What Do Women Really Want?

by Ephraim Adinlofu

You don’t smoke, they complain; you smoke, they complain. You don’t drink, they complain; you drink, they complain. You don’t socialise, they complain; you socialise, they complain. You don’t stay at home; they complain; you stay at home, they complain. You don’t ’do the thing’ properly, they complain; you ’do it’ properly, they complain. You love them dearly, they complain, you don’t, they complain. So, what in this world for God’s sake do women want?

They want us and yet they don’t want us. The relationship of men to women, especially in the UK looks like what psychologists call approach/avoidance: you approach it; you avoid it. Men tread carefully in this clime because we have heard cases of consensual sex graduating into rape charges. Because of this blinding lust for money, most ladies have become “Kiss and Tell” experts.

Just read this scandal aloud please, for effect: “CITY WIVES RUSH FOR A DIVORCE AS FORTUNES SHRINK,” screams a headline in the daily London Lite of 15 May 2008. As if the impact of the headline on the men’s psyche is not enough, the paper opened thus on these spongers: “wives of city bankers are rushing for the divorce courts to grab their share of hubby’s fortune before the recession takes its toll.” What abhorrent nonsense!

To compound this crass behaviour, the paper continued; “Lawyers say they are taking increasing numbers of calls from women thinking of divorcing their husbands and worried that if they don’t go ahead soon, the credit crunch and the strife in financial markets will hurt their payout.” Thus says one of the lawyers, “the trophy wives who married for money are starting to cash in their chips. When money looks like flying out of the window, love walks out the door.” What will ever satisfy these children of Eve and “necessary evils” living in our midst? What has happened to our marriage vow and its essence?

Whilst deep in thoughts and reflecting on this, another lawyer dropped thus, “previous recessions also saw a plunge in weddings and a rise in divorces, especially among the rich.” This is disgusting ! These women have bastardized the institution of marriage. An institution, which is supposed to be built on love, is now determined by market forces and profit. For God’s sake where is the world heading to? With the rate of global moral degeneracy, I am beginning to agree with one of the Pastors in the U.K, that if Jesus Christ does not come in the next couple of years, he would be shocked.

More fundamental is the fact that the people involved in these denigration of marriage are regarded as role models in the UK. The youths look up to them for direction and moral guidance but what do they get? Nothing but hedonistic and ruthlessly selfish life styles. No wonder the society has gone ‘berserk’ with knife crimes and endless gang killings, 90% of which are committed by youths living with mums who have succumbed to this satanic siren-song of single parenthood. Father-figure has been driven into the streets by mother-figure in the name of matriarchy.

Little wonder then that most men have resorted to unnatural acts of sodomy to ‘cool down’ because they could no longer stand the wiles of these women. Homosexuality is growing in lips and bounds. Tony Blair’s government passed a law in December 2006 legalizing same-sex marriage in the UK. Since the churches have refused to recognise the practice, attention was shifted to the court registry.

By December 2007, a year after the law was passed, the registries have recorded about 15,000 { Fifteen thousand} of such marriages. Man-to-man and woman-to-woman marriages now thrive openly in the UK. It is no longer seen as an abomination. It is now like a cult club. If you belong, you sometimes climb the ladder of wealth faster than you’d anticipated and if you don’t, you sometimes find yourself in a state of stagnation. Discrimination against the “STRAIGHT PEOPLE” is now done so discreetly.

Such is the definition of the times we now live in. It may sound hypothetical, but to say that the attitude of the womenfolk had not contributed to this alarming trend towards sodomy is to say nothing. We do not need any research to prove it. The experience of most men in marriages in the UK are too bitter to be narrated here. Men tolerate a lot in their household from these lushly children of Eve. At the least provocation the woman is protected by the agencies of the state. The man is thrown out of the house with effortless ease. The woman appropriates the children and goes on as a single mum to collect more financial rewards from the state. Married couples get little or no encouragement from the same state. The system induces wives to throw their husbands out of the house. Such is the practice of matriarchy in the United Kingdom.

Power belongs to the woman, oh yes, that is the meaning of matriarchy. The man is a tenant, at the beck and call of the woman. She uses the man to satisfy her sexual and maternal desires, and then tossed the man around in the house like a coin. With her poisonous tongue, she directs, she instructs, she commands, she orders, she asserts and she bullies.And when the man dares reacts, she hollers, cries blue murder and dials 999. The police, highly programmed like automatons, arrives in a jiffy, handcuffs the man and zooms off in their noisy siren cars as if they have arrested a carjacker. The man is later released, not by the police but by the authority of the wife’s phone call. He is cautioned and told to behave or pack out to the bush.

