful Black Bermudain Women) who has broken through the borders of her culture to learn from another culture, but is fo the same race.

donna maynard March 13, 2007 - 8:15 pm

I am a white british woman in a strong very loving relationship with a nigerian man. I read your article an could relate to everything you stated except when you came to the part about nigerian women being the best choice! Not all non nigerian women are unwilling to except the nigerian ways. I have been with my partner for 5yrs now, through the good and the bad iv stood by my man as he has me and we've learnt so much from one another, he taught me how to cook his food an now i love it more then british food, he's taught me so much about family values that have made me a better person, and i have also thaught him things about my way of living. I gave him the courage to step into fatherhood and we have two beautiful children together. And the biggest decission he ever had to do was choose between his nigerian woman he had back home and me. he never planned too meet me when he came here, there was another purpose, but we met, we grew closer and closer, i fell pregnant and then came the bombshell…..he had a 'wify' back home who was coming soon. She came and for a short while he tried to make us both happy, but he wasnt happy! I had that faith in him, and my patience rewarded me because he chose me over the advice of his parents and many others. Im even friends with the nigerian woman now and they are still friends. No matter what happens in the future i will always be proud to be his woman for the stand he made for me. He's not perfect….he's cheated….but we always come through things he LOVES me, im his 'wify' the mother of his son and daughter, and he never denies me or hides me from anybody, and he shows his love and affection a hell of alot for a nigerian man, but is still very very much a traditional nigerian! There are many more non nigerian women out there that have adapted with their men. My man chooses to be with me because i have everything his heart needs and i make him happy, his parents realised that to and so i got their blessing and am proud to be part of their family. happiness is what matters and sometimes for nigerian men…..and women,being with another nigerian doesnt always make you happy.

Wilson March 10, 2007 - 2:49 am

You make such a speculative argument and yet you try to put through a context much bigger to portray Nigerian men as controlling. What credibility have you got- to make such claims? Why do you think you're in position of authority, even without research?

Dianna March 9, 2007 - 11:14 pm

I am getting ready to marry a Nigerian…I love him and his family very much! I am a white American woman. I am ready to settle down, and I want to marry into the family, not just the man. Seeing as how my first husband divorced me, I took offence to parts of this article. I love my man with every being in my body, and I am more than ready to show him that, and I am more than ready to settle down with him, and be the woman he needs me to be!

Anonymous March 8, 2007 - 12:16 am

We live in a fallen world as men and women, as people, period. Abuse is not black or white, American or African. I am a white woman in America. I know of many white women who have been mistreated by their white men.

My advice to all on relationships: take your time and use a lot of wisdom before you get married to anyone. Pray about such a big decision. If you're in an abusive realationship, GET OUT AND GET HELP BEFORE IT GETS WORSE. God bless you all…remember, we all share one thing…our humaness. Honor people.

Anonymous March 3, 2007 - 7:06 pm

This article is very interesting and all Nigerian men should read it cause it drove the point home to a large extent. Nigerian men should learn to treat their wives and girlfriends well. The should realize that relationship is not about control, submissiveness, sex and keeping mistresses.

Anonymous February 25, 2007 - 1:28 am

PLEASE! Let people choose who they want. If a Nigerian Man wants to marry an American women that is his choice. Also,there are plently of American women who enter marriage for the long haul. Your article disturbs me because you have no research and it appears to be based on sterotypes. The bigger question here is not why Nigerian men marry non Nigerian women? but rather why do Nigerian men choose to treat non Nigerian women difftent from Nigerian Women.

P Himmler February 19, 2007 - 8:22 am

I printed off this article, read it and now it be wedged behind the pipe in the toilet. Who cares?

Stown February 18, 2007 - 6:34 am

I enjoyed reading the perspective of the author. The comments were also enlightening. I wanted to add me reality to the observations. I think it is a sacreledge for one to be a "spokes person" for an entire race. I am currently engaged to a Nigerian man. I find him facinating and generous in spirit and character. I relates to me in a respectful manner and is always willing to please me. I love him, and my Nigerian family. I long to go to the motherland and experience the richness of the culture while adding my American idiology to the union of the two cultures. I adore my man, and entend to share and receprocate his love and kindness to me outwardly.

Anonymous February 14, 2007 - 9:37 pm

Well written, but I don't agree with you. I am a Caribbean woman who is in love with a Nigerian, and he is not overbearing to me. I don't think I made him "soft," because he was affectionate from the get-go…I think God just made a humble man of him.

BTW, in the Caribbean, men are much like African men…very much with the "man's world" thinking, but Caribbean women don't let the man walk over us. In other words, the man can talk a good game out in the streets to his friends, and us women will let him do that; because we know that at home it is us who will be respected and the house isn't a home unless the woman is happy!

JBS February 12, 2007 - 11:31 am

When you fall in love it is great. The hard part is leaving that on you love to have to marry for’s not fair to yourself,the person you love and the culture wife getting stuck in the middle.because her husband will be cheating on her with this other woman he loves. I think its time that people are allowed to chose ther own spouse.i plan to start spreading the word over nigera about.because it has effect me very badly.thanks for your article it’s very much ture .saying i love you is great my nigerian boyfriend loves saying it to me.

Michelle February 9, 2007 - 3:35 pm

I disagree with you completely! Who wrote this article? A pissed up Nigerian woman? I have been married to a Nigerian man for 4 years now and yes, I am white. I have been to Nigeria and met my husband's family who welomed me with open arms. Race was not an issue and my husband treated his mother and father with the same respect. Yes, I know that in his culture that women are expected to do their duties, including cooking, cleaning and what not,but he was also raised to do this. When we moved to "the western world" after spending 4 years in the in Asia and Africa, my husband did not change. He takes responsibility for cooking and cleaning, just as I do. We both work and our household would not run if we both did not pitch in. How dare you judge white people…saying that we would bever attend an African funeral…..I have and I respect all of what my husband's cultue entails….how dare you make such assumptions! I married my husband for the caring person that he was…black or white..he is the one who knows what I need and how to treat a woman. The Nigerian woman he spent 2 years with was the one who cheated on him….I know that some Nigerian men are like them and I have met them, but there are great Nigerian men out there who are not afraid to show their affection.

osa February 6, 2007 - 8:23 pm

I just wanted to check back on the various commet people are writing and still discovered that some of us still do not want to change.I say this because this article is PURE GABAGE in the sense that it says things that are bias.

I tried to read some of the articles by others and I will like to say I am ashamed because this is the 21century and we are still talking like this.I am a Nigeria and I know any of you have travelled to many places but the way you reason tells me you still leave in the 15centuries.All I want you Nigerians my brothers and sisters to start worrying about now is how you can make the country better not WHY ARE NIGERIAN MEN MARRYING FOREIGN WIVES.Peopple should be allowed to marry who ever the pleased.

Culturally, I understand what you all are saying but can you people for a moment just look what the culture has done for you.Nigeria or Africa with all the Natural resources and we still kill ourselves over what land,Tribalism is still very common,Graduates cannot get a job, Leaders are stilling our money,this are just to make a few and to be saying what I am reading is saden because if you guys can not open your eyes now and move with time, our children children will be leaving a backward life.

If you are a Nigeria man and you find a woman you like do not worry about where she is from because all you need to worry about is if she is the right one for you and same goes for the women.I have seen many Ameriacn women that are better than many Nigeria women and vise visa.

To Nigerian men since when is taking out the gabage,or helping your wife clean up a Sin, don,t you leave in the same house.If you working and she is working why can,t you help each other and can any of you remember when God created Eve what did he say he was doing, he said "he was going to create a helper not a slave". If you do not want some one treat your mother or sisters like that, why do you want to treat another person,sister that way.

To you Nigeria women, this is not the time to live like slaves you need to speak to your husband if you do not like what he is doing.If he cheats on you make him know it is not telorated so that he will never do it again but I know my people you will only cry in you bedroom and ask why.As a woman, do you think your husband will like it if you has cheated on him, the answer is NO so why take BS like that.

Our culture telorate beating our wives and saying and doing what ever we want to do but in other places it is not and now our people find themselves there and beat their wife and the Police is called and you say she is a bad woman. I tell all you man out there let me see any of you that is married to my Sisters and you lay hands on her, I not the Police that will take care of you so go and mark it because it is me you should be fighting not your wives and that is the mentality I want you African women should please forget about because he will kill you and you will die without happiness and in this world we all deserve one form of happiness or another.So my people take what is good in our culture and leave the bad ones because we have bad ones.

Let me also take you back a little,those days in Calaba when they should to kill Twins because I guess it was against their culture or something was that something good but now that part of the culture has been done with so I ask you today to do away with the culture that destroy our progress.

I also see what culture like ours destroy when I was serving in Iraq.I do not have to tell you all stories but that is why they are not progressing also because of the cultural mentality they have.I want you to ask yourselves why am I in this countries when I can be in my own Country and tell me right now if you want to go home even the ones there you still want to Travel if not to stay but to visit and you all have seen what this people have seen how they transform their country and this are the people what bad culture and we Africans with the best cultural background look how our country is.So forget about this Nigeria man BS and concentrate on how we all can make this place a better country with the help of the people you say that have culture.

My people I beg you all let people marry whoever they want to marry and if it don,t work it so be it it is nothing new and there are many Nigerian marriages that don,t work out so what you need to do men and women is WHEREVER YOU FIND LOVE PLEASE TAKE and don,t let this culture thing mess up you life and you all takecare.

adi amor January 29, 2007 - 5:08 am

excellent article it explain so simply and good some thing about the nigerian men about their sensetive side and why they choose to marry a non nigerian women.very intersting. i am from israel my partner is from nigeria we are toghether for 1 year.

he is still a mystery for me and i love him so much and more and more each day

Julia January 27, 2007 - 10:18 pm

I just want to add to this article something that really hurts me…He generalizes "American Women" which is incorrectly wrong…Im one of them and yet I'm willing to share my sorrows, happinnes, and stay home for my man. I'm willing to cook, clean, and take care of my children and yet being faithful to my husband. I believe in trust, respect, and communication. I truly believe in taking a walk with my husband to talk about any problem risen because of misunderstanding or just because…..Furthermore, we all human beings, and from all cultures around the world, there are rotten apples in the basket…

jibby January 24, 2007 - 3:02 pm

first of all, i truly understand where u r comain from. but u make it look as if we nigerians (both male and female have this conservative cultural problems) which i think is totally wrong. for starters, a controlling man is a controlling man. a woman that allows herself to be walk over needs help a great deal. and understand when i say this. THERES IS NO NIGERIAN FAMILY AND I MEAN NO NIGERIAN FAMILY THAT WOULD STAND THERE AND LET THEIR DAUGHTER GET ABUSED BY ANY MAN. intervention would come asap. and u know that. u make it seem as if we nigerian men dont love or appreciate our women. i for one belive that every woman needs to be treated with reverence, respect, affection, grace and an undefining love from the pureness of our hearts because of what they go through. they;ll carry our offspring for nine moths, raise our siblings with or without the father. especially what nigerian women go through. we should be appreciate them every day. lets not also forget that women are treated badly all over the world. the white woman u talk about constantly gets abused by her husband in the suburbs and cant even tell the cops in her town because the husband is their buddy plus they also do the same to their wives. the afrcian american woman gets so miltreated by their men that they are the ones who pretty much taking care of the man and just gets abused and threatened in the worst of ways. u talk about nigeria men not showing affection, u should go to the orient where their women are customed to walk about ten feet behind their husbands and just get maltreated in worst of ways as well. their men cheat constantly with concubines that its not funny. what about the desis(indians, pakis, bangalis etc). they will be the ones to pay their husbands bride price, and they cant even divorce him despite his constant beatings and just ill treatments of her. they get married to marry and not marry becuse of love. so they have to learn how to deal with his nasty behavior. and lets not forgeet the constant rapes going around there. AND WE ALL KNOW THAT ITS THE MIDDLE EASTERN ARABIC WOMEN THAT HAVE IT BAD THE MOST. if i write the ill that we men have shown our women, i would be writing all day. is the the kidnapping of women in kazasthan , uzbeckistan,and krygysathn to marry a man they just met. i believe that we men have to all over the world just with our different faiths just ask the almigthy for forgiveness. for the ills weeve done to the women. we also al know the most degredation of women is from the leaders of the middle eastern religion. calling mary magdaline a prostitiute, not giveing women the right to do anything but to fuck and raise babies and cook thier meals. so it lies on the individual as a whole. although nuture has a lot to do with the shaping up of an individual but again theres a right and wrong; and theres no soul wothout a conscience. so it lies on us to choose the right. because at the end of the day it just lies on both of you. i always try to be good and respect any woman im with and sir ive had my share of different women because i believe that your copaninon wont come to ur lap and for anything good to comes one way, one has to go through obstacles. i love my nigerian women and will love to marry one someday. pray i marry one that well love each other unconditionally. but we are in a converged society of different nationalities that came in search of greener pastures as us. so we tend to fall in love with different individuals. so sir its us men that needs to just change the ways we treat our women. dont get me wrong women have their own craziness (and we know how our women are with their shakara). but as the provider the almighty ordained us to be for them we also need to excercise a great deal of pateince towards them because we men think and reason wheras, women feel. thats why they love the praises, romatic moments and suprises and wanting to listened to.

connie January 19, 2007 - 12:18 pm

this article is incredible, God bless the person who took time to write it and appreciate Nigerian Women.

angelia January 14, 2007 - 12:22 am

I Respect your opinion, but as I see it, it is not all of truth,but you were right when you said(we do not have control on whom we fall in love with) in the states it is a law that you can not abuse your spouse(man/woman)so everything should be equal amoung partners. Decission on every concept of the relationship is shared(not a woman being totally submissive to a man….and not all ladies abroad will put there man out in the cold or called the police unless need to be. We are here as a man help mate and companion. Not his punching bag. And that applies to all men of all culture. Stop trying to dominate those women…..they might be the best because its in their nature…….but we also have women here that is the very best at being their mens back bone. Go my ladies get them mens, cause I sure got one and he is the best…….and not being weak at the knee's, he is the man in this relationship.

akira January 12, 2007 - 6:43 pm

Good article, well written and interesting. I'm an African American woman dating a Nigerian man. He was married to and has children with a Nigerian woman and it didn't work out. His rationaled, Nigerian women change when they come to America….So my question is this? Do Nigerian women stay in their loveless, lack of romance or attention relationships and subservient roles because they like it, or because they don't choices? What woman wants to just cook, clean and have babies. NONE.

Jamara Newell January 10, 2007 - 3:43 am

Well written article. I understand one must generalize when speaking on these topics. I am a Black American male. I have dated Nigerian women on occasion, but they were very Westernized so I haven't dealt with any of the cultural complications.

I do recognize we are from very different cultures but we are derived from the same root so I don't see one would compare being married to a Black American or West Indian to being married to a white. I feel W.Is, Nigerians and AAs are on in the same and any intermarriage is a non – issue.

Trish January 8, 2007 - 12:31 am

I can not speek for European women, but I can speak for non-Nigerian women when I say that Nigerian men do not just bow down because they are with non-Nigerian women. I have been dating a Nigerian man for years and it not easy. In fact I would say it is more challenging for us to be together, than for us to just give up.

We come from two different parts of the world and our relationship requires that a lot of sacrifices be made. Not to mention that sometimes when we are at socials or events people stare or look at us like something is wrong. Why? I work hard to nurture my relationship and I work hard to maintain my integrity while incorporating his culture into my own life. I can not say I am found of Nigerian men (or any other man of color worth having) with European women, but to say they bow down or become weak in the face of non-Nigerian partners just is not true.

I know mine stands tall and stands very firm on the beliefs he brought with him. He does not cut me any slack and life is not easy. Maybe what you sometimes see is the compromises that have to be made. For instance he tunes down the temper I cook stew pounded yam, he watches his language I learn pigin. It could be as simple as the Nigerian man learning to make compromises, but I must say he is not any easier, nor is he any less harsh. In fact sometimes I think it is harder for me because in my own culture we are not use to such assertiveness. So think twice the next time you think your brother is bowing, maybe life is not as pretty as it seems.

leethe January 7, 2007 - 10:21 pm

Very well read! But I don't think its only the white women who Nigerian men love to be with..I think it is african american womens to. Maybe you don't have any Halle Berry's or Beyonce's in your neighborhood to know the truth!

Tammy December 31, 2006 - 1:27 pm

My Nigerian born husband and I share a relationship that is based on equality and fairness. To lump all Nigerian men in the same catagory is simply not realistic. Not all men born or raised in Nigeria are overbearing, controlling and steel fisted power freaks.

Any relationship that is based on true love and respect ensures that both people involved are treated with fairness and equality.

I am grateful everyday for the man who is my soulmate. Despite our differences in colour, age and upbringing, we have found happiness with each other. We seem to be the only one's who do not care that we are from different backgrounds. We come from different worlds, but we are the same.

I think that it all stems down to choosing the correct partner for yourself. If you partner can not treat you with the respect and dignity that each and every human being deserves, then he or she is not the right person for you. In every culture there are good and bad people. Infact, in Canada ( I am Canadian ) there are alot of men who treat women as sex providers and house maids. It is not a unique concept found in merely one culture. It is universal. Those people are considered self serving and closed minded despite where they originate from.

I am not a feminist. I simply believe in each and every human being treated with the equality in which we are created. Man is not above woman and woman is not above man.

No December 30, 2006 - 9:49 pm

I am a white woman who is in love with a man who is and lives in Nigeria. I am not sure what attracts him to me, for I really hope it is my personality and not the color of my skin. He has mentioned to me about his culture, that men are dominant in relationships, but he doesn't like that, he likes a woman to have a backbone and stand up for herself. Maybe that is what the men are attracted to in foreign women, maybe if the Nigerian women started making thier voices heard, then maybe they would have more Nigerian male suitors.

Peter Nwaizuzu, MD December 30, 2006 - 7:24 pm

I am a Nigerian male. I have dated both Nigerian and non Nigerian women. So I am in a better position of giving an educated opinion on this matter.In all honesty,I think that the article is unfair to the African American woman. I have dated Nigerian women who aren't everything you say in your article. Here in the states the dynamics are bit different.Nigerian women in the states are not all that anymore! Some have been found to be Lazy, manipulating, materialistic and oh westernized too.Those Nigerian guys that went home to marry the "good Nigerian girls" have learned this the hard way . If you are looking for somebody to cook, clean and take care of the home your best bet might be to hire a maid. If you are looking for a wife stick with your gut feeling . B.Marry for love.

If you are worried about a girl kicking you out of your house then get a prenup. If you are overtly anxious about marriage then don't marry at all. but whatever you do don't you ever say that the African American sisters aren't good. because those set of sisters are the bomb, at-least for me.

lakeisha adebola December 30, 2006 - 7:23 am

I think the article was very good. However I am a african american woman and I'm married to a Nigerian man. Now one thing is true he is a very dominate male but he also shows love and affection to me at home and in public but not as much. He does tell me he loves me. But I would like to say the statement of some marriages start and end in the states may be true. But please don't put all foreign women in a box because I care a great deal about my in-laws and my husbands friends back home and we actually got married in Lagos. So there are some of us foreigners that do care about learning about our husbands backrounds as well as there culture. How can we be supportive of our man if we can't or won't take the time out to learn about where he comes from. If I must say so myself Nigeria was a very different experience for me but the people including friends and family there were wonderful each time I visited back home. Thanks for allowing me to share my experience as well as my opinion.

CHRISTIN December 24, 2006 - 11:33 pm

I love your article! I'm from the united states and i to have found love in nigeria. He's a wonderful man and i do agree to all you've said about how they treat an american woman differ than the woman there..and i've always questioned him about it. But none-the-less, we're still going on with the wedding in may of 2007.

Thanks for such a wonderful and true article.

Christin w. Sc usa

Anonymous December 21, 2006 - 5:31 pm

good job, enjoyed the article. gave a lot to think about.

Osa Ehigie December 9, 2006 - 7:22 am

Yes, the article in a way said some things that are true and I just want to let the writer know some things. Until the day we will stop looking at people by their color, things will never be right because that is racism. In America when whites say things like that ooo that are racist and just think deep and see what the writer is saying, that is Racism and now you see why we cannot eradicate this problem.

A another thing I will like to say is that as human we all have taste and your taste must be different from mine and vise-visa. If some people want to date a woman from a different country or of a different color let him do what he wants and that is why you see even back home people say no he is not from your tribe do not marry him or her that is Tribalism we have been fighting for how many years now but it is still there and I just want to say we need to grow up and go with the world.

Yes I know people want to talk about culture, yes our cultures are great but in the world today what has that given us? If your parents did not get lucky with a way of getting money, the rest of the population that have no money tell me our the future looks like for their future generation? If we keep thinking like we are in the 17th centuries, our children are going to be in trouble. So culture is good but it is time to modify it and learn to move forward.

Yes our Nigerian Women are good people but just like you have bad people everywhere that is how you have bad ones among Nigerian women.

Also the writer made mention of how Nigerians oversea get put in Jail by their wives for no reason. In this place please allow my used the word Bullshit and am sorry for that language. I said this because although not all cases, in American for Example domestic violence is not tolerated and it is not just Nigerians it is the Law and now Nigerians that are used to abusing their wives do the same and expect to get free know if you lay hand on a woman you should be punished. That is one thing we need to bring home because there are lots of Nigerians doing that. I know most of you reading will not like that but the truth is bitter and I for one do not want to hear about some body put their hands on my Sister because he is calling for me not the police.

The bottom line there is that if you obey the law and respect your marriage I do not think the police will be there to arrest you. Also what have we achieve we have lived like this for how long now and what good things it has given us, the country that is suppose to be moving forward is moving backward.

I was in Iraq for two years and what I say is the way the writer wants us to be leaving. If we leave that way my Brothers and Sisters we are going to be doomed. We need to respect each other not because I am a man and she is a woman because he or she is a Human Being. Like I said Iraq was a perfect place for me to realized how we are leaving is very barbaric and it is time to live in the 21st century and begin to think how can we make our country better and treat people with dignity and respect and in my line of work, we have Seven Values we abide by and I will leave you with two that I believe concerns this topic.

Respect: Treat people as they should be treated.

Integrity: Do what is right, legally and morally.

I gave this two because if you obey them and live by them you will never go wrong and no wife or police will be arresting you and please ask some of our brothers telling you my wife kick me out why did she do that and I know some are right and also some are wrong some of them caused it while some the woman knew they do not have papers and I want to thank you all and lets stop being Racist and enjoyed this Global Environment.

