When I Lost My Virginity…

Afraid of facing a scandal in the area, I decided to

relocate from Abudu village to Benin

City. Mfom got wind of my plans from our Zonal

Inspector and begged me to not leave her alone in the school. For me, it was a

matter of life and death. Three weeks after that fateful night that I so much

regret, my reposting letter from NYSC Edo State Office got approved and I left

Abudu unceremoniously. I wanted to leave my past behind me for good so I can

start a new life bereft of regrets and gnawing sorrow and pain. My fellow

corpers and the students didn’t know why I left in such a hurry.

I ran into a fellow “Corper Shun” and “Ajuwaya” friend,

Chuka at the NYSC secretariat in Benin

City. We’re in the same platoon ten during the

orientation and hit off as friends but didn’t get to see again until we met in Benin that day.

He gladly agreed to house me for a while till I was able to get my own accommodation.

Chuka overtime noticed how reticent I was most nights, wondering why I stayed

awake peering into the ceiling. And after much prodding, I opened up my heart

and shared the horrid details of my misadventure with Mfom. I really needed

someone to talk to so I can have some peace. Being a fellow NCCF brother, I had

assumed he’ll condemn me like I did to guys who had fallen into sexual sin in

the past. Though a virgin himself, he so understood my plight and spoke kindly

to me, yet he’s not even a pastor in campus but a fringe member in the

fellowship. He showed so much maturity though 4 years younger than me, and he

made me realize that there’s forgiveness available in God. I was so relieved

when he read out some passages from the Bible which I had taken for granted:

……

“[Doing Good to All] Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are

spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be

tempted.”(Galatians 6:1)

………….

“Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose

spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my

groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as

in the heat of summer. Selah

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD “-and you

forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah

Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found;

surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you and watch over you.” (Psalm 32:1-8)

…………………

“If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie

and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the

light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son,

purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves

and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and

will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we

have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our

lives.”(1John 1:6-10)

……………

I felt so glad God sent a great friend like Chuka who spoke kindly and

empathically to soothe my emotional pain and inner turmoil. He was more like

Jesus Christ who wouldn’t let anyone cast a stone on the guilty prostitute that

was caught in the very act by the religious powers of her day. Chuka made me

know that what I committed was not an unpardonable sin but didn’t condone it

all the same. Each night, he kept on encouraging me to not give up my resolve

to live a chaste life. To him, even if I lose my virginity, God had another

equally valuable gift; chastity, which He gives to those that put their past

behind, and resolve to live holy and righteous without depending on their own

strength but on His grace.

Though my thoughts drifted back to Mfom often, I realized she was not

Jezebel-incarnate like I initially had thought. Being very beautiful and

light-skinned, I had seen her as a harbinger and custodian of seducing spirits

as we’re taught back in Campus Fellowship days. If anything, Mfom made me see

that weak side of me that I thought I had conquered. She was a blessing in

disguise as she made me see my own self-delusion and moral pride which my

religious piety had beclouded for long. Now I know better to not trust in my

own strength again but on God’s. Though I still battle with the not-too

pleasant memory now and then, the condemnation I often felt before I met Chuka

no longer grips me. I saw in him, a friend who is closer than a brother and we

really need many like him!

Written by
Felix-Abrahams Obi
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18 comments
  • Looking unto to Jesus d Author and Finisher of our faith. We thank God for such testimonies. When we talk of God’s ways, we must understands dt God knows how to work all things together for good. The bottomline is never give up on God cos He’d neva giv up on u. No matter the situation, hold on to God, hold on to God and Hold, I say, on to God. And our destinies in God wil be secured. All d charaters of godly people as mentiond in scriptures are given us as examples for our learning,so dt we knw wat way 2 go wen we face diverse issues of life e.g Joseph’s testimony is different from David’s and they both hv their place in God. Your love for God is wat u must continually check. Keep ur heart therefore in God’s love. God bless and keep us all. Amen

  • God does not allow us for into sin to take us to the next level or teach us something,for James 1:13-14 says it and the story clearly shows that every man is drawn away of his own lust,now it’s true that when u return to God He heals u of the wounds and u learn from the experience,but it doesn’t mean that God allowed it to happen to u because he wants to teach u something,because there is no temptation that comes our way that we do not have the power to overcome.

