Now 36 Years Old, Am I The Last Nigerian Virgin?

by Felix-Abrahams Obi

This is a true-life story and it’s not fiction but I’m a bit skeptical sharing it withal and sundry because it may sound as a self-righteous trop to tease my ego. It’s not an attempt to blow my trumpet abroad and receive self-adulation like the lizard that fell from a height without anyone cheering his dangerous stints. I am not prudish, laid-back or still living in a Victorian world. I am truly Nigerian and proud of my cultural heritage. I am no superman and not even a friend of the Scribes and Pharisees, and I don’t really have an air of piety around me. I am deeply romantic and my love poems are in the same league as King Solomon’s Songs of Songs and have the trappings and mastered the skills of an atypical playboy. I have written poems that turned the hearts of maidens and I know how far words can go to break the walls and pierce the heart of a woman to make her yearn for a romantic relationship with a guy.

I have been loved by a thousand women but have also broken the hearts of another thousand, figuratively speaking. I’ve had a heck of time keeping myself away from women and yet am not married but single and one of Nigeria’s most eligible bachelors. I don’t have so much money to throw around but not a known beggar as I am an employed professional. It still baffles me and many others that at 36; I am still not married, and have dashed the hopes of some ladies (in the past) who wished we’d hooked up. You might think am one that runs away from women, but that is far from the truth. Even if I try to keep away from women, some still find their way into my personal space and get we get stuck in the process. I have loved a few women that rejected my proposal but have also ‘rejected’ the ‘proposal’ from a couple more women. So it’s a matter of a win-lose situation and I know what we sow is what we reap. So that I’m still single is a matter of choice as well as a result of ‘sowing and reaping’ in a sense. So I blame no one for my singleness and would not seek anyone’s piteous look or support.

But my single hood is not the bone of contention at the moment. The fact is that, I am still ‘technically’ a VIRGIN. Now this little revelation might shock so many guys and ladies and that’s why I am a bit cautious sharing this part of my private life. I am not saying this because I want to win an award or feel righteous and spiritually cocky; nor dare I say, spookily pious. Some may denounce me for this and some might compose an ode for me. Some will call me a stupid man and a loser for foregoing the pleasure of sex, and not a few women would want to marry me for this reason as I am too inexperienced to have the skills that send women to sexual high heavens. But I would warn you first: None of this would move me and I would suggest you keep what you feel in your heart. I have had ambivalent reactions when people hear this part of me as though I’ve become a canonized saint for just being a virgin. A close female friend once told a pastor about me, and he was so ‘shock-prized’ that he wondered if I was aiming to win a coveted prize. But he missed the point somehow because I never will want to win one or be conferred with any.!

The truth is, I didn’t set out to become a virgin in the first place and it still baffles me that I am technically one at this age. Like every teenager in secondary school, I was excited about the adventure of sex and looked forward to that ‘very first experience’. Though I was a church boy who served the Reverend Fathers in my village then, it didn’t stop me from thinking differently as some seminarians and priests were known to be breaking their vows of chastity with some female parishioners. Some pastors, though married have been known to go the way of infidelity while having multitudes attend their churches weekly. More so, confession provided us the privilege of getting absolved of any wrong doing through the prescribed penance. So the coast was clear for me to venture into the world of sex at that teenage period in my life. A couple of close friends had already taken the leap and shared their own stories at school. Some showed bits of regrets and shame especially those whose pious consciences had pricked them after the first experience. But the reality was that the guilt didn’t stop some from putting girls in the family way, or pleasurably skidding along the promiscuity lane. And for me, I was as eager to taste my own ‘forbidden fruit’ and noting could stop me I so had assumed. But to your chagrin it still hasn’t happened!

