Why The Short And Ugly Are Married

by Dele Oluwole

This may be thinking aloud. I can not stop trying to reason why the Nigerian ‘Bobo’ end up settling for a girl he ordinarily would not go near in his ‘hey’ days when he was a risk taker, but now want to spend the rest of his life with seeing he has now become a risk averter.

When I look around I see nothing but guys who have settled for girls that they have better looks than, especially my ‘loaded’ friends. Each time I was going to be introduced to my friends’ spouses for the first time I was expecting to meet women of sophistication, elegance, and beauty, but instead at the end of the day the best among them was just okay. Whereas, these are guys that when they were in their days, what I would call their ‘Shongo ode’ I mean when they painted Akoka and Yabatech red, will not even dare to talk to such girls.

The decision to choose a life partner is not for the public to debate, which is why I couldn’t summon courage to ask my friends… ‘But Bros this is the worst of all the girls I have seen you with’. I remember an experience some seven years ago when some of my friends and I told one of us a Banker that his girl friend then who is now his wife was ugly. He didn’t flare up at us because we were very good friends that can say anything to one another, but calmly he said ‘Dele she’s my choice’, the countenance on his face was that of please stop right there and don’t take this any further. Trust me, I persisted and he simply told me and boasting that in ten years time we should come back to re-evaluate our careers, marriage, and life in general to know who is happiest amongst us all, he further said ‘look I am marrying her for her inner beauty, the happiness and joy she will bring to my life will reflect in my career… You wait and see’.

My friend today is not just happily married with two sons but doing well in his career as he is presently a Branch manager of one of the top Banks in Nigeria. His wife has a farm that is doing well too.

Most Nigerian young men are looking beyond the ordinary; they grow to mature with time, to know that not all that glitter is gold. Between the ages of 20 and 28 they are risk takers that will go after the Genevieves, Daregos, Omotolas, Tokunbos and Biancas. The risk taking is worth it after all as the tall and beautiful girls put them through experiences that become invaluable to them later in life.

I have a six-footer friend; we went through the NYSC together somewhere in Northern Nigeria. He did not just paint the ‘Sharia’ city red but was going out with the most beautiful Fulani girl in the petroleum Depot where we served. Every skirt chaser in the depot had his eyes on her; even the depot chief made advances through unsolicited petrol drums and cash yet the girl wanted the young, penniless, and hungry Corper. I remember an instance where one of the lady’s numerous admirers or chasers offered to give her a lift to work; the lady did not just accept the lift but requested that her Corper boy friend come on board. Guess what? They both sat at the back while they were chauffeur driven by the ‘toaster’.

The interesting part of this story is that my then Corper friend despite working in an oil company with plenty ‘ego’ eventually got married to a girl the entire family denounced because of her looks but they are happily married with a kid anyway.

These tall and beautiful girls cannot cook because they spent more time before their mirrors than in their mother’s kitchen. Don’t joke with Nigerian man and food. They cannot stand hard times because they never had such experience. How can they stand hard times when they are chauffeur driven to school in their fathers’ car, when paid washmen and cooks are at their beck and call?

The Nigerian man aside listening to his Mother’s golden advice when its time to choosing a life partner wants a happy home, wants to be in control, wants to be respected, and wants a woman that the entire members of the extended family can relate with. He doesn’t want the woman that will use his monthly package to shop for the likes of lipsticks, G-strings, and high heel shoes. He of course doesn’t want to come back home to prepare his own supper. He wants a woman that will instil some level of moral values in his children, how can a woman who has never ironed her father’s shirt or help her Mum in the kitchen instil moral values or bring up her children properly or even iron her husband shirt?

If you meet a depressed man find out if he’s happily married, a depressed man’s productivity at work will be so low that it may reduce the company’s turnover and eventually affect the country’s GDP.

