Nigeria Matters

Oga Andy Carry Go

Dem say person wey no know who pass am, dat person na real efulefu. Andy Uba na the real Nnukwu Mmanwu for Anambra state politics, who no know make him know now. Make una no mind ndi ofeke wey want spoil show for our man Andy. E easy to be number one otimkpu Aremu? Which Anambra man abi Igbo man don ever reach dat level for Aso rock before? Even during dem days for Dodan Barracks? Any Igbo man don ever smell the latrine as cleaner, talk less of the kitchen as osi ite before? Now see as God don bless us, come make our brother Andy dey stand sentry for Oga Obasanjo court. I begi, make all of una go siddon.

The time wey our people dey suffer, wetin una do? No be only grammar una dey blow? Any small money wey enter, sebi una no dey let the Ghana-must-go bag reach ground, now God don send us messiah in Oga Andy Uba and una come dey yarn rubbish, I take God beg all of una, make una go siddon for dirty. Wetin person no go hear for this our obodo. No be so the Israelites dey take stone every prophet wey God send their way, where dat one lead dem go now? Now una want come do the same thing with Andy.

Na so una go dey do now, him go come vex say him no do again, if dat one happen I no go find am funny with all of una o! If him carry him money and all him beautiful and lofty ideas wey him carry for mind for Ndi Anambra waka commot go another state,una no think say na our people na dem go suffer most? Wetin all dem traditional rulers wey him don better their lives go do now? Abi dem go begin return all those cars wey him dash dem? What of dem community leaders wey him don give money finish wey don take dem share begin build house for village, abi make dem knock down the buildings return the money? Market women nko, wey don dey tie Andy Uba wrapper, abi make dem untie am and go naked? What of those wey don put the money wey Andy give dem for inside their business, how dem go do now? I beg make una leave the man alone.

All the money wey him don sink inside Anambra state for this election, una no see say dat one don increase Anambra GDP by 100%. Which other gubernatorial candidate fit do am? None. Abi na Chris Ngige (Onwa), dat one money never finish? Person wey dey exile since for Ala Bekee, whether him still know where the rest of him loot dey self, dis one wey we hear say Mallam Ribadu dey look for am.

Abi na Peter Obi, dat one na politician? No be so so grammar him sabi speak, him hands tight well well, to commot money dey hard am, people like am dem dey call them okpaku eri eri. No be so him dey talk say him dey gather money for Anambra state, as him dey London dey blow grammar say “those wey fail to plan, plan to fail”, na him those cult boys come impeach am, him no come dey to enjoy the money, but at least the Etiaba clan don show am say government money dem make to spend am, oops! sorry, to chop am.

I say make una cool down jare. Make una give Oga Andy a break. Sebi na Ndigbo dey talk say onye luo, ya rie. The time wey him dey serve him master, dey risk him life dey cross money for am, where una dey? Now e don reach make Aremu pay am back for all him services, una begin yarn nonsense. Dat one no be bad belle?

E be like say una don forget the wisdom of the ancients, no be dem talk say onye ube lulu, ya ra cha. Like say if na una dey for Oga Andy shoes, una no go do the same thing.

I say Oga Andy, carry go jo. Odeshi, oshie, awalu ya gutter. Nothing dey happen, if na fight dem want, give dem fight, after all, although say Oyibo ewelu go Tony Nwoye, him Black Axe boys still full ground ready for action, boys must chop.

The thing with our people be say dem no dey see vision, dem ma no dey see the better breeze wey want blow come our side. Those people wey think say Jim Nwobodo era for the old Anambra state be the golden years in the state go soon talk twice. I just dey laugh dem when dem come dey talk say Jim na fine man, say him sabi dress, some self dey talk say Jim sabi host party. Make una just wait till oga Andy enter, na him una go see wetin glamour mean, me ma self don dey ready for the kind gbedu wey go dey shelle for Awka. Me no get any doubt at all say him na the man to restore back the glory of Anambra state.