To tell you what, I was/am not as innocent as anyone would think: I read lots of James Hardly Chase novels, Ikebe Superstory, Lolly Magazine and many others with sexual themes and innuendos. While in secondary school, I had friends who had loads of them, and a cousin and I used to stow away to read those raunchy magazines at a friend’s. And they were lurid and too descriptive to say the least for they had some lewd pictures that will stoke the base passions of even a monk. Though I didn’t watch any ‘blue film’ then, I did see a porn magazine or two when I went on holidays in Umuahia then. It belonged to a friend’s elder brother and we, the teenage boys, giggled as we flipped through the glossy pages. Though hidden in a stack of records, we somehow still were able to fish out the magazine from its supposed ‘hiding place’. And at school, the already ‘sexually active boys’ regaled us with stories of their ‘conquest of women’ and not too many innocent girls and boys surrounded me those days. So you can be sure that I was not as naïve a boy as many are wont to assume then.

While contemplating on my own first experience, I for no reason began to read the Book of Revelation someday. I still can’t figure out why since as a Catholic Boy, I didn’t have a Bible and we never read it regularly those days. Moreover, I was not in any fellowship and kind of loathed SU (Scripture Union) folks then. My mum and sister were members of the Catholic Charismatic Movement but I felt they were breaking the ‘traditions of the church’ by depending so much on the Bible then. Anyway, here I was reading through Revelation and stumbled on the 4th verse of the 14th Chapter which said “These are the ones who were not defiled with women, for they are virgins. These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes. These were redeemed from among men, being first fruits to God and to the Lamb.” This occurred while I was preparing to enter the university having made up my mind to have my first girlfriend in the university. Now you can see my dilemma!

After reading this chapter/verse over and again; without anyone counseling or prodding me, I knelt down and made a vow to God. That if He can give me the grace, I’ll try my best to not defile or sleep with any woman until I became a graduate. Mind you, I did not say until I get married since that was going to be an impossible task I had reasoned then. In making a vow, I didn’t realize it was going to be a not so easy thing to keep. I joined the Press Club in the university because there were lots of pretty babes, but did not the vow restrain me each time? At some point, I felt like giving up and wanted to throw in the towel. So one day, I made a major entry in my journal, and told God that I was sorry to tell HIM that I no longer wanted to keep the vow. That I have resolved to be like other dudes on campus who had their way with girls and especially for the fact that I had good looks and girls wouldn’t say they didn’t cherish or notice me. So I apologized to God ahead of time and resolved to break the vow pronto!

Few days after, a close female friend came to ‘spend a night’ with me while my room mate was away on a long break. She, my room mate and a couple other friends had literally mocked me for not ‘being man enough’. They had so poked and laughed me to scorn that I was determined to show her and others that I truly had all the trappings of a man. So here I was, pre-playing what to do with her under the secured secrecy of my room beyond any peering eyes but before my hands could roam beyond the comfort zones, a strong wave of conviction hit my conscience and I reflex-jumped out of my bed and hit the floor. I left her on my bed and knelt down beside my room mate’s bed, asking God for forgiveness especially for “lusting after a woman in my heart”, like Jesus Christ had well-spoken. I didn’t look at her a second time and slept soundly till the next morning. Was it by my own power that we didn’t have sex that night? How could it be?

At some point, I thought I was the only one that ‘was not doing it’ until I met a couple other guys who weren’t sleeping with girls either. Many were already graduates and practicing professionals. The greatest mentor I had then was an American NBA basketball star ( that was publicly-known as a virgin. His team mates also taunted him and even betted on, and paid girls to help seduce him so he can break his virginity vow. Interestingly, A.C. Green made it big in the sports arena as a star yet didn’t sow his wide oats. At some point he had to tell lies to conceal his virginity like I had done at some point just to stave off the mockery by his peers until such a time that he was bold enough to not be swayed by what people thought of him. He finally got married in 2002 as a virgin at the age of 38 years to the shock of many. But one secret that kept him was that he believed and submitted wholeheartedly to the teachings of Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour, and when I got born again eventually just before I left the University, I subscribed to a similar set of beliefs for which A.C Green and many others had chosen to keep away from engaging in premarital sex.