Non Nigerian Wife December 8, 2006 - 9:24 pm

This article is well written but well underfined for my Nigerian husband, as I am American. I have attended the in laws and financial woes and he does not live on a schedule. Otherwise it is an okay article.

Miss Ann December 5, 2006 - 10:04 pm

It was an excellent article great information.

But now I have to answer as an american woman in love and engaged to man who happens to be Nigerian. I love him whole heartedly and I see no reason not to. I understand where you are coming from about the Nigerian Women but I feel it is time for all God's children to marry because of love and not because of nationality or race. Why don't the Women marry who they really want to marry? I am an Hawaiian by birth, lot's of hawaiians think like you, well my family do not think like that. I was thought that people were like flavors of icecream you pick what you want. Let me put it this way: I am not in love with a Nigerian man, I am in love with a man who happens to be Nigerian!

Abuse is wrong in any nation or language!! They should not be abusing anybody especially the mothers of their children. and what makes it worse is that from what I read from your article, they blame their ancestry and their culture? no wonder it is easy for them to get a way with it! and it is the reason the women put up with it. God created all Culture and culture is good, I do not believe that he would allow a culture to be abussive to women that is man made their controling nature! When they stop blaming their culture and start blaming themselves things will change. Abuse has to do with the heart. Change the heart you change the man, change the man, change the culture to value their people more. And when the women stop putting up with their abuse then things will change also it is called tough love! It works!

thank you for listening………

Carmen December 3, 2006 - 7:13 pm

I believe men should have as many wives as they can afford, regardless of where they were born! And yes, I'm a woman. Not married, but committed…..

Ehijie December 1, 2006 - 7:32 pm

Please people do not give any substance to the ignorant rambling I just read. The writer has a limited exposure to the entire Nigerian culture. He is obviously speaking of his personal family and ethnic experiences. Nigeria my friend has over 130 different etnic groups with varying attitudes towards women. I feel sad that your upbringing did not expose you to much. I am a Nigerian Man and myself or my friends are nothing like what you portray us as being. Also read your history the people from the carribean are "us". With very little or no differences. We have only be separated for four generations. Please speak for yourself only Jack. Call me a softy because I choose to treat all women with respect.

okolo December 1, 2006 - 11:23 am

not very orginal. anybody can say this

unknown user November 27, 2006 - 2:02 pm

Rating your aricle a 2 instead of poor was justifiable because I have become involved with a Nigerian man who is a very caring and deep within himself hurt from the wife divorcing him since they have been in America. Your last two paragraphs are am not quite sure if I agree with due to the fact that you say, "A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw the divorce papers at you at the slightest provocation", but yet in this case she did. Yes it is true that there is two sides to every story, but unfortunately I would never get the opportunity to speak to the ex-wife. I can say that I am very interested in his Nigerian culture and I enjoy it when he discusses his childhood years and his years in the USA. He is truly a different man in comparison to the American men. I am an African American woman and I have met a Nigerian professional blessed man, unfortunately he is not willing to get involved in a close relationship and that bothers me, but it has alot to do with his past marriage relationship that is going to keep us at a friend relationship and I find that hurting to a degree, but I also understand the reasons why. From my observation it is hard for him to trust any woman whether she is Nigerian or Non-Nigerian. You last paragraph is based on what you know or is it based on whom you know? But lastly, I would like to say that I will continue to pray for my friend because is a genuine person and that is not to put the African American man down. It is something that I know that at this given time in my life God has allowed me to encounter such a man. I am not disputing your article, I am just questioning your last paragraph.

Damilola November 27, 2006 - 2:53 am

thrr iz sum truth in d article but naija women today dnt stand for bull…if a niaja man treats me wrong he will be severely punished, not only will ma brodaz finsh im but wen he cmez hme to me i will gve im sumthin to eat that will make diahorea seem like no big deal…if a guy thinkz just cuz he cmez from ur culture he haz d right to treat u wrong then he needz to b taught a lesson THE HARD WAY!

John Raiwe Keliojor November 21, 2006 - 12:40 pm

Thanks a lot on your article about Nigeria men.

You are right in some part and wroug some how.

To make it clear and you know it, 75% of Nigeria men got to state on a wroug way.Some don't have the right visa to be here, Some gave out all they have at home just to be here.Some Nigeria men are like a snake that walk with legs on seen.Any Nigeria men that calls his wife any name is right because he find it better to do so than coming to a fellow Nigeria's for help.

mawai November 20, 2006 - 10:42 pm


Anonymous November 19, 2006 - 9:54 am

Very respected article. Unfortunately it is not only the Nigerian men marrying other cultures, it is happening in all races. Things do fall apart, only to be rebuilt.

Kris November 18, 2006 - 8:50 pm

While your article makes interesting reading, I find some of your conclusions naive and misleading.In my locality here in the United States it is difficult to keep count of how many so called Nigerian wives whom have thrown their Nigerian born husbands out and called the cops. I agree that life is complex and to arrive at some of the conlusion the writer has drawn is unintelligible.

hummingbird November 18, 2006 - 2:42 am

You know second statment up about white fat women..I mean thats steriotyping white women now…i am beautiful, loving, sweet, caring, romantic, peaceful and devoted to my nigerian honey..he has shown such respect and love to me as i do to him and yes so what im all these things and guess what IM WHITE!! I dont hate anyone i treat others as i want to be treated so before u comment on sterio typing or pigeon holing people dont just refer to nigerian or white peeps u should include the whole human race i for one dont sterio type i take each person as a unique creation of god coz when we turn out the lights weather u like it or not we are ALL THE SAME NO BLACK ..WHITE.. RED FAT ..SMALL ..RICH ..POOR.. WE ARE ONE..

Ola November 18, 2006 - 1:19 am

This is actually the first time I visited this website. I think this piece hit the nail on the head. I've actually thought about this a lot. I was in a quandry deciding if I wanted to marry a Nigerian or Non-Nigerian. Most of the reasons echoed in that piece went through my mind. Somebody who will appreciate what I'm about. My culture has made me what I am. Advice like this keeps us grounded. Thanks.

molicia November 16, 2006 - 1:17 pm

I find ur whole story intriguin but from a non Nigerian woman(from the caribbean)i am dating a nigerian man and i am very interested in understandin his culture and way of life why because i love him and i will stick by his side just like a nigerain woman would to her own nigerian man.I really dont see why u would say that Nigerian woman are the best am pretty sure that ppl from different countries would say the same thing u cant genaralise cause i know for a fact that Nigeria is bein modenized and the young men and women today probably arent so family oriented as u might want to think. As u said we can't help who we fall in love with i would go to Nigeria and if my man want s me too i would live there with him too meet his family and show them my culture and also embrace theirs after all we are all black ppl we are not so different cause in the caribbean we do certain things that am sure african ppl do(for example when a baby have hiccups we put a thread on the baby forhead we also open a bible above the babys head to ward away evil spirits when the baby is sleeping)the food family values and dreaasing might be different but deep down we are all the same cause aM PRETTY SURE that a a decendant of an african tribe but i just happens that through generations our lifstyle was changed through slavery and being brought to an island and adopting the lifestyle of another race.

Anonymous November 16, 2006 - 12:41 am

Just because a few people you know behave in a certain way doesn't mean the whole race does it. It's the same stereotype about African-American men, that they would go crazy over a white woman and are ready to settle for an ugly fat one. Treat African American women with disdain and fall heads over heels with white women.

Ezenwanyii November 15, 2006 - 11:12 pm

I am an African American woman married to a Nigerian for 20 years. I have never kicked him out of our home or called the police on him. I cook for my family( Nigerian food too) and keep a cleaner house than any of my Nigerian friends (sorry,but it's the truth!)I work hard and has carried my family in times of need (both here and in Nigeria). I'm educated and beautiful.My children know who they are and are proud to be Nigerians. They are great kids. My husband has the best of both worlds (Domestication and sophistication!)and it all comes naturally. I bet many men wished they had it so good!

a daghter to a nigiran man and a foregin woman November 15, 2006 - 9:30 am

i think and i know that you are sooooo wrong, the way you have written it is being raciest and my parents love each other very much and there is no way my mum would do anything that you said you said in the last paragraph so you better rewrite!!!

GL November 13, 2006 - 7:12 pm

i am a nigerian woman here in america and i met my man here in america and he is also nigerian. but he takes out the trash, cooks, does dishes, changes diapers, gets up at night to feed the baby and everything. Neither of us are controlling over the other. In the bedroom, the loving is goood!!! Even though i agree that an alarming number of nigerian men choose to marry foreign women and take us nigerian women for granted, i am blessed with a good nigerian man and i know there are more out there who know the value of a nigerian woman and won't take us for granted.

Anonymous November 13, 2006 - 6:13 pm

First of all, you find the good and bad in every culture/society. It is not only Nigerian men who cheat or lie, you find that in every country and in every part of the world. Secondly, I do not appreciate those of you coming on our website and claiming that Nigerian women are lazy, blah, blah, blah. It is our Nigerian/African mothers who keep the family together when the men/fathers screw up. They are the ones who sell their wrappers to raise their children, male and female and struggle to put food on the table and NOT always begging their husbands for money like some of you here claim. So don't come here to our site and disrespect our mothers who have worked so hard to raise a home including your so-called Nigerian husband/boyfriend/fiance, etc. In addition, if you have so many complaints about Nigerians and their men, what the heck are you doing on a Nigerian website?

Besides, don't you have men from other nationalities that cheat as well? what about those men from other parts of the world that have 5 children from 5 differnt women? Did anyone put a gun to your head and say you should date or marry a Nigerian? So, please stop ranting unnecessarily. If you are not happy with Nigerian men, then go date and marry from your own social circle. Do not come here and make generalized statements about the Nigerian woman. And FYI I am a VERY PROUD NIGERIAN WOMAN who is hard working. Go and make your stupid inflamatory statements elsewhere!!

Melissa November 13, 2006 - 1:36 pm

Hi, I have just read your article and I think it was well written, however you are really putting down white woman in saying that we basically don't know anything about being married. well i am a white woman and i have been married to a nigerian man for six years. I have a very good upbringing probably one of the best and i know what it means to be family oriented, and my husband and i do our best to keep our families involved in our lives and not once have i ever made a rude comment about my husband helping his family in nigeria or anywhere around the world. we do work together and he is as capable as i am to do anything because he has been independant since a very younge age, but i know my role as a wife and i don't expect him do what he does not feel comfortable doing. i also don't agree that nigerian men should treat the nigerian wives any different but i am sure that every one has their reasons why they do it. i just don't believe in putting down us white women because you think that it is becuase of us that nigerian women get treated the way they do. it also has a lot to do with the upbringing and the way i was brought up is that man and woman are equal but you guys portray life as the man being in control. so i would love to hear back from you.


marcia barnes November 12, 2006 - 3:31 pm

I READ your article and after dating 2 nigerians .. I have found my dream man and we plan to marry next year.. I am a light complected black/mexican american and prince johnny nkojo and I wiill marry.. HE is not domineering but rather submissive and lets me have compete control yet i totally respect him and I WILL never divorce as we are both christians.. I often wonder do these men turn the love up to get into the UNITED States.. or is it becuz Nigeria lacks real oppurtunity and a chance for a good black man to grow and develop.. Case in point Johnny makes 500 a month there in Nigerian.. HIS wife her make s 50,000 a year n has a nice home. what does he have there.. he dated nigerian women they cheated on him and ran to men who could offer more financially or give then Us. status.. So the table turns both ways.. I know one thing American men lack the manners the class and the dignity I HAVE from Johnny and I am proud to have him and will never let him go.. please write me back…



tina powley November 8, 2006 - 3:23 am

please tell me why white british women arent good enough for nigerian men? i actually feel very angry about your comments saying nigerian women are the best! we english do not through as you put it me out of our houses, the only time white women do that is if our partners have been playing around with other women and i think it is the right thing to do, would you like it? ask yourself that sir!

nigerian men do love white women, they find us very good sexually and we do make very good wives such as nigerian women we cook look after our children and care for our partners, i actually have a relationship with my nigerian man and it is very good, one thing i have found out and come across lots of times that nigerian women are not friendly towards white women and i also think they are very stern and too harsh to their babies which ive seen for myself there doesnt seem to be the love for their children like us whites have.

Anonymous October 30, 2006 - 5:40 pm

Not all cross cultural marriages follow the path that has been vehemently described on this board. I do not see anyone mentioning a happy union between an inter-racial couple. well, it does happen . I agree that we guys shouuld not take our African queens or any lady for granted. Neither should the different choices of different people pit ladies against each other.

shelly October 30, 2006 - 5:28 pm

I dont agree with this, what i have to say is, all over there are good and bad, in the usa there would be good women and bad women , in nigeria there would be good women and bad women,not all women in nigeria would love and respect their husband.

Im a foreign woman married to a nigeria and i treat as a king, im not only married to him but his family too and we all get along well. So you cannot speak good for all women or you cannot speak bad for all women, you can only speak good or bad for some women.

Anonymous October 30, 2006 - 1:27 pm

First of all, while this is a well written article, it is best to not sterotype a group of people becasue of the actions of a few. I am an African American woman who has never been involved with an African but I am deeply offended by comments made in this article. To say that an non-Nigerian woman would not be interested in her partners extended family is false. Here in America, mojority of women know that if you can't make it with the mother, your realtionship is that much harder. How a man treats and interacts with his mother and other women in his family is an idication of how he will treat you. If marriage was just about you and your partner alone, there would be no need for Annual Family Reunions. I think the misconception is that we think differently than you. We don't demand to run half the household but we demand our respect! It is not in your culture to show affection in public and even to your children but it is ours. I don't know about Africa but in the U.S there are alot of single mothers because these men won't be men and take care of their children. So that forces women to play her role in household and the man's role. From that you have some very independent sistahs, but instead of getting a pat on the back for being so strong and handling her business, we get men who are insecure because you can't play any games with these women. Men who are not smart enough to know how to tear down the wall she has built up and show her that its o.k to let him take over because he will do what he has to do. See over here, especially in the black community, there are so many things in life that are working against our children that we tell them we love them everyday in hopes that when the time comes they remember that and make the right choices. Don't down us because you don't understand us, that's biased and racist. I know that there are people guilty of this but not all.

P.S. – If a woman is strong enough he will be putty in her hands and vice versa. The difference between us and Nigerian women is that were not buying that mess off of anybody because there is only two things that a many can do for me that I can't do for myself and I can probably figure out a way to do those two! He will take out the garbage, help cook, clean and raise the kids! Why? I work 40hrs just like him!

Anonymous October 25, 2006 - 8:58 pm

GENERAL statements are NEVER appropriate!

Cecilia Huerta October 24, 2006 - 12:14 pm

I currently live with a nigerian man that i have been involved with for almost five years. At this point I am very fed up with his attitude. Being that i am a hispanic woman, we in the hispanic culture can closely to the nigerian woman qualities you have described. The only difference is that we take care of our men, but we do expect some signs of appreciation in return. We expect flowers on our birthday, a call just to say I was thinking of you, and we are good at displaying our public signs of affection of you haven't noticed. At first my attitude towards this man, was waiting on him hand and foot, from home cooked meals to great sex for dessert. But when i saw nothing in return i stopped my catering towards him. Even in a sexual relationship I find him self-centered and boring. Like if I am suppose to cater to his enjoyment and disregard mine. That why i have decided his is out the door. Maybe that's why we put the out the door, in your discussion you contradict yourself stating that nigerian men make changes for american women. Then in the end you state that we call the cops on them and throw them out. Thats because they are not doing things rite. I know many nigerians who come to this country hold many prestigous jobs and strive to better themselves. But how can you teach a man to respect women and learn to love them. It's no wonder that many nigerian couples that come to this country divorce. Because their wives want what they see when they are out in public or work. It's a shame that a nigrian man can leave his nigerian wife because if they can't please them, they surely can not please any America women regardless of race. So you may say nigerian women are better, yes, "Better to advantage of."

stanley October 24, 2006 - 11:42 am

guys it's high time we appreciate what we have back home cause our women are the most precious thing ever. having date non nigeria woman u come realize what God have given to us. God bless Nigeria women

African American Woman About to Marry a Nigerian M October 18, 2006 - 9:56 pm

I found the article interesting, especially since I am engaged to a Nigerian man, whom I love very much. We are in the last phase of the Immigration process, and we both are excited about getting married. He is loving, considerate, kind, attentive, and a good friend. I really do not know much about the Nigerian man or Nigerian people, but I know his heart and how he makes me feel. My fiance is anxious to come to me and America, and I am anxious for him to get here. Since we both are Christians, I believe our marriage will work very well. We both are divorced, at a stage where we are ready to love and be loved, and are anxious to start our lives together. I cannot imagine life without him, for he is so beautiful to me. . . I want to learn as much about his lifestyle, as he is willing to learn about mine. I am learning to speak Ijaw, and he is learning our American customs through me. He speaks English very well. I believe my Nigerian husband is gelewuh (wonderful), and I am looking forward to marrying him.

omanta October 17, 2006 - 1:23 pm

I can understand the logic behind your article, but the problem i have with it is that you cannot group an entire people and portray them as same. It's just not right.

As a Nigerian living in Toronto, i have lots of friends that are married to both Nigerian and non Nigerian women. I do not see your article or the logic in it applying to each and everyone of them.

We all may be Nigerians but we are all different, who you are as a Nigerian depends on your upbringing, exposure in life and ability to adapt.

Having observed my married friends, the main difference between the Nigerian and non Nigerian wives is simply INDEPENDENCE. And that goes a long way in modelling your mind set, confidence, self worth, decision making process and the list goes on and on.

Remember, most non Nigerian women together with their husbands work to elevate their lives, but that's not always the case with the Nigerian women. Some of my friend's Nigerian wives even after 5 to 7yrs of marriage are still in it for what they can get out of the relationship or the expectations of what they might get in future. Is'nt that enough reason to skew your position in a relationship?

Ogom October 13, 2006 - 4:30 am

Thank you for this article. It is so on point. I have read some of the feedback of the people who read your article and truth be told there can be no real change until people stop justifying and making excuses for wrong. I grew up in Najia as most of your readers probably did and I can say boldly without a hint of stereotype that a lot not all but definitely a majority of Nigerian men have chauvinistic tendencies towards their women. It is further accented by a culture that has brainwashed women into believing that they are lesser being than their male counterparts. Our society emphasizes the birth of male children as being a greater event than that of the female. Numerous accounts have been given by women who have been thrown out of their matrimonial homes because of this issue. Bearing this in mind, it's not hard to see why our men grow up with a "God" complex which is a total shame. Even more amazing is their change of attitude when married or in a relationship with someone of a different race, even culture, moreso the caucasian race (nothing against the white folks). You see for most whose marriages and relationships have survived with women of a different race, these men have had to "put up and shut up or be thrown out". It's just a shame that nigerian men haven't found it in them to accord as much dignity and respect to their own women. Nigerian men take this article as a cue to regard your women as partners not doormats, as intelligent beings. Believe me, nothing will bring out the freaky sex-o-matic in your naija women as treating them as people, as equals, putting their needs as priority the way we do yours. One more thing, I need to thank my father for breaking the mold. He is a loving husband and kind father. This makes him a real macho man. He's thought me what it means to give your life for your family and putting their needs above all.

Andi October 9, 2006 - 2:41 pm

Its quite clear that in most part of the article, the author/writer is bias. Well, can't blame a man for supporting his own kind, im sure to them they are always the best! Point of question – does that mean women of other races are bad or dont qualify because they lack the qualities that Nigerian women posses? You know, I met alot of Nigerian women in my country and they love the freedom they have from going out of their country, they are free to move and live the way they want. Asked about Nigerian men, they just said "Ohhh.." They can't even finish that sentence. Im with a Nigerian man too, and trust me, anyone I tell of that, be it even with chatters I chat with in yahoo or msn, no one so far said anything positive…I just fought with my Boss because he thought I'm wasting my life with this Nigerian man, that going back with him to Nigeria is the greatest mistake I will ever make…and this coming from a Nigerian himself? Isnt that odd? Does that tell us something? Lucky for me, even my man wouldn't want to live in Nigeria long, we are leaving soon after Christmas to a much "civilised" world..I did not have to suggest that, he wanted it anyway. Now, doesnt that tell us another thing? And as for Nigerian women having the most delicate character and qualities, well, I'd think twice…coz I give my Nigerian man even more than he could imagine and I'm submissive to him just the way he wants it…on top of that, he loves me to his death and in whatever he does, he tells me. We discuss things together and respect each other's views and opinions…thats how it works in a relationship. No relationship works one-way unless he or she wants to have a relationship with a piece of wood, or he is wood himself/herself!

susan October 6, 2006 - 2:39 pm

you are guilty of essentialism–the idea that people have an inate, essential nature, be it a person is essentially 'black' in the soul, "female" in the soul, etc. This idea of essentialism is responsible for homophobic reaction, racist ideology, misogyny, etc. If you think a person is innately bad, stupid, etc. as linked to their race, sex, etc. you are diminishing and ignoring the influence of nature–cultural influences. Moreover, you are confusing cultural influences–fluid and changing culture, it is not static–as innate influences. Nigerian men–or any man for that matter–are adaptable. The fact you want a 'typical' Nigerian woman marks that you believe that people should marry with similar CULTURAL values–not innate racial values. Please study this distinction. Your mistake for essentializing cultural values can dangerous for racial relations and is also very problematic.

kolajo fasade October 6, 2006 - 6:01 am

I do not agree with all what you said about the nigerian men and women. I grew up in lagos, and we all know these lagos girls and money. Or should i say nigerian girls and money, i would not cartegorise everyone in the sameway. Nigerian relationships, there is very little communication between both parties. I for instance love to cook, but how do i convince a girl that believes its her place to do that. I am with a woman i love not because she is white or anything, but because she showed me and shows me love where no one did. Not the nigerian girls you praise so much, i am nigerian lived all my life in lagos. There are the good ones like you spoke of but there are also the bad ones. You also forget that men are the sameway, be it nigerian or american. A woman that loves you regardless of where she is from would stick with you through thick and thin. I think your article is good in some aspects, because it talks about aspects that most dont. I also think a lot of statements you made are due to your lack of ignorance. Am i meant to complain if my wife gives me wild sex? I sure dont. If i wash dishes in my house because my wife is sick and i love and dont mind washing dishes, how have i lost my balls through that. Or if my wife and i are partners because we relate well and understand eachother, how is that a bad thing? In every society there are flaws, not every american woman files for divorce. My uncle has been married to his russian wife for as long as i can remember, probably 20 years now, i have never heard them talk about divorce, he is a typical yoruba man.

