The Return Of The Living Dead

You can fool some of the people all of the time and all the people some of the time but you cannot fool all the people all of the time”. Abe Lincoln

When a government lasts a long time, it deteriorates by insensible degrees. The deterioration of every government begins with the decay of the principles on which it was founded.” Charles Louis de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu.

I remember watching the above 1985 horror movie as a kid. The movie which eventually spanned four sequels was about zombies who were raised from the dead by an accidental release of a deadly gas. The zombies went on a rampage seeking their favourite food, Brains of the living in order to be restored to life. The fifth and final sequel to the movie which has been described as “the worst cinematic atrocity to wound your retinas” ends finally when a SWAT team arrives, shoots the zombies and disposes of their bodies.

The above scenario can be likened to the events which have overtaken our motherland these past months. We have a sick president who went AWOL in November 2009, who wilfully and persistently refused to hand over power albeit temporarily to his Vice pursuant to Section 145 of our Constitution. In the face of political gerrymandering, the whole nation rallied together with one voice and demanded to know his whereabouts and to take the honourable step of handing in his resignation. At last, reason it seemed, prevailed and Dr Good Luck Ebele Jonathan was sworn in as the acting President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. And then, the plot turns bizarre.

On Wednesday, the 24th of February 2010, around 2 a.m, when decent and hardworking Nigerians were snoring and sweating on their beds with mosquitoes playing hide and seek in their ears (NEPA, where art thou), somebody was smuggled into the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport under the cover of darkness. Accompanying that somebody was a battalion of more than 500 soldiers, armed to the teeth and ready to shoot on sight. That somebody was subsequently transferred to Aso rock in an air ambulance amidst security that would make the Isreali Mossad look like Chucky in Child’s Play. The next morning, suffering Nigerians were informed that that “somebody” was their ailing president Umaru Musa Yaradua, alive and well. Alleluia!!!! Till date, our one time President is yet to address his flock. Apart from the 3 minutes broadcast on BBC earlier this year (sic) and his “Signature” on the Supplementary budget, Nigerians are yet to see any other physical manifestation of our anointed leader.

Thus, Nigerians are asking, “Who’s fooling who?” Her Imperial Majesty, Queen Turai and her fellow Yaradua loyalists have gone to great pains to assure us that not only is the president back but he is also fit to rule. The evidence they presented in support of their motion is incredible. Evidence is incredible as a matter of law only where no reasonable man could accept it and base an inference on it. That is to say, that no reasonable Nigerian believes, despite all the shenanigans that our president is within the four corners of this Nation. The northern elite so desperate to finish their tenure in office and in conjunction with our political comedians, have involved Nigerians in a surreal world of make believe comparable only to the James Hadley Chase novel, “Make the corpse walk”. They have succeeded in accomplishing a feat that has gone unrivalled for more than 2,000 years: the Resurrection Power… or so they think.

And we keep asking for how long. It is indeed a notorious fact that our executhieves, legislooters and judicheaters have mortgaged our future and that of our children at the highest interest rate of perpetual doom and misery but to act out a Hollywood horror movie at our expense is nothing short of preposterousness and highly indecorous. The present state of affairs has lasted far too long. And just like the fifth and final sequel to the aforementioned horror movie, it goes without saying that the law of diminishing returns sets in when a thing be it a movie, an event or a government is kept running for an indeterminable length of time.

Let us now hear the conclusion of the matter: For Umaru Musa Yaradua so feared the idea of a southern Christian president come 2011, that he resurrected from the dead after 92 days, 23 hours and 50 seconds. Jesus Christ is the only man to die, come back to life after 3 days and He still lives on. Will Yaradua live on after his resurrection to not only finish his term but run for the next four years? Only time will tell.

I rest my case.

Ugomma

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