The short and ugly is never a risk taker, she will never gamble with her chances of getting hooked to Mr right as she does not get carried away with the euphoria of beauty like her tall counterpart ‘dongo si lewo or Omo ga’. Any attempt to carry herself unnecessarily too high means she is in her own world. As a teenager she already had her cross staring her in the eyes and carried it with all pleasure. She works hard to become an achiever, little wonder she passes the O’ level and JAMB at a sitting as those dangerous boys neither distract nor have interest in her. She will do well in the University and come out with first class or 2:1 because the campus landlords i.e. the cultists don’t take her precious studying time, as they will not want to be associated with her type anyway. She will get the best of jobs because she worked hard to earn her degree grade as she neither bribed her way through nor offered herself on ‘a platter of gold’ to the hyena lecturers. The society sees her as being responsible because she doesn’t wear the offensive tops, the nuclear mini skirts or the ‘help me remove’ tights that I call big baby ‘pampas’.

Finally, she will be attracted to the Nigerian man who has sampled an entire city of tall and beautiful girls because of her high moral values, sensibility, and intelligence. She will be happily married and raise God fearing children… and who knows if her husband’s gene is very strong she may end up having kids that will grow up to become tall and beautiful.

At the end of the day who loses? The tall and beautiful who may only get married at 37 or as second wife to the pot-bellied Alhaji who junkets around the whole world leaving her at the mercy of her driver or Tailor (‘Obioma’) next door. She can only get married to the man of her dream if only she doesn’t allow her God given beauty to take the greater part of her, but will she? As everyone tells her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world, and that she has the nicest legs, dreamy eyes and alabaster skin.

You cannot eat your cake and have it. It is either you scarify beauty for good manners or level headedness for an Alhaji. The choice is yours, but I am lucky to have beauty, level headedness, and brain in my wife.

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Myriisa June 10, 2011 - 4:46 pm

Untrue!!! Unfair for beautiful and ugly women to be stereotyped.

Iyare November 1, 2009 - 7:58 am

very analytical but over-stereotypical. Your write-up only dealt with the extremes, the majority of women are in-between these stereotypes. Take nothing away from the write-up tho.

Rose May 27, 2008 - 3:51 pm

Women want good-looking men too. I’m always amazed at how ugly blokes sit around insulting ugly women. Some patronising git said this was because women and men placed different values on looks. However, I think women are just as superficial as men. I personally hope I end up with a good-looking man. Traditionally, women haven’t had the choice to always marry who they desire, for financial reasons – but this did not mean these poor women did not want to marry a good looking guy – they didn’t have a choice!

true views February 28, 2008 - 5:29 am

NneGood, what makes you think you can “speak on behalf of… beautiful Naija women”!?!? If you’re as “intelligent” as you make out, then, read between the lines of what I’m saying.

Dee May 24, 2007 - 11:32 pm

What percentage of Nigerians have cooks and chauffeurs. He must be high on garry.

I love how it's always somehow the woman's fault. Dude sounds bitter like he didn't get much play from those "tall and beautiful girls". Ppl's taste and priority change over time especially as they get older. Did he think he just came with some new information that we already don't know? Don't we have men that laugh at women for marrying men they would once have never looked at? Of course this can't be blamed on the hansome men they dated when they were younger, the women are just desprate old hags.

Troof Teller May 20, 2007 - 11:24 am

Wow, so you are saying that attractive women do not find great husbands or do not get married? That is completely untrue!!!! Well, even if men were not moved by beauty (which we can see is all a big fat lie because the most powerful men in the world are always married to the most beautiful women)– DO WE GO TO GOD AND RENEGOTIATE THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF OUR BIRTH??

If for instance, your mum was pretty, tall and slim and your father was handsome and also tall and muscular, so you and your siblings are to pay the price for genetically carrying those physical attributes?

Something that you did not contribute to in anyway?

It is the same as being black in America, why should I be put in a box because of my color? I am proud of it but did not choose it though it is nonetheless who I am.

