Simple Observations about Men and Women

by Sabella Ogbobode Abidde

I have yet to meet a man who would not stick it to his ex-wife or ex-girl friend if the opportunity arose; and I have yet to meet an ex-this or ex-that who would not consent if the timing was right. Morality aside, humans have not conquered their sexual cravings.

I have never met a man who will not cheat on his wife if there is an assurance that his infidelity will remain a secret; and I have never met a woman who will not acquiesce to such if what “happened in Vegas will remain in Vegas.” Infidelity is part of our makeup.

I don’t know of any man out there who didn’t wish his penis was longer and thicker so he could “do more damage” to women. In the same vein, I don’t know of a woman who didn’t wish her breasts were firmer and a bit more voluptuous. We are always comparing.

I don’t know of a man who didn’t wish he had more staying power and make his woman beg during intercourse; and I still have not met women who didn’t wish that the men in their bedrooms would last at 45-minutes longer than the last time…and make then quiver.

I don’t know of a man who is a hundred percent certain he married the right woman. You see, men are always wondering if the women in their arms are the “right ones;” in some ways, women wonder, too: they wonder if they are not settling for the lowest bidder.

After all these years, I have yet to meet a man who completely trusts his wife. The more beautiful and educated and salaried she is, the more he wonders. There is something about men and insecurity you know. Women too suffer from the same fate and agony…

As most wonder if there are women — more educated, more beautiful and dutiful out there waiting to swoop on and take their men. Gee, why do you suppose women are women’s worst enemies? Most are usually thinking and scheming…for an opening.

A woman will knowingly marry a jackass, an uncouth laggard, hoping she’d change him once they settle down. Ha, I wonder why nobody ever tells them that most men will never change: what you saw and married will most likely remain the same for eternity. Ooppss!

Most men I know do not equate sex with love and marriage. You see, men, by nature, have no qualms about sleeping with the enemy, but not so for most women. Someone should tell them that sex is sex and love is love. Generally, men know the difference…

In addition, sex and love does not necessarily mean marriage. Why do women suppose a man, a Nigerian man for instance, could date a woman for upward of 5 years and when the time comes for marriage he goes home to marry a greenhorn he must educate?

Most African men will do heaven-and-earth for their White lovers; but when it comes to African women, they will complain and complain and complain. The least they do, the better and proud they are. I wonder why and how they get away with such shenanigans.

Most of my friends know that marriage is a business venture. Well, sort of. The men bring whatever they have to the table, and the women do the same thing. You then do a “cost-benefit-analysis” to be sure you are not going to lose more than you gain…

In such matters, my women friends are the smartest. They wonder (1) can he adequately provide for this family; (2) will he respond to my parent’s call for assistance; and (3) what are my options should he leave for a younger woman. But the men are thinking…

Most men think, but mostly on a superficial level: (1) can she cook, clean and provide sex on demand; (2) is she the obedient type, will she tolerate my indiscretions; and (3) will she make a fine mother? Most men don’t care about romantic love…na love we go chop?

Living in the United States of America is not exactly easy for most Africans. However, it seems like the US has been a bit rougher for women than for men. And it is even three to five times rougher for divorced or single mothers than for single or divorced men…

You see, in most cases men can start all over: easily get retrained in another line of career; easily relocate to another state or even return to Nigeria; and then re-marry a lady 5-10 years younger with or without kids or continue to bed as many women as possible…

But not so for women who are more concerned with their reputation and don’t want to be seen hoping from bed to bed. And quite frankly, I am not sure there are many African men who would marry a woman who is 5-10 years older, with or without kids…

And by the way, what is it about Nigerian men: whenever I see a co-joined family, it is usually a Nigerian lady with a non-Nigerian man. Why? Why don’t Nigerian men marry Nigerian women with children from previous relationships? This leads me to wonder…

What is it about the African culture that makes it unacceptable to adopt children from outside of the extended family? Hey, have you ever seen a Nigerian adopt a Canadian or even a Tanzanian? Would a Fulani family adopt a Kalabari boy or an Igbo girl?

Most African men hate paying child support — especially if they think that the woman is just squandering the money. I know of a Nigerian man who dutiful pays his $650 every month and the ex dutifully sends the money home…to build houses in Port Harcourt.

Did I tell you that the woman I have the hots for is a big-time lawyer/investment banker here in Houston, Texas? Her father is a governor in Nigeria. All I have is a certificate in culinary arts, plus five kids. She is single with no kids. Tell me: what are my chances.

How does one get away with polygamous marriage in the UK? I heard about a fellow who is married to “Madam. A” (Church marriage), and is also married to two other ladies (traditional way). How he was able to convince these women to go along beats me…

Come to think of it: having multiple wives must be a joy ride. Damn, how exciting… life must be good for him. Polygyny? It is certainly something to think about. Nevertheless, in a stressful society like we have here in the US, I wonder if it is possible and profitable.

And finally, if my opinions and observations offended you, please don’t begrudge me. State your case and move on. I am busy with my plate of Amala, gbegiri and ewedu filled with bush meats. But if you are really pissed, you may meet me at Ojuelegba…@ noon…

You may also like


adelicious May 9, 2006 - 3:44 am

if there would be a rating for "extremly poor", i would rather chose that. since your trivial knowledge of life and your insufficient gramatical ability is the lowest level.

Anonymous May 7, 2006 - 6:06 am

Sabella…Una,You don come again o.Whatever you dey smoke is working for real aslong as it isnt crack. I always find your articles so refreshing and remind me of Friday nights pepper-soup joints or palmmy parlours of good ol'Lagos. Thanks brother, I love your work. Goodluck with the lady at Houston.

BIGFEST May 6, 2006 - 8:01 am

You have said it all.Marriage is a business venture these days.

Reply May 5, 2006 - 2:48 pm

You hit the nail on its head: the US is tougher on women than men. Now if only someone will spread the word…


Leave a Comment