Olusegun Obasanjo and Paul Adujie: The Spoofed Conversation

“Patriotism means unqualified and unwavering love for the nation, which implies not uncritical eagerness to serve, not support for unjust claims, but frank assessment of its vices and sins, and penitence for them” Alexander Solzhenitsyn

When it comes to matters relating to President Obasanjo, my very good friend Paul Adujie irritates me. He gets on my nerves. He does! To him, Obasanjo can do no wrong even when the president is clearly wrong in his pronouncements, deeds and inaction. And so I am looking forward to the day he’ll come to the District of Columbia to visit or me going north to New York to pay a visit. Either way, I am looking forward to a verbal war over a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, a bottle of Jack Daniel or a bowl of egusi soup packed with bushmeats and accompanied by a plate of pounded yam.

With Paul, it is mostly Obasanjo this and Obasanjo that. Obasanjo climbed Mount Kilimanjaro; Obasanjo parted the sea; Obasanjo the savior and the messiah. Damn! Obasanjo gets the credit for everything…not the blame for messing up our country and the economy. So, I am beginning to think Paul would do a better job enunciating the president’s policies, opinions and worldview. In addition, I believe Paul would handle the president’s political enemies – real and imagined – better than the blundering and bumbling Femi Fani-Kayode can. Paul loves the president way more than Fani-Kayode ever could. What follows is the spoofed conversation Paul and I had over the weekend.

Sabella: Hello Paul, how are you? This is Sabella…

Paul: Hello Asiwaju, How are you…your number is showing on my caller ID

Sabella: I have just finished reading your latest essay on OBJ and I think….

Paul: Haba, Sabella, why are you thinking and what are you thinking about? Look, our president is the man, the main man, and the only man who can deliver Nigeria from…

Sabella: Who can deliver Nigeria from what…

Paul: Corruption, poor macroeconomic policies, police brutality, NEPA, oil bunkering, terrorism…

Sabella: Ole OBJ has been around for 6 years, what has he done for the country?

Paul: Common Sabella…our savior has been hard at work paving the roads, building new roads and bridges; diversifying the economy; arresting and prosecuting corrupt governors and other public officials; strengthening the hands of other arms of government; making sure no one tamper with our constitutions….

Sabella: But Paul…

Paul: Look, I know where you are going. You are going to fault the messiah for letting Chief Lamidi Adedibu have his way; you are going to fault him for allowing Chris Uba deal mercilessly with Ngige; and should something deserving happen to that fool called Dariye, you are also going to blame Mr. President…

Sabella: But Paul, how do you explain Anambra and Oyo….

Paul: Let me tell you something: Our president is well respected at home and abroad. He is dearly loved within the African continent and in Europe and Asia. Did you know that women all over the continent are naming their male children Obasanjo and their female children Stella? He is a man of vision and integrity. President Obasanjo’s leadership of the Organization of African Unity was superb. Africa witnessed incredible improvements with the body dousing many crises and it also engaged in new initiatives for the progress and development of African and so one or more countries are considering changing their names to the Republic of OBJ and or the People’s Enclave of Obasanjo

Sabella: What are you talking about Paul? This is a president who has been unable to solve the wahala in his backyard and you are telling me he is a peacemaker abroad? That the world is crazy about him? What about the Niger Delta wahala, the…

Paul: No, Sabella! You are missing the point. The point is that our president is a man of international repute. He does not bother himself with small matters. Look, leave the Ngige and Delta crisis alone. That’s a matter for Atiku.

Sabella: Really?

Paul: Yea, let Atiku deal with potato matters. My president is concerned primarily with big and important issues not yamayama matters. You see, President Obasanjo, who frequently, at risk for his life, personal safety and convenience, pursued in resolute manner, all interests concerning Africa and Africans, be they political, economic, military or strategic. Anyone who with eyes, ears and anyone who can read or reason must have seen, heard or read about the roles, played variously by President Obasanjo in the disparate crises that preceded his ascension to power in Nigeria.

Sabella: But Paul, why is he more concerned with Sudan, Togo, Cote d’Ivoire, Liberia and Sierra Leone than with matters within the Nigerian State…

Paul: What are you talking about? Won’t you be happy if the Nobel comes our way? Won’t you be happy if he is cited for his humanitarian works around globe? My president has his eyes on the Nobel Peace Prize and so has been working on the quagmire left behind by the notorious tyrant Mobutu Sese Sekor in the Con

go before Laurent Kabila and now, Joseph Kabila…

Sabella: Oh really…so, Nguesso Nguema the tyrant is now the Chairman of the AU…

Paul: Nguesso Nguema is not a tyrant…he is not a thief…he is responsive and transparent in his dealings. In fact, he is a model president the entire continent should look forward to and emulate…we should also look up to Museveni, Paul Biya, Omar Bongo and my paddy in Ethiopia. These are all very excellent presidos.

Sabella: Are you kidding me…

Paul: I didn’t know you have children?

Sabella: Funny, funny Paul! But tell me something: why is OBJ not popular at home?

Paul: Not what? Not popular? Who told you that? He is well loved and much admired. You go to the ordinary man on the street of Abeokuta or Abuja and you will see evidence that he is well loved. Lagos doesn’t count. Only rascals live in Lagos. Ask any of the State Governors who are begging him, pleading and praying that he return for a Third Term. By the way: I read that yeye article you about our president and his Third Terms ambition. President Obasanjo is not a high roller; he is not a gambler as you impugned.

Sabella: Oh, I called it as I saw it.

Paul: It is because of people like you that our savior continues to endure bad press, harshest of criticisms that best qualifies as destructive criticisms! It is quite easy to discern the unmitigated hatreds that are directed at President Obasanjo by his political opponents, the bulk of those in the practice of journalism in Nigeria, and even some members of his political party, the PDP…

Sabella: But Paul…

Paul: Paul what? Listen to me. Mr. President is a man for all seasons; a man for all ages. We will forever remember him and be grateful for his foresight, leadership and steadfastness in bringing Nigeria out of the Stone Age. President Obasanjo has been a bulwark of success and the fulcrum of his drive is Nigeria and all of Africa, but he is most unfortunately under appreciated in Nigeria, hence he can be said to be the proverbial prophet without respect in his domain. He deserves credits for much more.

Sabella: Why do you like praising him?

Paul: Mba, mba, mba I am not a praise singer; I don’t like blowing people’s horn or singing their praises. I don’t get paid and I am not looking for political appointment or contracts. I am just a loyal citizen supporting his country and his president.

Sabella: I see…But when is the president going to start work on our universities, health centers, NEPA, failing and moribund institutions, employment, industrialization policies, agricultural policies, and the crisis in the Delta…

Paul: He will get to those during his fourth term…sorry, I meant his third term. By the grace of Jehovah, he shall get to those. But please stop all the yeye and foolish writings about our savior…

Sabella: Well…

Paul: My brother, please let me call you back, Mallam Ribadu is on the other line. I think he has a message for me from…

Sabella: Mallam who?