Hi friends,
A new week has dawned and we’re at the twilight of a new month and a new year. Fuuny enough, I had burden/plans to share weekly devotional/inspirational writings with as many friends/people as I can reach through the net but never was able to meet my goals. One reason was that I wanted to write something new each week and I resisted the idea of sharing entries in my personal prayer/spiritual journals in the public domain. Who would like to serialize his/her life openly; even celebrities loathe the company of the paparazzi crew !
Before now, I have only dared to show my journals to just a few close friends in confidence. And when I did release the first volume of my hand written prayer journal for a friend to read through, her mum incidentally bumped into it and has held the journal ‘hostage’ for months now. But I was touched and really humbled by the kind comments she made and how the entries had impacted her walk with God in some way. So am taking a calculated risk in sharing my personal life in the public domain for I don’t know how far this may travel and be shared back and forth through emails and all.
One sure warning/caveat though: I am not an exceptional Christian like the Mystics or Saints of old and neither do I boast of knowing God deeply or have had exceptional visions and prophetic visitations. I am as ‘normal’ as the weak and feeble Christian who falters and rises as he lives daily, hoping to know God better and live a life worthy of the Gospel, failures notwithstanding.
So my journal entries are more like prayers that I try to write as sincerely and openly from my heart, especially when I find it hard to articulate them vocally or when am too lazy to kneel down to pray. Often times, they truly represent what I would like God to hear as my prayer/s. I am just taking this step cautiously, and hope it makes some earthly sense with heavenly results.
Have a great week.
Cheers,
Felix
………… ……… ……… ……… …
Stuck With You
..by Felix Abrahams Obi
2:06am; 20/08/2007
Lord, how your anchors have gripped the deepest parts of me. I never would have known if not that each time I try to stow away, your grips restrain me. Each time I recede and retreat away from you, something in me kind of dies. A deep hollow begins to eat deep into my heart, leaving me desolate and famished.
Father of Love, why grip me with so much strength and passion that you wont let me go; not even for a short trip of fleshly pleasure and wantonness! But why won’t you let me live life, the way that seems right and okay before my generation? Why would you let me wallow in pain and sorrow just for a little trespass; a little of giving in to the leadings of my own desires?
Father, is this mere jealousy or just your kind of expression of desperation and longing for me to be perpetually stuck to you and be yours always? You know sometimes I feel like running away and living free from the grips of your love like your prodigal son did, but your hands are too strong to let me go, and so they seem to me, at least.
Each passing day, I am faced with choices that often make me misrepresent your person; your values. Yea! Those moments I’d never wish to come my way or wish to recall or face again. Yet you seem to not let me be immune from them. You allow me plunge right into them and watch what my choices would be and I don’t want to recount the crazy choices that I made.
Father, for weeks that rolled into months, I got so carried away by the wind of busy-ness and exciting travels. I visited and hung out with friends but little did I take out time to ever be with you. I watch the months roll away into years but not yet inebriated by the joy of your Presence.
I may stray and experience detours and kinks, off my heart’s determination to seek you wholeheartedly, I nevertheless can’t seem to be unleashed from your grips cos i just see that am stuck to you for life. My flesh may wish to be teased and caressed by the velvety pleasures that abound in my age and times, but Lord, do not unleash me from the grips of your grace. Save for you, I would be the most despicable of sinners for I know me and the shameful passions and tendencies that are lodged within me.
Father, keep me from straying. Let my heart not grope in the dark alleys of unbelief verses faith ,for you alone are my Light, my Destination and Greatest Pleasure and the End of my Quest!
Your son,
Felix Abrahams Obi
