Sexual Preferences

by Michael Ewetuga

Sex is always a hot topic, it is something that you cannot ignore, people are always having it or talking about it. Historically, sex brought about the downfall of some empires; it could be used as a tool of love as well as a tool for hate.

The rap music is full of sexually explicit materials which was quite controversial in the past but which has gained some level of acceptance now, the general philosophy is, if you find it repulsive don’t listen to it. I am sure some parents would be terrified if they find their teenager with a CD of 2 Live Crew, Snoop Dogg or Khia. I was listening to a song the other time where the singer claimed that he can taste a woman’s part in 69 ways, the word is “too raw” to be quoted verbatim, although I wonder how you could do that in 69 ways.

Sex between certain people is also considered repulsive or as someone put it, morally wrong. Some find sex between the same sexes repulsive and thus frown on same sex relationships, but then there is also incest. Adultery is a subject of some people’s repulsion, we all have to deal with the issue of one man one wife to the exclusion of all others and this is not only applicable where people are married, when you are in a monogamous relationship you are expected to keep your stuff in your pants and only grant it freedom when you are with the one you love and promised your heart to.

When I was growing up I can’t remember moms or dads hugging their adult children or themselves for that matter, that is not just part of my culture. Relationships between people whose age gaps are pronounced were also frowned at in my society, as a matter of fact, it doesn’t have to be pronounced, women that were older than their boyfriends by one year were looked upon with disgust, any number of years more than that was considered amazingly disgusting.

Issue of sex is so volatile that it could be the reason for fall from grace to grass, such as a governor having sex with a prostitute. We should seriously ask ourselves, does that fact alone impair him from performing creditably as a governor? There are also some regarded as sex predators and society feels the need, and I dare say rightfully, to protect the young ones from the claws of these predators who derive sexual satisfaction from having sex with underage children.

Some people like to talk about sex and the response to that has been that they are “dirty” or “nasty”, “loud”, and on occasion I have heard people refer to such people as uncultured. Sex is supposed to be a private thing, it is not something you talk or perpetrate in public. However, there are some that think the best sex you could have is when you have it in the most unlikely places, like say on the highway, out on the field in the park and some cheating spouses might think it would be fun and exciting to have sex on their matrimonial beds.

There is also the issue of swinging; this is a situation where you can “legally cheat”. You can learn more about this lifestyle here, as well as on here.

BDSM is another controversial lifestyle; it is short for “Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism”. In this lifestyle infliction of pains is the watchword and the level of pain depends on how much pain gives your partner that “ultimate” sexual pleasure. If you are interested in reading more on this subject click on this link .

When I was in Indianapolis there was a story of a night club that used to host BDSM parties that was shut down because someone died from the pains, that is how extreme it can go. I also had the opportunity of going to see one life and I must tell you that it was fascinating. Fascinating because someone could actually endure and enjoy the kind of pain I witnessed inflicted on a particular otherwise innocent looking lady. Personally, I find nothing about it sexually stimulating, but then that was me and I’m not into that lifestyle. There must have been some people there who probably ejaculated in their underwear from the main event if that is something that turns them on.

To some, anything outside of a “normal” heterosexual relationship is “sick”. This brings us to the question, “what is normal?”

Polygamy and polyamory which appear to be opposites are also lifestyles a “normal” member of the society might find ridiculous. Polygamy is a situation where a man is married to more than one wife, that is common in my society and I used to know a guy who lived with two women in a room apartment back in Nigeria. Polyamory is a situation where partners can have more than one relationship and the ones that I have seen they even live together. You might find a woman with 2 or more guys who also can have their own partners. This is different from swinging in that all the partners are in relationships not just having sex and leaving and as someone in that relationship told me, they don’t have sex with both partners at the same time. You may read more about it here.

My take about sexual relationships had always been, whatever is done by two consenting adults in the privacy of their own home, so long as no person or property is damaged as a result of their conduct, is nobody’s business not even the governments’.

