30 Other Things That Need Sexing-Up

by Bolanle Shote

A couple of years ago, British Prime Minister Tony Blair got into a whole lot of trouble when the BBC accused his government of “sexing up” security reports on Iraq, in order to justify his support of the Iraqi war. The phrase soon became popular and GQ Magazine carried an article listing 69 things which they felt were also in dire need of some “sexing up.” Not to be outdone, I’ve compiled a list of 30 more things that I (and hopefully all Nigerians) find utterly boring and completely uninspiring:

1) Mrs Okonjo – Iweala’s head-ties

2) NTA Network News

3) Third-party insurance

4) The Daily Comet

5) Lagos taxis

6) The name “OANDO” (not the company o!)

7) BBC news

8) Action Congress

9) Vice-president Goodluck

10) Cars without air conditioners

11) The Bisi Olatilo Show (what’s with the dodgy graphics?)

12) Living anywhere with the prefix “Iyana”

13) Hearing “our network is down” at banks, cyber cafes, etc

14) Working 9 hours a day, 5 days a week

15) Registry weddings

16) Anything to do with law

17) and Latin

18) Fixed deposit accounts

19) NEPA


21) Pagers (when last did anyone actually see one?)

22) Synthetic “Made in China” weaves and wigs

23) Cars with automatic transmission (real men and women drive “sticks”)

24) Pirated VCDs

25) The female condom

26) Women having 12 children so that they can have a cow killed for them (in “appreciation” of having sacrificed their youth, flat tummies and perky breasts on the altar on unbridled fertility)

27) Any movie starring Amaechi Muonuagor

28) Genevieve Magazine

29) Female deportees from Italy protesting their innocence and claiming that they really thought their cousin/aunt/friend had a legitimate job as hairdresser lined up for them in Milan

30) Keke Marwa / Keke Napep

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damola July 25, 2007 - 12:56 pm

heheheheehe. but add Murtala Int. Airport, Molue, bus conductors and fire service minus items 10, 21, 22 and 23 on the list.

Rosie July 20, 2007 - 1:23 pm

funny piece. had me chuckling. had to look up a few items, though cus i have never heard of them. goes to show you how disconnected i am from naija. *sigh*


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