How To Really Get and Keep A Nigerian Man: Response to Michael Oluwagbemi

by Rosie R.

When I read Michael Oluwagbemi’s article on how to keep a Nigerian Man, I smiled because I knew in his heart, he meant well. He was just watching out for us sisters. In fact, all things being equal, Michael’s article could really be expanded to be a very good “How To” book for every Nigerian Woman. Well, all things are not equal. So my dear sisters, to really be able to hook a Nigerian man, you can practice brother Michael’s ideologies – then you afterwards, wise up, get smart and do more than he advises.

To get and keep a Nigerian man you need to more than learn how to cook. You have to bite your tongue when he criticizes a meal he does not particularly like, even though you spent hours on your feet trying to get it just right, after spending eight to ten hours at work. You must not only bite your tongue, you must suffer in silence when his jolly friends find their way to your house to share in the bounty, meaning you will have to perhaps do this all over again tomorrow, since they will probably clean their plates, ask for seconds and make sure the pot is empty before leaving your house. You must also learn to never whine and say, “Honey, can you cook tonight, I feel like I have a fever coming and I need to lie down. “No!Never!And leave him to fend for himself? Abomination. Suck it up, the fever can wait, your man needs to eat. Take your shivering, fever-ridden behind to the kitchen and cook up a storm.

To get and keep a good Nigerian man, you must not only be a graduate in the art of culture. You have to have a Ph. D. in the art of pretending to love his family to no matter what they say or do to you. Don’t criticize his brother that can’t seem to find and keep a job. Pretend not to notice his sister borrows your clothes and forgets to return them. Forget the small loan you made to his cousin. Always make sure you serve yourself last during family dinners. Spend all your money every Christmas buying things for his siblings, mother, father, uncle, cousins, grandfather, grandmother, second cousins, next-door neighbor he grew up with, friend he went to boarding school with … don’t forget the strange sexy woman he calls his cousin that no other member of his family seem to know. Yes, she has to get a special thoughtful gift. Oh yes, never let them know you really don’t give a rat’s tuckus about them. This is just part of your ploy to marry Mr. Right. Your goal is to be known as “the girl that is so nice, she is just right for our son.”

Please sisters; it is a requirement to always be feminine at all times. Always let him have the last word, even though his arguments make no sense. Smile and say, “sweet heart, you are right. You are always right. That’s why I love you. “Don’t attempt to take over the finances even though you have a degree in accounting and he barely made it through Mathematics in his WAEC exams. By all means, let him control the check book. Give your earnings to him and let him take care of all the bills. Whatever he decides should be your allowance, let it be so. If he wants to go and spend time with his friends, ask if you can drive and drop him off so he does not have to drink and drive. Don’t forget to ask when you can pick him up. If you want to spend time with your friends, please always ask for permission. You never know when his social calendar will require you to stay home. Just check with him to make sure.

This is very important: NEVER, EVER, let your man catch you with a hammer or a nail ready to fix anything. It is one of the scariest things a man can ever see – a woman who can fix things. Haba! That will bring about Armageddon! Don’t even let him know where Home Depot is. Wait for him to get around to fixing the garage door. It doesn’t matter that you are expecting ten inches of snow.He will get to it when he will get to it. After all, you have home-owners insurance abi? If he brings up marriage and children, don’t appear too eager.Be coy. When he says he would like seven children, don’t laugh and ask, “in what world?” Smile happily and say, “my womb is your reproductive assembly line.”

In short my dear sisters, it is easy to get and keep a good Nigerian man. I have seen it done so many times. Problem is most of the time is spent living his life, instead of yours. You just have to ask yourselves – when will we realize we have the power to decide for ourselves what we want in a man, in a relationship and out of life? You make your choices, stick to it and don’t settle for less than you deserve. God will do the rest. And if God forgets to check in on you from to time to time to find out how your search is going, call brother Michael.

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bcgirl February 8, 2016 - 5:35 am

I wish I would have read this 2 1/2 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of pain and money. One thing that was not mentioned was the charm. Nigerian men can charm your pants off. Unfortunately with most of these men it’s just all talk. They always have big plans and business deals that require you to lend them money. Investing in “OUR” future I think he called it. Funny how none of the business deals seemed to work out. I am surprised that with him working so hard on our future that he found the time to sleep with other woman. Nigerian men like their woman to be obedient and to not cause trouble, meaning do everything and keep your mouth shut. They have huge egos and love to put on heirs. The most important thing is what their friends think of them and how much respect they can get from the African community. You as a wife will be a fixture. You will be expected to have his meals ready and serve his friends with a smile. You however will not get love,romance,nights on the town and gifts, those will be kept for his girlfriends. The thing I most enjoy is being told how his cheating,lying and stealing my money somehow was all my fault. Ladies, keep your eyes and ears open with these men. If something doesn’t seem right it’s usually isn’t.