I come from a culture where love is not expressed by hugging, I must have been hugged by my parents as a child they never did that to me as an adult. Some of the stuff I read points to the fact that incest could be triggered of by hugging. Someone talked about an aunty that has big breasts and how he would try to pull her closer while they are hugging so he could feel the breasts on him. It is also almost impossible to hit on an older woman in my culture. That is not to say there were no older women I wished I could date, it wasn’t just an easy thing and it seemed Herculean to even initiate it.

The system in my culture was inherently respectful of those older than us both in words and in deeds. For example we greeted someone that was older than us, not by shaking their hands or hugging them, that was for people our age. If you were a boy you prostrated and the girls kneeled. There was no contact whatsoever with an older person unless they patted you on the head. All that has changed now, at least in the cities, things are more “westernized”.

In my language you don’t refer to someone older than you in the singular, you talk about or to them as if a single older person was two people, for example, if John, who is in your age bracket asked you to tell Jane, who is also in your age bracket, to see him as soon as she could, you relay that message the same way you would in the English language. If the two of them are older than you then your message when you see Jane would look like this “Mr. John (and that is because you can’t just say John, that is considered disrespectful, and in some instances you have to use some other words because you can’t call an older person by his or her name regardless of prefixes) said you (and you can’t really say you if Jane is older) should see “them”.

Because of the gap between an older and younger person, it is almost impossible for you to make love or sexual proposal to someone older than you, it was really restrictive and those who broke that barrier, especially the women, were looked upon distastefully. This is something that is of no importance in America. When I got married, my wife was 6 years older than me, because she is American; it wasn’t an issue if she was Nigerian such a union would have been considered distasteful. Does this make my society right and American society wrong?

I was researching the issue of Incest sometime ago and I went to a chat room on a website that I cannot remember now and started chatting with this particular woman who was sleeping with her son and call him master.

I also discussed the issue with some of my friends some of whom oppose it on moral grounds, and that got me thinking; can one validly say that incest is not sanctioned or approved by God?

For example, if one source for answering this question is the bible or even if one believes in the evolution theory, blood relations must have slept together at one point for us to procreate, after all, in the bible God only created one man and one woman and for procreation to continue at least brothers and sisters must have had sex.

Sick, crazy, immoral or outright outrageous no matter how you see it people indulging in it considers it absolutely “normal and even admitted making love to their relation while others fantasies about their relations, there is even a forum for it on the internet. There are even those who wrote that they got an hidden camera in the bathroom so they can watch their moms or sisters while they shower.

People in the incest world are not taking criticism and hindrances lying down; they are asking the courts to make a determination whether it is legal to legislate against incest which is now legal in Belgium, Holland, and France. Sweden already permits half-siblings to marry. Read more.

Sexual preferences will continue to be a controversial issue, the question is, are we better than those who choose sexual preferences different from ours?

I am not gay, if someone who is doesn’t try to force it on me I have no problem with what he chose to do sexually or who he does it with. If a man believes in having two women, how is that mine or anyone else’s business if all the parties agree that is how they want to go? If someone thinks sleeping with his or her brother or even his mom or daughter is the ultimate sexual adventure and both parties are of age and consent why should anyone prevent them from their preferences? More.

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Pete burban September 18, 2008 - 9:48 am

I understand but me stepsister & I feel a strong sexual attraction with each other. Plus since my uncle died my aunt has been hitting on me very strongly. I know she feels alone – as i do. what should I do???

ADI A September 6, 2008 - 4:18 pm

Did you hear your last sentences “If someone thinks sleeping with his or her brother or even his mom or daughter is the ultimate sexual adventure and both parties are of age and consent why should anyone prevent them from their preferences?” are you kidding me? I do care becuase what if these people who choose to go this route becomes a public figure, I do not want my children or my children children to emulate these behavior thinking that that is the right way of life. Not to talk of the the generic defects. I mean Gay is now pretty much acceptable, now people are whining about sleeping with their mom and sister or vice verser? where is this world heading to? my people says “Uwa Ezuoke” And leave God out of this. he is in no way insupport this insanity. read Leviticus 18:9, 12; 20:17, 19; Deuteronomy 27:22. ka eme sia

Reply April 9, 2008 - 5:54 pm

Good piece. A few die-hard conservatives will be giving you hell though. Just saying…


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