A friend got dumped this weekend and hasn’t stopped crying since. The separation and eventual divorce was just too hard on him; and now he is inconsolable, and beginning to exhibit suicidal tendencies. For ages, I have been telling him never to marry for love. It is okay to fall in love; it is okay to play the kiss-kiss-loving-loving-bang-bang game. But that’s about it. No man or woman should marry for love. Never! Marriage is too serious a business to mix with love. Love is for the frail hearted; marriage is a business for sharks — for those with predatory tendencies. You can’t be married and be sane. Impossible!
After ten years, two kids and a lifetime of infidelity on her part, she finally dropped the bombshell: she was tired of his stale and monotonous ass and wanted a change for something new, something exciting and something multihued. He told me she told him she was tired of driving the same stick. How they met and their history of courtship is a matter for modern day chroniclers. But first, let me tell you what I did the penultimate weekend in
You see, I was getting ready to depart
Personally, I am not sold on psychics, fortune-tellers and all those who claim to have paranormal ability. But at this point in the game, I could care less about what I believe and what I don’t believe in. It won’t hurt to try other channels. For more than a quarter century, I have always thought these groups of people are nothing but dupes, liars, hope-peddlers, dream-merchants and duplicitous magicians. But not anymore! I have seen. I have seen. I have seen. And now I believe!
All I wanted was a good luck charm. A sure fire, sure banker, and the kind you wear and no one will refuse or turn you away. Yea, just before I digressed, I was telling you about a friend who married for love and then got burnt. I have my own grand theories: First, if you are a woman, never marry a struggling man. He will weigh you down, make you go to nursing school and then work you like a dirty donkey. Common, you don’t want that. And if you are a man, never marry an ugly duckling. What for? What’s there to look at? You need a trophy with the right curves.
Second, never promise fidelity. No man or woman should promise fidelity. Marital fidelity is unnatural. You have the inalienable right to taste this and that and that and this until diminishing return sets in. And then you move on. Moreover, never promise “until death do us part.” One ought to be able to change course if there is a change in fortune. Would you travel blindly into the seas if you think the wind is beginning to pick up and likely to turn violent or erratic?
Third, only hold on to those who will obey before complain. If your woman has the propensity to complain before she obey, well, that’s a sign she will complain of headache and fatigue when its time to baby-you. Likewise, no woman should put up with a man who whines. Haba, do you know a man – a real man – who whines when he should be dutifully performing his duty? Anyway, I have nine more of my theories to unload, but I have to go now. There are two breaking news on NTA…damn, what’s the matter with NEPA?