The UK is a country where men are easily criminalized. Men are free and yet not free. They are in a kind of systematic bondage. When most married men close from work, they don’t go home, they end up at the pub or beer parlour as it’s called in Nigeria, because of the terror at home called wife. While some others stay in the office doing nothing but pacing the floor of their offices, afraid the ‘cobra’ at home. Such is the level of fear and intimidation by our women on the men folk. I wish I could retold the stories of some male colleagues. Matriarchy is now matricide. It has killed motherhood.

Unfortunately, our Nigerian sisters have started copying this promiscuous and loose form of culture and tendency. Trust Nigerians! When two cultures meet, says Prof. Chinua Achebe, Nigerians copy the worst of the new culture and blend it with the worst of their {Nigerian} culture. That is exactly what our women do. As a result, the men have quietly “stepped aside” like IBB, leaving the fatherly role to women.

The man is literally the woman while the woman is the man. Social roles have been reversed because we now live in a reversed world-all in the name of “development” and globalization. Extreme liberty, fame and drugs, lesbianism, homosexuality, Same-sex marriages, and gang culture epitomised by juveniles knife and gun crimes are fallouts of western “development”.

It is not surprising therefore to hear at close quarters, our possessive Nigerian women of ‘substance’ often shout at their husbands with impunity:

“You are a graduate, I am a graduate, you cannot intimidate me. May I remind you that this is UK not Nigeria“!

“Shut-up, do you think we are in Nigeria“!

“Gone are the days when men use women. Here in the UK, we are in control, so you better get that into your macho head”!

“Have you cooked, what did you cook? I am not eating rice ‘o‘, you better fry plantain for me”!

“where have you been to, eh, next time when you go out like that, don’t come back to this house, this is MY house not OUR house”!

Etc, etc, etc! the nattering continues to no end.

The man who married a wife based on love as defined in the Nigerian context, now realises that love in London is a different ball game. If you are reading this article in Nigeria and you have the plan of relocating to London with your wife, you need to note these points in your head please. Most love in London is determined by market forces and second, the woman owns the home not “we” and when the opportunity comes to let you know it, she will sound it into your ears.

Marriage in the U.K is an interesting study in women’s perfidy. Even where the family is content by the man’s standard, the woman is not. She wants to be seen to be in control. She begins to manoeuvre and manipulate like the snake in the garden of Eden. She begins to instigate even when the man is at peace with her and the children. She begins to teach the children how to hate their father. Such is the level of marital development in the UK. Who will save the men folk?

There are a lot of culture shocks in the advanced world. Men from Africa and Asia are finding it hard to cope with the British norms and ways of life in the area of marriage. If you are not a very patient and tolerant man, your wife will kill you with her tongue. The power of the tongue was a quality bestowed on women by God but most of them use it negatively. And most domestic violence spring from it.

What then has been the response of the men from Africa and Asia to these assaults? One of the ways people from Asia, especially from Pakistan respond is through what they call “honour killing”. This to me is a despicable act of murder and will never wish it to my worst enemy. The act involves luring the lady or wife away to ‘lawless’ Pakistan {where the man’s ego held sway} and when they get there, the man releases his accumulated anger and kills the woman.

By so doing, they often claimed, the man purportedly redeems his “honour” long lost in the UK. Some others simply kill the woman in London and ask the law to come and arrest them. The police in the UK are presently trying hard to stop both acts from happening and are liaising with the Pakistan’s government to help put a stop to it.

African men especially Nigerian men whom I have cause to study, react differently to it. Reported incident of domestic violence is more prevalent. Wife beating is used by some to avenge wife’s acidic tongue. In the end the wife may or may not invite the police. Where she does, the man is in trouble with the law, especially if there is grave bodily harm. She could press or drop charges depending on her mood swing or the evil “spirit” controlling her.

However, recent development in the legal system in the UK has made it such that it is no longer the exclusive right of the woman to press charges. The police can, without the permission of the wife, press charges against the man based on evidence before them, that is, on the nature and extent of injury inflicted on the woman. Again, this either opens a criminal record for the man or is added to his already existing record.

Having a criminal record in the UK is not just for the record only; one of the implications is that there are certain jobs the man is not permitted to do. There are police checks on certain categories of jobs. That is why a lot of married Nigerian men find it difficult to get the job of their heart desire because their reaction to their wives’ poisonous tongues have put them in quandary.

