Omalicha Nwa

Are some women not lucky? While many are struggling, hoping and praying to land their first Mr Right, Omalicha, still in her early thirties is already getting ready to tie the knots with husband number four.

Her antics sometimes give her away as a woman desperate to eclipse Elizabeth Taylor’s record as one of the most married women in the world. One can only conclude that it is either Omalicha has a voracious appetite for men, or the men have a fatal attraction to her, how else can one explain the ease with which she slices through men just like hot knife slicing through butter?

Omalicha’s story has always intrigued and fascinated me, not because I narrowly escaped her paws back in the university, long before she became the man eater that she is now, but because she is not the most beautiful of women but still manages to commandeer men and make them do her bidding. In her case, choice suitors are always lining up and knocking on her door.

You guessed right, Omalicha is not her real name but I chose to call her that in this piece because I desperately lacked any other suitable qualifying adjective. By the way, Omalicha Nwa in the Igbo language is a ‘pet name’ which may mean the beautiful one or a beautiful child. Beauty in this sense does not only refer to outward beauty but also inner beauty, it is a phrase which may generally be used to adulate someone (usually a woman).

Maybe Omalicha’s physical description may suffice here. She is dark skinned and of average height (5 feet plus) and walks with a gait. She is very fashionable and sure does know how to attract stares with her fashion sense. She is well endowed physically if you know what I mean, in the African context this would mean being blessed with a rotund bosom and above average chests. She is not so highly educated in the Ivy League sense and only possesses a standard degree obtained from one of the state universities in Nigeria. Her gap-teeth are well accentuated by a disarming smile, the type that could charm the birds off the trees. She also has good sexy legs going for her, what many would describe as hot legs but then Omalicha is not the only woman in the world that possesses these qualities.

Her family may be considered average in the Nigerian sense, though lately she has become the major bread winner. Perhaps her most outstanding quality is her resourcefulness and entrepreneurial abilities, but could this really be the reason why she is so marketable in the men’s stakes?

Omalicha’s story is the stuff Nollywood movies are made of and could also serve as an eye opener, it may also provide valuable lessons for one or two sisters out there who may be wallowing in self pity at the moment and wondering when the elusive or exclusive Mr Right may saunter their way.

Omalicha landed her first husband when she was still an undergraduate belle or rather a campus hottie. This marriage to a local pharmacist in her university town lasted only a couple of months after which Omalicha outgrew both the man and the relationship and walked. The gist was that the pharmacist was too serious with life and couldn’t ‘excite’ her young and restless wife well enough. Almost in rapid succession came husband number two, also an enterprising young medical doctor but who like his predecessor – the pharmacist failed to live up to Omalicha’s very demanding expectations.

Husband number three didn’t know what hit him until this one telephone call reached him at his European base informing him that money alone couldn’t buy love, by the time he realised that it was Omalicha, his supposed wife on the phone, the marriage was over and both families had already begun the process of Ikwu Ngo – the traditional Igbo divorce process.

According to Omalicha, the period since the break-up of the marriage to husband number three has been the longest that she hasn’t been married since her marriage saga began. Could this then mean that age and reputation is catching up with her? Well, not so fast, before you begin to hazard a guess, husband number four is already on the way.

Chijioke (not his real name) is hoping to be the one to tame the free spirited Omalicha. This young, rich and handsome brother is well aware of Omalicha’s many baggages but does not really care. On her own, Omalicha is thrilled and excited about her coming wedding. She is also aware that she may no longer be the ‘hottest’ chic in town anymore because the long awaited beautiful ones (other Omalichas) have since been born, and are fast closing in on her and her ilk, but she still manages to keep her smile and is looking forward to the future.

I recently chided her on her fast rising profile as a heartbreaker and connoisseur of men, Nwanne’m, osi kwanu mu na aka?(my brother, it hasn’t been my fault) was her reply.

Omalicha’s peculiar situation may be interpreted to mean that our once traditional society is indeed opening up to western style values and culture. It used to be that back in the day, especially in Alaigbo, women divorcés were treated as outcasts, it wouldn’t have been imaginable even for a woman like Omalicha to dream of going through three husbands and still show up at the village square, such a woman may have been considered to be possessed and would have since banished herself into voluntary self exile. In other related development, the society seems also to be changing its views on women who have children outside of wedlock. Such anomalies would have limited their chances of getting married but not so much any more, the baby mother philosophy which originated in the western societies seems to be gradually creeping into our society.

It does appear then that Unoka’s (Okonkwo’s Father in Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart) saying that the sun will shine on those who stand before it shines on those who sit may no longer hold true.

Interestingly, Omalicha is the one that keeps walking away from her relationships, I once called her an ogbanje (abiku) and she scolded me. She revealed that it is the men that don’t understand her, according to her; she gets bored easily because of her restless and free spirited nature. I disagreed and told her that maybe the problem with her is that she doesn’t know what she wants.

But what does it matter? Husband number four is already hooked on the Omalicha charm. Hopefully, she has finally found her love match.