Dear Mr. President,
I was very gladdened to read of your elevation by members of the faithful, the truest and biggest party in Africa and among the black people of the world i.e. People Duping Party (PDP). It was the happiest day in my life, in fact I ordered two bowls of iyan (pounded yam) and eran igbe (bush meat) mixed of course with egusi soup and efo ewuro with a generous portion of stock fish. I washed it all down with three bottles of Guinness in celebration of your new status, as the father of modern Nigeria. Nigeria a tu wa lara o!
What else can I say Mr. President? Who else deserves the honor of being the architect, creator and master mind of this country of ours. A country where anything goes: a country where “modern” policemen depend on harassing the collective psyche of ordinary citizens they should be protecting, while protecting the big man they should be putting in jail. It is only in our modern Nigeria that mere twenty naira becomes the singular reasons marauding armed robbers called policemen cut the life of citizens short! A society where your top law Officer, Chief Bola Ige, was assassinated just like that and nothing came out of it; that kind of society can only be the works of your hands oh Mr. President. Our modern society which you planned, developed and is solely responsible is one in which a murderer, common thief and top notch presidential candidate of your great party is walking free. Yes, I talk of your personal friend and ex-godfather – Ibrahim Babangida. Sir, it is only in your world that iBB will still be a free man; and how can that be surprising?
When I look at your modern Nigeria that you have created form your sweat, which is the epitome of your efficiency as seen in NEPA, NITEL , Public roads and other public ministry, I cannot but be amazed at your infinite ability to manage, to implement and execute public policy. You are “a wonderment”: right from privatization to census and the 4-19 elections, you sir have shown with the conduct of those programs the height of your organizational capability and dexterity. When I see the efficiency of the civil service, police, military and paramilitary agencies, I figure out how efficient Mr. President. There is no gain saying that you embody the values of “modern Nigeria” – your wife died abroad while getting operated upon because we could not offer the best healthcare in our country, even the governor of your state do not think Ogun state is safe enough for his kids to get educated. That is record Mr. President.
In any case, that reminds me that next time when your enemies talk about you not being responsible for the corruption, poverty and grinding hunger in our land we shall all remind them that you are the father of modern Nigeria. In fact, you are the creator, the author and finisher of the Nigerian brand of poverty, hunger and corruption. What of your great party sir? It is a big jamboree and a big party to be precise. A cult of personalities whose murderous thirst of human blood is a creation of your own hand; a grinding monster whose ability to corrupt, manipulate and terrorize political opposition, journalists and innocent citizens alike is symbolic of your character and person as its leader and beneficiary of the new grand title of father of our modern republic. Imagine that Femi Falana and Maduekwe of a fish insulting your personality by saying you are not responsible for all of these. Thank God, your great party after the motion of a great leader and Senator, Senator Mantu with motion supported by the wife of your mentor, Senator Anenih put these folks to shame. I am gladdened that after bowing to better wisdom, you finally took on the honor I have always felt you deserved among rogues.
You must be a proud man indeed. Proud of our rising profile as a football super power courtesy of our last minute miss of the last world cup, you are indeed the father and architect of Nigeria’s fortunes in sports since the inception of your administration. How better can it get? You are single-handedly responsible for the increase in petroleum prices, sales of oil blocks to your friends and well wishers especially that Mallam of a General called Danjuma who is now sitting nicely on billions of dollars. What of the insecurity in the land? That one too is a symbol of your effort in office: from the crisis in the Niger Delta to the daily armed robbery in our urban centers, to the kidnappings in the creeks and assassination in our streets the bloods of the victims are in your hands. Mr. President I didn’t say it, our great party said so.
They said you are the father of modern Nigerian and I can imagine how modern it gets. You remember the plane crashes? The university strikes? The number of people that die daily of basic diseases that you have refused to hear the cries, how about them? Do you hear them in your dreams too Mr. President? I am already thinking of inviting the ghosts of the victims of the five hundred billion naira the husband of Mrs. Anenih used to “fix” our roads during your first term. Imagine you investiture ceremony with Aunty Stella and the dead victims of the Bellview and Sosoliso air crash in attendance. They all must be proud of you. Very proud indeed; they must be proud of the state of our airport, our railways, our inter-state highways and most especially our national power grid that snuffs life of intending mothers and their new born infants better than malaria and HIV combined.
Mr. President I am very proud of your work. I am proud of your achievement in paying our pensioners and old retirees late. You hold the singular record of killing not less than hundred pensioners who collapsed in hot tropical heat while queuing up to either get verified or collect their one year arrears of meager retirement benefits. Indeed, no one from Paris Club shed a drip of sweat to get paid: you paid them hand over fist! I am sure you are also very proud of this record. From ex-service men to civil servants you slaughtered them while your cronies built houses in London, and other obscene places. While your party jollied, the people cry and you must be very proud of it. Under your administration, life expectancy has plummeted, while the spending power of the common man has reduced. You must be a very proud leader and getting there must not be easy. Today, through your efforts we are nearly debt free: the debt of course was borrowed by you and your cronies and was either embezzled to build farms like you did, build fifty room mansions in Minna or to invest in rental property like your Vice President. Either way, in between you and your stealing military boys, you shared the booty and now you used our twelve billion dollars to pay the white boys back. That is ingenious!
To whom the cap fits indeed, uneasy lie ahead of the road. Congratulations Baba Sege.
Men of Silk, Sleek and their Ilk: God knows I can’t stand Lawyers. Was the NBA president out of his mind when he called for the resignation of Ribadu? In any case it is surprising? Was it not the runaway NBA president turn Attorney General that dumped the NBA after making noise of OBJoke’s disobedience of court orders that is now leading the same disobedience in his new position? I think a good percentage of Nigerian lawyers are a hungry, corrupt bunch and that is scary. This malady even extends to judges and magistrates across our land. Nigerian Judiciary not EFCC is the one that requires immediate reform. Thanks Gani.