There are rare cases in the UK of Nigerian men beating their wives to death. If they can’t take the heat in the marriage much longer, they either move out from the house or relocate to Nigeria and ask their wife to come back. In most cases, wives don’t {even} contemplate the thought of returning to Nigeria in their wildest dream. They are safer in the UK, where the licence to use their tongues is elastic and infinite.

Other mature men simply take their wives’ assault on the chin: ignore her ranting and just leave the house until she sobers down. Some others don’t go anywhere, they just sit back and return ranting-for-ranting until both becomes tired. The council may serve the couple an ASBO { Anti-social behaviour order} for disturbing neighbours with their loud noise. In both response type however, the man will not lift his hand to hit the woman because he knows the legal implications.

Besides, if the situation becomes worst, one of the parties calls for separation for the ‘searing heat’ to cool off or to enable other “significant others” intervene. These “others” could be family members, men of God, and marriage sponsors. Where the dispute has degenerated into persistent death threats and physical violence, divorce becomes the “devil’s alternative” ala Frederick Forsyth.

Fathers-4-justice has also evolved in the UK to help men fight for the injustices inflicted on them by foul-mouthed mothers. It is a civil rights movement founded in “December 2002 by Matt O’connor after he experienced first hand the injustices of the secret family courts as he struggled to see his two sons Daniel and Alexander after a traumatic divorce.” But how far they will go in confronting the iniquities inherent in matriarchy is another matter. The system in the UK is a marriage breaker. QED! I rest my case!

You may also like


Twinkle toes February 8, 2011 - 4:57 am

The ‘information’ presented in this article is example of myth propagated by paranoid African males. Do you actually know any English couples? It’s true that mothers tend to get custody rights more often than fathers after divorce but each case is judged according to individual circumstances. Yes, if a man hits his wife she is able to take legal action. Everything else is nonsense.

The London Lite is a free (i.e., no charge – why would that be?) newspaper distributed only in London and so, luckily, the males of Britain were not all terrorised. It is estimated that 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence at some point in the UK and if every male who raised his hand was carted off by the police then that ‘fact’ would be readily available. But that is rarely the consequence for abusive men. The idea that city women were rushing to the divorce courts to make a quick buck is laughable. Only those who were already decided upon divorce would even have been in a position to hurry things along in time for the recession. Legally, divorce is only granted if the spouse can demonstrate to the judge that the marriage is “‘irretrievably broken down”. Not something that you can do overnight on a whim. And the average time for divorce proceedings to be completed is 6 months. If ‘trophy’ wives really were inclined to end marriages because of the financial losses potentially incurred by the recession, then fine. The guys were better off without them and should learn to make their choices more wisely.

The idea that being gay helps you climb the social ladder is ridiculous. It is far more tolerated than it was, it’s true, and men and women for whom heterosexual marriage would be impossible to maintain and uphold because of their sexual orientation are now allowed to marry, partly because otherwise they would not be able to enjoy the legal and financial benefits of being married, and is thus considered to be discrimination. Gayness is not encouraged, it’s just that gay bashing has declined since heterosexual men have come to realise that they do not have to worry about being molested by gay men that they know any more than women have to worry about being raped by male friends. I know this is a fear that most African men have but don’t worry guys, you probably already know a few gay men but don’t realise it because they’re too afraid to act on it and got married like everyone else rather than be feared and victimised. And no one get’s turned gay by emasculating wives. Would you? No matter how awful your wife was, would you really consider having sex with a man rather than look for a woman that you can be happy with? You’re just being silly. Just because western woman are given equal legal rights and sometimes end up being better paid than their husbands (still rare…..and sometimes only because the guy is happy to sit back and work in a lesser job – his choice!) does not mean that they’ve become power crazed castrators. Women like to feel taken care of and their men to be men all over the world, not just in Africa. At least google some stuff and get a bit more informed. This kind of propaganda isn’t helping anybody.

Jorkins June 6, 2009 - 2:08 pm

I live in the Uk and frankly this authour is talking rubbish. Some Nigerian men are also alwful to their wives. It works both way ways this article is so biased an one sided.

elizabeth April 5, 2009 - 1:33 pm

This joke fits here perfectly:

“If a man is alone in the forest, speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?” Be yourself! Everybody. But fair! Faireness, or lack of fairness in how money is spent is often a source of big problems. Cheating with money, cheating with affaires, and it’s out the window, spiralling down. This goes for both men and women. What I want from a man is closeness, honesty and friendship. And good sexual life. Often times there’re misunderstandings.

