Mr. President has done well for our country. Before he came to power, the country was disingenuously gravitating towards fascism, the type that would make Italian Benito Mussolini turn green with envy in his grave. By introducing fascism, Mussolini must have considered himself the most brutal human antithesis to democratic protocol. But alas, Mr. President came and successfully enthroned fascism in the country, a type of fascism that has made a caricature of Mussolini’s political engineering. Although Mr. President and his gang may not announce it officially, the citizens are in awe of their collective swansong for all democratic institutions in the country. That is why I support him to vehemently drive the nail into the coffin of democracy without further pretenses. We cannot continue to pretend to practice democracy while decimating the core of the democratic fabric across the country. The suspension of democratic institutions is the first step toward democratic interment. First, the suspension of that rascal governor is a good one. A fascist country cannot accommodate a governor who stands up to a morally derelict, gluttonous godfather. So let him learn his lessons for six months. Welcome to dystopia, a new world of totalitarian possibilities.
With a crippled legislature and prostrate judiciary, Mr. President should go ahead to enact laws that would remove the immunity of all democratically elected persons in the country. I support it because that is the only way to ensure that he can summarily remove recalcitrant elected officials and replace them with military personnel, serving or retired. We must entrench fascism with devastating ruthlessness that would reverberate across the world. I say so because some elected officials may identify with the people and uphold the truth that the citizens are suffering under harsh economic conditions. Any elected official identifying with the people in hardship should be suspended immediately. All the governors must learn from the suspended governor’s experience. Other democratically elected officials should learn from the House of Assembly members in that oil-rich state. Fascism does not tolerate any form of opposition. Therefore, if democratically elected officials utter a word against any federal government’s policy or try to assert their authority as representatives of the people, Mr. President should suspend them. They must realize we are in fascism and not democracy.
It is too clear that all government efforts are geared towards the 2027 general elections. Since Mr. President has demonstrated to be the best thing to happen to our country, banishing hunger and starvation in our homes, all hands must be on deck to ensure he remains in power in 2027, whether the people vote for him or not. Therefore, I support Mr. President to suspend, arrest and detain any dissenting voice toward his aspirations to retain power in 2027. Under democracy, the voice of the people is supreme, but under fascism, the desire and ambitions of the ruler are supreme, and the people are inconsequential. All the political parties in the country should adopt Mr. President as their consensus candidate. That is how it is done under fascism. Any chairman of any political party that does not agree with this position should be suspended. Mr. President fought for democracy and has every right to abolish democracy. I hope he has learned from the mistakes of a former president and why he failed to actualize his third-term ambition. We, the conquered, timid, and docile citizens, support Mr. President to achieve a second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth terms. He must be our life president because he is the best thing to emerge from this country. Any opposition to this ambition should be suspended and detained.
May I report some people to Mr. President who have been writing rubbish, trying to educate the masses on the need to aspire towards equitable governance. These writers have been criticising his government, exposing the fetid dimensions in our political corridors. I used to be one of them, but now, I have seen the light. I support Mr. President, and I support fascism in our country. Exkiz me sir, ehm…exkiz me sir, I want to report all the radical dissenting voices in the country. These people believe Mr. President stole his mandate. Therefore, they should be suspended, arrested, and detained. Let them realize we are in fascism and not democracy. I also support the suspension of someone who said last year that even if they give Mr. President 30 years in government, nothing would work. That prophecy seems to be an albatross hanging on the president’s neck, and the purveyor must not go scot-free. Also, there is a frustrated fugitive who should be suspended, arrested and detained because on several occasions in the past, he called Mr. President a known drug lord. Haba!!! He should be fed to the dogs.
