A Season of Endearment

I am not usually one to delve into matters of the heart, being that I do not fit into the agony uncle profile; I’m hardly an expert neither am I that much experienced to offer anyone any helpful advice along those lines. The last time I attempted to dispense my two penny thoughts on matters of the heart was on a thread started by a certain Isis in a popular Nigerian internet website – www.nigeriavillagesquare.com aptly titled Help needed – I want a husband.

I should have known better to mind my own business at the time, I am not sure that I have fully recovered from the tons of bricks hauled at me by sisters who participated actively on the thread over my simple advice to Isis to ‘bend down and see Aba’.

Since that enlightening online exchange including the subsequent exchange with Tatafo, another active participant in the aforementioned website, who was bent on getting me to decode what I meant by my ‘bend down and see Aba’ lingo, I have since decided to surrender to the experts, the likes of Sabella Abidde my comrade-in-writes to carry on with the serious business of tending to matters concerning African women, especially matters of the heart.

However, conversations and interactions with friends of mine, including family members during a recent trip to Nigeria has made me to rethink my posture such that I’m now beginning to wonder if perhaps there are not other ways that we can address this social issue or crises if I can call it that.

Just why is it difficult for men looking for wives to find the women of their desires, and for women who are ready, able and willing to find their dream men? During my trip, I was approached as usual by friends of mine; including family members to please help look out for singletons within my social and professional circle, and to do the needful – the introdonkowa.

As is normal during such banters, I usually pledge to do my best not wanting to be seen to be standing in the way of progress for a brother or a sister seriously looking to settle down. But the honest truth is that I’m not much of a help as all those within my circles, both professionally and socially are all married. Where then do I go husband or wife hunting for these people that have so much trust and confidence in me, believing that I could actually help them to exhale?

Since I came back to my base in London, the emails have been coming, all friendly in nature but with reminder undertones. These are also followed with phone calls, the conversations begin with the usual banter; How is family, work etc and then ultimately culminates in the dreaded question – ‘Uche, How far now? About what we discussed, have you found anyone for me yet?’

To say that my heart doesn’t go out to my friends and family still trapped in this ‘lonely’ and increasingly desperate phase will be telling a lie. I was once in that situation as well. Perhaps you may consider this piece a clever advertising ploy without actually paying the media owner but hey! What does it matter? I’m only trying to help, consider this a social enterprise.

Where do I even begin?

Right now, I have this brother in Paris, Emeka; he is Igbo from Nimo in Anambra state and in his early thirties, his current hobby is to harass me every week wishing that I introduce him to any Nigerian girl living in London. He prefers to do it here in Europe rather than going to Nigeria. Makes economic sense he says. I am yet to fulfil his wishes.

There is also Chinwe, a family friend of mine who lives in Abuja, she is also in her early thirties but has managed to build for her self a successful career in banking with one of the top 5 banks in Nigeria. She is also looking and waiting. Why are Nigerian men wary of successful Nigerian women?

Adanma is another interesting character, a beautiful Anambra chic with a Harvard MBA in the bag, where are the men self?

There are also the Okeke twins, still in their mid twenties. Ifeoma holds an accounting degree and is currently studying to be a chartered accountant while Amara dabbles between software testing and Nollywood. They both live in London and are still very much in touch with their Nigerian side. The caveat here though is that they may be identical twins but please brothers shouldn’t start thinking that they will be getting a two- for -the -price -of -one deal.

Femi is a PhD battling the Moscow cold alone, he sure could do with a companion as the winter months draw near.

Ngozi is a skills development manager in London with a heart of Gold. She says that she is willing to relocate to any country where the brother lives. I forgot to mention that she is a princess, with blue blood running through her veins. Brothers, won’t it be nice to associate with royalty for once?

Anthony is an IT engineer for a real estate company in the city of London. He is Igbo and sure knows his way around the kitchen; I know this because I have eaten his meals a million times.

Jane is your girl next door, perhaps her only ‘crime’ is that she is a successful Abuja –based banker where it appears eligible bachelors have suddenly grown wings and flown away leaving the town at the mercy of pot-bellied politicians and contractors.

Chunky lives in the fashion city of CologneGermany, he is a part-time fashion model and professional fashion stylist. This is one brother that can shuffle his feet at the dance hall.

The names are so many, their wishes very simple but they earnestly hope that this will be their season of endearment.

Don’t think that I haven’t thought of getting some of the girls together with the guys but hey, the more the merrier. The more choices I mean, hence this article. Again, I have decided not to do the close matchmaking thing again, Dr John spoiled it for me.

He is single alright, a US trained PhD who runs his own media business in Nigeria. He seems to be enjoying his single status. Sometime ago he came to me complaining that he was getting frustrated in his search for the right woman, and didn’t want to go through life alone anymore. I fell for his ploy and introduced him to Nkiru, a Lagos – based banker who is also searching.

Nkiru doesn’t speak to me anymore because she thinks that I knew John’s agenda – using his single status to sample anything in skirt.

Dr. John is still hoping that one day he will meet his match, are there any sisters out there wishing to take him head-on?

Please respond if you are serious, my friends do not want time wasters.

The characters in this article are real but their names have been substituted.

Written by
Uche Nworah
Join the discussion

  • I identify with your friend Nkiru, I initially kept talking to my friends who kept introducing me to so called “eligible” guys they thought were perfect for me, unfortunately they were the worst, bottom-of-the barrel, no good, un-gentlemen I’d ever met. I want to point out to all those aspiring hook-upers out there, your cousin, family-friend, and brother are not necessarily excellent boy-friend/life-partner/hubby material.

    Needless to say I have dissociated myself from my beloved friends, how do I explain to my future husband that I’m an emotional wreck due to the abuse and mistreatment heaped on me by these people who my friends swore were the most christian, loving, humble, God-fearing people they had ever met?

  • I can relate to the characters of Igbo women described in this article because I too hold a BS in Biology and in Nursing and I still remain sinlge.

  • I think you have it the other way round; its easier for men to find a partner once they decide they are "ready" to get married. Women on the other hand spend a lot of time and effort looking for "the one." I think when a guy is ready-whatever that means- he simply proposes to the women he is dating at the time. or find someone he thinks is his ideal woman. Beginning from their late teens, most women will tell you they are searching for the one, men in the same age group will be playing the field or whatever.