Normally, ordinary citizens like me don’t have an opportunity to address mini-gods like you. However, with the invention of the Internet it is possible for me to put up this little epistle for your Excellency. Often, this time of the year is a time of reflection for nations across the world especially the heads of these political entities. Believing indeed, that you my president will be doing the same I have made it an objective to always introduce this epistle yearly to your space. Please don’t even bother to send the EFCC after me; unlike your friends I have no skeleton in my cupboard and unlike the two minions from Adamawa I have no immediate presidential ambitions.
Without burdening your Excellency, last year the theme of my open letter to you was an impending revolution in the land. This year, that prediction is a reality. If I may indulge your patience for a second, I wish to console you on the death of Aunty Stella. More than ever, her death and the death of many innocent Nigerians last year reminded us of the transience of life and the mortality of all human beings. It is for this very reason I am so perplexed that even after you have been through the ups and downs of our national politics it appears you and your fellow elites have learnt nothing. How I wish Aunty Stella will sit by your side and be reading this letter (like I am sure she did last year) after getting the best treatment from our centers of medical excellence.
This year already, your administration is entering the annals of national history in matters relating to handling national security. Two cases of kidnapping within four weeks will remain a record – added to these are religious riots across the land. Even though you create an illusion of unity in your minds (at least it exists amongst the thieves in Abuja that wine and dine with you), Nigeria is in a state of emergency at best. The situation is so dire now; that people sleep with their eyes wide opened in their beds daily fearing who is going to be kidnapped next or whose head is going to be chopped at the altar of political violence, religious intolerance or ethnic genocide. After organizing a wuru-wuru national conference, what we got was a proposal that seeks to legitimize your third term ambition.
Talking about third term, I always think you are a blessed man; the only man to have eleven years to rule my dear country. But when I look back, you know what I see? I see monumental waste of opportunities. You have had enormous opportunity to unite, yet you have chosen to divide. You had great opportunities to develop and build yet you have chosen to undermine those who strive to do so. You have had great avenues to restore the rule of law, yet you have chosen to pitch your tent with charlatans, law breakers, riggers and waste products of the political system. This last year, you have taken the hand of the clock of progress one step forward and a million steps backwards afterwards. Opportunities to restructure our nation have been turned into an opportunity to satisfy your selfish ambition – what a shame!
You see Mr. President, I am not one of those beer drinking Nigerians that say your administration is the worst in the history of our nation. Far from it – you have done some things right, but you have gotten more things very wrong. In our hogwash educational system, twenty five percent equals utter failure (at least if you don’t grease the palms of the examiner or end up in his bed)– and it is my belief that most Nigerians will score your administration much lower than that. I commend your war on corruption and I don’t care if you are hunting enemies or not. I commend the debt payback; I commend your prudent financial reform programs that have allowed us save excess crude oil funds instead of spending them. I commend those things that have gone right in our country but you can do better. A General is not known to settle for mediocrity, but I must admit your administration have been mediocre at best and totally a failure at worst.
We know you claim to have visions for Nigeria for the past seven years, but you have failed as a leader to communicate these visions effectively. As a leader, communication is your greatest tool- but instead of communicating you chose to appoint a dog and a sheep. Your favorite sheep is Madam Oyo- a woman with sufficient street cred in the activist community and your Alsatian dog is my man- Fani Kayode. Please tell Mr. Kayode or whatever he is called that he need not reply to this letter because courtesy demands that when letters are written to people it is meant for their eyes and minds only and need not be replied by others. Even though by all barometer of civilization, Fani bom-bom lacks every decorum and respect for public opinion, he might as well take time to wash off his dirty mouth on an ordinary Nigerian like me- but I will not excuse his indulgence because I have enough times on my hands to reply him and I happen to worship God.
But recently, I have heard from sources (sources that your new attack machine called Nigerian Police and SSS can never identify) that your model is the South Korean, Singapore or Malaysian model; basically, the model of the emerging Asian Tigers. However, I will try to briefly educate you on what an adoption of this model entails. While it is convenient for you to chose perpetual leadership (that saw Singapore having a Minister Emeritus for Life to guide the nation) as the only commendable ingredient of this model that happens to be one of the lie of your cabal. The Asian economies are built an economy based on rule of law (which you happen to detest), vibrant freedom of press and right to protest (which you cannot come in terms with even after the court ruled to that effect) and a free market economy (which you have translated to mean economy in the hands of your best friends and largest campaign contributors).
It surprises me that after I warned you of the impending revolution, the best you could do all these days was to deploy your ineffective military force to the Niger Delta region. You have learnt nothing about past rebellion in other African countries and ours. Indeed, it appears you are more blinded by your arrogance and your own myopic ideas than real situation on ground. No military occupation will do the magic. I also put it to you that we don’t need another national conference. We need just two things from you 1. Respect for True federalism that was the vision of our founding fathers (not day light armed robbers like your
military gang banger friends) while you last and 2. Your retirement. Old ideas hold no solution to new problems- you are tired and you need a deserved rest with your chickens.
Talking about chicken – May I use this opportunity to give your third term proponents another reason why you should not retire. In recent times, I see they (like Ojo Maduekwe) lack a coherent argument for your continued stay in Aso Rock, so I have decided to help them out in justifying the huge paycheck they get from our national coffers all in the name of service to your vampire elitist circle. My simple reason is connected to the recent bird flu that has thrown your friends to a state of rolling new cash into bank accounts a la compensation for their dead birds! You see, you can just say you don’t want to infect your beloved chicken in Otta, and you just decided to stay back in the Villa– since your chicken pepper soup eating entourage is a working carrier-to-be of this deadly HN15 virus. Haba!
It is my hope that you will read this letter completely and take my warnings to heart. Once beaten, twice shy. Our fathers once said “if Eneke the bird have learnt to fly without perching we should learn to shoot without missing”. The bird of change flies closest to our country in the next one year, and I hope Nigeria will not miss shooting this time around. As for your statement that you are ready to die for Nigeria, please be careful what you wish for. You do well, I will be writing you same time next year hoping you will be preparing your luggage for an eventful journey back to Otta- where you can have your peace and have no mean men like me intrude on your imperial opulence! Nigeria we hail thee!
An Ever Abiding Loyal Citizen and Anti-Third Term Campaigner
“To complain of lack of leadership is, in the field of political affairs, the characteristic attitude of all harbingers of dictatorship.”
– Ludwig von Mises