“I really believe that women are wicked, yes, I really do”
“Why do you say that?”
“Na wa for you o, look around you, can’t you see what they are doing to us?”
“What we are doing to ourselves you mean”
“Keep on pretending, I’m more angry because they have never bothered to enquire how we are faring seeing that we live in the most challenging age to be a man”
“So you mean that it would have been better if we were still living in the days of old, or even inhabiting amongst the Komas?”
“I wish you would be serious for once”
“John I still can’t get your drift”
“You mean you can not see, or have never experienced the torture and misery women are putting us through?”
“In what ways please, tell me”
“They threaten our marriages and relationships, and make it difficult for us to stay focused”
“You still haven’t said what your problem is”
“You mean you don’t see the way our women dress these days?”
“Oh that, Ah! Ol’boy take it easy now”
“How can I take it easy? Everywhere a man turns or rather looks these days, there are tons of naked flesh on display”
“I can’t see what the problem is, I’m not complaining”
“How won’t you complain about those who bare their exploding cleavages and mountainous poppies half concealed by wonderbras for all to see?”
“Why should I complain, if they want to show, me I want to look”.
“Listening to men like you, I really think that men are doomed”
“Come to think of it, are you surprised? Don’t you know the real meaning of the word woman? To woo man forever”.
“I think that the church should fight this menace that is destroying our society”
“Ah, leave pastors out of this matter o!”
“It is even more disturbing that some of these so-called Pentecostal churches allow their members to come to church almost half-naked”
“Ol’boy cool down, abi pastor no be human being?”
“I wish some of these churches will take the cue from the Catholic Church, I once attended a wedding and the priest embarrassed one of the guests openly and refused her from entering the church building”
“You mean the priest bounced a girl from his church? Isn’t that discrimination?”
“Call it whatever you want, is it not better to discriminate against one person than to have her come inside the church and cause commotion both for the priest and the wedding guests, to the point that the bridegroom after sighting her may even contemplate his choice of wife”.
“I saw Femi and Ada at Amaka and Ifeanyi’s wedding, and couldn’t believe that Femi would let Ada leave the house the way she was dressed with almost half her breasts hanging out. I don’t know if it is the craze for western values but I do pity my Nigerian brothers that let their wives dress like that. Times have indeed changed”
“You are right, times have changed. Back in the day, all we got was occasional flashes and show of decent pair of legs sticking out of slit mini-skirts; we applauded thinking that we had seen it all”
“You really have a nasty mind, how can you be saying things like that?”
“Why won’t i? I am only trying to trace for you the genesis of fashion. Just when we thought that we had seen enough came the thong, and Janet Jackson’s hipsters and low rise jeans which had us all tongue and ‘thong-tied’.
“There really must be a way the government can save men from this predicament; perhaps they should adopt the University of Lagos’ ban on indecent dressing nationwide”
“You wish. I’m sure you will also be wishing that Buhari will win to bring back some of his iron-handed policies”
“I don’t care really, anything that will help salvage the rot in our society”
“I don’t see why you are sweating; you don’t have to heed the booty call even if the summer temperature is here”.
“Now speaking about summer, it is like they have been waiting for the first sign of sunlight; they are now almost going naked in London”
“Women of old must have been bush to think that they were it because today’s woman’s retro fashion concept is taking fashion right back to where it started, to nothingness and nakedness”
“You still think this is a funny joke?
“Did I say that? It is a game for me”.
“How do you mean?”
“Okay, when you combine a man’s animal instincts with the nakedness of the preys around him, what do you get? Bingo, you got it. A desire for the man to answer the dog call”
“So according to your theory, men having been triggered will sniff out meat?”
“Yes, now you are catching on, some would simply lick their tongues, sulk and walk away knowing that that which is set before him is sweet poisoned meat, some others would go into overdrive and attack”
“Still according to your theory, men are not only dogs, but mad attack dogs and you are also saying that it is the women that trigger such reactions in them?”
“Quote me bro, that’s my contribution to knowledge”
“Men we are finished”