Only Fools Marry For Love

by Sabella Ogbobode Abidde

A friend got dumped this weekend and hasn’t stopped crying since. The separation and eventual divorce was just too hard on him; and now he is inconsolable, and beginning to exhibit suicidal tendencies. For ages, I have been telling him never to marry for love. It is okay to fall in love; it is okay to play the kiss-kiss-loving-loving-bang-bang game. But that’s about it. No man or woman should marry for love. Never! Marriage is too serious a business to mix with love. Love is for the frail hearted; marriage is a business for sharks — for those with predatory tendencies. You can’t be married and be sane. Impossible!

After ten years, two kids and a lifetime of infidelity on her part, she finally dropped the bombshell: she was tired of his stale and monotonous ass and wanted a change for something new, something exciting and something multihued. He told me she told him she was tired of driving the same stick. How they met and their history of courtship is a matter for modern day chroniclers. But first, let me tell you what I did the penultimate weekend in Nigeria. I visited a psychic and a medicine Man.

You see, I was getting ready to depart Nigeria for the US when a friend suggested we visit his uncle who was a noted clairvoyant in Oshogbo. He also suggested we see his father-in-law who is the head medicine man in Ile Ife just to be sure we covered all bases. In the event we were unable to make it to Ile Ife, we had the hills and the caves of Abeokuta as a backup. These visits wouldn’t have been necessary but for the fact that things weren’t going as I had planned in terms of employment and or contracts.

Personally, I am not sold on psychics, fortune-tellers and all those who claim to have paranormal ability. But at this point in the game, I could care less about what I believe and what I don’t believe in. It won’t hurt to try other channels. For more than a quarter century, I have always thought these groups of people are nothing but dupes, liars, hope-peddlers, dream-merchants and duplicitous magicians. But not anymore! I have seen. I have seen. I have seen. And now I believe!

All I wanted was a good luck charm. A sure fire, sure banker, and the kind you wear and no one will refuse or turn you away. Yea, just before I digressed, I was telling you about a friend who married for love and then got burnt. I have my own grand theories: First, if you are a woman, never marry a struggling man. He will weigh you down, make you go to nursing school and then work you like a dirty donkey. Common, you don’t want that. And if you are a man, never marry an ugly duckling. What for? What’s there to look at? You need a trophy with the right curves.

Second, never promise fidelity. No man or woman should promise fidelity. Marital fidelity is unnatural. You have the inalienable right to taste this and that and that and this until diminishing return sets in. And then you move on. Moreover, never promise “until death do us part.” One ought to be able to change course if there is a change in fortune. Would you travel blindly into the seas if you think the wind is beginning to pick up and likely to turn violent or erratic?

Third, only hold on to those who will obey before complain. If your woman has the propensity to complain before she obey, well, that’s a sign she will complain of headache and fatigue when its time to baby-you. Likewise, no woman should put up with a man who whines. Haba, do you know a man – a real man – who whines when he should be dutifully performing his duty? Anyway, I have nine more of my theories to unload, but I have to go now. There are two breaking news on NTA…damn, what’s the matter with NEPA?

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Anonymous August 15, 2007 - 8:44 pm

LoL, Thank! God the wife was nigerian had she been african american no doubt you would have roasted her over hot coals by now. well there goes your theory on the nigerian woman who could do no wrong. LoL, LoL…..

Sabella Abidde July 26, 2007 - 1:15 pm

Why are you insulting me? You cannot insult an elder like me at 71 years of age. It is against African culture to insult an old-timer like me. So, I demand an apology from you youngster. Love ko, love ni.

Anonymous July 26, 2007 - 6:14 am

Sabella you need deliverance! A special prayer session should be organized for you if this is really your state of mind concerning marriage. You are too cynical for your own good. or maybe you have not yet fallen in love even at your grand old age! Or you fell in love with the wrong person. na wa for you sha!

lola July 25, 2007 - 7:19 pm

You no try bros! How can you say that women shouldn't marry struggling men? Is that right? Then they should be carrying Aristos all over the place ke…I feel you're just trying to make comic relief of your friend's tragedy. He should go ahead and try again. That's why he's a man.

Troofteller July 24, 2007 - 7:20 pm

This is too funny. Very unusual though because it is the men who put women through infidelity, pain etc.

Well, I usually do like your articles and this is no exception. Keep up the good work.

Patricia July 19, 2007 - 11:44 pm

Well I don't know what to say . . . most times when I read your articles, I am either angry or laughing until my sides hurt.

You have done it again. . . and this time I am laughing a lot. The things you say are . . well . . .what they are . . .I guess.

One thing is for sure (writing this as I am still laughing) is that we NEVER KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT FROM YOU!

Mr. Sabella . .you really made me laugh tonight. You seem to have all the answers and have lived before, which I do not believe in reincarnation, for you seem to KNOW EVERYTHING! Why King Solomon has nothing on the Great Sabella. Sorry but this just too funny tonight!

Thoroughly entertaining though.

Rosie July 19, 2007 - 1:29 pm

Bro Sabella, this is a tongue-in-cheek article right? Cus if it is not, you are a lost cause. It's okay sha, we still luv ya.

Reply July 19, 2007 - 12:57 pm

Mr. Sabella, I think this should be a quote ought to go down with history: "You can’t be married and be sane. Impossible!" by you. I think you are bias to see 'love' from the negative point of view, perhaps you have been hurt once. Love was not a word made by us, human beings. It was from God. And He admonished that "Man love thy wife" and "wife respect thy husband". I think your friend's wife was lacking respect or your friend was lacking love or both of them were practicing infidelity or one of them. Stop spoilling the heart of people, mainly the girls, not to marry "…….a struggling man. He will weigh you down, make you go to nursing school and then work you like a dirty donkey". At your age you are supposed to be making peace and not pieces people. Why not tell your friend to take heart and advice him that he could still get a woman who could love him. I did not learn anything from the write-up only the news of your friend trying to commit suicide because his wife divorced him. Help me tell him that he is not yet a man for not having committed it……….

the outsider July 18, 2007 - 8:50 pm

I hope you keep your philosophy in mind until the day you meet "Ms.It" she'll make your toes curl, ya tongue hang out and makes ya speak in tongues!!!!

unknown July 18, 2007 - 6:36 pm

How about not marrying at all or have an open marriage. These open marriages seem to work for a lot of people.

Or get married and expect to divorce because nothing last forever.

Zahra July 18, 2007 - 4:53 pm

I agree with the part about not marrying for love. Be compatible by all means, respect each other and hopefully like each other as friends, but love??

Better to have a clear head to deal with all that marriage will throw at you!

cindy July 18, 2007 - 4:19 pm

Guess what?? only with love you can handle the daily living problems. only with love you can take care of your sick husband.. only with love you can forgive and forget fights and arguments.. communication, respect,love and more important God in the center of the relationship!!makes a marriage last forever,


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