You forget how materiallistic and sarcastic our women can get. You also need to learn about how loving and supportive a woman that loves you is. Not based on where she is from and what color her skin is. Love is universal, and relationships is a 2 way thing, you give and you take. You learn to compromise and from your article it is obvious you are one of those men you have described. I think you should learn to appreciate people and not be quick to judge.

Carol Aghedo October 2, 2006 - 1:37 pm

I am currently dating a Nigerian man from the Edo tribe in Lagos Nigeria. I find him to be quite sweet, attentive and loving. He pays much attention to my emotional needs and in fact, this is what made me fall in love with him. I would never betray him, or leave him because of who he is as a person, Nigerian or otherwise. It is the human quality that transcends nationality that should be most important in two lovers lives. I am not Nigerian but I would wait on him hand and foot and he would do the same for me. What do you call that?

Anonymous October 2, 2006 - 12:11 am

i think this artcle is unfair to nigeria women we foreign woman do not possess any special power over men except that we are taught self-worth and this is our driving force in our relationships we treat people or should i say our men as we would like to be treated also i think maybe someone is not really hearing what the marriage vows are really saying by the way i am an african-american in love with a wonderful nigeria man who came to as caring loving and very special person i did not have to condition him into anything i think he has very strong cultural values he worships his parents and family and love when talks to me about just about anything he does all the cooking sometimes cleans and always thinks of me i can't help but love him

saz October 1, 2006 - 3:02 pm

i live with a nigerian man for three year i love him so much not because he dose not love nigerin women we cheer a boundy together i do the cook and the clean he dose not clean or cook because i am the women of house he make the money and bring it home he is a excellent lover.

Mrs. Coralia Sanuade October 1, 2006 - 9:02 am

I'm married to a nigeria and we live in the UK.

And yes I AM WHITE.You paint every white woman with the same brush!!!!!!

What gives you that righ?

Are you married to a white woman?

I love my husband and would do anything for him,and he knows it.

We've had our problems but,we've worked though them and you know what it's worth it.

Marrige is about compromise,and acseptance of the other's culture and traditions.We have that!!!

I am a true nigerian wife!!!

Dont knock it until you've tried us,we are not all b*tches!

Levetha September 27, 2006 - 11:20 pm

I gave this article a 2 based on how he left the African American woman out. is it because she's American. Never the less, I am African American, my husband is Nigerian. Our culture is so complex the way we do things is because of our sociological life style and economic culture. To speak upon the Nigerian men as begin controlling ,overbearing. To me is just the bases of a black man, remember what you stated that fathers and mothers did not show the compassion side of love, That just the AFRO culture. What about the African American men, this article should be stated "the AFRO Nigerian,American men", and their foreign wives". because the men there is no differnt from the men here. our difference lies upon our globalization. For I'm not Nigeria but I am African American I have the back bone of my ancestors I'll stand my my Nigerian husaband through thick and thin ill never throw him in the streets nor see him in court. my love for him is patient he is the king and I the queen we live as 1 as God so stated I'm glad to to learn from what hes always known, I give him my all his family has became my family I respect the Nigerian woman. My closing is go with the changes and make a different in it.

Amas September 27, 2006 - 3:12 pm

How many white women do you really know, that are married to Nigerians?

I have seen many of them staying with their husbands, even in times of crisies and there is no difference to your so blessed nigerian women.

Unknown September 27, 2006 - 5:24 am

This ia a very complex issue but I must say this article is very objective too. I am a nigerian man married to a black american woman, though will be joining her soon.

Dassie September 24, 2006 - 11:17 pm

Warm greetings from Texas,

What an informative, interesting article! I met my husband online and moved to the US a few years ago. I am a South African and he is American. I have since met many women – including women in Nigeria – like me who have gone through this and I've put together a website where women discuss the ups and downs of this big move, including the immigration process, adjusting to a new country etc.

Please visit my site, Hummingbird Hearts, at We went live this month and already we have ladies getting to know each other and they are chatting up a storm.

Best wishes,


Sandy September 20, 2006 - 10:01 pm

I think this article is extremly biased. Women will always be women. yes every woman deserves to be treted with dignity and respect. I cannot account for how Nigerain men treat Nigerian women, however, there are non-nigerian women who are willing to stand behind nigerian men through thick and thin. Just because we may not be as knowlegable about the culture as a Nigerian woman does not mean we do not have a great appreciation of it. Again, Women will be women no matter what culture they are bred from. It's all about being blessed and finding the right person.

Joan White September 20, 2006 - 6:12 am

I find it okay but too many unnecessary big words. Keep it simple. I find that some statements were bias and over generalized almost to the point of rehtoric. However, I guess every has an opinion.

Aija September 18, 2006 - 4:24 am

I am an african-american woman who has known and loved a Nigerian man for thirteen years. I stuck by his side before he had money, when he had money, and after he didn't. I cooked, cleaned, bathed him, loved him with all of my being. We were to marry buy his family and brothers were insisted they would disown him if he married me( i met them and i had a ring). The power they had over him was unbelievable he ended up going to Nigeria bringing this woman back and they have two daughters now. I have moved, changed phone numbers and jobs and he always manages to track me down. I feel like we are connected because to this day we still share so many same thoughts, feelings and the way we dress. He wants me to have sons for him but, i will not under these curcumstances. I say this to say that love knows no color or culture boundaries…Nigerian men/women black men/women white men/women were created by God. Culture does not exceed Gods Will.

Whoever September 15, 2006 - 8:25 pm

Poor guy

Shelia September 11, 2006 - 1:05 pm

I respect your outlook but as a african american woman very much in love with a Nigerian man, I disagree. I love him, and have no desire to make him a slave in my home. We have discussed the plan after marriage and while he expects our home to be traditional, I want that. I want to cook and I want him to help me clean…it's agreeded that way. Is it our fault as American Women that we speak up for what we want? Is it our fault that Nigerian women (according to your article) don't speak up for what they need or want? We were raised differently, we were taught differently but that does not make them better than us. I respect your prefrences…I like dark men my sister like light skinned men…but that does not make my choice wrong. But when I start saying that dark skinned men are "better" that's simply not right and not fair.

HENRY September 9, 2006 - 10:30 am

They are indeed our mothers not just a wives to us. I so much love and cherish our woman .

veda September 6, 2006 - 5:09 am

I was with you untio you got to that last paragraph.I am an "black american" as you guys call us,and I am engaged to a nigerian,I pray to God that the marriage will be blessed.I don't think that Nigerian women stick with their menbetter than other,it's just because of the culture you guys don't get divorced.Insteed you end of with a wife who only does what she "has" to do to get by.Instead of her doing those little things that make her man feel special,she will just do the minimum requirements and that's worse than a divorce,when you are just going threw the motions.I have never seen an african couple show affection but my fiance loves things like that.I do wonder why they don't treat their women the way that they treat us because their women are on average really good or should I say great women.

deji September 4, 2006 - 1:50 pm

This is one of the most lopsided articles I have ever read. I am an African American woman married to a wonderful Nigerian man who in every meaning of the word "Man" he is. We have 2 wonderful children who we both love an adore. We have been more than happily married for 16 years. I found love 16 years ago and I continue to enjoy it with my husband. I married my husband because of his heart not because he was from Nigeria. I am just as good to my husband as any Nigerian woman could ever be to him. I never went looking for my husband, he looked for and found me and he didn't give up until I said yes to him. I was told everything negative about him as a Nigerian when we first started dating. Fortunately, for me, I do not listen to everything I hear. I married him.

I do the things in our home that most African American women are taught to do for their husbands. I cook and clean for him. If I am late from working a 12 hour shift, and my husband sees that something needs to be done, he does it. What in the world is wrong with that? If I am working to help him put food on the table and he is at home, I see nothing wrong with him making dinner. I know of alot of nigerian couples where the men wash their clothes, their wife's and children's clothes. Are they not Nigerians?

American women are just as faithful, if not more faithful than your so called faithful Nigerian women. I know of plenty nigerian women that cheat on their husbands and get to the U.S. and run away from their husbands to marry other men. What about those Nigerian women are those the good ones that you speak so highly of in your article?

matar September 4, 2006 - 9:52 am

I think this article is excellent – I have lived in the west for the past 25 years – I came here from Africa since very young went to school here and university, I wonder so much about NOT only nigerian men but most black men and especially African men who come here with their wives, treat them like crap and demand so much from them, most expect their wives or girlfriends to be semi-slave – doing all in the house plus working – and taking care of the kids, and they don't want to do anything in the house YET, when they get involve with the WHITE women they behave so differently, they even push the strollers and change diapers which they don't do with their black wives or grilfriends – this amazes not only me – most of the people i speak with at University and in the community. WHat is it that these men associates with being with a WHITE woman – because i think they associate hardship, pain, torment and they couldn't care less when they leave to go after white women and leave behind their children with no support and live in anguish!!! I think the author of this article is very brave to broach up this essay and speak up and expose the problems Black men as a whole (not all black men) but most of them who engage in these relationships with WHITE women act, behave or pretend because we never know what they after!!!

this is just an opinion –

unknown September 2, 2006 - 10:58 am

This is a subjective article. As a Nigerian man and product of course your own culture and past experiences, you would appreciate and even prefer the women of your culture. Not to do so would show disrepect to your mother and her mothers. Or not to honor your father and his fathers. However, the world is evolving and as people become aware and more open to other cultures, we find love and relationships in many forms from romantic love, friendships and business with Nigerian people. Traveling to countries that were once difficult to get to now is much easier. As our worlds open up and we change our thinking of other cultures, we are allow an opportunity to regard and respect each other when no such road was available.

Dara Ones September 1, 2006 - 6:19 pm

I just want to say .i was married to a nigerian for 5yrs. We were very happy till his friends became jealous of our relationship. They would tease my husband because i kept a clean house and treated him like gold. If i went shopping for my son i often bought something for my husband. There was much said when i did this. I learn yourba well enough to speak it and understand when they were talking about me. Not even my husband knew i spoke yourba. One day his best friend ask him how was the sex with me. He became angry and told him to leave.the headr came when i learn that my husband that i loved so very much had brought an african woman here to the states and married her, as well as me. I found marriage papers that stated he had married her the same day he married me. we married in the morning and he married her that afternoon. I didn't find this out till one of his friend ask him if he could marry me because i was a good wife. On this day i started to speak yourba and everybody eyes popped out of their head.i then at this point told my husband i wanted out of the marriage. He said ok wait till i go to oklahoma and see my brother. He went to okla and never came back, changed his name and stayed with his nigerian wife, i was deeply hurt by him.when ever i tell this story many think it is a lie god knows it is true. We have a very handsome son i went on with my life and when my son turn 2yrs old his dad tracked us down and ask to meet with him because he was dying of prostate cancer, he cane back after 25yrs to get his son but his son says you are a stranger were have you been all my life .and that you used my mom as a stepping stone to get status here. I am now a principle and my son is a doctor; my ex husband is out side hoping his son woul run into his arms.there was nothing in our marriage that gave me signal that my husband didn't love me or his son;i believe it was all because of culture and him wanting things too fast, he wanted me to go back to school i was content in my job,he was a cab driver so were he lack i picked up/he also was a student. I said all of this to tell any woman that nigerian men are proud and if they marry an american woman she has to be of high quality to show off back home; he is now presently in remisson and trying to come back with me; i pray for him but i will not travel that road again

Manu August 30, 2006 - 7:13 pm

Great articles, God bless our African women, as a Cameroonian your articles does apply to all of us Africans.There is a saying where i am from, it goes, without women (our mothers, sisters, wivies) we are nothing (powerless), men are powerful because of our women, for we(men) draw our strength from our below women.

God Bless us all.

KingAJ August 30, 2006 - 5:59 pm

It is a shame to have written such memo. What ever happens to love is blind. Do you chose whom to fall in love with? Love knows no boudaries, yet, some of you continue to differentiate between western women and African women. Majority of African women have beaten and abused their husbands, majority of them have runined a perfect home. Talkless of many of them practice voodoo. Perhaps, some Nigerain men are trying to get away from this headaches, and deal with western and civilized world. Where people treat each other with respect, perhaps, they're have seening a lot in there own home in Nigeria, and they weight both issues, then pick which ever is easier to deal with. The article is well written but it is bias and full of ethnocentric thoughts. Open up your mind and find ask why do people do what they do.

As for me I love all people and I am very much color blind. I will marry whomever is going to work with me to attain success, regardless of color, creed, religion, nationalty. I am only interested in a good woman not in the nationaly or origin.

Liambee Kundu-Swem August 29, 2006 - 5:28 am

Nigerian men haven't gone soft. Some people just can't afford to put their lives on hold just to marry a nigerian girl by: 1) Going in debt for the wedding before you have a home of yours. 2) After ending up in debt and can't afford any other thing for your woman, now she is likely out there finding herself a sugar daddy. 3) Supposing you don't agree with her behavior, her family is at your doorsteps threatening to breakup your family. How the heck can anyone be romantic to someone who put's you through that? Where is that so called support? I am a Nigerian male who is not married. After years of Girls putting you through the lying and cheating in Nigeria just because I was someone who happened to be studious and focused on my ambitions. I am sorry! How do we say it? "He is trying to be oinbo". Let's stop fooling ourselves. Not every Nigerian male, or in this case, female, can stomach some of our so-called cultural marriage behaviors. I don't think I will marry a Nigerian girl when I decide to marry in the future either. Life is too bloody short, and happiness too hard to come by, to be busy playing race and culture – and eternal too? Please, let us all do tell!

Muyiwa--husb of american August 27, 2006 - 1:56 pm

I am married to a wonderful white girl, she is so sweet, wonderful, caring, just name the total package of a woman–she has it. We got married in Nigeria and I am sure that the people around there will never forget her picture in the purple "aso-oke" that was our wedding attire. In fact, in the presence of the whole people around, she fed me the cake on her kneels and also greeted elders in my family on her kneels. This is a thing that some Nigerian girls are slowly begining to even find difficult. My wife even hand washed my cloth in Nigeria while I was asleep and I didnt even ask her to do that. That was the first time she will do a thing like that in her life! She has not stop washing my clothes here in the US. I will just say that there are good and bad people in every race of the world and every culture but the simple truth remains that we all need God to help us make the right choice because no bad person has it written on his/her forehead that they are one. In my own case, I am extremely blessed to have my own wife…We sure have our own downtimes (misunderstanding) but if I am to make another choice, she will always be my choice in a million succession! When u get to Lagos, ask them and they will tell you that they know one white girl that had diffussed every negative beliefs that they have about foreign women so I will beg you to please leave these women alone and look at the wonderful things that they are doing….Do not forget that in the stories of divorces and cop related issues that u have heard in the past, u heard one side of the story… Whenever u are making a choice of marriage, white or black or blue or purple or green or yellow or pink or orange remember we all have red blood running in our veins… the only way someone can prove to me that one racial person is better than the other is when they can show me one that doesnt have red blood! laugh if u want to white girls are sweetest that I know….u can disagree with me if u want to but I have never been married to a non-white and so I will never know what it is like with non-white females because I am satisfied….Having said all that, all people in the world are good, before u begin to talk about the negative side of someone else, take care of ur dirty behaviour and u will find good love with the help of God but dont deceive urself, it takes God to make the best choice regardless of color so if u want the best go to the manufacturer of the best….God!!!!!!

Anonymous August 27, 2006 - 10:46 am

I regret that I have read your racially bias article. If you are a man of faith, why on earth would you claim that God's greatest creation to be a nigerian women when indeed all woman of all cultures have proved themselves to be remarkable wives.I also take offense to this article because I am an american who is currently dating a nigerian. Does this reverse the laws of God, nature, or just you?

wife of muyiwa August 25, 2006 - 10:37 pm

I have one question for the writer of this article: Have you have been in a relationship with a foreigner? If the answer is no, then how are your readers suppose to respect your opinions on a subject you have no personal experience with? and why is this article at first making general reference to "foreigners" but then continously refers to only Americans? Isn't it fair to say this is an article primarily about Nigerian men marrying Americans….and even more specifically WHITE women?

I happen to be married to a wonderful yoruba man who is very independently minded and I could never imagine him bowing down to my every desire, and he does not act like a "wimp" at all. Furthermore, I do not think it is fair to be so prejudice against interracial/intercultural relationships. Or to throw such negative generalities out there towards the wives of these Nigerian men. I personally do embrace my husband's culture and family. I flew to Nigeria and met his family and even had a traditional wedding. I even am learning some of his language as well as trying to learn some of his dishes. the only one i can cook well so far is jolif rice.

Now about getting divorced and calling the cops? Where do you find these women you are referring to? IN the ghetto? Yeah, i know you Nigerian men have this attitude about us white Americans, but it is highly unfair and offensive. Even my darling husband, whom I love dearly has even come out when we have fought to tell me I will probably call the cops or file for a divorce. I was and will always be highly offended by such statements. I never have been involved with the cops nor has my family…it is only the uncivilized, or poor, or uneducated that do such things. Now I have experienced prejudices from people on both ends…the Nigerians and Americans. Why doesn't everyone start worrying about their own problems and allow the rest of us to enjoy our own relationships…after, is it a crime for me to have married a Nigerian? Is it a sin? If so, I have not found that sin in my bible yet!

AKIN August 23, 2006 - 12:53 pm

I didnt agree with the author, please come to UK and see what Nigerian ladies are doing to their Nigerian husbands, these are people we knew as coolheaded ladies from well cultured and respected families in Nigeria, they came into UK courtesy their husbands 'of course' and become another thing; proud, arrogant, promiscuous etc, where is the culture now?

I am happily married to a Czech lady, who loved & accepted me as head of the family and I also loved and respect her as my wife, she calls my parents and I calls hers too often, we plan things together and we didnt have any secret, what else do I want?

My stand on this issue is that, one can marry any body from anywhere in the world so far there is love, understanding and happiness.


Nkechi August 19, 2006 - 10:34 am

Finally, someone who appreciates us

R Madrid August 16, 2006 - 3:38 pm

I have read your article I do not wish to critize you or put you down in any way. My observation of it is that it is a one sided opinion and it is an opionion that is anti-western. As you must know the United States is a melting pot of so many diverse cultures to many to list here. I myself am an imigrant to these United States my family came from Mexico and I find myself in a commited relationship with a Nigerian man. I relate to the first part of your artile he is a proud intelegent man with set values that he never detures from. We keep a traditional home with him at the head of the house and I follow. He for the most part is the bread winner I also work but I keep up with the house and all the chores that come with it. I want to remind you that we are all people here on earth under A God that does not see nor does he want us to see color. I was at a funtion recently and the speaker finished saying lets marry within our culture and our people this hurt me deeply since I was not of the speakers culture the room was filled with 300 people do know what only about 20 of them cheered everyone else stood silent in shock. I belive that we need to love each other as God loves us and be tolerent of one another. I belive that you are a very aloquent writer but maybe you can take a closer look at the westerners that you a protesting about.

stella August 14, 2006 - 10:51 am

I rate this article 4. I appreciate the writer's opinion but considering Nigeria society, one would say that public romance is not part of Nigeria culture. Most people view public romance as not being responsible. thus people find it difficult to show love in public like kissing, hugging and others. the environment one is, has a greater role to play in one's way of life or behavour

Anonymous August 10, 2006 - 11:59 am

Frankly, i am sick and tired of Nigerian Women bitching and complaining about this issue. We need to open up our eyes and hearts and start dating other nationalities, it will be tough but you know what, you will not be the first nor the last. Yeah it sucks but hey why limit yourself. Personally i would prefer to have a Yoruba man but i am not going to sit around and wait for him, when he is not looking for me. Wake up please and look for someone who makes you happy, makes you stronger as an individual, respects you and your culture and is willing to learn about your culture and tradition. Also do not forget who you are, stand your grounds and be yourself. stop letting society dictate for you. regardless of who i marry better believe I am a yourba women first before anything.

Kimberly August 9, 2006 - 10:40 pm

I truly enjoyed your article. However, I am a white woman in a relationship with a Nigerian man and I have no desire whatsoever to make him my house pet. I want to be with his family as often as possible as well as he with mine. Not all western women are flaky and noncommittal. My parents have been together since high school and have recently celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary. By the way, my father is a retire US Soldier who had all of the power and control in our household. My mother has cared for the children and the home as her primary responsibility. I have been trained since the age of 8 years to cook, clean, and take care of my household. Please don't stereo type all western women as being so shallow. Only a woman truly in love will submit properly to her husband.–Just this white girl's opinion.

Anonymous August 3, 2006 - 8:07 pm

I have a fresh relationship with a Nigerian man. It is only three weeks old. Ultimately, I am excited but yet scared by all the comments that I have read from this article. I am African-American woman. I think I could fall in love with this New Nigerian man that has walked in my life. But I do not know if I should based upon this article. He is very passionate. his kisses and touches are simply amazing!! However I want to have sex with my husband and not a "mate." If Nigerian men are so aggressive based upon this article will my man be able to wait one or two years for this to happen? Do Nigerian men have that self-control?

Do Nigerian men believe in the basic principles of Christianity and loving the woman as Christ Loved the Church?

Do Nigerian men pray. Do they know how to be the head of household like Christ is the Head of the Church?

Open for comments

Stacy August 1, 2006 - 11:14 pm

Well, of course everyone is entitled to there own opinions, however I would never talk down on someone's work the way some people have done about this article. I am from America and I happen to be in love with a Nigerian man and so far so good. I mean..none of the men over here seem to be stepping up. And I really don't think it should have anything to do with where a person is from. I am just a woman who believes in true love. He could have been a European and I would still feel the same way if he treated me with respect and showed nothing but love. Thank you for your articles and I look forward to reading more. And I honestly feel that you are writing about things you have seen, studied or maybe even experienced and I see nothing wrong with you stating your opinions and facts.

Anonymous July 30, 2006 - 12:20 am

It is truly a misfortune that the lowest rating afforded is a 1. I happened on this website by accident and read the article. I was shocked to see that the reason I had to keep scrolling down was not due to the length of this article, but because of the anger you generated with your unsubstantiated words.

It would appear that the crux of your argument is that Nigerian women should honored by their Nigerian mates. However, the way that you justified this stance was utterly lacking in intellectual rigor. Indeed, your stereotypes, masquerading as facts, were weak and hurtful. I myself am a Nigerian woman. If all Nigerian men reasoned like you, I would rather that you did not honor me and leave me to be free to pursue someone who does not believe that treating his wife with open affection is a sign of his shrinking masculinity. Frankly, I think that people are being goody-two-shoes by telling you to have a blessed day. I think that you should have a blessed day. You should be so blessed by God to read Ephesians 5:25-28, where Paul exhorts husbands in the Ephesian church to love their wives in a manner comparable to how Christ loved the Church. Consider 5:28 – "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (NIV).