Unfortuanely I have to agree with many points in this article as to the deterioration of family.

Babe September 3, 2008 - 11:53 am

You are right. Men are also to be blamed. Nowadays men, all they want to do is to be an househusband. Never in my life, have i heard or seen an house husband in Nigeria. But, in the western world it is most common amonst men.

SHADE July 19, 2008 - 3:39 pm

Mysentiments exactly…

OMON July 10, 2008 - 6:53 pm

Please Ask The Men In England The Meaning Of 50/50.

9jahbabe July 10, 2008 - 12:51 am

I perceive this as a female bashing article. I admit, you may have raised and driven home some really valid points, without a doubt. It’s unfair to make such ridicule of women. This issue is in no way an isolated case, neither is it a one-sided issue. This concerns both men and women alike. I was once married to a Nigerian man who did not appreciate what he had until I slipped right out of his fingers. (And yes, I’m a Nigerian woman, an old fashioned one at that) Without going into too much detail, you just never know where the shoe hurts except you are actually walking in those shoes. Basically being westernized means to convert to the customs of western civilization, which to me is a mental mindset. No woman comes out of the blue and start to portray such western traits or “western values” as you put it. Firstly, some men bring upon themselves the experiences they encounter with some of their overbearing, possessive and overly aggressive ways of dealing with their women. It serves some of these men right. What they thought they could get away with in Nigeria, they certainly can’t in a foreign man’s land. Secondly, being gay or straight is a personal preference. Experience, they say is the best teacher. I say learn from the experiences and move on or, suck it up and stick it out for those who can. Life abroad is certainly not a piece of cake.

ephraimadinlofu@hotmail.co.uk July 9, 2008 - 5:22 am

Conscience is an open wound, and only truth can heal it. Please address the issues raised point-by-point starting from women who were phoning their lawyers secretly to know how they could destroy their marriages because of the present economic crunch. Then move down to the phenomenon of single mums, which, concrete studies have shown, is one of the sufficient causes for the proliferation of crime; then move down to the attitude of Nigeria women who are expert copycats of western values. Let us address these issues appropriately Rosie. And thanks for your comments. EPHRAIM

Rosie July 8, 2008 - 9:24 pm

I could not help laughing helpless at this write-up. It seems more like a “whining session” that a thought-out article. Gross generalization of massive proportions. Some one write an article on the crap that men do in the UK and US. See who comes out clean. Shio!

Noni July 6, 2008 - 4:12 pm

The weakness in this article is that I cannot see that women in England or elsewhere aren’t any different to the men. It’s simply “dog eat dog” – whoever gets the “upper hand” wins. I can’t say it’s always women, and I can’t say it’s always men having heard too many stories from both camps. Weak men and strong-willed women, weak women and overbearing men, none of whom know the words “compromise” or “commitment”. I don’t think Nigerian women in the UK are behaving any differently simply because the playing field has changed.

Selfish people will always be so no matter where they are – people just think they’ve changed because they’re in a different country. Look closely and go back over the evidence and you will find that this isn’t a sudden transformation.

If a woman does all of the right things she can be walked over; if she doesn’t, she’s been “Westernised”. Maybe the expectations of both Nigerian men and women in the West is not realistic, but I can’t see this solely as a woman’s fault. People in the West are materialistic full stop, do you think this stops with women? Sadly it’s often a case of “every man for himself”.

Purple2 July 5, 2008 - 8:54 pm

I strongly agree with your comments; however, I have my 2 cents to post. You literally comment on most words that I have argued about. I strongly oppose how Nigerian women treats Nigerian men both here, USA and in Europe. It is sad and appalling.

The problem, as you have noted is the so-called ‘worst’ of western culture and worst of Nigerian culture. (worst of both world) which I totally agree with. I know this is surprising for a natural born Nigerian female like to mention. Frankly, it saddens my heart to see most of ‘us’ become ‘western females’ I know some Nigerian females will disagree with me but it’s my 2 cents (opinion). You totally hit the nail on the head when you stated that ‘our Nigerian sisters have started copying this promiscuous and loose form of culture.’ We have not started copying it; we have already copied it. I couldn’t agree with you more. I won’t say that I was guilty of such but I had come close to it. I have to confess that the stress of many things contributed to my out burst of ranting for 5 years of my 8.5yrs old relationship with a very fine American born Nigerian.