  • Sex education, both at family level and school level, is still a taboo in Nigeria and is largely responsible for stories like this. Since sex education is often abuse I would term this Christian Sex Education. Dads and moms need to talk to their kids about sexuality under a friendly family environment before someone else does. As you can see in this story, the problem is not spirituality but education. If this lad had been taught, from early stage of life that we, including pastors, are all vulnerable he’ll understand from day one that trouble was coming and take precautions. He learned this truth after the fact. Truly, “he who thinks he stands should take heed lest he falls”. Thanks for sharing this and God helps us all as we continue to fight our “flesh and blood”

  • am just reading this piece now. Everybody: wen we are hard pressed btwn letting go and holding on, i think we shd pray and also confide in christians of like faith. “…with wise counsel u can wage ur war and in the multitude of counselors, there is safety…” so says the book of Proverbs. I think ur heart is just being swayed to commit the sin. The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart. May God help us to guard our heart with all diligence… (Aside: the idea that ‘God allowed it to happen…’ is totally wrong.) God doesnt tempt his children or allow his children to fall into temptation. We should always take responsibility for our actions. “…for every man is tempted when he is drawn by his own lust, and lust when it is fully conceived brings forth sin, and sin when it is conceived, brings forth death…”

  • Thanks for your candour. I hope you find a beautiful woman to settle down with soon, even as you keep you eyes on Jesus.

  • The truth is that,the race is not to the swift nor the battle for the strong.we are saint not because we do not fall but because we are ready to rise and continue with the race.Just like the man in the bible who said Lord i believe, help my unbelieve.Let us ask for mercy and grace to help us in time of need.

  • Amen , this is powerful . I can relate my brother. I dunno but we share a lot in common truly. I say this sincerely . oh i have gone through a lot. being annoited myself, I can tell you that if your consience is bugging you it can kill you. because you now everyone is looking up to you. you are gim gim, the role model, but sometimes God allows this things to happen to us, so we can learn to depend on him. It is not by power nor might but my spirit says the Lord, forgiving oneself to me is the hardest thing. and u know God allows to happen coz he wanna take us to the next level . to trust him alone. when God makes us great we would always remember the lessons that sexual sin is not worth it . because its not worth grieving the HolySpirit especially after we have come soooo far. we know better, we have tasted of a higher calling. and to whom much is given much is expected. continue my brother

  • Thanks Wendy for your good counsel and we sure need sincere christian people to guide us thro issues of life by their own examples…

    cheers

  • I think that our churches need to do more to teach single men and women what they need to know about sex. Simply saying “don’t do it” will not suffice to stave off temptation. Christians who are teenagers or in their early twenties need to have it drummed into their subconscious that those are the years when their sexual urges are strongest, and the only way to avoid falling into temptation is to be like Joseph and flee.

    I also counsel unmarried christians to have accountability partners. These are people with whom you can be open and sincere, who will tell you the truth without condeming you, and of course who are like-minded christians. I can imagine that if the writer had a friend like Chuka from the onset, whom he had confided in when Mfon started sleeping in his room, this story would have a different ending.

  • Kyauta, pleeeeeeease! Who doesn't fall victim to temptation? The beauty of Christianity is not managing to live a sinless life, but falling short AND GETTING UP AGAIN BECAUSE YOU LOVE GOD AND WANT HIM TO BE PROUD OF YOU. We are saved by the Grace and Love of God, not our own deeds, and he should be commended for seeing the lesson that was put there for him to learn in the whole experience.

  • I felt a little disappointed when as I read the part where you gave in to your lust. You should never have allowed Mfon to sleep in your room not talk of sleeping on the same bed! However, like all your articles on this forum. this is an encouragement to others that might be in facing these situations (lust and forgiveness) today. May the Lord continue to grant you the grace to live a holy life unto him in all areas of your life. Let your obedience to him be complete at all times.

  • very interesting.

    thanks for sharing this story. Its not an uncommon one, since seduction knows no boundaries. But its nice that you didnt put all the blame on the seductress, but also acknowledged your own “weakness”, so to speak. I find that very encouraging.

  • Excellent.This is a typical NYSC experience and one can only pray that God will keep his own from the massive drifting that occur during this period of ones life.

  • Thanks Rosie…u know as christians, we often are reticent about our struggles and always try to cover up and pretend all is cool with us…especially in Naija and Africa generally.I realised that when one is naked and unshamed b4 God, it’s a lot easier facing the weaknesses and frailties that deter our walk with God.Oh…women aint the weaker sex…and that’s what has ruined so many men.Boy God created man…but gave the ignition key and accelerator pedal over to women..what we’ve power over is just the clutch pedal while we share the break pedal with the women in our lives.

  • I really liked the honesty of this story. As a Christian, it is natural to feel we have failed God and ourselves when we sin. But I was glad to realize he forgave himself and tried to do better. In my opinion, the minute he let Mfom sleep on his bed, I knew he would unavoidably sleep with her. Which man wouldn’t? You know what they say, “Don’t go window shopping with money in your pocket, cus you will surely buy something.”

    As an aside your comment of women surely being the weaker vessel ticked me off a little. Until men can squeeze out an 8-pound human out of an opening the size of a dime, they need to be quiet about the weaker vessel idea. Shio!