Look, I myself am a doctoral student, being trained at one of the most prestigious universities in the world to discern solid research from biased opinions. And you know what? Clearly, based on others' responses, such a level of eduation isn't even needed to tell that what you wrote was nonsensical at best. I almost laughed out loud when that alleged college professor declared your writing to be so wonderful. Hah! Okay, now I really am laughing!!!

smart July 26, 2006 - 8:40 pm

This article has opened alot of information up to the Americans and Nigerians. God never created any man or woman to be abrusive. God created woman for man because he stated that man should not be alone. There for because we came from the man rib we are the weaker vessel. The Lord as well told the husband to love his wife the way that he loved the church. For no man will hate or mistreat there own flesh. As Nigerian men or whatever culture that you may come from does not give the right to mistreat any woman. One thing that I do know that God see all and that for every stripe that you put we are already healed. But my God said that the battle is not mine it is the Lord he will repay. Also he gave us the common since to know woman there comes a point in time that staying in a situation that is not loving but more abrusive, mentally and physically is not of the Lord! I pray for every woman or man that is in a relationship like that. My God is a loving and a compassionate God and not the aurthor of confusion but PEACE.

God created woman for the man to be a help meet and not a slave. The word states "Whom ever the son sets free is free indeed." May God richly bless you and continue to pray that every nation comes together under God!!!!!

Amy July 22, 2006 - 10:59 pm

I am a white woman from the United States who married a Nigerian man one year ago. I have to tell you my first year of marriage to this man has been a hard one. And when i read about how nigerian men are the superior beings and head of the households and control daddys, this is truly what i have endured. I can tell you i love my husband but have not sat submissively or quietly and put up with such treatment. My nigerian man has alot to learn about american women we are raised as equals, not that men are better than we are, we also are given a say in things from a very young age and most importantly we are SHOWN love, it is not just something we know, we are SHOWN with actions. My husband wrote me all these beautiful mails prior to coming to the United States and i have to tell you he has not shown those words to me once, but i am still working on it. I truly look at the nigerian women with much pride to think they tolerate such behavior but then again if your raised in that atmosphere you know know different, here in america the american men keep there wives happy and always include them in everything, there is nothing more degrading than a woman being taken for granted and basically made to feel like nothing, when the truth of it is women play such an important role in a marriage and work just as hard as the man if not harder for she is tending to children on top of working a full time job and contributing just as much of an income to the family as the man….come on nigerian men love your ladies and treasure them as if they were a peice of gold.

Ashley July 20, 2006 - 6:17 pm

I must say that the author of this article is, for lack of a better word, ignorant. I am a woman who is half White, half African-American, and am currently dating one of the most wonderful men I have ever met. My Nigerian is strong willed, fiercely independent, and highly educated, yet he still shows affection. I cannot fathom how you could possibly call simple courtship "weakness" or "going soft." We are discussing marriage, and I love him deeply, but articles like these make me pause. I want nothing more than to marry this man, take care of his household, please him in bed, and bear his children, while holding my own career to make both of our lives easier. I want to get to know his family, learn all about his culture, cook his native cuisines, so how can you possibly say that Western women do not know their role as Nigerian women do. I am acquainted with many Nigerian women who will not be treated as slaves either. Is this too much to ask? I have no problem playing the role of the woman as long as he remains my strong man. He treats me like a queen, and though he can be condescending at times, I take it in stride and we work together to create a peaceful union. Marriage is not about jumping when he says jump, and submitting to his will at all times. It is about love, consideration and respect for one another. When we have disagreements, he respects the fact that I will debate with him, truly showing him my side of the argument, and I appreciate him for honestly listening. I don't want to be the co-captain of the house, my man is king of my castle, but I do expect respect, and will devote myself to him completely in return. He has met my family and cares for them already, but I am apprehensive about meeting his because of people like you. I fear I won't be welcomed, that they will share the same opinions you have of western women. I know it always takes work to get along with extended family, and this is something I am more than willing to do. I want to meet his distant cousins, aunts, uncles, and any other relations he may have. I want to care for his son as if he is my own, and to be completely open to all aspects of Nigerian culture. So how dare you assume that western women do not know traditional family values? I love my man, and we have a caring, nuturing relationship that is not without the occasional argument. We are learning about one another's cultures and are embracing them, compromising, rather than remaining steadfast in our own opinions. He loves that I am independent, but willing to do what I can to make him happy. We work to make one another happy, that is what makes for a successful marriage, not one person lying down like a dog. And I am distressed that you would believe this kind of consideration for me emasculates him. Maybe you should check into how secure you are within your own masculinity, as it takes a true man to recognize the good things he has in his life and know how to cherish them. And another thing, I have lived through good times and bad, and would not DREAM of leaving my man when he is destitute, or calling the police unless he is physically abusive. So do some more research by speaking with western women who are involved with Nigerian men before you speak on a topic of which you obviously have very little knowledge.

Akin July 14, 2006 - 8:40 am

To Comment 403:

"Maybe the men who marry white women are more closer to God in their spirituality and know better then to mistreat his wife" – You clearly think you're God's gift to the Nigerian man and that ALL Nigerian men mistreat their wives. And then you say its not a race issue? Look at you, so you believe all Nigerian men mistreat their wives?

There is so much pain in Nigeria and sufferings from the poor and blood shed it's no wonder the other Nigerian males want to leave and fall in love with a woman not of that country.

Darling, this is not strictly true, you are a lucky one. Regardless of the pain and blood shed you talk about, most Nigerian men abroad marry foreign women for Pali i.e. Passport and papers. Come to London and see how many single white mothers are there with halfaste children, with no father to be seen. And the ones who manage to stay married are cheating on their white wives everyday with their Nigerian women.

Also tell me, why is it that with all this pain and bloodshed, we still go back home in the end? Build houses and make a family?

If they are greatful to the women of other countries who married them?

Woman, you are just full of yourself. Love is love, wherever it is. So are you saying your husband is grateful to majestic you for showing him the light? You are funny!

Tell me, what does your husband do? Are you feeding him? You got him papers, so you now feel like his messiah? GET REAL

hummingbird July 14, 2006 - 6:10 am

Wow im confused,I am a tall blonde Australian woman whi si engaged to a Nigerian man,we met online and we are yet to meet in 6 weeks.I just came out of a abusive 6 year relationship with a native american mane we had 2 beautiful children and he too was exactley like the stereoyyped nigerian man,,,i wonder how is a woman supposed to know when th eman of her soul her shining dark prince of light is in actuality using her for money or residency..Would someone care to share with me nigerian men behavour when they are truly in love.He is very sweet sends me sms all the time we talk for hours on the phone and net.Yet i am confused now as to the reality of the nigerian man..please feel free to respond my heart sould not bear to be shattered once more..i left one too many a man for controlling abusive beahvour and i refuse to be hurt again LOVE AND LIGHT

Janie July 13, 2006 - 6:03 am

I'm with the majority of non-nigerian women who have posted onto this article. I am also deeply in love with a Nigerian man and I'm English. I have an Indian background but nonetheless I think this writer is stereotyping to the extreme. If a non nigerian was to write about a nigerian with such negativity he'd be called racist!

I wonder if the author is unable to attract non-nigerian women and that's why he's got a bee in his bonet? Hmmm come on ugly….confess.

Jaja July 4, 2006 - 10:46 am

Nigerian men are equally abusive to their foreign wives, I am AMerican and was married to a Nigerian. He is still trying to get me back. Certain mentality is engrained in these men because of their culture. Women are 2nd class. My husband was possessive and domineering, his pursuits and goals are number one, my goals meant nothing.

I know a couple of people Americans and people from the West Indians married to NIgerian and have so much strife. I didn't believe it until I married a Nigerian.

These men have mentalities and practices that are not healthy for any woman that they are with. Woman are an asset to them, not partners. Equality and relationship building is non existant after a commitment of marriage is made to a majority of these men. It is sad

Janice July 3, 2006 - 12:04 pm

It is so sad that many men,and women come to this site to find out about your boyfriend or spouse: I was married to a Nigerian for 14 beautiful years until his death; We shared many special moments and had 5 beautiful children: i am a black American Lawyer by profession: What I would like to say to many women is learn the lanuage it is a plus for you: It will make him respect you more and love you more: It is generally a plan when most of these men come to foriegn lands and that is to find a women that his famiy will except and his friends respect. It is true that the Niherian men in some cases are arrogant, self center, and controlling, as the woman it is up to you to tell him it is not just him in this relationship from the start, the moment you let your gaurd down that is trouble. If I could have had more time with my spouse I am sure it would have lasted forever: Although Ayo is in heaven I still love him and have many blessed memories of love that we shared . I pass this love to our boys and teach them that a woman is their begining and she must be respected at all times:

Katie July 2, 2006 - 1:27 am

I think the article was excellent nigerian and foreign women open my eyes to a lot about a nigerian man filled in the blanks when I read the article. I won't date another one.

ginie June 27, 2006 - 4:45 pm

i thank you for insight on the thinking of nigerian men

Cheryl June 23, 2006 - 9:18 am

i am english and have been with my nigerian boyfriend for 6 months, were great together and have a very loving relationship. i dont completely agree with the article, i do not feel that nigerian women treat their husbands and better and do more for them its simply who you fall in love with and how much you love them, afteral we are all humans it simply depends on the person.

kenny June 18, 2006 - 2:36 pm

women are the same all over, black or white doesn't make any difference to me.

unknown user June 14, 2006 - 2:50 am

I can't say whether or not the above is true but I know I am white and I love my husband who is nigerian and I honor him as such. When you show love and respect you usually get it in return no matter who you are. Being faithful, loving, kind, trust worthy and there for one another in all matters of the heart is what does make a good marriage no matter who or what race you marry into. I believe it is truly wrong to peg any race on this issue. Plus one must remember that one usually does what one is taught or has seen many times over in life starting as a young child. Even then not everyone does as he or she has seen. And I find it totally wrong to compare a good man from a bad man who thinks beating his wife is a good thing period. Maybe the men who marry white women are more closer to God in their spirituality and know better then to mistreat his wife. I really don't think what race the man is married to is the reason for his abusing his wife. There is culture granted in every country but the fact remains abuse is abuse and has nothing to do with culture. It is wrongful behavior that was learned then from generation through generations with these men and not culture. These men who beat their wives and treat them with such disrespect do so because they want to feel powerful over the weak woman. To them this makes them feel superior. What an eagle trip to such a sick person to be on. I feel sorry for them and the person who believes what they written is a factual reality of a nigerian mans culture. This isn't culture it is abuse. And the poor wives who take it probably stay there in the marriage in fear of her life if she leaves which is in deed sad. There is so much pain in Nigeria and sufferings from the poor and blood shed it's no wonder the other Nigerian males want to leave and fall in love with a woman not of that country. If they are greatful to the women of other countries who married them then it is because they have learned to finally respect the women and are greatful for what they found in these women who helped them see another way of real love in this life. A good man would give his wife flowers or take her for strolls. He would even dine her if he had the money or surprise her with a small gift just to show his appreication for all the love she has given to him by doing the house work, cooking and caring for his children. This should be like this in every marriage throughout the world. You make it sound like men who are married to other ethnic women who shower their wives are wrong for doing so. The persons who are wrong are the persons who want to believe this garbage. That is what I have to say on this issue. Stop trying to put a good man down because he does loving things for his wife and does appreciate her.

Nay June 12, 2006 - 3:05 pm

Currently I am in this type of situation, I am AA woman and I am engaged wt. African man. My fiance told his mom/dad about me and everything seemed cool until he told them I had been divorced twice and I had three children. Mind you I am a very successful women and I have taken good care of my children without minimal child support.

Well, he told them this and there whole deminor changed, they invited me to Nigeria to meet them and welcomed me, and when I mentioned to them that they will have to travel to the states soon for our marriage they closed up and handed my fiance the phone? I ask him if he told them and he said yes, but I beg to differ. I think they may have had someone else set up to marry him, but she did something really bad as to having another man in her bed and got caught, and that was that.

At this point I really think the family wants him to still be with this women regardless of what she did. They ask him to forgive her and take her back. I am afraid because I am in the dark I know nothing and my mind telling me to back out now, but my love for this man says wait. I am very mad,upset,disappointed that we have to go through this and I want everything to be made good again.

What to do?

Denise Anoniti June 10, 2006 - 1:46 pm

very accurate article

Lena June 9, 2006 - 1:31 pm

I think that some Nigerian women are beautiful yes, but on the other hand there are some that are ugly. This division occurs in all races, nationalities, cultures, etc. The truth of the matter is that when there is love it doesnt matter where the person comes from or if they are the same cultures. I am and African Canadiam and very beautiful I might add. I have finished University and am a working professional. My husband is Nigerian and also a professional. Truth of the matter is we love each other and the love we have is just as strong as it would be if he was married to a Nigerian woman. Maybe the occurence of Nigerian men marrying abroad is happening more and more because they realize that all women can provide the same thing as long as both of those involved in the relationahip are on the same level.

DeNitra June 8, 2006 - 1:00 pm

There are two sides to every story

What about the American woman who become victims to immigration fraud? Some Nigerian men will stop at nothing to obtain their goals of becoming educated and successful in the United States. I married a Yoruba, Nigerian man who pretended to love me in order to gain legal status in the United States. I filed his immigration papers, helped pay for his education and gave support when his own brother (living in the US) and other family members turned their backs on him. It is because of me, he obtained a BA, MA and now working on a PHD! What was my reward for helping? He divorced me in September (convinced me to get married in a courthouse to save money for school) and remarried in December at an elaborate wedding in Miami. To throw me off, he talked down about his now Bahamian friend (now his wife) she was too dark, nappy hair, not his type and only worthy to be a friend. She is now a U.S. citizen too thanks to me. They are now a well known couple in Miami and he recently ran for County Commissioner in Miramar, Florida. Where is the justice? I meet woman who have a similar stories all the time. Who is writing to defend us? We are educated, supportive and respectful. Who heals our hearts when they are trampled on? It takes a strong woman to take on another culture, embrace it as her own and do it all with grace and love.


Mekki June 4, 2006 - 7:50 pm

I met and a Nigerian guy 6 months ago. We began seeing each other and he professed his love for me the first day I met him. He said he wanted me to have his baby and marry him. He is a cabdriver who makes very little money. Although he's given me a few gifts, he expects me to cook, clean, and, help supplement his paltry income so that he can pay for a trip to Nigeria. I wanted to believe he loved me but all indications point to him wanted to use and control me. I really believed he loved me in the beginning, but as soon as he knew he'd hooked me everything changed. He became (even more)evasive about his live. He's lied to me about so many things he can't keep his stories straight. I feel betrayed and confused. I don't want to sterotype but all of my friends have told me horror stories about their Nigerian men.

goldenqueen94 June 2, 2006 - 8:14 pm

I found this article to be quite the truth. I am married to a nigerian man and he is distant but he does buy me flowers and we go out and he likes the fact that I'm not so submissive. If it doesn't sound right we will discuss it. I think that he listens to me because I am from America and he is trying to learn our ways. Perhaps that's the reason we get more respect. I am an African American woman and my husband and I have been together for 12 years. No infidelity. I also must give my African sisters their props. Because the work very very hard and very devoted wives and mothers and I would think that the Nigerian men would cherish them but instead they disregard them as trash.

That's o.k. because other men will see the diamond in the ruff 🙂

Anonymous May 26, 2006 - 6:58 pm

I think the more we stereotype, the more likely so expressed 'polar opposites'; black nigerian women and white women, are likely to become the stereotypes and hate eachother. Jealousy. There is only truth in stereotypes when you find that stereotypical person. If you are white and meet a nigerian person don't prejudge and vice versa. Life is all about is experience.

TRACIE AYO May 25, 2006 - 2:10 pm

A nigerian woman wrote this article?

Well i know nigerian woman to change when they come

To america, you should research futher for you pc.

Even ive witnessed a nigerian woman calling the cops

Not once but twice….on the nigerian man

And even displayed a lie as if she was hurt once they got

There….they are picking up the bad parts of american

Woman life styles…

Ok ive also witness the romance from a nigerian man

But also i would ask why you dont show this behavoir

For a nigerian woman…

Feel free to contact me for comment

ameka May 22, 2006 - 10:56 pm

clearly this article was written by a nigerian woman whose man left her for a american woman. nigerian women are no better than african american women.

Anonymous May 22, 2006 - 11:45 am

I am quite suprised by the article- being a westerner dating a nigerian man I have found it very different – but good. I would say that I wouldn't phone the police on him over something stupid and I love to hear about his family- so that is stereotyping white girls a bit too much.We are also family orientated and understand what it is to join another family. As for Nigerian women- the majority that I have met have seemed very strong ladies and I thought it would be the complete opposite that Nigerian men date white girls so they can have an easier time of it,(thats a compliment) as I would say nigerian ladies are definately more clued up to what the men are all about(obviously)

I found the article interesting- although my guy is very affectionate in public and I find I am the english prude at times lol. There are exceptions to every rule. The article does over generalise and stereo type the nationalities and sexes. Eye opening though 🙂

white-male May 22, 2006 - 6:43 am

Nice article – you convinced me

i want a nigerian wife.

Anonymous May 18, 2006 - 4:25 pm


MOJI May 18, 2006 - 10:10 am

hi, im a citizen of united states of America and im originally from Nigeria, i agreed with all what you wrote about Nigerian men married to foreighn women i really love your comments. My husband left me for a white woman in Germany and i have been with this guy for years, to make the long story short im getting ready to divorce his behind.It shouldn't be like that my brother for our men.I still love to marry my country man in future, but im taking my time to do so. May God bless our men. Amen



jay May 15, 2006 - 10:38 am

i dont understand the mentality that says, "we are all Gods children" but" nigerian women are the best"

Get over it. some individuals are better than others, but whole cultures better than another? so nigerian women are better than Malian women? such a limited way of thinking. and to all those women who get mad when they see black men with white women, get over it, its not gonna go away. All this nonsence and energy about race, and who is better. I am so glad i was raised as a muslim, where this kind of stuff is obsolete. my parents could care less if i marry a white woman. black. african, chinese whatever, as long as they are decent. and my parents by the way are a black american woman and an AFrican man, (from Guinea).

look at the deeper things people. please.

liza May 14, 2006 - 11:12 pm

I have read your article and agree with you in some instances and some relationships. However once you made a mention of God you have open yourself up.

please did not you the name of god for your anger and bitterness. God is no respector of persons. and if you truely believe in God then you would know that who you marry may be God will for you; and who someone else marries may be gods will for them. Bitterness will not find you love. In addition if woman whether they be black American, Nigerian, Ghanian, or white or whatever ( and men) would stop worrying about who someone else is married to or dating;-then maybe they could concentrate on making themselves more desirable to attact the type of mate they would want to have a relationship or marriage with.

I am a prould American, My husband is a proud African ( oh by the way I am black)

( oh and also my Lord and Saviour is Jesus Christ, OH and my God is Jehovah) and my God has taught me to focus on him and not other people relationships and when I did he sent my husband and African man. However, If God would have sent me a White Man for my husband that is who I would be happy with. The bitterness must stop, the jealousy must stop, the anger must stop. When we compare ourselves to others we will always see something to critical of. Live and Let Live. If an Afican Woman wants to marry a white man would that be a problem for you as well. Remember when you a truely happy you only wnat happiness for others.

Nnenna May 13, 2006 - 4:27 pm

This is a very complex issue and tracks back to our African history of slavery and oppression.

To comment #170; you have clearly had bad experiences with the Nigerian women u met, and now u seem upset about it. Were u heartbroken or cheated on by a Nigerian woman to make you generalise and rubbish them?

I feel the African race has a big problem; until our (African) men learn to embrace their blackness and believe that they should be proud to be black, and that being black does not make you lower than other races, and really believe it; they will not appreciate their women. Alot of black (African) men see marrying a foreigner as a stepping stone in the hierarchy of world order, which is WRONG. Hence they do not want to be associated with their (African) women. Have u ever heard a white, Hispanic, Chinese or Indian man rubbish his woman?? No. but you will always hear a black man say 'white women are more beautiful', 'white women are better in bed' and all that nonsense. Indian women are generally just as sexually conservative as the typical African woman, but you never hear their men condemn them. It is very sad. Having said that, we Nigerian women need to support and look after our men. Also, money is not everything. I find a lot of Nigerian women chase or claim to love a man when they find out he has money, which is shallow and off putting. This is in turn is why our hardworking men who start from humble beginnings will rather be with a woman who loves them for them, which might mean a foreign woman rather than with a Nigerian woman. Then at the end of the day, you Nigerian women complain about foreigners taking away our men when you practically handed them over. We as black people have problems with accepting who we are, and should learn to love and embrace each other. Until we do that we are just going to keep dancing round in circles on these issues.

I dont know about in America, but in UK, you might see an Indian man have casual relationships and sexual liaisons with a European woman, but when it comes to marriage, they always marry their own because they love who they are; black people need to learn to love themselves. It is all well and good to have fun and explore sexual activities, but at the end of the day, who will stand by you when the going gets tough? When you are having extended family problems? When you yearn for someone who really understands where youre coming from?.. My dear, its your African woman.

q.b May 12, 2006 - 7:05 pm

I find it very poor that you put every one in the same pot. How can you judge over a whole nation by the few experiences you made? I find this very presumptous of you. And you consider this a good essay? Do you know how many nigerians come into foreign countries, talk about love, make babies and then as soon as they get their staying permit leave their wife and children to go and stay with another one. Is that the men we are supposed to support? Use your tongue and count your teeth! A nigerian woman would not wait long to take action if her husband did this to her. She would go and see the herbalist. And nigerian women.. are they better? How many of them marry to old white men? How many nigerian women ask their nigerian man every day: Oga i beg gimme money! This is the reason why nigerians are fed up! At least white women are independent. They earn their own money. And let me tell you. There are good and bad in every country. But now at least you know how it feels when someone turns the thing around. Have a nice day!

ola May 11, 2006 - 4:29 pm

Onesided and poor view. The kind of view which make black people appear backwards

abiodun May 11, 2006 - 8:38 am

My attention was drawn to this article recently.

Personally, I agree with most of the author's points, except the way he places all non-Nigerian women into a single attitudinal category and his trite question, "Could it be because they engage in all kinds of mind-altering sexual acts that, understandably, the Nigerian woman would NOT engage in?". That is just plain silly generalisaton and marrs an otherwise sensible essay!