Realizing that I was not alone made it a lot easier to handle the reality of sexual pressures when I moved into the real world of where ‘anything goes’. And by no plans of mine, I got hooked up to cool-headed friends who shared similar Judeo-Christian values. It amazed me to find that contrary to the populist belief that ‘everyone was doing it’, I met so many girls and guys who were cute and ‘normal’, but were not ‘doing it’. I became close to guys in their late 20s and early 30s who didn’t sow wild oats. I also met to my surprise cute babes and sophisticated girls in their 20s and early 30s who were not recipients of wild oats too. No one heard them raise their voices like suppressed minorities whose voices are muffled by the larger public who wouldn’t want them to be seen or heard for being ‘prudish and laid back’.

To bring this seemingly boring story to an end, I still wonder how I have managed to scale through the booby-trapped landscape of a sexually-liberal world. It’s not as though I’ve never harbored immoral and lewd thoughts. There were times they came upon me like a fierce and raging tornado but somehow, I managed to scale through unscathed. Like Joseph I may not have been lured into the bed of adultery by the likes of Portiphar’s wife but I have had my own share of experiences where I nearly broke the vow volitionally. There were times I willfully tried to err but for no effort of mine, I got delivered from roller-coasting into the bed of hedonism. The ‘near-miss experiences’ have made me know it’s not by power of by might, but the Spirit and Grace of God, hence there’s no way I can boast or feel like a superman or moral saint for being a virgin at 36. My lips and fingers have been guilty of some ‘misdemeanor’ such that I can’t speak of a guiltless past! Come to think of it, being a virgin doesn’t confer any special privilege/s before God for our acts of righteousness pale in significance to His moral purity and perfection. A virgin and another who is ‘dis-virgined’, I suppose stand on the same pedestal and equally experience forgiveness and mercy before God.

Though I am certain of receiving instant forgiveness and mercy from God if for any reason I engage in premarital sex or extra-marital sex any day, I am however not at liberty to do as my heart so wishes. And if for any reason, I die before I get married (God forbid bad thing oh!), I won’t be the first nor the last to not experience the thrill that comes with sex. After all, eunuchs, monks and priests have lived without engaging in sex and may others have not lived in regret all their lives for same reasons. If anything, I have experienced some depth of ecstasy which God seemed to have poured into my heart through the Presence of the Holy Spirit, and this I wouldn’t want to trade with. I have this gnawing feeling that I can’t eat my bread and have it back the same time. In a sense, I have to forgo the promise of premarital sexual pleasure, if I must enjoy the pleasure of knowing God deeply without anything drawing me back. And to keep doing this, I have to rely daily on His Grace!

I still wonder why the pursuit of God and the thrills of sexual liberty are diametrically opposed to each other. I won’t begrudge God for He is wiser and I don’t feel deprived or cheated by trudging on in this race. I have tried to rationalize why I should go contrary to His revealed Moral Laws, but have still not been able to understand why we can’t live the way we like, and still enjoy the spiritual blessings that only God can give. I just couldn’t have been Nigeria’s last virgin for sure! Even if I or any other person wins that award, it would make no meaning to God and man as it would not worth anything to boast of. I can only feel a sense of fulfillment if at the end of my life; I impacted the next generation by upholding Godly and social values and worked assiduously to better the lives of the weak and disparaged around me. I would be glad if I protected the freedom and rights of poor people and spoke against the oppression of the weak and downtrodden. I would die peacefully, if I carried the torch of TRUTH and handed it down to the next generation without the flame ebbing in intensity because of my leading a life marked by falsehood. I would be happy if when I die, my contemporaries and peers unequivocally speak of me as a man who lived a non-hypocritical life of integrity and spoke words that were not coated with lies. That to me is worthier than being Nigeria’s last virgin!

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Pretty January 26, 2012 - 8:29 am

Nice one. But you are not the only virgin. There are thousands of virgins male and female in this country who are keeping their virginity until they are married. I have met so many ok. Keep it up all the same. Cheers.

g omale August 19, 2010 - 11:11 pm

I must agree with “The Truth”. This story will be more appreciated if it featured under the category of Fiction.

