African Men And The Culture Of Many Women

“Whiteness is the pride of the teeth and stability is the pride of the neck. Full breasts are the pride of women”. King Sunny Ade, the one and only undisputed king of Juju Music.

I have been asked series of questions since I landed in this country in the winter of 2003, some of which prompted some of my writings, but there are some questions that seem to be of interest to Americans, white, blacks, Latinos, Chinese, etc., men and women alike and those questions are:

1. Is it True that the most beautiful women are in Africa? I was told, and I never read it anywhere, that Jimmy Fox made this assertion. Ludacris, in his song, in which he claimed to have traveled the world, when questioned in that song as to where the best women are said “ain’t no need even asking Bro, the best women all reside in Africa and that’s real”
2. The second question, I’m sure some of us must have encountered is “is it true that in Africa you could have more than one wife?” and it comes with a smaller question, “is it true that Africans like women even when they are married, engaged or dating”

Now let me take the first question first. The best woman is something that I think is subjective unless you’re talking about looks, which to me is an issue but not the most important issue.

Here in the States, there seems to be high demand for slim women, I took it upon myself to look at most slim women I see and as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, often than not, when you check the marriage finger, as I like to call it, you’re most likely going to find rings well seated on their fingers. As a result, most women skip meals just to be or stay in the marriage market. One man’s food, as a matter of fact, is another’s poison. You check the fingers of some “thick” women, as they like to be called and you see rings too.

There are lots of slim women in Africa, or should I say in Nigeria where I hailed from and of course there are “thick” women, but the reverse seems to be the case. The “thick” women, unless the trend has changed, tend to get rings before their slim counterparts. However, don’t take my words for it since I did not carry out any survey to tell you categorically that “thick” women get the rings first.

Personally, I have dated both slim and “thick” women and to tell you the truth I find the thick women attractive and sexy, especially when they come with that well rounded African backside and lots of breasts to fondle. Who doesn’t like good things? Those are the real deal to me and when I was growing up, in my twenties in Nigeria, it seemed to be the preference of my friends too.

There was a friend of mine who used to live in England but moved to Nigeria because he’s the first child and son, that’s a big deal in Nigeria. Naturally his mom wanted him around. He would look at a woman with abundant breasts and go “damn men, just look at those knockers!!” guess what, you guessed it, he got married to one. I was supposed to be his best man but that was a trying period for me, I couldn’t afford it so he asked me to speak at the reception instead. I said good things about him but then I told my audience that I needed to share a private joke with my friend so I moved close to him, microphone out of the way, I bent down and whispered in his ears “stay away from knockers now that you got a beautiful pair for yourself to sleep and wake up on everyday” he doubled over laughing and I know the audience would have given anything to hear what it was I told him that made him laugh that hard. If you were a member of the audience that day, now you know.

He later told me that the best sight is not when you wake up and you see trees and the beaches, according to him, the best sight is waking up and two knockers stare at you. Hum, I sure agree with that one. But since knockers alone do not make a woman, I might disagree, one needs more than knockers for a good wife.

Ok, maybe the knockers are not too great, but let’s say they are great and after staring you in the face your wife got up, in a very nice sexy white gown and made for the kitchen and you are faced again with that very round, nice African butt. Needless to say, if it is weekend, you probably would be home buddy that day and if it isn’t weekend, both of you might have to reach for the phone, call your jobs and take that day off because there would be operation desert storm that morning and the war is likely to go on throughout the day.

My friends, when we were not of marriageable age, would whistle quite loudly, whenever a woman passed by with these qualities and maybe not so loud if it’s just one of the qualities that are present. Women that are sure to get a second glance would be those with both or one of these qualities.

When I was young I particularly liked nurses with these qualities. Whenever I saw them in their white uniform going about their duties in the hospitals I looked from one to the other, feeding my eyes with the goodies God blessed thick women with. They were the only good thing about going to the hospitals.

In conclusion as to the first question, I will say the best woman is the one endowed with the qualities you require to take that giant step and ask for her hands in marriage. So when next you see a MRS. Ewetuga, she might not have both qualities but believe me, she would have one, at least.

As to the second question, there is more than one law guiding the institution of marriage in Nigeria. There is:

The customary marriage, which encompasses Traditional, Islamic as well as Christian marriages. The Traditional marriage has some characteristics of what is known and referred to as common law marriage. If you have a girlfriend and you got her pregnant, whether or not she lives with you, in Yoruba Traditional belief, she’s your wife hence the saying that a woman who bore your child is not in the same class as your concubine.

If she continues to live with you then of course she’s your wife. This type of marriage does not have priority over legal marriage and we shall come to that later. However, if you perform some marriage rites such as paying dowry and all other incidental ceremony that goes with it and the traditional marriage took place first then it does take priority over legal marriage, which would become an aberration because it can no longer be regarded as legal. according to the law, you can only perform legal wedding with the woman that you married traditionally any other purported marriage with another party other than the one you got married to traditionally leaves you open for prosecution under the bigamy law, which has just 4 cases, (not sure of this number, since it was legislated).

So the common law marriage is only effective as long as the man or woman does not jettison it and get married under the marriage Act.

Under traditional marriage, the man is entitled, at his option to more than one wife, he may choose not to exercise that option and continue to be married to just that one wife.

The Islamic marriage is governed by the Islamic religion via the Quran. I am not a Muslim and so cannot tell you the provision of that religion with regard to marriage. There are conflicting assertions with regard to this marriage. While some school of thought contended that you are entitled to four wives another school of thought claim that you can have as many wives as you desire provided that you can love them equally.

This type of marriage, if it was celebrated first, also takes precedence over legal marriage.

The Christian marriage could be both legal and religious. It is legal if the church where it was celebrated was licensed by the local government; it is religious if the church is not so licensed. The marriage would still be recognized except that divorce cases will go to the customary court instead of the State High Court which has original jurisdiction over marriages under the Act. The Christian marriage does not leave room for a subsequent marriage; the religious part of it takes pri

ority over the legal marriage if it was performed first.

That is the situation in Nigeria; I am not conversant with marriage practices in other African countries and so cannot speak for them.

The other arm of the question does not apply solely to African men. I know American men who, despite being married, admire other women and some of them do date other women outside marriage. So that is not an African thing. That is a man thing.