Oga to Pack Dog Sh*t?

by Dele Oluwole

G – Oga good morning sir! (Oga walked to his car without responding)

K – (Whispering) did he not hear you say good morning?

G – Please just leave me alone this morning; are you just noticing that oga doesn’t respond to greeting from us?

K – I know but why is that it is only you and I that he doesn’t respond to?

G – Don’t tell me you are not aware that he doesn’t also respond to salute and greetings from the Zombies guarding him.

K – But I saw Barack Obama recently on TV responding to a salute from a guard before disappearing into the Airfore one jet

G – That one na real human being

K – Are you saying your Oga is not a human being?

G – Na you talk am oooo

K – The last time Obama was in the UK Gordon Brown took after him and responded to greetings from the police officer guarding No. 10 Downing street main door for the first time

G – So, Brown has been ignoring his guard all this while?

K – Let him ask the late Kabila how important a presidential guard could be

G – Did you not see the picture of Lord Mandelson on the pages of news papers recently walking his dog?

K – You mean the British Business Secretary?

G – Yes

K – Are you referring to when he was spotted walking his dog Jack outside his north London home?

G – Did you notice that in his left hand he clutched a plastic bag containing that which all dogs, when given fresh air and a clean patch of pavement, inevitably do?

K – Yes, the man used his own hands and not the hands of a poor gateman like you to remove the waste from his dog while walking it.

G – So, Britain has a law that forces people to remove their dog’s sh*it when walking it? Can that happen here? A minister to remove dog’s sh*it? The PA of our Oga will not even do a thing like that let alone our Oga Himself?

K – Abomination! Oga to pack dog sh*it? You are talking nonsense; Oga’s PA will employ a dog keeper instead, even the keeper will not remove the dog’s sh*it on the street of Abuja

G – (Laughs with head hanging) … but Oga will remove the dog’s sh*it if British pounds are lined in it (laughs louder)

K – Is Lord Mandelson not a minister like our Oga?

G – But Minister pass minister ooooo.

K – Senator here na MP for there and Minister here na Secretary for there ….. so what’s the difference?

G – Na lie, I hear say them dey practice parliamentary while we dey follow presidential and how come Mandelson is a Lord or abi is Honorable equal to Lord?

K – I have always told you that your half education will do you more harm than good

G- Don’t digress, Lord Mandelson did what he did because there are CCTVs everywhere in the UK, moreover there were journalists everywhere and he simply wanted to be leading by example ….. to be exemplary, finito.

K – You will be lucky not to die of ignorance …… tell me, which country in the world needs more exemplary leaders than us?

G – Come on, this people can pretend a lot you know

K – If pretence can change our country and reverse the abysmal destruction I think our leaders should start pretending.

G – But Oga is already pretending

K – What do you mean?

G – I heard oga cut down his ministry’s budget sent to the presidency for approval from N35.6 billion to N35.5 billion

K – Yes, your block head got something right for once, yet the approval to refurbish is official residence came faster from the presidency than the entire ministry’s budget anyway.

G – The most important thing is that the budget was approved.

K – Yes, but my friend Kasali who is an office messenger in the ministry told me their salary was delayed for 4 months before it was finally approved. His daughter who passed her JAMB exams therefore couldn’t register in the University because there was no money while Oga’s daughter studies in Cambridge.

G – Where is Cambridge University? I have heard so about it

K – It is in America

G – Are you sure

K – Just gu-gul it

G – How?

K – Look for it in yahoo and the machine will tell you where Cambridge University is

G – ehen …. You mean I can gu-gul Ladoke Akintola University, Ogbomosho where my cousin attended and I will get all the information about it

K – You dey craze, I beg I dey go (walked away)

G – wetin I talk wey you don dey ves now ….. ok cu next time

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tunde May 8, 2009 - 10:10 pm


Rosie May 8, 2009 - 1:10 pm

Nigerian big manism is not dead.

Sam May 4, 2009 - 5:19 pm

Wonderful sense of humour


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