I’d say, much ado about virginity. Why are we being so religious. Firstly, it is wrong, in my own opinion for the writer to claim to be a virgin because of his commitment to a vow and at the same time, say he does not intend to boast about his righteousness. Virtue is not something to boast about.

I have this problem with women who go about boasting about being virgins till they got into bed with their husbands. If being a virgin was so glorious or showed so much self control, why did they get married? They should have carried on being virgins. Come to think of it, is there not more virtue in saying, since you got married, no man apart from your husband has had the pleasure of laying between your thighs?

Those who might think highly of this writer’s virgin status should tell me what they’d think of a young girl who lost her virginity to a rapist. And even over thirty years after the incident, has remained aloof from men, because of psychological damage. However, she can not claim to be a virgin, can she?

My point is, these things are not because of our righteousness or lack of it. Religion apart, is it natural for a man at 36 to be a virgin or boast about it? Biologically, there are times when hormones in our bodies cause us to be attracted to the opposite sex; when our body is telling us, “it is time to make babies”. There is time for everything and the writer should be doing some cogitation about his condition and apologising to women he may have hurt because of his choice. For instance, he does not tell us what psychological damage he must have done to the girl who had come to spend the night with him, knowing his housemate was away. Jumping out of bed and straight to his knees to beg God for forgiveness . . . and this story is not intended to inspire praise?

I agree with “The Truth”. Who knows how many men out there, aged over 36, who are virgins and will never make it public knowledge because they believe virtue is not something to boast about.

My advice to the writer is to make haste and choose from the pool of gorgeous women we are blessed with because in no time, the mother of the girl he eventually wants might consider him too old for her daughter.

Reply May 14, 2008 - 4:39 am

Hello Watcher,

Oh…I can understand your confusion which is well founded considering an earlier NYSC story .The truth is, I personalized a close friend’s story as though it was mine story by using the first person, having realized that it’s easier to drive home a story that one can identify with. In that NYSC story…a true life one…I played the part of the friend who encouraged the guy to not think he’s committed the unpardonable sin because he lost his virginity. I reassured him that God wont kill him for having sex and that helped him get back onhis feet all over again.Now based in England, he also read the story on the web and later called me to thank me for sharing his story for other Christians to learn a lesson or two….

Now you get the real gist now…? Apologies for the confusion caused by the two seemingly conflicting stories….Am I forgiven Watcher?

watcher May 13, 2008 - 1:00 pm

I am totally confused about your writings, that if you actual write true life stories or fiction. If it is true life then this article contradicts your previous article on loosing your virginity during NYSC. Hmmm!

Unknown May 12, 2008 - 6:42 pm

Wow, I am loving the Truth. He/she is entitled to his/her opinion. I agree that being a virgin does not make you special. It actually makes you frustrated with life. Why would you think you are better because you are virgin? Abeg leave the Truth alone, you frustrated people.

justaman May 10, 2008 - 12:08 pm

@The Truth na wetin de bobo do you now ?

You jus’ dey blast as if be say e dey pain una!

Abegi tek am easy o, if de bobo no wan do until marriage good for am now. You sef, if you wan do efri woman wey dey doable, na you biko o! 🙂

Nigeria May 10, 2008 - 10:12 am

As a general advice whenever reading blog postings be critical of the information that the writer writes and don’t make assumptions.

To the Truth. You do not personally know this man and therefore you are not warranted in any way to make accusations about his personal life. As a matter of fact by you accusing him, it actually makes you seem gay. When you point one finger at some one else the others are pointing back at you.

Further, to the original poster. Your experience is actually quite common especially amongst men. I live in the United States (I stumbled upon this blog) and I recently read an article that states that 1 in 6 men is a virgin on their wedding day. These men are well into their late 20’s and 30’s. The problem lies in that in African American and African culture the masochistic attitudes of our cultures degrades men as to that if they do not sexually conquer as many women as possible they become less of a man. I don’t agree with this attitude, but I think it is changing generally for the good.

