Science & Technology

Are You on Twitter?

When a family friend asks if I am on twitter, I don’t give it much thought. However, when the publisher of a website that I periodically contribute articles to blogs about it and provides a “follow me on twitter” link…who am I to resist?

According to Wikipedia, “Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that enables its users to send and read other users’ updates known as tweets. Tweets are text-based posts of up to 140 characters in length which are displayed on the user’s profile page and delivered to other users who have subscribed to them (known as followers).” Your page at any given time will only display those that you are following, only when they post a tweet.

After signing up for an account, I immediately select a handful of people to follow from the “recommended list,” and post my first tweet. Over a period of time, I quickly learn that Twitter is like a huge party. The more people you follow, the merrier. On the contrary, if you don’t follow enough folks, or don’t follow the type of people that typically appeal to you for whatever reason, your profile page will not only look like (the lights are on but no one’s home), but your experience is bound to be uneventful and lonely. Although the initial concept is based on answering one simple question, “What are you doing?” However, the community continues to evolve into an almost “anything goes” ever changing platform that serves different needs for different folks.

I am by no means claiming to be an expert on the twitter community. But I do know enough from my experience to say that it is almost like a 24/7 flea market (full of vendors, shoppers, and browsers). Most people have a niche. Some are link tweeters (meaning they only post links to current stories or other online publications of interest). Others are known for tweeting off color humor and jokes. Some marketing experts and website publishers use twitter as a way to direct traffic to their online sites or network. Stay-at-home moms often use it as a forum to clear their heads of those infamous ‘mind cobwebs’ or share tidbits of their mundane or exciting day-to-day lives. Motivational speakers, social media gurus, and even retirees have their own approach. A great number tend regurgitate same old worn-out quotes. I have seen movie directors and celebrities such as Rob Luketic and Ashton Kutcher-respectively-update their followers with ‘behind the scene’ tweets from the set of their upcoming movie, “Five Killers.” Occasionally, photos and/or links to live video streams are included in their tweets.
As for me, I tend to follow people who inspire me; have an original sense of humor or those that habitually contribute something of value. And as I continue to learn, grow, and sharpen my tweeting skills, I also see an art form with a future earning potential. Now, if only I could figure out how to cash in, before others beat me to the punch.

To give you an idea of what to expect whether you plan on visiting or not, here are 20 of my favorite to date tweets. Most are my original material with the exception of those that are in italics:

Note: An appreciation of quick wit or clever humor is required to enjoy:

1. Dear humane society: I would like to trade in my smart ass kid for a puppy. Thank you-;)

2. To the new puppy: Please stop trying to hump my daughter’s legs. It’s seriously disturbing!

3. Unique & Useless Laws: “In TX, an anti-crime law requires criminals 2 give their victims 24 hrs notice; orally, or in writing & explain nature of the crime 2 be committed.”

4. Stains in the toilet. Farting under covers. Garlicky morning breath. Skid marked underwear lying around. Can marriage get any better?

5. My neighbor has been jailed for attempted murder. What sort of intolerant society do we live in? Now we imprison people for failure.”

6. Y didn’t U reply 2 my “May I give U a RING” email? I ask. “I thought U were going 2 ask me 2 marry U.” Stupid woman, I meant a phone call.

7. A 40 mph wind shattered my patio table. No worries. But somehow, having to clean up a mess I didn’t make does not seem fair-;)

8. I love the innocence and naivety of kids. Mine really don’t believe I’ll sell them if I get a good price.

9. Kid next door asks if I would like a lick of his Popsicle. I politely decline. There R things U just don’t share with a 7yr-old w/ a runny nose.

10. My 7yr-old asks 4 breakfast. I offer the usual. “I’m tired of oatmeal, waffles, pancakes & cereal.” She shrieks. “I want some cookie dough!

11. Bubble bath? Check. Baby lotion/powder? Check. My groove on? Check. Then he says, “Babe, U smell like a diaper.” Kill him now, or later?

12. Today I was called an intellectual dwarf. But I’m not that clever or that short.

13. “Necessity is the mother of invention” means? I ask my 9yr-old. “Invent a new mother if yrs doesn’t work.” Yep. She’s still pissed at me.

14. If the dog next door starts howling again tonight, I am going to join in.

15. Dear Katy Perry: As we watch U perform live on American Idol, my 9-yr-old shrieks, “Holy crap! She needs a replacement.” I seriously agree!

16. Unique & Useless Laws: In Alabama,”Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.” No worries. That piece of crap that’s always parked on the road will do just fine-;)

17. Nature wants me to visit bathroom. Addiction wants me to smoke. Kids want me to drive. Wife wants me to fix boiler. I want to run away.

18. $350 down the pipe 4 a testosterone test. Prognosis? Lose the belly fat that’s crushing the testicles. Could have told him that 4 free!

19. Unique & Useless Laws: In Rhode Island, “No one may bite off another’s leg.” Okay, I suppose an ear or a thumb would suffice.

20. So Obamas dog is a Kennedy. Does every single member of that family wanna be in politics

If you’d like to see more of my tweets, please follow me on twitter!

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