proudly Opuama February 8, 2015 - 8:45 am

Reading this article I did laugh because that’s the way I felt at first.
But after 4 years 2 kids and counting ups and downs separations and most wonderful times I finally appreciate my man for every aspect of his personality. He is so lovely and caring I honestly couldn’t be the person I am without him. He will criticise me too better myself because he loves me. I am an extremely jealous girl and my man is so fine and my jealousy cause’s well the entire problems . He still stands by me and I respect him so much for the smartest opinionated man to live. And I honestly never fight him but lately even when I didn’t fight him just ask well stupid questions like who are you taking to? Then he literally turns his phone off for up to 24 hours and completely stops talking to me and I get completely beside myself so when his phone is on I just say sorry and be sweet as anything but its been happening alot lately and I’m scared ill lose him for good that’s why I came on this site. To find tips to keep my man but honestly I don’t agree with everything because my man is such a dime but I will literally do anything to keep him and that includes shutting up about the suspicious stuff I will.

mrs. in love July 4, 2012 - 2:34 am

I am married to one, this is so true. But i love him. Its been two years.

Caribjabi May 24, 2012 - 8:54 pm

I read this article and couldn’t help but laugh. You see, I’m not Nigerian, ir even African, but I can almost completely relate. I have a mixed background (east and west Indian) and the pressures that both of my cultures put on me let me know I am not alone. I am also dating a Nigerian man, and to say that he is almost exactly what’s described here is scary. I am dating him, so there is a positive aspect about him. On the other hand, he’s shown me that he’s the kind of person that wants his cake and eats it too. He says he’s proud of me as I am highly educated, and very cultured. But would never want his daughter to be like me because I smoke cigarettes and the like. On the other hand, he couldn’t stand being with his ex because she was such a boring homebody who never did anything and yada yada yada. Let’s see where this one goes, I do cook, its the Carribean in me. And I’m very traditional (aka love kids and in-laws) its the Indian in me. But as the author said, deciding what you as a woman is willing to tolerate when you enter a relationship that determines the kind of marriage you’ll have.

translator May 13, 2012 - 10:07 pm

Dear Rosie

I read through your article and i saw a lot of anger in it. As a true writer, you have to stay firm and deposit a fact without allowing it to conflict with your emotions. I have written about Marrying a Nigerian man in my website, you can read through it. i advised the foreigners too. Nigerian men are not devil as you have put it or Hitler.

Nigerians are fun loving, Kind hearted and warm people who know how to joke. Nigerian men do what other country men can’t do to their wives. Rosie what is the good side of Nigerian men? don’t they have any? I am a Nigerian and I am not hitler but before you marry someone, u have to check his culture to see if its something you can live with. Inter

mimi November 28, 2010 - 5:20 am

“My womb is your reproductive assembly line”(very funny)!

Jentayu November 14, 2009 - 12:32 am

Hmhhh……..I don't agree with give all the woman's earnings to the man, & let the man decide whow much the allowance should be t=for the woman……NO WAY………It's the man who should give his earnings to the woman, not the otherwise……..I'm not going to spend all my money on all of his family members….I have my own family members too……Please be realistic, WOMAN NEEDS TO BE RESPECTED, CARED AND LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY……In today's modern world, man & woman are equal in many aspect of life……….(Note: I do agree that man is the head of the house)

Ola October 15, 2009 - 10:34 pm

Love it! Great article. Very funny, but insightful

datuo March 27, 2009 - 9:18 pm

hey rosie. its been months u wrote this rib-cracker but i only just came across it and i just HAD to read nearly all your other articles.

GREAT writing sis.

i read the one about being an ibo woman. i am one myself. hope whatever i say wont sound patronizing but i just wanna say, PLEASE dont let yourself get bogged down by the pressure. at 31 or even at 39, you dont have to press yourself into marriage. marriage is only good with the right partner….thats d only way you are gonna be happy. dont mean perfect partner (non existent), but someone u love, who shares your values.

i know it can look bleak sometimes, but you just go about ur business and do all you can to live a full life.

the truth is that, 31 or whatever is still sooooooooooo young. it dont feel that way, till u get to like 40, or then 50.

as for biological clock, just try to ignore its loud ticking. afterall you are not likely to want more than one or two kids.

furthermore, ibo woman or not, all humans really search for love. its a human thing!!! its just that our nigerian families tend to lay it on so strong.

i wish you well. i cant wait to hear d happy ending cos there WILL be one. mark my words. just hang in there and count your MANY blessings which shine through your articles.

tonia March 11, 2009 - 6:45 pm

Men in general, “SLAVERY IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!”

Rosie December 22, 2008 - 7:12 pm

D. Jacobs…whoever you are, I love you. *smooches*

D. Jacobs December 20, 2008 - 11:33 pm

Laughed so hard at this write up. I tend to disagree with a coupla things because its mostly a generalization of how most of us Nigerian men act. Personally, i dont believe in a woman giving a man her entire salary and letting him control everything, i believe that both partners should have their respective accounts as well as a joint account. Their salaries should go to their individual account with each partner coming up with a prearranged amount to deposit in their joint account with the Man of course having to deposit a larger percentage to pay of the bills. Being in America changes u, cos u need to learn to adapt, u need to hang on to ur nigerianess but be willing to let go of most of the obsolete traditions that relegate women to the background. Though i havent being opportuned to date a nigerian gal for a few years- partly because i live in hick town-My firends are always peeved when i tell them am not going out this weekend or i can do this or that, because i believe u have to set a boundary between ur friends and ur relationship. I think we Nigerian men living in the diaspora should learn to evolve, times are changing, so please, please, treat your women right.