American Wife May 10, 2006 - 1:14 pm

Too many stereotypes – totally unsubstantiated statements! I found this article greatly amusing and had to forward it to my husband right away. I am an American (Oyibo)woman married to a wonderful Nigerian man. In our 10 years of marriage, plus 3 additional years before that as a couple, our relationship has always been one of respect, love, and egalitarianism. I have given this man four beautiful children, and love and respect not only his family but also his homeland, having had the privilege of traveling to Nigeria 3 times in the last 6 years. In summary, even if I do not agree with the majority of what the article presented, at least it provides an opportunity for dialogue (and again, some amusement – for remember, if it doesn't apply to you, don't worry, be happy!)

louise May 10, 2006 - 6:58 am

I think the article is completely biased and is stereotyping all non-nigerian women into the same category, i am an english girl getting married to a nigerian man, we have a very strong relationship and have had problems but are still together after 2 years. I think you need to consider your article and apreciate that everybody is individual rather than bringing us whites down as docile and naive! and for the record I cook nigerian food for my fiance… very well, better than nigerian according to his family!! thankyou

Anonymous May 9, 2006 - 9:20 pm

#371 , all African men act like Uncle Toms when dealing with whites and Asians.

Anonymous May 8, 2006 - 5:55 pm

Thank God none of my family was brought up like that!

Yoruba's White Wife May 8, 2006 - 4:40 pm

I read this article with an open mind and always wanting to learn more about Nigeria and it's people. I am a white American woman who has been married to a Nigerian Yoruba man for two years. I am an advocate of always doing your best to take each person as an individual. Each of us are shaped not solely by our cultural backgrounds, but also by family dynamics and life defining experiences whether they be positive or negative. Having this said, I am not naive to the fact that stereotypes are commonly based on truths; the error in the nature of a stereotype is that it boxes up the individual and puts a people group all under the same blanket. None of us want to be suffocated in this way. I have more questions than comments about my Yoruba man if anyone cares to kindly share their insights. 1. In what ways does a Yoruba man think differently about men than women? 2. What is the best way for a Yoruba's wife to address him about concerns that she may have about his behavior? (my husband treats me wonderfully, I am just asking about strategies for deeper communication) 3. What does a Yoruba man typically want sexually? (please be detailed and discreet at the same time if this is possible) I cannot for the life of me get him to express what he would like sexually, even though I know that at times he is disappointed in our sex life (men, please help!) I have a million more questions I could ask, but I don't want to take up all the space!

Anonymous May 8, 2006 - 4:11 pm

This is too generalized and mostly untrue. If this was written about 10-25yrs ago, could be true. These days most Nigerian women in America have become completely confused with their roles as partners/wives. Maybe our culture have totally confused our beautiful ladies that they are more consumed in fighting for independence instead on concentrating on the relationship. I dont agree with the generalization that Nigerian women are the best. I have friends that left the ones they really loved to settled with Nigerians. They are literally in HELL in their homes out here in the states. This goes for a few non Nigerians but in my entire stay here in the U.S., I have met and dated wonderful non Nigerians as well as Nigerians. It is not in anyone's place to generalize. True, our culture hold us down to marrying from our own but I consider it a brave manly thing when a Nigerian man sticks to his guns about who they really love and damns the consequences if any.

sarah anne May 6, 2006 - 8:02 am

as a white lady that married to a igbo man for the past 13 years .with all the respect to a nigerian lady they always agree to what their man does or do because hes the 1 that feeding them.and no 1 will gossip them and a lot of the atching married man for their own sake.

miss c. May 3, 2006 - 12:22 pm

This article is overly simplistic, citing personal experiences as fact. As an independent, assertive, and strong African American woman who values family as the foundation for any productive and fulfilling life, I'm disgusted, offended, but not surprised, that the information in this article is being perpetuated as pure truth. Do your research and back your info up with verifiable fact before asserting its validity. While I have personally seen cases of what was said here to be true, it's all stereoptypical and you can find a situation in ANY culture that is representative of this.

Suzette April 28, 2006 - 5:24 pm

The same could be said about the African American male and white women.

Didi April 26, 2006 - 2:33 pm

Hey! Niece piece, and you know what I have said it and made it clear to my friends that; I can't imagine me marrying a non-Nigeria. Whatever I do here and get done and it is time for me to hook up, then I very much know the way to my fatherland. Keep it up. I don't need a prophet to tell me favorably things about Nigeria ladies, you have said it all.

Nemi April 26, 2006 - 1:25 pm

Overall the article was a faint depiction of the mannerisms that surround culturual diffusions of Nigerians and Non Nigerian. I am a caribbean woman from the usa who has dated a Nigerian man to which we later conceived a son. We are no longer together as a couple but we maintain a civil relationship for the sake of our baby. I truly loved him alot and I was very kind to him and caring, he was vice versa but somewhere along the line we grew apart. I started to see increasing behavioural problems from his side; from acting very possessive and controlling, to wanting to delegate how I must run my own show. Surely, I have been raised in a conservative home with a stable family, where both my parents are professors and have been married for over 30 years. There was never any sort of unruly upbrining from my parents, they instilled values of trust, committment, respectful behaviour, education and even open mindedness and non prejudice traits. During our time of courting, he was welcomed into our home and accepted as the man of my dreams by my family. We had quite a lot of common interest and ideals but it was just the arrogance and overly protective ways in him that made it impossible for us to remain together for a lifetime. Inaddition, he confessed to being raised so by his own father, who always made it reflective that women in his culture were to be second class to men. Time and time again we would argue because I was not a part of that upbringing and he could not get to shape me into that mode of functioning. That aspect of ur article that point out how nigerian men are at times with foreign women is not accurate because I can simply disapprove it with my isolated case; which entailed my ex bf wanting to inflict his expected ideals of nigerian women on me. I also disagree with the fact that you categorize non nigerian women as rude, belligerant objects of hooliganic, chaotic and unstable elements of the world, while u paint nigerian women as weak submissive creatures who have no mind of their own.. Anyone who applauds you is obviously a confused soul. Though our culture does dictate and influence the things we do and how we act, it does not determine what our end decisions in life may be and hence u can see any given combination of ethnic culture have failing or blissful relationships. The way you've written this, I almost feel the need to write one myself so as to be the voice of a group of people u have shut out with ur bias and one sided views. Well tata for now.

ose April 25, 2006 - 5:54 pm

The article is well written and it is exactly how I feel about the subject that has been so brilliantly expressed.

A nigerian man has two sides: When with a white woman, he would do anything, but if he is with a nigerian woman, he would do nothing.

anonymous nigerian lady April 25, 2006 - 4:27 pm

I agree with the author that African men behave differently with non aficans. They tend to be softer with them

But things are changing fast, african women today are more confrontational and take no nonsense from their husbands, some have even gotten overbord with this

jtsweet2 April 24, 2006 - 11:28 pm

I give this article a three because the writer is writing what he believes to true from where he stands or from what he has experienced. I can not speak for others about Nigerian men, I can only speak of what I know. I am about to marry an Nigerian man and he is loving and he is kind. He is not afraid to show his love to me each and everyday. I am awaken by poetry and layed down with it in my ears. He expresses his love to me everyday. Even when I fail to do the same . He is the love of my life, he is my strength, he is a gift from God. Even though we were born in two different worlds, I feel that we are one. I as an American women embrace his cultrue and have respect for it. And I do want to learn more about it, for the fact that it is part of him. How can I ask him to embrace my life and cultrue if am not willing to do the same with his. I am an American woman, who will stand by him and love him through good and bad. I receive him in all that he is. I take his hand in love and in marriage. I take his family has my own, as he does mines. His mother is my mother, his sisters are my sisters, his brother is my brother, etc. We are family across the world and we have been united by Gods hands forever.

Anonymous April 23, 2006 - 3:31 pm

When the love is real, real, real, real… no rules apply.

But in general, a Nigerian man, or any man, or any person, will treat you the way you demand to be treated–by your actions.

We have to be aware of the traditions we perpetuate by way of the behaviors that we condone…

Anonymous April 22, 2006 - 8:32 pm

I am an American been with a Nigerian man for three years I have been to Nigeria twice I believe that you do marry the family. I don't agree with most of the article it is very biased.

Margaret April 21, 2006 - 10:49 pm

Blessings! WEll I am a long haired blond white woman who is DEEPLY in love with the most wonderful man I have ever met in my life…HE lives in Nigeria so I guess I will end up living in Nigeria with him. Why would I leave the USA for Nigeria…I love him more than my life!. He is head of the family and I know it would be harder for him to leave his family to come here. I do NOT care for material things but rather the look of love in his eyes for me. I would glady wash and kiss his feet every day of the week if it would bless his heart. Believe I love families and if helping his family blesses him than I would gladly serve with much love. One MORE thing……I LOVE Nigerian woman or sisters. To me they are MORE PRECIOUS than gold and I hope to make many friends to love and have them love me. Why do I feel this way??? Because I am a Christian who strives to see other people through the eyes of Jesus with all the love inside of me. Most of your articale was true until the end when you sterotyped races. Why NOT strive to see the love in people's hearts and then you will know that some people look into a person's eyes and just see REAL LOVE the type of love that last's a lifetime.

Anonymous April 21, 2006 - 11:08 am


Read post #328!!!!!!!

Anonymous April 21, 2006 - 11:03 am


Hi am a african american married to a nigerian man for the past 5 yrs. My advice for you is to "loose that man and let him go" quick, fast, and in a hurry…your guy is full of it. One of the most important things for any woman in any relationship is meet family and friends of your man…how else can you verify him as a honest and good person?

LOTTIE April 19, 2006 - 2:46 pm

Hi, my name is Lottie I enjoyed your article and i need some advice from the horses mouth. I am dating a nigerian man. we have been dating for almost a year i have not met his parents. he says it is against tradition is this true. i've talked to his sister on the phone. when i ask him about commitment he shields up. i don't know i feel like leaving but i'm so into him. by the way i am african american but can be mistaken for an african. thanks for any help you can offer

Anonymous April 18, 2006 - 9:30 pm

Hi my name is Michelle I'm an American woman separated from a Nigerian man in your article you said nigerian men really care about their children well I don't know what happened to my soon to be ex we have been married for 18 years I don't agree that they have a love for their children, at least not my ex, really he acts as if he hates our children, you know the very reason I fell in love and married victor was to have a stable family life with him, but that didn't happen, he is tearing at the very fiber of our family just out of his greed and his need to have power and control, honestly, I didn't read all of your article, nothing personal but I'm so discussed with my ex that I can hardly stand to read anything about nigerians, I don't want to put all nigerians in with this man but, what I experienced with him is bizzare and I hope another woman will never experience what I have with my nigerian man, even though we are not divorced yet I refuse to refer to him again as my husband because he didn't live up to that title in the 23 years I have been in a relationship with him, neither was he a father to our five children he was more of a walking checkbook, which he still is. Michelle In Illinois

Anonymous April 18, 2006 - 7:22 pm

Biased and overly simplistic.

Anonymous April 17, 2006 - 10:28 am

Well, as an African-american woman engaged to a Nigerian man, I thought this article was poorly written, based on sterotypes, and belittleing. There is soooooo much that I could say, but I will say this. If Nigerian women want their sons to marry Nigerian woman, they have two choices – 1. STAY IN NIGERIA 2. TEACH THEIR SONS HOW NIGERIAN WOMEN ARE "THE VERY BEST". Obviously this system of intense family influence is lacking. That is not the faulty of the American women that your men are marrying, it is the fault of the family for not teaching their sons what is acceptable and perferred in your family. If you come to America and allow your children to assimilate – they will do as such. There are many other groups of people who come to America and maintain their culture (though I am sure it can be difficult). I suggest Nigerian women in thier "strong" and "very best" way, improve on the parenting of their sons when they come to America (known as the melting pot of the world might I add). Be a strong and upstanding Nigerian woman, mother, and wife and your son will seek a woman like you.

Anonymous April 16, 2006 - 3:54 pm

This was a interesting article. I can see the point of view of the author but also the point of view of the foriegn wife. I am one of those wives that he is refering to, my parents or from the Caribbean. I would like to say that even though I am not Nigerian, I have supported my husband for over 23 years, we have children and I have visited Nigerian for various reasons, including weddings and funerals. I love my husband, his cultural and the extended family, even though I am not accepted by all. It is in my eyes a short sighted article in as much as it does not take into account these wifes that embrace their husbands culture.

Anonymous April 15, 2006 - 12:17 pm

this is exeellent i have a learnt alot of things and i got a lot of answers where i had big question marks. thanks a lot because am not nigerian and dating one who has never said any romantic thing or say i love you. this is great

Anonymous April 13, 2006 - 11:24 pm

Thank you for your comment. You have given me a lot to think about. I tend to get skeptical of any man who after a few days tells me he is in love with me and we will be married forever. Maybe it just scares me…I've been alone for four years and although I've become quite independent, I do want to meet a man and be with them forever. A close friend of mine warned me of Nigerian men and the red flags went up. I need to use my own judgement and not listen to anyone.

Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

Anonymous April 11, 2006 - 3:14 pm

As a product of what you consider to be a less than satisfactory arrangement. My father is Nigerian and has married a Carribbean women who, if I am to understand you properly, is not is as submissive or obliging as you might desire. Let me point out however what they might have fallen in love with instead. An independent mind and spirit that challenges them, the ablity to understand that men may be vunerable and a place (the home) that they can show it in. And finally a relationship, although you probably do not approve, that is not always affected and compromised by the willy nilly nature of the extended family. I have no criticism of Nigerian marriages, because I do not understand the culture; I am sure they work well in Nigeria. But I suggest that you stop being so closed minded and take the time to realise that beyond SEX that every culture has aspects of its marriage culture that are positive.

Anonymous April 10, 2006 - 11:45 pm

I was very pleased to find this article and all of the opinions. I am a white american woman who met a nigerian man on an on-line dating site. He too is white…maybe a little darker than I am but not much. He was raised in Nigeria and is there now caring for his mom. His father lived in the USA all of his life. The man I have been talking to has lived in the USA for 3 years.

I have been talking to him everyday online and he always says how much he loves me and can't wait to be with me forever. This man is intelligent, sweet, and romantic. I feel he is coming on too strong too fast…we haven't even met yet. We've only been talking for about 2 weeks. He asks me to never break his heart or leave him. He says he loves me so much. He will be back in the USA (he actually lives a few blocks from me-small world huh?) the end of May.

But…although I am very attracted to him and love what he says to me, I don't fall in love with someone until I actually meet them. This is the first time I've talked to a man from Nigeria and I am rather confused. When I read comment 83, I was concerned. He claims to be telling me the truth and I have no reason to doubt him at this point.

My question is…why does he "know he is in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me?" My intuition tells me to stop this before it goes any further. Yet I've never met anyone like him. He talks to me like I'm a queen and I told him I love him too…but also said I wouldn't know if I was in love with him until we met and got to know each other. He says that is okay my love. Can anyone help me out here?

Anonymous April 10, 2006 - 10:33 pm

I am personally disgusted by this man's ignorance as to what marriage means to non-Nigerian women! How dare you make ignorant comments regarding what an American or Canadian wife to a Nigerian man believes. I suggest you do some research and discuss the matters at hand with non-Nigerian women who are married to Nigerian men before sharing your unfactual comments and opinions. I admire your attempt to watch out for your fellow Nigerian women, but please do not insinuate about another race of people because of your pure ignorance. I know just as much as any Nigerian woman does as to what marriage is and means. I know that when you marry someone you become a part of their family and vise versa. What I also know, is that there are women, non-Nigerian women believe it or not, who have married a Nigerian man and worked hard at their relationship, cooking the traditional Nigerian food, cleaning the house, raising children, creating good relationships with their extended family members and also supporting the family financially. To this end, I personally see that Nigerian men, at least a good majority of them, like to ride on the coat tails of women. Regardless of what anyone in any country may think, women deserve respect in a relationship. So many Nigerian men need to look at their partners as their sisters and their mothers and start treating them with respect and stop the cheating and disrespectful behaviour! You Nigerian men who cheat on your wives are digging yourself into a deep dark hole and ruining your family. Wise up and get help, if thats what it takes, to be faithful and committed, regardless of whether you are married to a Nigerian woman or a non-Nigerian woman. Women deserve respect!


Irritated in Canada

Professor April 10, 2006 - 10:11 pm

After reading Sabella's post, I have one thing to say.

Game, set, match! So, let's end this tread.

Anonymous April 9, 2006 - 10:55 am

i have been with both white women and black women and God,are some black women wilder than wild in the bedroom? Next time you get a black woman try anything youve tried with a white one with her and see what happens.quit this ignorant mythical thinking.Explore a bit then youll see what im talking about

Anonymous April 8, 2006 - 11:48 pm

thats not totally true ,nigerian women wiill come to america,become independant and leave their nigerian husbands

Anonymous April 7, 2006 - 9:48 pm

It is very negative towards Americans, White People and biased to the author's own country. It is find to have pride in one's country, but to be so quick to catagorize every Nigerian man, every American woman, and Nigerian woman, is immature, at best. But, overall, the article held my attention and was interesting.

Anonymous April 7, 2006 - 5:33 am

Very interesting to me. I have a new male Nigerian friend. We communicate on-line and this is info. I might not have gained through

our conversations.

Thank you,


Anonymous April 4, 2006 - 9:15 am

Great information and insight into the Nigerian male's perspective on life and love in USA. It has been helpful for me as a Caribbean immigrant living in America and dating a Nigerian brother. I love him dearly and hope to be his "African queen" who embraces all that is important to him as a strong Nigerian man.

Anonymous April 3, 2006 - 1:02 pm

Wow I can't believe the bashing of non nigerian woman in this article…it is obvious this person has alot of malice towards whites especially. I am a WHITE(OYINBO)American woman who is happily married to a Nigerian man and I greatly love him and my new family in Nigeria and miss them terribly when we return to the usa from our holidays. Please don't make yourself sound so bitter and prejudice against foreigners …what were you dumped? LOL! peace and remained blessed

Anonymous April 2, 2006 - 12:18 am
Anonymous April 1, 2006 - 11:57 pm

To post #320

I am sorry for you, please get tested. From what I understand it is very taboo to say homo in the Nigerian community let alone bisexual. The culture simply doesn't tolerate it. It appears to be a code of silence. I told my husband that one of his Nigerian friends has homosexual tendencies and that he should watch out, because I definitely am watching him…because he can't have my man.

Anonymous March 31, 2006 - 9:43 pm

My response to your essay is motivated by my concern for some people who are not married and who may be influenced one way or the other by your views. It is my opinion that your view as expressed in the essay is parochial and very limited, probably to your experience, which I assume has been pleasant. I want to present my own experience which is exact opposite of what you expressed in your essay. I was with a Nigerian lady from the same part of the country as myself, Oyo State and we had two handsome boys together. We met here in the United States. I will always be grateful to God who brought me out of the relationship alive. I was very miserable for the 8 years and I lost the director of my life completely. I fasted and prayed my way out of the relationship.

I beg to differ on your view as expressed that Yes, some of us cant help with whom we fall in love; but to the extent that one can, I would rather a Nigerian. A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw you out of your home; she is not likely to call the cops on you based on flimsy reasons; she is not likely to drag you through the judicial system; she is not likely to throw the divorce papers at you at the slightest provocation; she is not likely to turn her backs at you in times of financial difficulties and other crises. In order words: Nigerian women are likely to stay and be loving and generous and supportive for the long haul

Against your opinion as quoted above, she sent me out of my house, she dispossessed me of all my personal belongings, and she continued to threaten me even after she emptied everything that I had. This is a woman with whom I maintained a joint account for the family. She emptied the account 3 times, taking advantage of any little misunderstanding and thereafter prolong the misunderstanding so as to complete whatever diabolical plan she had with the money. Her sister once wrote us and mistakenly enclosed her letter in my own envelope. Her advice in the same letter is that she should always give me an impression that she has 10 when she has 100. She concluded same advice by saying that she will build her a house in Lagos and I will not know. I copied the letter and gave her the original. I still retain the copy up till today. This is a woman who believed that whether she is right or wrong, I must apologize to her. This is a woman who believed that her money is hers but mine is ours. I became used to hearing words like I am going to finish you in this country, Dont you know this is America? etc. She threatened me at will. She even shipped our 2 boys out of US to her family in Nigeria without my consent. Up till now, I hate to think about those 8 years that I spent with her. I almost died of high blood pressure and was on heavy medication for 6 out of the 8 years of our relationship. Because of that experience, I became so scared that I dont even want to relate in any form or shape with any African woman. Dont get me wrong, I am not saying that all African women are like that, I have been privileged to associate with some families that are enjoying their relationships; but for most part, relationship between Nigerians here in the western world is so chaotic and traumatic, even those that was pleasant before coming to the western world. A friend of mine was married without any major problem for 10 years. Four years after arriving US, the chemistry that kept the marriage for 10 yrs while in Nigeria collapsed. The couple is in court working to finalize their divorce. I heard of a husband that wrote in his will "upon my death, under no condition must my wife be buried beside me. I want to rest in peace". That speaks for itself if you know what I am talking about.

I wasnt going to be married again because of what I went through. I however changed my mind about marriage 5 years ago when I got married to a beautiful Black American damsel. I tied the knot. The adjustment was difficult for both of us in the first year but after that I am grateful to God that the bad experience that I had with my Nigerian woman did not deprived me of a true happiness that is uncommon in todays marriages. We have a handsome boy whom we both love very dearly. My wife visited Nigeria, she love Nigerian and actually prefer that we live in Nigeria. She continued to prefer how we pray in the church, sing, dance and worship. She is a perfect example of wife that any man will believe GOD for. She assures me of her love very often, she is credible and sincere. Her YES is YES and her NO is NO. She tells it the way it is and I dont need any security to watch my back. She is very supporting, very respectful and most importantly she love the Lord. She is a Professional and what she makes in income is more than what many African couples in this country will be happy to live on. She is a born again believer and doesnt compromise the word of God. She is very humble and believes that God made men Husband the head in a relationship.

She once told me that she is obligated to listen and obey me even if our pastors opinion is against what I say. In other words, she clarified it that God said for her to listen to her Husband and not to her Pastor. I can go on and on, but I really need to cut the story short.

We have been married for over 5 years now, and for the last 5 years I continue to have clean bill of health from our family doctor. I have not been on any medication for 5 years. I am happier, our family has progressed and we are just happy. It has been much easier for me to sit with her and get agreement on the direction to which we need to move. Her understanding and cooperation has been very helpful for our success. She is committed to our relationship not only in her saying but in her doing, the adjustment I agree may not be very easy but it is worth it. What is in marriage if there is no HAPPINESS?

