When I read Michael Oluwagbemi’s article on how to keep a Nigerian Man, I smiled because I knew in his heart, he meant well. He was just watching out for us sisters. In fact, all things being equal, Michael’s article could really be expanded to be a very good “How To” book for every Nigerian Woman. Well, all things are not equal. So my dear sisters, to really be able to hook a Nigerian man, you can practice brother Michael’s ideologies – then you afterwards, wise up, get smart and do more than he advises.
To get and keep a Nigerian man you need to more than learn how to cook. You have to bite your tongue when he criticizes a meal he does not particularly like, even though you spent hours on your feet trying to get it just right, after spending eight to ten hours at work. You must not only bite your tongue, you must suffer in silence when his jolly friends find their way to your house to share in the bounty, meaning you will have to perhaps do this all over again tomorrow, since they will probably clean their plates, ask for seconds and make sure the pot is empty before leaving your house. You must also learn to never whine and say, “Honey, can you cook tonight, I feel like I have a fever coming and I need to lie down. “No!Never!And leave him to fend for himself? Abomination. Suck it up, the fever can wait, your man needs to eat. Take your shivering, fever-ridden behind to the kitchen and cook up a storm.
To get and keep a good Nigerian man, you must not only be a graduate in the art of culture. You have to have a Ph. D. in the art of pretending to love his family to no matter what they say or do to you. Don’t criticize his brother that can’t seem to find and keep a job. Pretend not to notice his sister borrows your clothes and forgets to return them. Forget the small loan you made to his cousin. Always make sure you serve yourself last during family dinners. Spend all your money every Christmas buying things for his siblings, mother, father, uncle, cousins, grandfather, grandmother, second cousins, next-door neighbor he grew up with, friend he went to boarding school with … don’t forget the strange sexy woman he calls his cousin that no other member of his family seem to know. Yes, she has to get a special thoughtful gift. Oh yes, never let them know you really don’t give a rat’s tuckus about them. This is just part of your ploy to marry Mr. Right. Your goal is to be known as “the girl that is so nice, she is just right for our son.”
Please sisters; it is a requirement to always be feminine at all times. Always let him have the last word, even though his arguments make no sense. Smile and say, “sweet heart, you are right. You are always right. That’s why I love you. “Don’t attempt to take over the finances even though you have a degree in accounting and he barely made it through Mathematics in his WAEC exams. By all means, let him control the check book. Give your earnings to him and let him take care of all the bills. Whatever he decides should be your allowance, let it be so. If he wants to go and spend time with his friends, ask if you can drive and drop him off so he does not have to drink and drive. Don’t forget to ask when you can pick him up. If you want to spend time with your friends, please always ask for permission. You never know when his social calendar will require you to stay home. Just check with him to make sure.
This is very important: NEVER, EVER, let your man catch you with a hammer or a nail ready to fix anything. It is one of the scariest things a man can ever see – a woman who can fix things. Haba! That will bring about Armageddon! Don’t even let him know where Home Depot is. Wait for him to get around to fixing the garage door. It doesn’t matter that you are expecting ten inches of snow.He will get to it when he will get to it. After all, you have home-owners insurance abi? If he brings up marriage and children, don’t appear too eager.Be coy. When he says he would like seven children, don’t laugh and ask, “in what world?” Smile happily and say, “my womb is your reproductive assembly line.”
In short my dear sisters, it is easy to get and keep a good Nigerian man. I have seen it done so many times. Problem is most of the time is spent living his life, instead of yours. You just have to ask yourselves – when will we realize we have the power to decide for ourselves what we want in a man, in a relationship and out of life? You make your choices, stick to it and don’t settle for less than you deserve. God will do the rest. And if God forgets to check in on you from to time to time to find out how your search is going, call brother Michael.