Pastors & Prostitutes

It is a lot easier to live a celibate life than to stay faithful to one wife.

Right from the Garden of Eden, it’s written that immediately a man tastes the apple of sin there is no limit to indulgence.

Once a man discovers a woman, he goes farther afield to conquer the plural form known as women.

Of course, there is no end to the quest until death supervenes. Womanizing has a lot in common with alcoholism.

People addicted to alcohol when taken to Alcoholics Anonymous are asked to learn this dictum: One bottle is too much while a hundred bottles are not enough!

It simply means that total abstinence is the answer, in woman as in alcohol.

In this new age of funky pastors and funkier prostitutes, temptation is indeed rife. And as the Irish wag Oscar Wilde knows, “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.”

The selfsame Oscar Wilde goes further to make the confession, to wit, “I can resist anything except temptation.”

The very wild Oscar Wilde was by no means a pastor, but from available statistics of the divorce rates of modern-day pastors who are almost always accused of annexing the other woman, it is very obvious that the pastors are ever ready to bend the knee to erotic temptation.

It is not just a Nigerian matter.

Looking farther afield all over the world, one can readily see that pastors and prostitutes have for long been sharing the same bed.

Let’s go to Kenya for confirmation. A pastor with a Pentecostal church in the Nakuru County of Kenya was totally astounded once upon a bad time when a prostitute he picked up for sex pointedly told him she was a member of his congregation.

The 56-year-old lustful pastor picked the woman along the road in Nakuru on the dot of midnight.

The prostitute submitted to the pastor in his posh car, only to later divulge to the satiated preacher-man that she was a member of his church.

The confession made the pastor to quake in consternation. He there and then begged the prostitute not to expose him to other members of the church.

The pastor of course offered extra cash for the prostitute to keep her mouth shut over the illicit liaison.

It came to pass that the prostitute squealed by telling all who cared to listen that her pastor had her in his car: “For sex, I mean that’s why he picked me, that’s what I do, I’m a prostitute!”

This unrepentant pastor had actually been disgraced back in year 2000 after his dalliance with another man’s wife was exposed.

The pastor of today, in Nigeria as elsewhere, dresses to kill. It is called power-dressing.

The ladies, on their part, go to these churches in all makes of revealing wears that must rouse any man with blood flowing in his veins, pastor or no pastor.

According to Chinweizu in his book Anatomy of Female Power, when a man’s board member gets up his brain takes French leave!

As in the issue of murder, no human being was born a serial killer. It all starts from murdering for the first time.

When one kills for the first time, one feels very sick and remorseful. But after a few more killings it just becomes like any other sport.

The pastor’s peccadilloes can be seen in this wise. He cheats on his wife for the first time and he feels like he has been damned to Hell. Then after a few more conquests he starts basking in the glories of the sex symbol pastor as a serial lady killer.

America happens to lead the charge in the league of lady-killing pastors.

There was the case of Jimmy Bakker who with his wife, Tammy Faye, owned the Pentecostal empire known as Praise The Lord (PTL). The church which was more popularly known worldwide by its abbreviation, PTL, had its headquarters in their theme park in Fort Mill, South Carolina, near Charlotte, North Carolina, USA.

It became a hot sauce revelation that Jimmy Bakker had paid his former secretary, Jessica Hahn, to keep quiet about their sexual orgies.

This led to questions about Jimmy Bakker’s finances such that in 1989 he was sentenced to 45 years imprisonment for stealing $158 million from his flock.

Another celebrated American televangelist, Jimmy Swaggart, was caught with a prostitute in a motel in 1988.

He confessed his sins on live TV, crying pitifully.

He was somewhat forgiven by the American public to keep his $12-million-a-year, 10,000-strong religious empire.

His disaster eventually came when he was linked to another prostitute in 1991.

Need I go on?

Pastors are very hot.

Prostitutes are even hotter.

May God save our hot pastors from the hotter prostitutes!

The Poet has prayed!

Say Hallelujah to that!

Latest Posts

What Happened To Nigeria’s $20 Billion?

Nigeria is subliminally going through perilous times. Unfortunately, the...

Banks Are Not My Business

Whenever I see any bank and the ill-assorted characters...

Osun election: Between hope and fear

Hope springs eternal, and with elections just days away...

Osun: By this time on August 16

By Dotun Afolayan ​History does not merely happen; it is...

Don't miss

Nigerian Men and their Foreign Wives

Culturally, Nigerian men are overbearing, controlling, and paternalistic.  They relate to their fathers and mothers differently. They believe it is “a man’s world” and so they have the tendency to relegate women to subservient roles. I am stunned by the transformation Nigerian men, married to non-Nigerian women, have gone through in the United States...

Is Genevieve Nnaji Nigeria’s First Movie Superstar?

What is this Nnaji mystique that has her audience colliding heads so joyfully, crawling, craving some time in her sun? Star quality is what it is. The amount of talent dripping from her little finger is more than many of our other female leading ladies have combined...

Why Do African Men Go Home to Marry?

The African male is perplexing. He can be enigmatic. He can be everything and sometimes, nothing. He can be sweet and loving and caring and benevolent and at the same time oppressive. His life is full of contradictions. In so many ways, he is a wounded animal as a result of his historical past...

Mobil’s Oily Battle Over Intellectual Property Rights

The eight-year long battle between Commandclem Nigeria Limited and Mobil Producing Nigeria Limited, over ownership of patent and intellectual rights to a chemical invention for offshore drilling seems in sight…

Lost in a Sea of Hair Weaves

One can understand some black women wearing wigs for the same reasons that some white women do; because they are losing or have lost their hair. One can even make allowances for wigs being worn for the occasional change of look. But how to explain young women with full heads of hair who will never be seen dead with their natural hair?
Uzor Maxim Uzoatu
Uzor Maxim Uzoatu
Uzor Maxim Uzoatu is the author of God of Poetry, Satan's Story, A Play of Ghosts and The Missing Link. A 2008 Caine Prize for African Writing nominee, he wrote the text for Scottish photographer Owen Logan's caricature of Michael Jackson's visit to Nigeria entitled Masquerade. He lives in Lagos and is married with children.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here