I am happy for you and I respect your views especially if your relationship with your Nigerian wife is great, but that doesnt address the thousands of Nigerian Africans whose lives are miserable because of their woman taking advantage of western laws which obviously gave women the edge. A close friend of mine is going through divorce now because his Nigerian wife sent him out of their house and proceeded to court to file for divorce. The interest of their 4 children the oldest being 8 years old was not considered and every intervention was ignored. How many of Nigerian wives threaten their husband with divorce and scared them with child support to coerce and dominate them. That was what I went through but I dared it because my happiness takes priority over any threat of child support. You need to go out, sample opinions, investigate and observe what is going on with most Nigerian couples and you will be convinced that your view as expressed is nothing but parochial.

If I have to start all over again, I will never consider a Nigerian even for a girl friend talk less of developing a relationship. Marrying Nigerian African woman may work in Nigeria where the system provides the needed checks and balances that is able to help sustain the relationship.

Let me conclude that you should be grateful to God that your experience with a Nigerian woman is good, but never you assume or conclude that same is the experience of others. I considered your essay very insulting to people who had similar experience like mine. To borrow from Chinua Achebe, those whose palm kernels were cracked for them by benevolent spirit should not forget to be humble.

jennifer March 31, 2006 - 2:28 pm

I think it is good to be proud of your heritage Mr. Abbide, but you are not the voice for every Nigerian Man or Nigerian Woman.

Anonymous March 31, 2006 - 2:00 pm

Dear Mr. S.O. Abbide,

My name is Jennifer Fadipe and I am a Black American married to a Nigerian for 5 years. We have a baby boy and are making arrangements for his first birthday celebration with our friends on Apr 2nd.

I read your article and found it quite interesting. I see your article as opinion and not based on anything more than your own perspective of "Foreign Wifes". I do admire you for the respect you have for Nigerian Women as God's Creations. That's wonderful, but rather arrogant! All women are God's Creations—This is Truth based on God's Word in Genesis.

And by the way Mr. Abbide, I met my husband when his Nigerian Wife threw him out of the house and flew his two children out of the US to Nigeria without his permission. I always say, One woman's trash, is another woman's treasure. "…A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw you out of your home;…"

Anonymous March 31, 2006 - 12:27 pm

I'm a american woman married to a Nigerian and it just that what American women do for her Nigerian husband a Nigerian woman wouldn't do. Nigerian women are LAZY…

nigerwife in atlanta March 29, 2006 - 3:06 pm

This Nigerian author is totally biased; he can only see it from a nigerian male point of view. You don't know what nigerian women or any other women married to a nigerian are doing in the sanctity of their marriage. It was very generalized and I have seen many loving relationships,as I have, between nigerians and African-american women who totally know what marriage is and what it entails and I have seen Nigerian women living in America neglect their duties for their own selfishness and insult their mother-in-laws.I am living what you are TRYING to describe. If you have such a great marriage or relationship with a Nigerian women, what business is it of yours who your fellow Nigerians marry? It must not be too hot because you have too much time on your hands to write, as the British say, this rubbish! Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Anonymous March 27, 2006 - 8:44 am

I have dated two educated Nigerian men and found that what is written in this article,is close to the truth. I understand the writers views, however there are many cultures with similarities that can work together to achieve a shared outcome. My background is Greek and I was born and raised in Australia and have a broad understanding of many cultures as I have travelled extensively and lived overseas. I believe that a Nigerian man with similar experiences and developed interpersonal and emotional intelligence can effectively accept, respect and adapt to a foreign culture, in marriage, successfully.

Anonymous March 24, 2006 - 4:48 pm

I'll give a 2 for this article not because I don't agree with its content, but because I am a Nigerwife- a foreign, white, American wife who has lived in Nigeria (maybe I am an exception to the rule). I have said that there are four things my husband won't say "Please, thank you, excuse me, and I'm sorry." Although he is working on it, there are cultural differences. Does this mean that one is growing soft? No, there are concessions one makes in any marriage. I hope everyone will learn to love our differences.

Elli, Lagos March 19, 2006 - 11:52 am

this article is like saying that ALL nigerians are 419 or ALL blacks are lazy!

NA WOW for you!!

You must be a very frustrated man!!

Anonymous March 18, 2006 - 3:56 pm

Very enlightening, I loved it.

Anonymous March 18, 2006 - 2:52 pm

The author has good thoughts and intentions,but iam afraid you have mistaken our mothers'era to the "new nigerian wife"era.the percentages for the acceptable standards for the nigerian wife is still good,but dwindling!let us pray!

Anonymous March 17, 2006 - 2:32 pm

This is to everybody married to somebody of the opposite race/culture.When you consdier marriage, you shouldn't base it on race, culture,on religion.etc.If you simply want to be with a person simply because of what they are, you're not going to get what you want. I remembered writing on her a year ago and sharing my story of me being an African American married to an Nigerian man for now 11 years. Before I met my husband,I've dated both African and African-American men. When I first met my husband, I had no intentions of marrying NOBODY regardless of who they were because, my father gave me some really poor examples of being a man. Before I met my husband I was scared to get close to men because of my fear of getting hurt. Then out of the blue, I meet this great Nigerian man at a skating party fundraiser. He was soo strikignly handsome and he was quite impressive with his charm, but I was scared of him because of my intial thoughts of all men being alike. Then for several months we got to know each other, on thing lead to another. I'm happy to say that I've been married to my man for a decade and half( and I hope for 100 more years of marriage). I thank him for making me see the light about men and for being the great man that he is. Why amI'm still married to this man, because WE want it to work. We have a desire to commit to each other in every way possible way you can think of: We love each other, we love our sons and we love being married to each other. Did I consider his customs of his native land. Of course, because we wanted to understand the do's and don't of our native lands and for our boys to get the positive aspects of both cultures. Contrary to the belief of steroetypes that is prevalent in both cultures, we refuse to give into them and to see other as human beings. Even if my husband was to wrong me, I cannot blame every for being like that, just as every cannot blame every American for being bad. I do not want to be a casuality of divorce and neither does he( at least that is what I have been told by him three times over). With some people they base theri relationships on fantasy/expections/stereotypes. Marriage is about commitment , love, sacrifice and honoring the marriage creed. If you're basing your marriage/relationship on a person cultural or any other background, it will become a bumpy ride.

Anonymous March 16, 2006 - 2:44 pm

I agree on some of your points but it just amazes me how a Nigerian man can speak on behalf of non-Nigerian women or white women. Please don't get it twisted, allot of non-Nigerian or White women support their Nigerian families and go to his village for burial, marriages and such. We also will insist that our children knowing their Nigerian heritage and tribe. Please, always give us respect as well. Don't generalize a group of women on someone else experience.

Anonymous March 12, 2006 - 4:00 am

this is a good article; some nigeria men does not like to be a good men to his wife. They treat them like a slaver or a house girl. thanks.From Nigeria wife in washington dc

Anonymous March 10, 2006 - 5:58 pm

Kudos my brother, I am surprised a Nigerian man would ever submit to the fact that when they sell out(marry another race) they change to superman. They take the garbage out, carpool,grocery shopping and the whole nine yards. But let him have a Nigerian woman as a wife, you cook co much your whole house smells of okporoko (stock fish). This is a disturbing fact, aside from the fact that they think all Nigerian women already in the Diaspora know too much, they go home to bring the so called "bushmoon" and treat them like slaves and when they open eye, they run and scream like little girls.

it's unfortunate that due to our humble upbringing we have to stick to them and even that is wearing out now and young Nigerina women are looking beyond naija men to settle down.

Anonymous March 10, 2006 - 5:01 pm

Well said.

Anonymous March 8, 2006 - 6:27 am

Im a south african married to a nigerian. And my mom in-law laid out that I'm married in their family and that I'm a guess in mine. I give my husband room to blow is horn as much as he wants and whilst dating he spontaniously bought me flowers. He is a better cook that I, so hits the pots more than I. Nigerian men have been enlighted by the worlds they have travelled, and nothing is as consistant as change

Anonymous March 6, 2006 - 1:58 pm

As an Afican American woman who recently began dating a Nigerian man, this article enlightened me on some of his ways. It has also enabled me to understand his thought process a bit more and why my courtship with him is vastly different as opposed to me dating an American man. Though I cringed a bit when the author made stereotypical comments about American woman, I appreciated the article in it's entirety.

Anonymous March 3, 2006 - 11:59 pm

While I can understand your need to promote ethnic marriage within your race I disagree with your comments about american women. As a white woman of 34 years of age, my mother has taught me what a woman's duties are and what real family values and commitment mean. It is all about respect. Not all american women have such attitudes as you describe. I hold family above all else and believe that any woman's true duty and identity is to that of her family and home. When a woman marries, she does indeed become part of her husband's family as he becomes part of hers. These values are truly lacking in american society and it is with great sadness that we do not recognize this egregious deterioration and its obvious effects. In future articles it would be more prudent to not make such sweeping generalizations. I have been with a Nigerian (Igbo) man for over a year. And while I would like to have a more romantic relationship, I respect his position and authority as a man and know firmly that I am loved and respected as a woman.

Anonymous March 3, 2006 - 12:23 am

So…how did you all find your way to a Nigerian website again, since you gave up on Nigerians? Looking for another Nigerian man, in spite of all your complaints? Someone should delete this page full of frustrated bias. Your real problem is that you cannot control the Nigerian man the same way you have turned your American men, black or white, into wimps and sissies.

michelle branch March 2, 2006 - 10:40 pm

I could just kiss the guy who wrote post #195. He is right on the money. But what's so sad is that the behavior of our own American men is what drives us into the arms of these nigerian men. Ultimately black America is in serious shambles. Our women are exhausted, our men have basically given up on us as well as themselves often time, and the few decent ones left believe that they're God's gift to mankind half of us are gay (men and women) and the rest of us would rather not be bothered with each other anymore. Many black women like myself have resorted to dating foreign men in my experience Nigerian men have proven to be very unaffectionate and compulsive liars as well. Lying , cheating and stealing nothing that they think twice abt. American black women are better off without them.

Cathy Figaroah March 2, 2006 - 4:53 am

I am a 27 yr old African American female engaged to a Nigerian man. While trying to learn more about his culture i ran across this article. Because i work online i often run across nigerians often most of them looking to scam someone. This is what i've learned so far about nigerian men….1. Most of them are expert scammers. But there are also some very genuine ones. I was very fortunate that my guy has turned out to be a genuine one. 2. They lie effortlessly and are very good at it (they're often unfaithful to their wives) 3. theyre often marry foreign women not for love but to escape poverty in their country 5. American women are like gold to them(black or white) since they will use her for papers ie. visa, greencard 6. To a nigerian man an american women is a priceless comodity not only is she naive and less demmanding than nigerian women but she is also cheaper, in their country a man is expected to pay a dowery which is money to the girls family it usually a fat sum also in their culture the man is responsible for his wifes needs and expenses unlike America where our men behave like babies and usually have nothing to offer. 7. Even with all this generally nigerian men are better than American men in that most of them have a sense of family and culture and have been brought up to be a real man. Which is more than i can say for USA. Whether or not they treat American women better than their own women is a matter of the love he has for her (cheating is second nature to them even when theyre in love). Lastly i think that family and friends matter alot to them and they base their decisions about who they choose based on what their freinds and family think. My advice to anyone marrying a nigerian guy make sure u study him well B4 u get involved with him and PRAY to God for wisdom and strength because you're gonna need it.

loved one March 1, 2006 - 4:33 pm

To Shanie above,

Girl, you ain't never lied…I am a fully bred naija girl loving her AA man and he loves me and my family/culture right back – nothing wrong with being open minded and enjoying the absolute best of both worlds…its all a case by case experience

SHANIE February 28, 2006 - 6:25 pm

To #323 do you know all nigerian women;i should say not. We want love like any other woman it is you fowl nigerian men who dont know how to express your heart, you just jump on us and do your business,well i am now with an american black he knows hou to make a women feel he is very professional has morals, and love me and my family. When another culture is put before you ladies dont let no one spoil it for you it is blissful making love that i have never known;

Like singing to the highest tone of your vocal,

Try love and you will love making love.2 birds singing together in harmony is beautiful thst is love,and making love. Learn all my nijia sisters we are in a fight of our sexual peak give them all you got and keep them at your feet .

They want have to turn to another culture for love

Please excues my bluntness but the truth is the truth. No more of that old fashion taboo stuff.get your man and keep him.

Anonymous February 26, 2006 - 1:41 pm

I love this. My contribution is that even though Nigerian women are more serious with their marital vows, they mostly cannot handle open expressions of love. Due to the generations of abuse they have suffered, they see caring and sensitive men as being weak. They crave for love and at the same time repudiate love.


DEE February 25, 2006 - 3:16 pm

To 312 i am not a whiner just giving facts he will take your children and leave you reality is the light; all in good time, and for the record i wasn't the one to mess up he was amd now he is trying his damness to come back. He sees the true love that he had in his life. Honey take some advice i lived in nigeria for 6yrs and it is etch in stone that your sex may be good but their sons is god. He will leave you.that is fact.

Anonymous February 24, 2006 - 11:57 pm

Wow! What a forum! I was married to a nigerian for what i thought was 10 year marriage,just yesterday i found divorce papers saying after 3yrs of marriage my husband who i love dearly live with me, made love to me for many years had divorice me on the grounds of mental curelty; we have a son who is now grown todsy i told him his father denied him on the divorce cree stating he had no children; please i beg any nigerian man dont't hurt these babies dont have them if you dont want them this has tore my family apart.

Anonymous February 24, 2006 - 11:46 pm

I am a white american not married yet and don't think it will happenYou see my Nigerian guy has a problem, his prefence is both male and female. We went to a party a month ago and I caught him kissing another nigerian man with all the things I have been reading why havent some one address the gay Nigerian that is trap in his own world. I am sure he is not the only one. I did ask him about the kiss his explanation was this is a greeting men do in Africa symbol of love snd trust.I will take aids test march to assure my health and kiss him goodbye.

Anonymous February 24, 2006 - 4:54 am

I am non-nigerian with a nigerian man and believe me, he is a typical nigerian guy. After being together for years, I found out that he had so many affairs that I cannot count. He also lied about so many things that there is no trust. All of the lies just came out last year. We have children together, so we are trying to work it out for their sake. Prior to him, I have always avoided Nigerian men because of their reputation. I always dated american guys or island men. I decided to give him a chance because it is not right to judge anyone based on where they come from, but I WAS TOTALLY WRONG!! He has been the most dishonest, unaffectionate, critical, unfaitful and unreliable person that I have ever dealt with.

Anonymous February 23, 2006 - 8:17 am

My friend, you should meet the nigerian women in London. They will do all the things you said a nigerian woman will not do, and will even do worse. Thats why the men are running away to other nationalities

Anonymous February 22, 2006 - 8:30 pm

I wrote to this topic several months ago.Just thought i would see if there where any more comments on the matter.And wow many more.You see i am the australian,white woman,Who has fallen in love.With a Nigerian man.And from the day i first set eyes on him and spoke to him. I have felt,That this man knows how to love a woman.I feel there was much love, Shown to him in his up bringing.Yet you go on about how there is no displays of affection.With nigerian men and woman. This man of mine contacts me everyday.Tells me how much he loves me.Misses me.Dreams of me. And how he can not wait for us to be in each others arms.You see he is in the process of comming out to Australia to meet me.We started out as friends over the net.And one thing has led to another.And we have fallen in love.He has been honest,And so have i.You see we both.Have been married before.His wife got killed in a car accident.My ex husband divorced me,And ran off with another woman.Some aussie men are like nigerian men.They like there woman to cook ,clean,have children,Go to work earn money and please them in bed.If your happy than its ok.But if your not than you go find someone that is going to make you happy get a divorce.I know through my experience.It made me a better person.And that i wont make the same mistake again.If i marry again,It will be for love,And i feel that i have found the right person.He just happens to be in Africa and i am in Australia,Never did i or him ever worry that we have different colour skin.We both have a lot in common,Lots always to talk about,Because we are both from such different back grounds.Thats part of the fun.He has stated that nigerian ladies are very different than us.We have even had words,over the way they get treated.As he has found it hard sometimes. To understand my way of life.But really it all does not matter.We found each other,Fell in love,And hope to make a life together no matter what.And he is finding out already.just how hard that is .As he has applyed twice in India, To come to Australia,And has not got his Visa, Now he is back in Nigeria appling again.He has spent lots of money to do this,But has no regrets just so long as he finally gets to meet me as he is so much in love.So to all you nigerian men that want to be with a woman from abroad.Be prepared for a long wait.Its not easy.So make sure you deeply love this person.And that you have plenty of money.If you want to go to her country.For a visit,Visas are not easy to get. Hopefully in four weeks i will be in my nigerians mans arms at Sydney airport.Wish us luck.

A foreign wife February 21, 2006 - 2:50 pm

This article is too one sided and do you think that the characteristics you talk about are to be admired? I have been through living hell married to someone who has had no impact on our lives. Having arrived in America, he chose to study full time while I paid the bills and took care of his son. I divorced him but he is still living in my house and being a full time leech. He now has a great job and constantly boasts about his PH.D…are these qualities to be admired? I dare not think this, I consider it a worthless man who expects a women to take care of him entirely.

Anonymous February 21, 2006 - 4:49 am

If a Nigerian man genuinely loves his wife regardless of where she is from he will treat her with the love and respect that she deserves. Sir, you're article sounds like YOU have been a 'victim' of a foreign wife and therefore your article smacks of 'sour grapes'!! Ps I am a nigerian woman!!

Anonymous February 20, 2006 - 8:37 pm

It´s the actual fact.

Regina February 20, 2006 - 12:54 pm

HEllo to all. what's up everyone should stop hating. There can be good nigerian men and african-american men. also as well as bad. I can tell you you this I am african american and jamican and i love my nigerian man he is the best thing that ever happen to me. He is romantic,caring,loving and respectful I love him from head to toe. There is nothing I will not do for him and I know for a fact he loves me. I let him read this article and he laugh and tore it up and gave me a long passionate kiss. Stop hating Love is Love no matter who it is between.

Anonymous February 18, 2006 - 12:23 am

DEE in 311, stop being a whiner. Just because you messed up your relationship doesn't mean you should predict doom for someone's else's. Sheeesh, what's with you people? Enough already. If you don't like Nigerian men, there are other fish in the ocean. Stop the whining. That's why half of you are victims…you exhibit the victim mentality! You invite the bad guys, the bad luck…as if your AA men are any better. Shush already. Someone should close this thread.

DEE February 17, 2006 - 8:01 pm

This id idrectly to #308: It is so beautiful to be in love and it is wonderful your man treats you with respect, I will fair warn you it is not going to last,the Nigerian man is going to leave you once he gets what he wants. Trust me sister he will leave no matter what he tells you. If there are babies already protect them he will try and steal them and take them home to be raise by his family.

Diane February 15, 2006 - 6:29 pm

To Person who wrote response 309: You poor man it is everybody business when your brothers are using women for status and destroying lives with their lies and their controlling ways.These guys are leaving babies all over the place without any support and for the life of me I don't see why these mothers aren't kicking ass. Because it is the States it doesn't mean your child isn't suffering, they are suffering emotionally,most of all. There is a pattern here and I wonder who started this trend to marry for status make an excuse divorce the one who help you acheive and go home and marry the Nijia girl. Ladies that is reading this forum it is all real,watch your babies especially your sons.I am writing a book on this very subject which I will post on this site.

Anonymous February 15, 2006 - 4:29 pm

The woman I am with and will be marrying is Nigerian , as I am. I however , dont see how whoever anybody chooses to marry is of concern to anyone else. However they live their lives is their concern and no one else's, as is their means of achieving happiness.

Anonymous February 15, 2006 - 12:46 am

I am an American-American female dating a nigerian man. He has given me respect which he tells me he does to everyone. I believe in him. I think the article must be incorrect about how nigerian men treat nigerian women because my nigerian man treats me like a queen.

Anonymous February 13, 2006 - 4:23 pm

just fab—-u—lous .well written,i wish my father could see it. infact all nigerian men wheter home or abroad.

Anonymous February 13, 2006 - 4:17 pm

Indeed this article is true stroy which is all around the glob and is essential to us to be addressed. As society is changing dramatically this kind of matters are inprudent the cultures of the world. In very society there's good and bad but offend due to the condition of westerned culture they can't adopt all africa culture but we need to appreciate their side of the waters and the food. However, nigeria men need to adore and respect their wives despite their not whites or africa-americans, we all the same human beings regardless of our race or colours and that would activite the love we all need in life.

Sada February 11, 2006 - 4:30 pm

To Barvo girl, come out of the jungle girl this on this forum is real these guys are after status to make it in america all but a few of the women on this forum will remain married to their Nija men because they have no means of returning home ,but the mas mojority will dumb these women and return home to marry Nijia women I give them 5year together that is the time the immigration allow for u to get status for america.

Sade February 11, 2006 - 4:21 pm

I am Sada half Nigerian ,and half african american, I am a product of a father who left his american wife to marry an Nijia woman, the sad part is that my mom and this man was madly in love until his friends and family interfered in their lives, I remember as a small child going out with my dad and the woman he is married to now was at my aunt's house . After being away from me f0r 27 years my father wants to have a realationship with me ,He is a stranger to me and has never done nothing to support me or my mom,Hi only concern is now he says is my health .He has prostate cancer and want me to know it runs in the family, this is the only reason he is trying to re-enter my life, I just learn I have a sibling who was conveived exactly on my birthday. I have said to him to live the rest of his lif in peace and know what he did was wrong. How can I love a man who has made us suffer in my up bringing and still treat my mom bad; I would like to hear from a Nigerian man on this matter and please don't say he is your father no matter what it want fly with me. My mom has raised me to respect,love ,and forgive and great family morals. tell me how can I love my Father.

Abavo girl February 10, 2006 - 1:03 pm

I was glad to come across this article, and while there are a few things I don't agree with, for the most part the author is telling the truth. For the fellow who is asking for sources, perhaps you need to take a saabatical to the one of the interior villages in Yorubaland, and you will understand a few more things about the Nigerian man. I believe that the world is changing, and Nigerian men are slowly changing as well. To all the Nigerian women out there, be true to what your mothers, grandmas, aunts, fathers, brothers, and all told you. But remember to obey God, and submit to Him in all issues of your life.

