When Advise Becomes Abuse

by Odimegwu Onwumere

We make mistakes, as human beings, and must be corrected, by human beings.
However, the way some people contribute to correcting the offender makes
CORRECTION look insulting.

Correction should be attached with decorum. It is preferable in the form of
ENCOURAGEMENT. No bitterness, at all.

The way some Reforms are carried out for the improvement of the society is
the best way to understanding CORRECTION. CORRECTION is meant to correct
abuse, and not abuse becoming CORRECTION.

Some folks do not want their friends to correct them. And when the friends
do, they use ABUSE in place of correcting the friends. We must be open to
accepting CORRECTION, because any wrong that silent is used as the best
option makes abuse the order of the day.

Notwithstanding, whereas we need CORRECTION, it is a global norm that there
is always the leader and the follower. Let the individual have his or her
opinion. That accepted! But, let the presumed follower look-up to the
leader. Anything contrary to this is an insult to the Leader, and not

It is expected in the Igbo area where I come from in Nigeria that wives
should follow their husbands, while the latter lead.

Without any quarrel, I heard the wife shouting above her voice, at the
slight correction of the husband on something that she failed to do.

Just to know if one’s wife is entitled to verbally tell the husband, “Go
and learn manners, do you hear me?” Though, a friend said that it depends
on how she bent her mouth while saying it.

The friend further added that if she says it with a smile, she may get a
hug and some bedroom actions, but if she says it with such disdain, then
she probably would get the other side of the man.

Yes! Disdain was the motion and action, and the man is now learning the
MANNERS in total isolation from his once jovial way, and the woman is

In another vein, another friend added that a cutting word is worse than a
bowstring, a cut may heal, but the cut of the tongue does not. “He who is
being carried does not realize how far the town is.” Good habits, like
flossing regularly, are usually pretty hard to develop. Bad habits seem to
just appear or have been programmed into our brain by some sinister force
that comes in our sleep and encodes even when folks are looking.

While in affirmative with this, another friend also added that leaders must
see themselves as servants and followers, tomorrow leaders. The act of
checks and balances must be by mutual understanding bearing in mind that
without the people there is no leader, and without a leader there will be

Do you advise or abuse? Are you a leader or the follower?

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