ezenwanyii November 19, 2006 - 11:15 pm

The secret to a good marriage is setting the ground rules from the beginning. If you expect your husband to kick-in when you're at school, ill or just plain ole tired, then groom him from the start. You say to him, "Oh My Papa, What would I do without you." Then when it is time to go to the mall, you give him the best love making the night before. When you ask, Sweetheart is it ok that I go shopping at the mall?" He would be putty in your hands and of course say, how long will you be gone, Darling? You of course, bring him something back, to let him know you were thinking of him. The trick is to let him think, he's in control. All along, you're the navigator. But it's ok, because your household is happy and you're still in love.

Dayo Oloosa October 28, 2006 - 10:48 pm

I agree with this writer.Men want to eat their cake and still have it. They want to ask you to pay 50/50 bills at home, but you still have to behave like those ancient mothers. Brother Michael, one doesn't have to wait to find a Nigerian man, there are other ethnic men out there in plethora, who are ready to respect and adore a woman and not to make that woman a door mat like you Nigerian colleague wants to. Congratulations if your wife or concubine does that to you brother Michael, I refuse to be in that door mat generation. Any you know what, I don't do all those jargons you wrote, but I am happily married in a mutual respect relationship.

Bisi Dayo October 28, 2006 - 10:32 pm

This is a very perfect comment.The author is very briliant.

jane October 28, 2006 - 4:56 pm

maybe i should have written this in Michael Oluwagbemi's own write up but it just felt appropriate to do so here. I am not a feminist oo infact I believe in the ancient ways of men and women having roles to play but I really don't get the young men of these days. I mean on one hand you want a woman who is like 'our mothers' and yet you want her to be modern , I mean you cant eat your cake and have it. In the days before now, did uyou hear our fathers tell our mothers that they must prepare dishes before they got married???? abi did you hear that they wanted to sample the woman forgive my language before they got married or is it the provision of food ,shelter and clothing they provided as a necessary part of marriage responsibilities. I understand that things have changed and so roles are interwined but abeg let men face it our fathers were more responsible than the crop of men we have running around and that my people is the issue. There are good Nigerian men oo and there are also very good Nigerian women just that people refuse to cut their coat according to their size for both men and women. You want a girl to be funky yet when you meet her at a night club, she is a bad girl. You want homely woman but as she no dey outgoing, she not too dey dress una say she bush wetin sef !!!!!

People should know their class and respect it , I think it would help us a lot and I dont mean money I mean kind of breeding, it would help a lot of our marriages

babycakes October 28, 2006 - 7:57 am

A very amusing take on an issue that peope so take far too seriously. I'm not a feminist but neither am I a doormat. Unfortunately I abandoned hope of meeting a Nigerian man who was able to make this distinction. Thank God I'm now married to a wonderful Irish man who adores and values me for me. In turn I am happy to take of his needs. The unfortunate thing is that too many nigerian men live in the past and look to how their mothers behaved. Times change and we all need to adjust and take note. Relationsips are now about reciprocality. Both partners need to pull their weight

obi, USA October 23, 2006 - 10:05 pm


This is a funny one about a serious issue. It's good to know that Michael and Rosie have the same point…….."decide for ourselves what we want in a man, in a relationship and out of life? You make your choices, stick to it and don't settle for less than you deserve." In the spirit of what's good for the goose………men need to decide what they want in their relationships.

If we can leave things at this, there would be no problem. Sadly people do not mind their business. The feminists are the worse culprits here. There are guys like that too, but in the minority. Nobody has any business pointing out to another person that his or her relationship is bad, simply because he chooses to cook for his wife, or because she does not mind taking care of her in-laws, etc. It boils down to that choice: what one decides to accomodate in ones relationship. And this should not be a third party's business. PERIOD.

Rose October 23, 2006 - 3:49 pm

This is quite useful!!! LOL!!!! October 23, 2006 - 1:16 pm

Delightfully witty response. However it won't help those who are hell bent on having those "Nigerian men".

Diayan October 23, 2006 - 9:25 am

and here I thought that Abraham Lincoln ended slavery….guess I was wrong!

BIGFEST October 23, 2006 - 8:25 am

Funny write-up to make a serious issue childish.Some of the said behaviours of a man in the article are exaggerated to paint the man as someone that caanot be satisfied.Take it or leave it,this is africa and the woman should know her limits if she wants to keep a good home.Afterall,a little "mumu" from both sides usually makes a home.I hope you will find a man soon.

Anonymous October 22, 2006 - 11:03 pm

So are you married now? Or is any of your 3 respondents above married and can verify those facinating theories?

Jade October 22, 2006 - 6:49 pm

I couldn't have put it better myself!

guest October 22, 2006 - 2:28 pm

lol.. it's funny, but it's the gospel truth

mistiblue88 October 22, 2006 - 10:59 am



Tellin' it like it 'tis 'tis 'tis!!!

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