My angered tongue ranted and I didn’t know who I had become. Of course, the stress didn’t help. Stress? Yes, stress. What stress? Okay, we were passionately in love. At the time, he was graduating from University and I’m settling in my University lifestyle. You have to understand that I respected, honored and appreciated him. I had my Nigerian hat of a woman’s role in a heterosexual relationship. I wasn’t going to disrespect him like most American and Nigerian females do. Ironically, some people thought, it won’t work out. They even made bets that I would be a ranting bitch calling 911 (cops) like most American females: all because I went to Junior High School, High School and University in American.

I thought, I’ll prove them wrong, until… oops. I started ranting, verbally abusing him and telling him to get the f*** out. Okay, most of our problems weren’t his fault like I used to think. Some was my fault, some were his fault and others were the so-called system fault. How was it my fault? I should have been more tolerating even when times were hard. At the time, I thought to myself, good gracious, I pay the bills too, so I’m as equal as him. And whatever I say goes.

How was it his fault? This is where it gets tricky. And some might think my comment here is slick. I mentioned that times where hard, right? Okay, when times were hard, I stuck by him. I worked for both of us, to make sure there is food on the table and we were able to pay the bills. He’d the same when times where good, if you get my point. The tables turned and I became the breadwinner. I believed that Nigerian females stuck by their men as part of our culture; and I did exactly just that. Before the ranting began, I was happy. Whatever belongs to me belongs to him. I NEVER made it a point that everything…financially & materially belongs to me…NEVER.

The ranting began when while I was providing for both of us, (and being viewed as ‘career woman’); I found out that he was cheating on me with African-Americans. They were his mistresses. We both confronted them all and to my surprised these women knew me but I had no idea who they are. Go figure. As a so-called career woman, I cooked, clean, did everything a Nigerian woman would do and plus what American woman would do; everything he wanted and I have to point out that there is a difference between, Nigerian-American and African-American….at least in my opinion. I am comfortable being me and I wasn’t trying to be a total air head American. I had my Nigerian roots. Long story short, I became the western cultured Nigerian females you’ve described.

Now, how was it the system’s fault (western culture)? In America, both men and women are equal which in my opinion is wrong. I know…you’re shocked, I said it. As I little girl, I was told that the man is the MAN, he is strong emotionally, physically etc and of course protects the woman whom is fragile. He’s the breadwinner and for that both are not equal. I was also told that they are equal in the sense that the man adores and values the woman. And the woman greatly shows him respect with high regards in all aspects. Which I think means no ranting…per your post. In American, the woman is highly regarded than the man in terms of the law. Now, being a minority, she gets a job faster and quicker than the man. Minority men are doing good, better but not as better as the women.

Here, in America. You must be out of your mind to think or say both men and women are not equal….I say it amongst my American colleagues in the office. And yes, they think I’m sick and naïve. I think I’m the only female in the office who talks about cooking for a man. Every female in my so-called professional office doesn’t cook. They literally call their ‘men’ and ask what is for dinner and if dinner will be ready on time. I must confess I get sick to my stomach trying to focus on my work. A colleagues said; just last week ‘please, I don’t cook, my husband does all the cooking.’ In my mind, I’m thinking that is why more men are becoming GAYS. Which means less men for women and why need a man when SHE can provide for herself? And if she needs pleasure why not get it from another woman, thus increasing LESBIANISM. I know where I came from and I have my great culture bestowed in me. Looking back, I feel pretty very bad. Instead of acting like a crazy American bitch, I could have walked away. But then, the stress and depression took over me. I didn’t know who I had become. At the time, I thought, it is my way of making it work but instead, it was me being the man. After confirming his infidelity with multiple Americans, I became bitter. The bitter I became the more evil my tongue became. And in the rocks of me, I couldn’t figure out why he continued the affairs. We all knew the Americans females are worst in their ranting. And they [females] are totally the men. They control everything. I was only trying to make a point and yet my points are seemingly becoming the MAN of the house.

The sad part of my story is; when he became the breadwinner second time around, I was already the MAN of the house. Yes, Nigerian women in modern societies copied the culture but very few of us uncannily copied it with no intension to become one of modern society “satanic siren-song of single” career woman.

dynmma July 5, 2008 - 2:35 pm

Hmmm,there seems to be a consensus that women are evil.Can someone talk about the women who are good and are in marriages that are working well?Can someone do this,please?


Leave a Comment