A Tribute to Irresponsible Dog Owners

Man’s best friend may live in every household in America, except mine. There is a good reason. While three out of five of my family members will wheeze, itch and scratch, or break out in hives whenever we’re in close proximity to these furry creatures, there is a more compelling reason that Dogs are not welcomed inside my home or anywhere near my lawn. You may call me crazy. You may call me mean. In fact, I’ll even let you get away with sticking a “Psychotic” label on my forehead! But one thing is for certain-you will find me standing guard by my window or front door-each time I see you and your four legged amigo sniffing its way down my cul-de-sac. Lawn by lawn. My visibility is not intended to be a subtle hint. My visibility should serve as a firm warning that my front yard is a “NO, NO CRAP ZONE.”

Legend has it that some crazy woman once tracked down a pet owner to return a very special present . Trust me, I can give that legend a run for its money. Don’t even think about pulling a “crap and run” hit anywhere inside my property line unless you’re prepared to receive a huge payback package by your front door. And I am not just talking about Dog S.h.i.t!

Although a few pet owners are starting to do the right thing by cleaning up after their dogs. It only takes a poopie scooper and a bag. Still, many continue to allow their precious pets to leave mine fields on someone else’s yard and casually moosie on their merry way. Shame on you! There is an explanation why some of us don’t have a dog. We don’t want a dog! We don’t care for a dog!! And we most certainly don’t want the responsibility of picking up after yours while mowing our lawn!!! I am tired of trying to duck from one pile of dump after another during my leisurely evening stroll around our community.

Guess what? There’s been a new development. Thanks to irresponsible jack@sses like yourself, some home owners who are apparently tired of your unpleasant surprises are up in arms. They may not be able to catch you and your pooch in the act…but, they are definitely not happy campers. They are fighting back the only way they know how. I was not blessed with ESP at birth. But, I’ll bet you a fistful of dollars that they were most likely singing, ‘We’re not gonna take it anymore” while hurling dog poop back onto our sidewalks. Do I find it amusing? Heck no! Do I think it’s downright disgusting? Hell Yeah! Do I believe that they’ve gone off the deep end? Maybe. And I blame you! The holidays season is right around the corner and I’d like to kick things off with a very special wish for every negligent pet owner out there…

Each morning, while you’re out and about walking your dog, may you accidentally slip and fall face down into a pile you’d left the day before. May your dog, intentionally step into the foulest smelling doggie doodie out there and track it all the way back into your home- sweet- home… all over your fabulous carpet! May you always reap what you sow. Happy Holidays in advance!