It is unacceptable that some disoriented nurses would openly reject our amiable first lady, declaring that she is not their mother. What kind of impudence is that? All the nurses should be suspended. The rector of the school should be suspended. The governor of the state should also be suspended. Everything connected to the school should be suspended. Kilode!!!. Are the students not aware that we are in fascism and democracy is dead in our country? Do the students not realize that they must denounce their biological mothers and accept the first lady as their only mother even if they know she is not their mother? I hate students by whatever classification who are irresponsible, liars and blackmailers. It is obvious that the nurses just wanted to blackmail and embarrass the first lady, mother of the whole continent. Such temerity should never be tolerated. Therefore, Mr. President should wield the big stick and suspend all suspendables.
I confer on Mr. President the title The Suspension Champion of the Universe. I like the way he suspended fuel subsidy and by doing so, recovered the country’s economy, making the people flourish in abundance, free from poverty and suffering. Since he suspended the fuel subsidy, the citizens are happy. The cost of living is low. Many people are celebrating him. We are clamouring that a new currency note should be printed and his image embossed on it. The value of our local currency against other currencies is commendable. People are jubilating on the streets because he has delivered the country from a calamitous reality. Anyone who complains that there are no benefits of the removal of fuel subsidy must be suspended, arrested and detained. Anyone who says that the country’s economy is in the doldrums must be suspended and arrested. Anyone who talks about inflation should be suspended from the country. Let them go and look for another country where there is democracy. Here, we have fascism, and we must not pretend about it.
I support Mr. President in borrowing more money from the World Bank and other financial institutions in the world. I read that on March 28, he borrowed $500 million from the World Bank. I also read that on March 31, the World Bank was set to approve another loan of $632 million. Let Mr. President borrow more money while the country writhes in penury. No shaking. Those demanding to know why the president is borrowing more money when he ought to have saved money from the removal of fuel subsidy should be suspended, arrested and detained. Our President is the best political and economic strategist in the world. He should be our life president, and when he answers the glorious call, he should rule from the grave. That is how much we love him. Any contrary opinion to these musings should be suspended, arrested and detained. That is the nature of fascism. Perhaps all the citizens should be forced to read George Orwell’s novel Nineteen Eighty-Four. That way, we will all understand the nature of fascism and stop complaining.
I want to draw the attention of Mr. President to the emergence of a coterie of people setting a dangerous precedent in the country. They are certificate forgers. They parade fake certificates and claim to have attended schools and institutions they did not attend. Such behaviour is criminal. Therefore, he should suspend all these people parading forged certificates and lying about their educational background. These sets of certificate forgers are in our political terrain, corporate world, educational institutions and many other places. Mr. President should suspend, arrest and detain them without further delay. The country he is building should have no place for these people because it will ultimately affect our reputation in the comity of nations.
Finally, Mr. President should suspend the current electoral chairman. His body language seems to suggest that he wants to correct the mistakes of the past in the next election. He should not be trusted, therefore, he should be suspended and replaced with a former or serving military officer. That is how it is done in a fascist state. Nothing must challenge or stop the president’s aspirations to retain power in 2027. Also, suspend all opposition leaders in the country. If suspension is not enough, arrest and detain them till after the elections in 2027, the heavens will not fall. Also, his son should be announced as the next governor of the most populous state in our country. No election must take place in the state. After all, the legislature and the executive are in Mr. President’s pocket. The machinery and hierarchy of the ruling party are all in the recesses of his pocket. All hail the future executive governor, His Excellency, the young, grand commander of future politics and scion of the fascist godfather. In the unlikely event that the people protest, Mr. President should suspend and banish everybody from the land and rule the trees. The country is his private estate, and the people are his minions. I support the suspension philosophy. All lecturers in the humanities must be encouraged to develop suspension as an ideology and teach the students accordingly. As for me, I am studying suspension as a literary theory and will teach my students accordingly. All hail the suspension grandmaster. All hail the fascist field marshal. All hail the dictator generalissimo. But a word of caution – how do dictators end? Perhaps you can Google my essay Shameful Death: The End of All Dictators published in The Daily Times in 2021.
