Single, Separate and Whole!

by Idolor Olukayode

“I’m single, separate and whole,” I said to her. “Repeat after me.”

“I’m…s-s-single, s-s-separate and w-whole.” She managed amidst sobs.

“Again, Aisha!” I prompted, cuddling her closer to me.

“I’m…s-s-single, s-s-separate and w-whole.”

“And you’re going to say those words until you stop crying and believe in what you’re saying!” I informed her firmly.

She nodded and started repeating the words over again.

That’s my friend, Aisha, an intelligent, beautiful and multitalented young woman whose ‘significant other’ stopped being just that a couple of weeks back. And my friend is still trying to get over the knock or rather…the blow! I’ve been playing nanny to her ever since, and though I haven’t quite succeeded in making her fully realize that she’s a unique individual on her own (without him), I’m getting there, albeit slowly and ‘sobly’ too!

Aisha is one of those ladies whose appearance conjures adjectives like “gorgeous”, “regal”, “elegant” and every other complimentary word that can be ascribed to a queen. She is also one of those ladies who, once you get to know them, are ‘leechingly’ clingy and annoyingly dependent. She possesses a confidence level that is in the minus category and feels incomplete without being by the side of a man! Sound familiar? Now you understand the devastation at being dumped!

Understandably, Aisha lives in a society that promotes the ‘couple bubble.’ Restaurants dare you to eat alone with their twosome/foursome furniture arrangements. Social events ask that you come with your ‘magnificent other.’ And even hotels are part of this ‘conspiracy’ as most of their good rooms are more often than not built to be occupied by two persons. Serves you right for being alone, right? Wrong!

Being single doesn’t mean being alone. It means being alive, alert, aglow and unattached… at the moment. A moment, I suggest, we all savour while we are at it too! So the fear of dining alone, attending the cinema alone or going out alone is just that – fear. And you know what fear does to you: it inhibits and limits you! Now a famous author once asked this question: “What would you do if you were not afraid?” The answer in this case: LIVE, LADIES, LIVE!

Let’s be single women who not only possess Aisha’s enviable physical attributes but also unseen qualities that attest to a full single life. Let’s spend our ‘unattached’ time’ developing ourselves in all aspects of life. Let’s be complete and whole in ourselves as daughters of God, career women, members of fun groups & associations, assets to the communities in which we live and all the other single women roles that are to be explored and enjoyed. That way, we actually become ladies of substance or put another way fun, fearless females that good men will only be too happy to date and marry! For it would make little or no sense hankering after a man to whom you can give nothing of yourself when the relationship eventually starts.

Today’s woman should come across as more than just a decorative trophy hanging from some proud man’s arm. We should be a complement to a whole, complete man just like ourselves. A thoroughly content female within her feminine sphere who can hold her own with or without a man in her circle of standing.

While I love the couple bubble, I’m also a strong advocate for single women…at the moment who are making the best of every ‘single’ moment (pardon the pun!) While you’re waiting to be ‘found’, so to speak, make the best out of the time alone you have and put it to good use. You’ll end up being an asset to yourself and to the man who is lucky enough to get you by his side!

Remember, you’re S-I-N-G-L-E, S-E-P-A-R-A-T-E, and W-H-O-L-E!

Keep your head up!

You may also like


MUINAT March 1, 2008 - 7:48 pm

Didi, I came across this and I couldn’t agree more….family and friends do not help too you know? It’s been woven into the culture of our people.


Rosie September 14, 2007 - 5:06 pm

I thought i was the only one who imagined this conspiracy theory.


Leave a Comment