The Truth May 9, 2008 - 2:15 pm

Or care too. What annoys me about this article is that you are making an annoucement like you should get a Noble-Peace Prize. What do you want now that you announced that you are a virgin? Will this annoucement end the strife in the Middle-East? Will it diminish World-Hunger? Really how does your virginity add to society? There is nothing glorious or special about being a virgin, many people are ones but it seems to be the Christians who make a big hoopla about it and want a big cookie. And mind you, you guys are the first to criticize others about talking about sexuality in the public. You keep talking about keeping sexual talks from the public or keeping it within man and wife but yet when it comes to this "glorioius" annoucement, you want people to celebrate with you. Until this Virgin Annoucement can stop the war in Iraq, you're not so special.

Ormis66 May 9, 2008 - 12:08 pm

You obviously do not read your Bible

The Truth May 8, 2008 - 10:54 pm

See Patricia, you are not so intelligent, are you? So you have to have sex before you discover you are gay? This is the first I am hearing of this. Therefore with you SMART deduction, one can not determine if they are gay or straight until they have sex. I still say he is gay and that is my opinion. And when last did you meet God? Please tell me how he actually told YOU that sex should be done in the confinement of marriage. Next time you have an appointment with him, tell him/her I said “Hi”.

Patricia May 8, 2008 - 7:50 pm

The Truth, everyone is not GAY if they are a virgin. Matter fact, if you are gay, you are not a virgin (are you). If anyone wants to please God in doing what the word of God requires them to do, why make fun of them. When he gets married, he will be able to experience that “glorious gift of pleasure” that God gave us. Even though God gave it to us, he said it is to be done in the confines of marriage.

Reply May 8, 2008 - 3:27 am

Hello Dynmma, it was nice reading from you, and honestly I commend you for your openness and sincerity.I originally wrote this article in response to an earlier one I read on a website (another site) where the writer lamented that the days of innocence and virginity were gone.So I had to write a 'rejoinder' of sorts by sharing my own personal story so people can see that it's not a completely impossible situation.At a difficult time in his life,Prophet Elijah thot he was the last man standing who was on God's side, but unknown to him, a countless others were holding strongly to God. So I felt I should also lend a voice to the discourse and make people know that though it might and is challenging to be a virgin in our sexually-liberal societies, it's not a reason to believe that 'everyone is doing it' so why hold on to doing what is right.I assure you that I am enjoying a high quality of life and have no REGRETS but happy that God has brought me thus far!

The Truth May 7, 2008 - 7:14 pm

You are still a virgin at 36 years of age? Man, you sure you aint GAY? You don’t know what you’re missing. Sex is the most glorious gift God gave us. You better get some, Man! No wonder you write so much.

dynmma May 7, 2008 - 12:44 pm

Good article.I must say I kinda got confused when you prefaced your virginity with the word ‘technically’.It’s all good.If it is any consolation,there are still virgins in Nigeria and I’m not talking about teens,I’m talking about adults in their 20s,30s and so on.In today’s world when virtue is scorned and waywardness embraced,it is not a suprise that those who are on virtue’s side are collectively booed and shouted down.I have learnt to hold my peace.I don’t care that people shout me down and I’m not ashamed that I’m a virgin at my age-27.It is my prerogative what to do with the body gave me and I choose to delay sex till marriage.

So be encouraged dear brother and keep it up.Don’t forget it isn’t by your power,when you forget this you may fall.Cheers.

Patricia May 7, 2008 - 10:25 am

Felix, I enjoyed your article. You write with such openness and genuineness about God, your life, and life in general. It is ALWAYS good to be what the Lord wants us to be–no matter how others perceive that to be.

You are a good Christian example in this area of your life. I pray you will be able to maintain your vow until you either marry or fulfill your lifelong purpose here on earth.


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