Peace out

Anonymous February 8, 2006 - 2:25 pm

Being an African American woman due to marry an Edo man, I am upset by the fact that a Nigerian man is loosing his pride to treat me respectfully. This entire essay is hypocritical. He wants the American woman to ask all about her husbands language, cultures and huge extended families, but he is not required to do anything on behalf of my American culture WHILE LIVING IN AMERICA? No one forces Nigerian men here. They come because they want to. They know what's to be expected when they get here yet they still come and find us. While it is true that most Blacks are ignorant to Africa (and do not even know Nigeria is in Africa most times), this Black is not one of them. This is why men like this author cannot stereotype because it doesn't cover ALL Black women. I have read up more on Nigeria that any one I know. I've even taught my NIGERIAN-BORN boyfriend a thing or two. He's is absolutely marveled at my vast thirst for Edo knowledge and the surrounding cultures. This is the major problem with Nigerian men who think like the author today. They have so many problems with America, yet if it were not for America, Nigeria would not have a fraction of the wealth it has today. It is no coincidence that the richest country in Africa just SO HAPPENS to have oil. It wasn't until Nigeria started to do business with us when their economy began to prosper because they know we will pay big bucks for that oil. Cell phones, cars, stop lights, roads, rubber tires, many things that the WORLD uses every day is because of an AMERICAN – many of whom were slaves at the time and considered property and invented in the wee hours of the night while master slept. So please get off of your high horse and know that RESPECT WILL BE PAID. If you have such a problem with Nigerian men giving a little to American cultures while the American woman gives to his, then stop learning English, throw away your cell phone, put those tennis shoes in the garbage, turn off your electricity and find a way to do it all on your own. Nigerian men respect us because we DEMAND it. If a Nigerian chooses not to, then that is her choice to ask to be treated the way she chooses. End of story.

joseph........from nigeria February 8, 2006 - 1:35 pm

thanks for u have said,so nice u have said this.not everyone will say it just as nice as you did.thanks alot.

Anonymous February 7, 2006 - 8:43 am

As a Nigerian woman, I feel this article is based on bad stereotypes about bad stereotypes. There is little to know fact, but serious conjecture..

Are Nigerian dating out of their cultural norm… most definitely.. but let's face facts, their are many Nigeria men running around with a sense of white is always better. So acquiring something exotic is seen as a big step.

This in no way denies that fact that some of these unions are steeped in love, but many are not.

And it seems really bizarre to me how white men seem to think that black women are wiled in bed and Black men seem to think that white women are wild in bed. This just really shows the ignorance of men.

The fact of the matter is African men have a sexual reputation which preceeds them. Unfortunately, half the time the reputation is bogus. yeah so you got a think 'member' but the question is what can you do with it. Most of the time nothing.

The other thing is pressure, a Nigerian man will guilt trip you in to dating, if you say NO, they only try harder, you either become a nuisance or the woman bows under pressure.

Many foreign women mistake this pressure for enthusiams and quite frankly are flattered by it.

In the end, we see the results of this, the men mostly leave, this happened to our parents and most of the children of these unions end up in foster homes (remember that's what happened to the fashanu's).

And then you have the pretender, the one's who get to jand or yankee and act like they've lost their darn minds.

the true surprising thing here is not necessarily that Nigerian many are choosing mates from other parts of the world.

The real eye opener is what type of women are they chosing and what are these women settling for?.

I see where you are coming from on the whole a Nigerian woman will not throw you out of the house on a flimsy excuse, but I think you are skating on thin ice here. Most of these so called 'flimsy excuses' are actually cases of abuse.

And you best believe as a nigerian woman I will throw both your ass and your assets out of the house if anything like that occurs.

I love nigerian men but not the bullshit. that's why many Nigerian women are marrying Ghanians, men from the bahamas, and yes Europeans.

Look around you, you'll see it, crystal clear.


Dallas February 6, 2006 - 8:08 pm

Thanks to the lawer on this forum .I am a victim also of my husband stealing my son. My baby is now ten years old and I am devestated with little money and a student it is very likely I will never see my boy again. Please HELP ME. cAN YOU PROVIDE ME WITH A LAWYER IN CALIFORNIA THAT WILL BE WILLING TO HELP.Ladies I tell you be careful with your children, my husband and I seemed happy and use to snob people that stole their babies Now I am the one, he woke up one morning and said he was going to the car wash and never return home; watch your babies please watch your babies especially boys they are a Nigerian man gold. His blood line. I wouldn't wish this pain on no mother:

Anonymous February 6, 2006 - 1:58 pm

This article is full of a bunch of stereotypes and some of them are accurate. As a Nigerian woman, i would like to say that things are changing and a lot of us don't take crap from the guys anymore. A lot of nigerian men need to learn that they can't come to america and still think they can hit their wives without any consequence. I will call the cops on anyone who dares to be physically abusive to me. As a lot of people are aware, the divorce rate for african couples have gone up. Nigerian women are no longer willing to put up with nonsense. Those days are gone.

Janice February 5, 2006 - 9:32 am

Excellent forum: I read these forums because it give sinsight to my law firm, to see how so many women are in trouble with their mates; I just want women to know sex isn't everything there are Nigerian men out there that are humane and do love, I am presently in Nigeria now on a case of a Nigerian man who stole his son from his black american wife, It is a case we will win because the child is a U.S. citizen and the mother is of status (DR.) I say women be hard with these guys and seek all information learn the basics of his native tongue it helps to know what is being said in theis presence. Open your eyes they are human and love sex. to the sorry woman that know the man has a Nigerian wife I say get a life sex isn't everthing if children is invole get your props; Get out of this this woman has been promised to this man a TABOO TYPE OF MARRIAGE: He dont want your ass he is out for your neck. Get a life honey low self esteem runs rapid of women who has never had a good f**k; If you are all smart play these guys as they are playing you; It is open season in the court house thousands of Nigerian are turning to crime to get what they want. Go to any post office and see the pictures of mostly Nigerian men who is pulling that poor Nigerian woman into crime with them.

Anonymous February 4, 2006 - 1:02 am

Read your article loved it I am an african american woman involved with nigerian man it was love at first sight my life was completed: until I found out he was actually living with another woman and still involved with his wife Not knowing this I became part of his harem i was devastated, hurt and very dissappointed this gave me the illusion within five months of a relationship that he was going to propose I' still involved with him i can't let go of the fact that i was ssure that he was the one and i still hope for this He has lied to me time and time again but I stand by him because he is adorable and the sex is great those are pitiful reasons i know nigerian women aren't the only women who will stand by their man no matter what all and all i know this is why he only dates american women we accept infidelity just to have a man i believe he takes advantage of this basically he is a dog and he will have his day he'll probably die a lonely old man because what he uses to get and keep women (great sex) wont't last Ladies know who you are dating be suspecious, ask questions and don't becaome a part of a nigerian man's harem

Anonymous February 2, 2006 - 7:00 pm

This is an excellent way for manyforeign and Nigerian women to express what is now a reality, that many of their men are doing such bad things to american and other foreign women; I too had a bad experience with a Nigerian man, we met in 1972 when Nigerian was coming here in numbers,Ola and I met at the university were we both attend I fell in love with his williness to try a new way of life and his kind heart, we moved in togethr to save a little money, that worked for a month , because he tried his best to control my money, You see having millions in my account to his thousands he couln't stand that, but wanted full control : As the only child my parents both died in a accident and left me with a wealthy amount. I didn't allow that , we never married because he was a money hungry bastard. I was willing to share after marriage ,but to my shame this man had married a Nigerian woman and brought her here whil he was leaving with me. He lived in two households and lied to me extensively about were he was spending his time and his money, he was broke all the time and I had to support him, but I also supported his wife. Finding this out I said the realationship was over he beat me something bad broke my arm and nose, locked me in a closet,when my friend missed me from class for a few days they called the police for a well being check. They found me battered and bleeding ,I had been there for a week, H e was aresseted and is now wating trail in March: This mant was a smoke screen I gave my whole heart and he just stepped on it. H will get what is coming to him and will hurt even more because I am having his babies, yes babies triplets all boys. He would never be able to share their love and watch them grow, and just today I found out he has prostate cancer. That is too bad but he could have killed me. God works in many ways.

Anonymous February 1, 2006 - 11:33 pm

I am married to a Nigerian man and he finds great pleasure in treating me in the way you explan a Nigerian wife is treated. I am christian so I take it. I an in the marriage for till death us do part. It is my husband who constantly has tantrams and threatens to leave. He is selfish and pleases himself. I do love him however it is a very difficult lifestyle It is I who acts as a Nigerian wife even though I am white skinned and Western born

Anonymous February 1, 2006 - 6:17 pm

To# 290: You are a coward you protect these brothers even when they are wrong, man come on these guys are having babies by these women just for status ,they are using these women no matter what and leaving an everlasting scar; Why not be frank and straight forward, We Nijia brothers are getting in so much troble in America, canada, and other countries. Anything for money, papers, and family (Nigerian family);I ahave been were a lot of you are going we come to this country with little money if our parents are not rich or support from home. We do make promises to our Nijia women to support us here and we will bring them here, The biggest fear of many Nija men is to shame the family and go home with nothing, we must have many degrees and money to show that in america money grow on trees. so be realistic bro we need to stop having these babies and be up front with these ladies;


Anonymous February 1, 2006 - 3:28 pm

This article is clearly poorly written and such a lame way to earn points for Nigerian Men. Okay, from my own experiences, MOST NIGERIAN MEN ARE LIARS AND CHEATS!!

Anonymous January 31, 2006 - 8:12 am

I believe Naija men are a lot more romantic and expressive than you have made it appear in your coloum. The difference is that we don't have to make a public glare about it.I see men take walks with their wives/babes… (hand in hand), I see flowers , i see romantic dinners out, i ee dem go for an open air "pepper soup/isewu" and drinks outing… things like that – at least here in Abuja where i reside. Even abroad or in diasbora, not everyone is comfortable with public love show or better put intimate show of affection.If I tell am say I love am – does it matter if I kiss her outside or we do our thing in our private place? Secondly I think we respect values back over here in Naija and do our best to keep up with our up bringing – no matter the western influence. Why should we be like them in all – why not them like us?

On the issue of Naija women. Bros I agree with u , Its Naija forever!!!! Even though some have been influenced by the so called westernisation, we still have very very sweet and respectable babes back here. They respect us and we should respect them too.Where i wont totally agree with is the fact that they just lay back and allow their men have the final say. Bros things dey change here too o.E never reach like there sha but respect still dey mutually. E be like say una wey dey diaspora don dey taya with the rubish the civilised world is offering when all gets too comfortable (the ease to call the cops on slightest provocation and the judicial system), abi I lie?!!!!. We still dey patch am here dey go , as Fela put it "Suffering and smiling". E go better!!!

Nice write up but abeg, we Naija men dey romantic to our Naija babes!!bottom line is that it bils down to the INDIVIDUAL!!!!

Even when we go out – our hearts are at home as u have rightly proven.Come catch ur naija flavour!!!!

Musa,Abuja Nigeria.

Anonymous January 31, 2006 - 7:42 am

This is very narrow minded and bigoted. But then again you are a Nigerian man yourself :-p he he

At the end of the day, you are talking about cultural difference and different social norms, examine Nigerian women and White male relationships, and Inter – tribal relationships even within Nigeria, and perhaps you will find parallels to what you have written that would surprise you.

You know I was going to write more but I think you are ignorant and would simply argue and not listen. So keep being that, but hopefully you will never be in a position to impose your opinion on others


A world citizen

ELLIOT OLAPODE January 29, 2006 - 8:20 pm

Excellent forum hey nijia brotherd i have a little advice for you ; tell tese ladies what you want you are like any man or woman that come to america you want to stay and make the dollars and get the sex and education; so tell them what you want to do and all this chaos and mayhem will cease; to use the women, have babies out of wedlock or to enter a marriage that you know is not merit because you do have an agenda; to get the papers; please guys you are making it hard for many guys that are here in the states who really love their lady, you have to admit some o fthe ladies really can rock your world and make you feel like a king. Give these ladies a chance i have and am very much happy with the results; i have been in this country for 8yrs. And married for 4 with a handsome son who is awesome; so take life easy bro give love a chance don't make emenies, and make americans hate us because we have used their women to climb the ladder/

Anonymous January 28, 2006 - 12:44 pm

Somethings are true, but somethings are too general!

Jason January 24, 2006 - 6:04 pm

come on man you know what most of this stuff about the brothers is true, these women has not cheated on their husbands ,your friends want a way out so they are creating lies I know who you are and I can say you are lying

Anonymous January 24, 2006 - 3:29 pm

Nigerian men are just vulnerable to especially african-american women in most cases. A few good friend of mine told me how thier wives' infidelity, they went as far as making relentless efforts to sleep with oher men including 3 ex's'. These women practiced modern- day slavery with them – preventing them communicating with parents and siblings back home, they were absolutely possesive and selish, always concentrating on their needs alone. My friends went through hell with these women that were sexually perverted. How can anyone be happy with a wife who stays late at work finding se patners on the internet, or one who calls your mother profane names ? Impossible.i think these women have a severe generational curse that is yet to be broken. Our men are not to be blamed. In conclussion, white people treat africans beter than anyone else.

Anonymous January 23, 2006 - 9:22 pm

comment to #279 hit a nerve huh! are you one of the brother's who has married a good woman and now you are ready to run if you are I hope she reads some of these comments and strick your as…….down

Anonymous January 23, 2006 - 9:19 pm

WOW! this is good stuff; Jide did you ever do anything for your son , did you support him in anyway, why did you wait 30yrs before contacting him, this was wrong within itself. You can only blame yourself it was only money child support needed to be paid; Now that you are back will the son go after you for all back child support;

Eddie January 23, 2006 - 9:15 pm

Hi Jide I totally understand your position I too did a similar thing. I beded a girl when I came to this country and married her out of this we had a son, I had promised my Nija woman back home to bring her here and we will marry, this is the way we as African men coming from a struggling family and country just went crazy when we saw and hear of other brother getting away with this; I on the other hand was not so lucky this lady was swift and had every detail of my life on paper including social security numbers my family name and address copies of every I.d I ever had. she later join the police department and I got trapped; It is not easy to fool some of these ladies they are smart. My wife is very rich so therefore she traveled to Nigeria met my family without my knowelge and they were shock at what I had done, By my own hands I am now without any lady in my life nija or any sort. I don't trust many. I say brother watch your step you could have hard life if you mess with wrong lady.

Anonymous January 23, 2006 - 5:01 pm

very informative.

Jide January 22, 2006 - 4:00 pm

This is an excellent forum to let other women know and see that Nigerian men are a bag seed brought up by old ways and old rules; I have done a bad deed in my life and don't see a way to correct it; I came to this country to doone thing and that was to sow wild oats so to speak but I met a girl who now I wish I had made her my wife, we had a son he is now an adult after 30years i went back to find my boy and he hates me,because i deserated his mom and him, moved away ,changed my name to avoid child support,when he turned 30 i found him I am now married to a pleasant Nigerian woman, but after seeing my first love after 30yrs I wish i could have her back. I really didn't give her a chance to grow i was 37 she was 19 barely out of high school; now she is doing so well and has raised my son to be a handsome wonderful man. How can I fix this problem without telling lies there was no reason for me to hurt this girl the way I did but I just falled into many Nigerian brother steps; If you love them tell them if you don't tell them it's all about sex and allow these women to lead a life that want destroy lives

Anonymous January 22, 2006 - 12:16 am

I am married to a Nigerian man and it is a true NIGHTMARE on my street. I am a professional African American woman with a Masters Degree, pursuing a PhD. I am a homeowner and a great wife, but I have to deal with depression of my Nigerian husband, who is selfish and CRAZY. He is very insecure and simple. I feel as if I am stuck with this man for life, I could rather die and leave him that way. I work fulltime, cook, clean and take care of his needs on a daily basis or as needed (Daily), but he complains about not being with his friends since he relocated from NYC to Cincinnati, Ohio. Before he reloceted, I informed him that Cincy is different from NYC!!! I feel as if I want to run away from him. My husband stays home all week and looks depressed, he works on the weekend and he makes nothing compaired to my salary, but he continues to complain. He gets free health insurance, since he is married to me. we live in the suburban area of Cincinnati, but he continues to bitch. I think he is unhappy to, beacuse I can't cook Nigerian food as he has requested nad I dont have the money to book him bi-weekly flights to NYC as in the past. When we were dating he was WONDERFU, but as soon as we got married, I noticed that he had emotional behavior problems. Good Luck and Good night to anyone who is married to a Nigerian man (Boy). The are disfunctional and CRAZY.


Anonymous January 20, 2006 - 5:00 pm

That's why all your marriages are in shambles and more than 50% of you divorce shortly after marriage, huh?

Anonymous January 20, 2006 - 4:41 pm

I have been married to a Nigerian man for 5 years and we are so in love. And I am a African American woman.The reason why Nigerian men treat their nigerian wives bad is because the women let them. We american blacks are very stong and will powered and we dont take s**t from no man. We cant help it if nigerian women keep their mouth closed and let the men beat them and keep them closed off to the world. They do that so that they can come and get them some good lovin from us black women. So dont hate GRADUATE. Because we support them finacially and physically too.

Anonymous January 20, 2006 - 1:54 am

Great, someone is thinking what I'm thinking. This sense of loss of duty by my fellow Nigerian men is very disheartening.The level of rejection I find in the Nigerian male over the Nigerian Female is worrying at the least.Our women deserve better treatment than they are getting.It is quite understandable that it is difficult in some cases however, divorce or non-Nigerian-wife ulternative is not the answer. We need to take up this challenge, adjust to the demands and pressures of this sophisticated white suprimacist culture/system in order to provide love, guardians and protection for our families – knowing fully well of the forces fighting against our families. This is the challenge facing everyone of us and our duty is to keep our family units together.We must not surrender.The enemy is not our wives.This war has been going-on in Afican-American homes for some centuries. Nigerians are no different therefore we must take up the challenge and not capitulate.

Anonymous January 19, 2006 - 7:28 pm

Comment 275, your frustrations are beginning to show! Ha ha!

Ella Oluyemisi Garmon January 19, 2006 - 6:22 pm

I am an american born African and live in Nnigeria for 3 years not by my own admission but by my parents. living there was pure hell sleeping on the floor and eating that food was just deploying. I tried everything possible to leave that place but they would beat me senseless to make me stay put; I tell you even my parent are now rich Nigerian but in mind poor because the culture of a taboo marriage they say i can't believe exist. I could never understand why my dad could have many women and mom had to stand by and watch his enjoy, Why is this still happening in 2006 women wake up if you cant satisfy your many you dont need him find someone else. Nigeria is one of the richest countries and still his people is suffering and living in proverty you have the ones that have and have nots . Thank God for american men of all colors; I have not met a nigerian yet I would want to marry; The controling, arrogants, and the proud Nigerian need to take a vas look at himself it is runins here and all that are marrying for papers and leaving babies you are a goat ALI WILL PUNISH YOU FOR THIS; MY SISTERS I SAY PROCEED WITH CAUTION I KNOW WHAT THE AGENDA IS TO GET PAPERS BY ANY MEANS NECCESSARY AND RUN BACK HOME FIND THAT NIJA WOMAN ,MARRY HER BRING HER TO THE STATE AND MAKE HER WORK FOR YOU; THANK YOU GOD I AM A NIGERIAN BORN WITH COMMON SENSE:

Anonymous January 19, 2006 - 1:29 pm

say african woman bro

Anonymous January 19, 2006 - 7:56 am

this article is excellent,pls keep it up.

Anonymous January 18, 2006 - 11:27 am

What about the feelings of Naija women married to African-American, Euro-American and Latino men do these sisters exist and what are their views?

Anonymous January 15, 2006 - 5:09 pm

You seem to have struck a nerve with your article. I have been married to the same Nigerian man for over 30 years and I can state that he has never caused me one unhappy day. He assures me that he is happy and satisfied with his choice. As I read some of the experiences other non-Nigerians have had I feel sorry for them because I know the reason they married is because like me they fell in love. Unlike my husband, their husbands had a hidden agenda. I feel sisterhood with them and with my Nigerian sisters as well because they are victims as well of mean, egotistical, abusive, lying men who believe it is their right to do anything they have to do to get a green card or some other material gain. Ladies, teach your children to be self-sustaining, especially your girls.

Anonymous January 15, 2006 - 2:27 pm

My husband and I (African American) have been married for over 30 years. Two of our children were born in Nigeria and two in America. We have lived in Nigeria for over 12 years and visit on average at least once a year as a family while my husband averages 2 to 3 times a year alone to take care of family concerns. So I believe I have a very good perspective and knowledge about Nigerian culture. My husband and I have survived because we love each other, we have always grounded our marriage in the belief of the Almighty, we have obeyed his commandments, we have wonderful in-laws on both sides, infact, we don't refer to ourselves as "in-laws" we are family! We all tell each other "love you" when we speak or write and have done so for many years. Four children later (medical doctor, research scientist, lawyer, college student) our love is still going strong. We have withstood ignorant cultural assumptions, annoymous poison pen letters and have raised our sons to hopefully like their father and our daughter to be a good wife, mother and woman. I look forward to the day when men are not fooling foreign women for green cards or for what material gain they believe will come out of such marriages. My Nigerian sisters who have good marriages usually have good husbands who see their wives as extensions of themselves. They wouldn't hurt themselves so they don't treat their wives badly. As far as the article, like everything, some right, mostly wrong. Our marriage has lasted longer than lots of Nigerian-Nigerian marriages. I've never called the police on my husband who has never physically beat me. Any man who ever beat my daughter, after her brothers have finished with him, will have to answer to police, Nigerian police or American police. I have never cheated on him and he has never abandoned our marriage bed to take on a new model. I love Nigeria and America. But I always tell it like it is…however painful it might be. The author would do well to do the same and to advise married readers to practice the religion they preach. They will be happier in their own marriages.