As I dey look the waves for Oga Andy head, na him I come dey remember the time when I still dey for mahadum, na dat kind hair wey I been get wey make chics dey jisoro my own, even now self I don dey envy Oga Andy for this him ogbonge hair style, which other politician get that kind hair style? I say Oga Andy, na you biko, but still I don conclude say this na correct bobo. For some time now, me no know where dem dey bring these men come Anambra state to come be governor, starting from Dr Chukwuemeka Ezeife (Okwadike), wey keep beard like mkpi, abi na Chris Ngige wey him own bear bear don scare away the whole fine chics for Awka. Anambra deserves a GQ type of governor and Andy na the man, we no want governor wey no fit groom himself well before him face the camera, at least dat one I know say Andy dey do well, plus the fact say those Onitsha cosmetics traders will never run out of business as long as Andy dey government house.

Meanwhile all those schools wey full Anambra state; Nnamdi Azikiwe university (Unizik), Madonna university, Oko polytechnic, College of education (Nsugbe), College of Agriculture (Eha Amufu), Uniochanjamarket, Unipetrol and the rest, abi una no want the chics there to enjoy small? Since wey dem divide state, nothing for dem again, all the activity and government house runs na for only Enugu e dey happen, now Andy don show signs say him want re-activate these schools, and una still dey complain, abi una no want our daughters dem and our sisters to chop? At least when OBJ and other ndi oke ozu enter town, there is no point to risk night driving through dat potholed Awka-Enugu expressway to go ferry IMT, abi na ESUT chics. We get dem plenty.

Even self I don hear say Oga Andy talk say him go fire and water Anambra state (apologies Igwe Edward Nnaji), him also yarn say him go develop the minerals (Fanta, coke, sprite) wey full for Anambra state, no be only Barkin Zuwo get natural intelligence. Oga Andy dey too kampe.

Ndi Anambra wey Andy matter dey worry too much dey make me laugh, see as dem come dey drink panadol for Andy headache. Some of them dey talk say him no gbajie la chalk, say him degree na adikporoja. Wetin degree get to do with governance? Okay, dem ma wey go Harvard, wetin dem don take am do for our people? I beg make we hear word, like say person need degree to pack money inside Ghana-must-go, or even to hide money for inside NAF-1. Even onye agboro wey just start work for Iddo motor park sabi do dat one, not to talk of man wey attend the prestigious Obasanjo Finishing School (OFS) for Aso Rock. No be only dat one alone, Oga Andy ma self na graduate of Dax cosmetics men’s grooming and styling school, abi our people no dey see am for him body? Dat one no do una? Even Nigerian constitution talk say governor na only WAEC GCSE him require, Andy ma self get PhD (Doctor of Philandering), dat one never do una? the man self dey over-qualified to be Anambra governor. I swear the kind job wey fit am na UN secretary general job. People wey go school well well like dat na dat kind job dem dey do, but as him say make him come help us for Anambra state, I beg make una leave the brother alone.

Oga Andy, no mind dem, we dey your side. Now wey everybody don desert you, remember say me dey, dey root for you, and so make you remember me when you land for Eke Awka.As bad belle people don plenty, once Maurice Iwu don release your coronation result, make you announce Chris Uba as your commissioner for security and rural development, even self you fit make am garrison commander for dat Onitsha military cantonment to contain those hot heads and MASSOB insurgents. Chris na real heavy man wey get him ears to the ground, that role will enable him to round up all the potential trouble makers in Anambra and ship dem to Manfe, him don do am before and nothing mega. Those wey still dey do strong head, Chris sabi how to bring in the demolition squad to raze down their buildings.

I hope you say you no dey plan to invite Loretta Mabinton to the coronation ball sha, abi na inaugural ball. No worries because Unizik chics full ground, na you biko, na only once chance remain for the gravy and groovy train to Anambra state government house, go on son.

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