Tortoise: The Ebora in the Kingdom of Nigeriana

by Yahaya Balogun

Once upon a time, a group of assorted animals converged in an expeditious hunting. Ijapa was unanimously made the leader of the team of wild animals to hunt the lower animals for consumption. His main assigned role would be to share the proceeds from the game of hunting amongst his team or contemporaries.

Meanwhile, every contribution or suggestion members individually or collectively made to the leader (Ijapa) on how to equitably share the proceeds made from hunting had always been Ijapa, the Ebora’s encumbrance. On the other hand, in a misty circumstance, Ijapa was rattled, he then ranted and was feasibly shaking. When Yannibo, his wife along with other animals in the kingdom asked him: “Mr. Bone and meat crusher, why are you in feasible agitation when we had unanimously chosen you as our leader.” The untrustworthy Ijapa couldn’t muster constructive words or control himself, he burst into outrageous tears with rage, trepidation and suspicion and loudly said: “… am afraid that you (people) committee of animals might change your mind from making me your leader again.” A never contented Ijapa is always in surreptitious mood to suspect everyone who he thinks are against him. Ijapa or Tortoise has never been comfortable trusting himself. Ijapa is always subsumed in the business of fault-finding not minding the remembrance of his own established faults and deeds.

Ijapa is a known nihilist and Mr. Know-all, he has always befuddled himself with selfish and fiendish interests; and grotesque grandstanding. Every available space for Ijapa in the wasteland is a befalling period for him to regale in political opportunism. He loves to feast on the intelligence of the aristocrats, the lettered and unlettered individuals etc. His rapaciousness has always made him vulnerable to his own self-indulgence and confusion.

Seriously, if you are close to Ijapa, you cannot give him advice for his chosen or alleged do or don’t; or mistakes. When he suspects universal acceptable achievement of his political contemporaries and rivals, he’s a quick loquacious master at epistle and sinister writing to admonish others who want to outshine him in the business of governance.

Beware, you cannot fault Ijapa without incurring his vengeance and vindictiveness. Ask ask late Chief Obafemi Awolowo; ask late Chief MKO Abiola, ask Alhaji Atiku Abubakar etc., these nationalists will tell you their own personal stories and experiences how Ijapa impeded them through his cognitive thought disorder from the mantle of country’s leadership and governance. Nigeriana, the Kanu’s hyped zoological garden has always been at the receiving end of Ijapa after providence has fated him with the leadership position since 1979.

Mr. Tortoise loves to talk of anti-corruption, whereas he is a grandmaster and partner in official corruption in the kingdom of Nigeriana. There are lots of documented facts available about Mr. Tortoise’s intention to elongate his constitutional tenure as the leaders of the Nigeriana kingdom. Chief Ijapa tried to use available State resources to achieve this inordinate ambition but he woefully failed.

Tortoise actually outsmarted himself. He later gave the other animals in the kingdom of Nigeriana a terminally-ill animal who was a well respected animal amongst other animals. When Ijapa’s foisted the sick animal who was then a nation leader on other animals, the concussed leader couldn’t perform his constitutional duties until he finally kicked the bucket.

Later, Ijapa the manipulator conscripted the vice of the ill animal, a meek and ineffectual buffoon to the mantle of leadership. Under the meek man’s drunk self, the kingdom of Nigeriana became a hub for siphoning and laundering the national wealth into the covers of other cabals.

Throughout the tenure of Mr. drunkard, it was free-for-all nuance as the kingdom’s vault became the conduit pipe with which the country’s wealth were mindlessly looted. The swallowing of millions of dollars by fictitious snake, and the romanticism of monkeys with the kingdom’s vaults is now a recurring decimal in the consciousness of the hapless animals in the kingdom of Nigeriana. Nigeriana is a wasteland with so many abracadabra. Thanks but no thanks to the shenanigans of Mr. Tortoise, the architect of the new normal and the kingdom’s mores.

Ijapa Oko Yannibo is a mastercraft in the art of politics of “do or die affairs.” You either agree with him or you disagree with him at your own political perils. Ijapa is a man who usually sees Nigeriana’s politics of tomorrow. He understands the psychology of the people in the kingdom of Nigeriana. Now, as the youths in the kingdom are finding their collective identity and footing through a formidable coalition, Ijapa has ambushed to hijack them with his own covert coalition. But it seems some of these youths are alive to their responsibility to tell the Ebora in the kingdom of Nigeriana that enough is enough!

Moreover, but notwithstanding, some political nymphs and naiveté will still not see the handwriting on the wall. These warped minds cannot situate their subconscious minds to realm of realism. They don’t even know that their man (Ijaba) is easing out of the 21st century’s renaissance politics. When the fecund Orisha of literature and politics in the Nigeriana deliberately genuflected with concerns for the youths to discontinuance the manipulative tendency of Ijapa, it is up to the plebeian youth to either listen to the divination of Kongi in order to reap bountiful harvest for the future, or consign their wrought and warped imagination into the void and nothingness of Nigeriana polity.

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1 comment

Oloruntobi Adebayo March 18, 2018 - 12:47 pm

A striking satire, an offspring of the style of ‘The Man Died’ by the Kongi’s Harvest master.
I wish Ijapa himself could be blessed with reading this biography of his antics in the political arena. He may be able to contribute one or two things the writer may have missed. Now, that would be fun 😉


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