This article should have focused on accepting people no matter how they look and not demonizing women who are better looking than their peers.

It is just what it is, L– O– O– K– S.

I have a shocking fact for you also, guess what, good looks do not in anyway minimize the problems in life, resolve the mystery of your humanity nor does it change the inevitability of everyones eventual date with the undertaker.

Good looking people are just people who should be judged on more than pink pouty lips.

Nir - Fresh April 23, 2007 - 2:45 am

Unbeatable and very challenging. I am a well to do Petroleum Engineer who reside here in southern part of the United States. Believe me or not at 30yrs old, combining my ugly experiences with friends on how horrible these so called Daregos, Beyonces, Halles have treated. Lord have mercy and forgive them if possible. Not only a well composed, organized write up but also an an extremely interesting one I have ever read so far. I mean there is a clear analogy of truth and realities in this. Point of correction for the beauties who think generalization is not appropriate, it is very very and very appropriate because, this is a general conversation and majority carry the votes in the real sense of it. Good for you if you are one of the minority percentage that dont fit into that category. The writer is innocently pouring out his true emotions which is far from the truth but a genuine reality. I will read and forward this to friends around my age.

c April 17, 2007 - 7:13 am

Dele, I don't agree with you that tall and beautiful ones may get married at 37. Look other factors might come in. How about girls who got married at 25 or ther about on material,based on materials values and guess what they get older and wiser and realise, all that glitters is not gold. I believe most women get married when God sanction it.

Emmanuel April 11, 2007 - 4:52 pm

Good thinking, good write up

Peter April 11, 2007 - 7:31 am

Good one man …….. keep up the good work

Ejiro April 10, 2007 - 2:53 pm

an excellent article, fuuny and well written. although your insight is a bit flawed. Generalization and stero-types are never a good idea. i am tall..5'11'', pretty (not Halle Berry, but who is?) and raised in a home with well-to-do parents. However, I am NOT any of the things you describe in your article. I guess it was mostly tongue-in-cheek, but still…..

Femi Moses April 10, 2007 - 6:44 am

The writer is not just a good writer but also a genius. Please keep it up …… this is the kind of article we need on this website

Anonymous April 9, 2007 - 5:54 pm

Well said…hate to admit it but your right on the money, man! great write up!

Chi April 9, 2007 - 4:30 pm

Dele, you said: "If you meet a depressed man find out if he's happily married, a depressed man's productivity at work will be so low that it may reduce the company's turnover and eventually affect the country's GDP."

Until I read your essay, I couldn't figure out why our economy was depressed. You are a genius! Seriously!!

NneGood April 9, 2007 - 1:47 pm

I speak on behalf of all the beautiful Naija women who are also intelligent and well mannered and make excellent wives. First off, my father is very well to do, so growing up, we had people around the house that helped with the housework and cooking, etc. However, it did not stop me from preparing meals for my family and for special events. I went to the farm like any other person . . . not because my father could not afford to have the house help to do it, but because those are the values he wanted to instill in his children. He wanted all his children to grow up to be contributing members of society. I am beautiful and had quite a few men chasing me when I was in school. But you know what . . . no matter how much I played, I knew that my education was a priority so I kept good grades. Long story short, not only am I beautiful, but I have an excellent education, a job on Wall Street that most people would kill for, a very happy marriage where my husband is well fed with a home cooked meal daily, and I am very well respected in my community here because of the way I carry myself. I understand what you're saying, but trust me, just as I am beautiful and well mannered with all the qualities of a good wife, I know many, many, many women who are just like me. And on behalf of all those women, I respond to this article telling you that this generalization is not the most accurate.

Anonymous April 9, 2007 - 9:42 am

Interesting article. I guess what they say is true, with age comes wisdom and you begin to filter out what is important in a life long partner. Not to say that a beautiful woman does not have the capability to provide the same things. It is all up to how she was brought up.


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