Anonymous January 15, 2006 - 11:59 am

I am an American with 6nigerian sisters-in-laws I find that many Nigerian women patent themselves after american women,they starve themselves for our way of beauty and sense to rock the nigerian man's world so to speak. I have lived with all of the and lived in Nigeria for 4years and can see that Nigerian woman strive to may their husban happy with sex and looks ,these woman are lazy and nothing matters but mkaing that man bite;

Anonymous January 13, 2006 - 9:18 pm

I give this article a 6 because it really hit home in some areas; In other areas it nelect to say that many Nigerian marry foriegn women for atatus and yes they do go back home and marry that Nija woman, we women of other ststus are more controlling of our man, and when he defy us it is hell to pay; So keep up the good work and women I say to You please proceed with CAUTION THESE MEN ARE DANGEROUS! I know I am a victum and is is a group with thousands of women who is on a champaign to end the destruction of our women;

Anonymous January 12, 2006 - 10:35 am

It's a very well-written piece, and I'd give all 5 on that. However the content of the article left me speachless. 
As i began reading, I couldn't help but think, "Is this what my man really wants deep down Does he want to be a control freak (despite his passive personality) Does he want me to take crap from him Does he really only love me because I am white, or because I am good in bed; is there a LOGICAL explanation for his love"

But the further I got into the article, the more i realised how shallow the author's view is. I sence deep respect for his own culture… and none for others. May I point out, that in the writer's head all foreign women are crammed into an "American". As far as i remember America is not the only country out there. Correct me if I'm wrong. 
As a Russian woman, I found a lot of similarities with that of a Nigerian woman of the author's description: sence of family, caring, standing by the man. Yet I have some other great traits such as some independence (not the American sence of it), sensuality, I am very opinionated, and YES – I am a princess. I don't want to be treated like anything less of that, but i know i bring quite a lot to the table. So YES i want my man to do romantic things for me, but you can bet there'll be a pay off. 

And the last thing I want to add is that i feel sorry for the author, whose parents never verbally expressed their love. You see, when parents care for their children deeply, and then confirm it verbally, there is an IMAGE, that begins to construct in a child's brain. Later on in life they are able to recognise love. That's a good thing to recognise, let me tell you. Saves a lot of trouble.

Anonymous January 11, 2006 - 5:34 pm

Your article has left me rather speechless. It is the most irrelevant piece of work I am yet to read. I am a 26 year old woman. Born in England, raised in Nigeria and now living in America so I think I definitely have perspective on this argument. I've dated Nigerians, I've also dated Brits and Americans. I can tell you one thing, females worldwide are more accomodating than males…period. My father, a Nigerian man tells me daily that he loves me, as does my grandfather and my brother. My male friends tell me they love me for God's sake. I think what the author and a lot of the foreign wives and girlfriends need to realise is that upbringing dictates ones manners. This has nothing to do with being Nigerian or not. If the man you are dating has no manners, then you have no business dating him. My ex-boyfriend used to do all the cooking because he loved to cook, and he was Nigerian. I do all the cooking for my current Nigerian boyfriend because quite frankly he is hopeless in the kitchen. He does the laundry because I hate doing it and we share the cleaning 50/50.

As for the author's statements on sexual freedom, I think he is stuck firmly in the past. I enjoy sex very much and I have no problem with letting my partners know it. I'm not sure that I know any Nigerian women in my generation that fit the description that the author has made. Perhaps there were some in my grandmothers generation, but those days are long over, so like I said in the beginning this article is incredibly irrelevant.

On a final note, a british friend of mine is married to an american. They are both white, he abuses her regularly and she puts up with it. In Spain a woman is physically abused every 10 seconds. These are white people. So colour has nothing to do with it. I would like to point out to comment 130 that I resent being referred to as enslaved, you need to check yourself. And as for comment 117, who died and made you God Your wife is not your child, she is your partner. You are in marriage 50/50 and it is not your place to discipline her regardless of what she does. What exactly gives you the impression that you are morally or intellectually superior to any woman

When I get married it will be to someone who is loving and supportive. Sure we will have disagreements but we will work through our issues liek grown-ups. Like most Nigerians, I don't believe in bandying the word divorce around like it is a solution to all marital woes, but I would never put up with abuse for anything. I'm worth far too much for that.

Anonymous January 11, 2006 - 4:37 pm

Have you ever dated a "Foreigner" Mr.Abidde. I can appreciate you having a preference. I can even appreciate the cultural reasoning behind it. However, allow me to speak for American Women, specifically, African American Women. We to "are likely to stay and be loving and generous and supportive for the long haul". It's an injustice to categorize us as anything less. There are a litany of reasons that may result in being thrown out of your home, calling the police, or as you've stated "Dragging the man through the Judicial system. Perhaps the differences youve failed to expand upon is that we are not as docile as youve described Nigerian women to be. Perhaps they are docile, because they do not know better. After all your country has or at one time had an oppressive goverment. When we choose to date Nigerian men, most of us are aware of what we are dealing with and will succumb out of love and respect for the man and his culture. Don't generalize foreign women Mr. Abidde, specifically, African American women. We deserve a lot more credit than what your article has offered. I say, explore further research of AA Women. Or at minimum keep your options open.

yemi banjo January 11, 2006 - 2:37 pm

Good article which has also answered many of the why and reason,let us look at some of our indivduality,culture,social differences and self esteem and selfishnes.

I am a nigerian man married to nigerian and ex to a western woman, if you want to take this up you can e mail me .

Kathryn January 10, 2006 - 7:46 am

Thanks for your article. I have fallen for a British Nigerian man. He considers himself and Englishman. I am American and if anything that was a bigger deal than the Nigerian part. He never was interested in American women or black woman. I have dated white men exclusively for since my college days in the 80s. Anyway, how we ended up together is amazing. But we are very happy…we plan to get married…he everything I hoped for in a man…he is loving, patient, kind and sexy…he is a great cook and loves to cook…he pours on the loving compliments…and has said somethings to me know one has ever said…very poetic…he is very romantic…I wish all woman could be as fortunate as me…and to think we almost missed each other because we were looking for white partners…funny how things happen.

Anonymous January 9, 2006 - 6:51 pm

I am a western woman.As you would say white woman. Live in Australia, I have met and fell in love with a Nigerian man.A very highly educated,Well respected man.Over the internet,And believe me i never thought this could be possibal. As its very hard to trust anyone these days. And i must say that i have been blessed,by the gods.Because he is truley the most beautiful person that i have meet in a long time.He has truely been brought up the right way.And i respect the whole Nigerian ways.I have read lots about there culture, And respect them.He also reaspects me and the way that i have been brought up.Very different yes…But there is one thing that carnt stand in your way no matter what.And that is unconisional love.We both come from very different back grounds.But i must addmitt that it does not make a bit of difference to the both of us .As we love each other,thats what counts over anything.I would never have believed that this could happen.But it has and i could not be happier.And i know that he thinks the same as i do as far as commintment goes.And yes i surpose some nigerian men are attracted to white women.Because they look different.Think different,Are intelligent,inderpendent.Anyway that is my interprotation.But we are all human and put on this plantet to love someone.Does not matter who they are.Or where they are from. As long as they have a life full of love and respect for one another they will be happy til death do them part.Thats my hopes anyway.

Anonymous January 8, 2006 - 2:27 am

Nigerian men and African men can be nice for any woman. But they need to work on their tempers. I was date raped by one. He thought that his apology would solve everything because we had dated. I am married to another African now but he has a temper problem too and a "itchy" hand. Why do African men hit their women

Anonymous January 6, 2006 - 11:17 pm

Generalisations galore. Oh my goodness. If a Nigerian man does not want to be told to mop the floor by his wife then dont marry that kind of woman. He has the choice who he can marry. There are many women in the world even a white like me who has married her Nigerian man through love alone. Mine and my husband's differences and similarities were all on the table before we tied the knot. IBefore we said I do we understood each others' expectations and this is how all marriages should be. I believe that a woman needs a man whom she can love with her whole heart. This man is a man that gives her all she needs. My man is all of this thus i am totally happy to cook and clean for him as he appreciates it and I am better at that whilst he is good at other things. In the bedroom he wants for nothing more than to make me happy, as i feel for him. I put this down to our unrequited love for each other and our mature ideas about what marriage is all about.

Anonymous January 6, 2006 - 8:04 pm

I found your article oh so amusing and partially right to some extent. However I have my side of the storey as a white women married to a Nigerian man. I am married to a man from Benin who was very like and still a bit like the men you describe about liking his wife doing the cooking ,having his children and cleaning, However I also have a man who is sensitive to my needs and how I like to be treated with respect and love. It is a happy medium. I beg to differ though .not all white women are NOT interested in their husbands past and heritage. I traveled alone to Nigeria to meet with all the family ,to learn to cook Nigerian food and to buy Nigerian cloth and art. To learn where my man came from and to show love to his family. By the time I left I had everyone hugging and kissing and saying I love you ,showing affection.I taught them a few things and they taught me awhole new world which I brought back with me. I went above and beyond my duty to please my husband. I find that Nigerians there want to be Americanized so to speak but yet the men still treat their ladies without love and affection but Canada and America are both affectionate countries. So maybe if the Nigerian men and the Nigerian women would both lighten up and have fun as a couple and live and learn then maybe the white skin wuld not be so appealing. Thins do not always have to be the way the elders made them.. there is always ways to grow. Nigeria is my second home and I love the people dearly but affection is one thing that is lacking and it would make the world a better place if it was spread!

Mia January 6, 2006 - 6:18 am

It is an excellent article by the author. I am a Sierra Leonean and for the first time for me to date a Nigerian man. It's quite interesting to note the attributes of a typical nigerian man but whatever perception, i do love my man very much.

Anonymous January 4, 2006 - 9:24 pm

Amen….This article very true and understandable….Being a 20 y/o Nigerian woman…I especially love the last paragraph….


Anonymous January 3, 2006 - 8:38 pm

precise and true in all ramifications

Anonymous January 3, 2006 - 6:00 pm


Anonymous January 3, 2006 - 5:01 pm

I'm a American Woman who married a Nigerian man, he doesn't have any family values that you speak of we had five children together and he could care less about any of them. We are going through a divorce now after 18 years of marriage, I'm so glad to be finally rid of him.

FD January 2, 2006 - 10:27 pm

i am one nigerian girl who do not take BS from any Nigerian guy. Or in-laws for that matter. Article right on the money. I blame a lot of Nigerian Woman for the crap the men give them…no one will insult you unless you give them permission. As a matter of fact, a lot of Nigerian woman have a problem wityh my assertive independent stance..that are worse critics of my personalities than the men sometimes…hey, if being submissive suits them, who am I to complain, just don't anybody bring that BS before me. However, to recap, this is a generalization, and there are many many exceptions to the rule. I know a lot of Nigerian women who takes no crap from anyone, as there are very gentlemanly Nigerian men. It's all about upbringing. My dad didn't give my mom bullshit, so it's hard for me to accept such from a guy, and I see that my brothers have learnt very good lessons from my dad, they all treat their girlfriends/wifes very well. My brothers actually tend to have problems dating Nigerian Woman, because they find them too submissive and full of family drama sometimes. Also we were never exploted by the whole extended family thing, so i don't expect in laws to walk all oevr me…in other words, society and individual families shape us as adults, but it's time for nigerian woman to take back their glory…

Anonymous December 31, 2005 - 1:24 pm

I am an American woman who is engaged to a Nigerian man. I think think that all things are possible. I have made some majogr changes in my man. Whatever is ordained by God will stand the test of time.

Anonymous December 30, 2005 - 6:48 pm

thanks for the info I want to marry an africam man and I'm dating one…

Anonymous December 30, 2005 - 10:40 am


You have far too many issues going on in this article. It appears that Nigerians are having troubles with change and the needs of another human being, his woman. Noone can be blamed for the burden your men have placed on themselves. Perhaps if they would lighten up a bit, release their visions of grandeur and adjust to whatever environment they find themselves then articles like these would not be needed. Your mention of the rhythm of blacks dancing originated in africa — you should be proud to know that somebody was even interested in this sexually explicit form of dance. What exactly do you see when you are watching your women dance

Having been married to a Nigerian I can tell you that given the often undiagnosed alcoholism and often undiagnosed mental illnesses you guys bring to this country due to many years of plotting, contracts, bribes and self importance –any woman who entertains a Nigerian is at great risk of self destruction. Let's face it, whatever the reason you marry outside of your culture is usually for personal gain. On occasion you make the mistake of actually falling in love; however, even that is rare and to viewed with suspicion.

I do not have enough time to explain what women see when we take a hard look at your men.

Anonymous December 30, 2005 - 1:25 am

i am now with a nigerian man now and he is very nice i cook for him and clean and i have too laern how to make black soup <lol . but i love it and i am very loveing an din for the long run .i am form jamica and we have many thinds in common like the way we live and eat .

Anonymous December 28, 2005 - 12:55 pm

I cant believe that someone could be so thoughtless and narowminded to generalize on this topic i am a white british woman and have been around african people for more than 10 years and have known all different types i have been married to a nigerian for 9 years all relationships have there ups and downs and yes he cleans cooks etc.

Anonymous December 27, 2005 - 11:16 am

I am a non-Nigerian woman who is currently dating a Nigerian man. He is only affectionate in bed. He doesn't open doors for a woman, give flowers or even kiss. He only wants what he can get in bed. He only says "I love you" if I say it first. He needs a lot of training.

Anonymous December 25, 2005 - 6:52 pm

hy i am not a nigerian women but i will marry a nigerian and we were both searching for the papers that we need to do it well, thats how i found your article and i must say even if its hard to hear for a white women all the things that you are saying but you are to 80 right, because you cannot really compare nigerian womens with european or american. I know that also the friends of my husband dont agree to our marriage because they dont believe that it will hold like a 100 nigerian wedding but i am a romanian and i know a lot of your culture and it has much in common with mine, i know that i will not be maybe the perfect wife but i will try to be, because i love my husband. One of the things that you were saying was that most of the white women cannot imagine to go to nigeria and to support their husband in difficult situation it could be right for the german (or better it is true for them i am living here i have seen it) but not for everyone.Your article is very good but i woul write also some of the good parts.Be positive!

Anonymous December 25, 2005 - 2:28 am

I am a white American woman with a Nigerian boyfriend. (We met in college.) We have a very close and wonderful relationship and plan on marriage in a couple of years. I really love him and I would do anything for him. My life does not "begin and end in America". I have traveled throughout Europe several times and I plan on seeing as much as the world as I am able to. I would love to go to Nigeria so I can really understand where my boyfriend is from- the culture, the people, everything. (He doesn't want to go back at all let alone have me visit!) I think any loving wife would recognize the importance of family in Nigerian culture and travel for burials or other important events. I would willingly go if asked, because I believe that is true love.

Anonymous December 24, 2005 - 4:00 am

Thank You! I have a better understanding of Nigerian men. My son father is Nigerian and he is not the romantic type of person. But my problem with him is why he do not want to commit to serious relationship. He wants children from me but never talk about settling down

Anonymous December 23, 2005 - 7:13 pm

well am involved

Anonymous December 23, 2005 - 3:12 am

I appreciate you article. However, I beg to differ regarding you generalizations regarding non-Nigerian wives. I possess all of the attributes of a wife that has supported and partnered with a Nigerian husband through extremely lean times, held a household and child together, contributed financially, at all times because I am committed to my marriage and to a husband who, like me was preparing himself for a career medicine and public health. Things have changed and we can honestly say that what we have is a partnership. My contributions do not deserve an award, but it is what, as you say, a "wife who stands by her husband" should do. Please do not be deceived. The qualities of a good wife are not only possessed by Nigerian women. Be clear that finding a good wife or husband is not culture or racially bound. There are many contexts and circumstances which bring people together, including the Lord's will and design. Preferences are very personal. Who one chooses to wake up to every morning is much more complex than culture. Cultural differences cannot be ignored but love, commitment, and compatibility both inside, and most importantly, outside of the bedroom is something that is about much more. I did not set out to marry a Nigerian man—the qualities of the husband that I knew I deserved happened to be found in a Nigerian man. My story may be more common than you think. Also note, that if I were to base my choice of a mate on the all of the stereotypes regarding Nigerian men shared in your article and elsewhere, I certainly would not have made the choice that I did. A strong man of character and substance is one who is not intimidated by a woman who holds similar qualities. This type of man has more "balls" than a domineering, paternalistic one whose "respect" is attained by cultural norms alone. The honor and support that my husband rightly receives from me is freely granted, because I am openly and privately treasured, honored and supported for my strength, contributions and character, both in the home and in the boardroom. Read Proverbs 31. I think we also have to get beyond the stereotype regarding what certain women will and won't do in the bedroom. I have yet to know what goes on in anyones bedroom but my own. I doubt, given that most of those persons who question or oppose intercultural relationships know either. Using something as shallow as what people do in the bedroom is an all too frequently used attempt to trivialize the bond between people. After all, there are far more hours in a marriage spent outside of the bedroom than in the bedroom.

Anonymous December 23, 2005 - 1:32 am

I rate this very highly, well written and lovely. However, I wonder whether it is a certain type of Nigerian man who chooses to be with a non-Nigerian woman, and not necessarily that Nigerian men are so easily swayed by their non-countrywomen. Of course, though my fiancee is Nigerian and I am not, I am Ghanaian, so it isn't as though he flew that far away.

Anonymous December 22, 2005 - 12:58 pm


Anonymous December 19, 2005 - 11:46 pm

The writer raised many pertinent questions. In the end, I agree with most of what he had to say. However, that Nigerian women are more tolerant, loving, supporting, etc. is too generalized. Many of our women have hidden agendas as well. Christina K. Achebe

Anonymous December 19, 2005 - 9:00 am

to comment number 237. The man has a point. Just because you are in america does not mean things change–these men bring their mentality over here and do not change. Also let me tell you I am an African American married to a Nigerian, Igbo, for that matter. They do not hold equal views of women, and if you go to Nigeria you will see that too. They believe in furnishing women especially while dating with gifts, showing the women off, dressing her up nicely, and things like that. However when it comes to mentality he is the head and ruler, over finances he rules, over decisions he rules, you may try to be strong headed but he will convince you that your conscience or belief is wrong..Its a myriad of issues.

Don't be fooled by flattery. Visit other websites and here other people's stories, can all of them be false Nigerians are good at flattery and conning women, unfortunately as do all men, but these are the most skilled I have ever seen.

Anonymous December 18, 2005 - 6:11 am

How would you know what it's like to be non-Nigerian. All you know how to be is nigerian. I'm African American and my boyfriend is Nigerian. I think that you just have issues with Nigerain men being in relationships with non-Nigerain women. But we are in America, and you have a right to your own view.

Anonymous December 13, 2005 - 7:37 pm

The essay is interesting and thought provoking. It is also full of generalities and stereotypes that many of us have experienced. I am over 60 years old, an American white woman who has been married to four Yoruba men over the years, and lived in Nigeria for 18 years. As a single fun-loving bachelor living in Nigeria over 30 years ago I met both single and married Nigerian men who put a lot of energy into the "chase" — getting me into bed. I'd never been to another country in the world where men felt so free to say "I love you" within a short time, and offer marriage so glibely. I loved the attention and fell passionately in love and painfully hurt when I realized the energy dissapated after the conquest. I had long conversations with my Nigerian female counterparts and realized that they did not fall for all the "talk" as readily as I did — almost the same attitude I had noticed with African American women in the US with African American men. For the most part the white men that I had met were much more scared of getting in involved or attached. Just the opposite with black men. And since I was very fun loving I decided it was just ok to enjoy the mement and relax with the "talk that talk and walk that walk." Since poligamy is legal in Nigeria, it seemed to give license for men to run crazy with loose proposals of marriage and hedonistic sexual abandon. It was the sixties, anyway, and I had just come from a free love environment in San Francisco, so it was a whole lot of fun.

My first husband was handsome and a tireless liar. My second husband was the love of my life, honest, sincere, giving and loving. My third husband lied about everything really important in his life to get an American greencard. My fourth and present husband is a friend. I am the second wife. I insisted that the first wife invite me into the family before I would marry him. She did, and we all get along. It helps though to be financially independent.

There are a lot of stereotypes of Nigerians. It's a wonderful engaging culture! Only you will know what you have when you intimately know the person and give them some time to show their true self. Good luck — because there are the same percentage of good ones out there as bad, and probably the same percentage in any culture.

Anonymous December 13, 2005 - 12:01 am

I found this article enlighting and right on point. Being an African-American woman who has dated a Nigerian man for 5 years.I must say he always made time for me and gave me his undivided attention when we were together. The first time I spent the night with him he made me breakfast in bed. I was very surprised. But he is a very good man and one of the things that attracted me most to him was his love of family and his two boys.

Anonymous December 12, 2005 - 3:10 pm

Sabella Ogbobode Abidde, I just want to say a big thank you for this insight. I am also one of the many Nigerians who has experienced this situation. Until I came to America to see the mess the women would put a man through I never did appreciate our women. The Nigerian woman is a blessing to us. Look I advise every Nigerian man who is married to a Nigerian woman to hold tight and cherish their wives.

Anonymous December 10, 2005 - 10:30 pm

I have recently just had a very on-off relashionship with a very well educated Nigerian man. I say on -off because, there was never any chance of a 'nornal relashionship'. This was my first 'proper relashionship' and his treatment of me has left some major scars. I am of British nationality and I also refuse to believe that all or most of Nigerian men,conduct themselves in the same way. However, I have found this article to be very useful and true to my own experiences of Nigerian men thus far. He was even as blunt to say that 'women should be seen and not heard' and that 'We are not equal'. I was attracted by his charm, determination and attentive manner to begin with,(though he was never on any account romantic and was ofthen described by friends as arrogant). In the end it seemed he was only interested in sex and even admitted that he had hoped to gain some experience with a 'white girl'. The whole time I was with him it was about what he could gain and not making anyone happy but himself. He was also very private and could not see how his actions and constant emerging double life would affect me. While I realise that this was just one person, I will be more careful about dating people from other cultures-which I think is a real shame.

Anonymous December 10, 2005 - 12:21 am

I think the author is still stuck in the 60s, 70s and 80s in his assertions about Nigerian women. The Nigerian women I know today are as well-read, exposed, competitive and assertive as Nigerian Men. They are co-contributors and do not shy from fighting for control and equality of power in the home. Not to say that the article is not ok, given the approach and concern the author is addressing, however, I think it is one-sided and myopic. Men as well as women, Nigerian or Non-Nigerian, seek peace and joy, love and acceptance in their home, less hours on the phone gossiping and backbiting, they want something that radiates warmth around the home, and all you find with some (not all) Nigerian men/women is scorn, harshness, laziness, no sense of right and wrong, always ready to fight, to ridicule and be disrespecful. These bad attitudes do not promote love and affection irrespective of race, culture or background. There should be mutual respect and the desire to submit one to one, even when times are hard. While I consider the theme of the article as prejudicial against Nigerian Men, I think there is a worthy lesson to be learnt from it. Whether white or black, African American or Latino, Love knows only one culture. That of giving and sharing, caring and showing of affection, showing consideration for one another is what propels love and unity. Identify that thing you found attractive in your spouse before you choose him, and work on accentuating it. Don't give in to abuse, but don't be the perpetrator of abuse also, let your good attitude determine your altitude. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong in interracial marriages, it is choosing the right person for you that should be highest on your list of priorities. I am Nigerian man and I have a Nigerian woman who is right by my side, not under my feet.