Nigeria’s loss to Argentina at the 2018 world cup in Russia made me weak. I do not know why, given our world cup history, I should have expected anything but another loss with Messi on the field against Nigeria again. I am going to use some expressions to describe this now. As a writer I love the English language in its loftiness and its vulgarity. My native Yoruba is a beautiful language too. But most folks of my generation are only conversant with its watered down cosmopolitan version.
Nigeria is like a ravishing beauty that keeps attracting the soccer greats. And just as great beauty stirs deep emotions in virile men, Nigeria keeps making soccer greats hard in the loins. Nigeria has always been the bitch that makes Argentina hard – and Argentina has never failed to screw Nigeria when they have met in the world cup. What makes all of this so uncanny, is how Naija keeps coming up against countries that have the world’s best player in their lineup. And they hardly ever fail to explode with a goal.
Roberto Baggio was once the best player in the world and the most good-looking footballer too. Looking glorious like a Roman god, he wore a pony tail to prepare for his date with Nigeria, as he donned the immortal number 10 jersey that has become celebrated in world cup lore as the insignia of the world’s best footballers, after Brazil’s Pele made it his imprimatur. Baggio looked refined like a gentleman eager to please and impress his date. But don’t be deceived by a stud’s good looks. When muff is laid bare before him, he will tear it up like it’s the last time he will ever be with a beauty again. It was as if the legend found his waning vigor with a boost by Naija’s near virginity as she made her debut in world cup territory. She was with the big boys now, and Baggio got to show her what big boys do: leave you in the dust, royally screwed. So, when his nation, Italy, came up against Nigeria at the world cup in 1994, you bet Baggio got to screw his Naija bitch. After getting a good screw with two goals in the net, he sent Naija home in tears.
Nigeria always gets Messi hard. Naija is like that nubile woman that shows up when it almost appears your thing is no longer functioning because you have been shagging the same old one for seven years. Then shows up Nigeria, which gets Messi hard again. Yes, Naija did not only get Messi’s dick hard, as he showed us Messi magic and why he is better than CR7 on his good day, but he scored and ejaculated into his Naija bitch ending his world cup goal drought like an 18-year-old on snatch.
And how poetic that watching from the stands, was the only man other than Messi that can boast of the title “greatest Argentine footballer of all time”: Diego Maradona, another former world’s best player. Advanced in football age, as he played his last match in his last world cup outing in the U.S.A., Maradona got a hard on against Nigeria too. And you bet, he made Naija his bitch before Messi did. Although he did not score, but Maradona magic came on full display and he set up the pass for Claudio Caniggia to ejaculate twice into the Naija minge. Like an old washed out soldier left with his nostalgic memories of when he screwed a nubile beauty in his prime, Maradona reclined wistfully as Argentina now safely banked on the young buck Messi to do his trick and make Naija their bitch again.
The score was Argentina 2 and Nigeria 1 in the world cup of 1994. Twenty-four years later, nothing has changed. A little squat Argentine wearing number 10 is acclaimed the best player in the world, and with a sumptuous display on the pitch he satisfies his itch for Naija snatch. With the score line the same, Argentina still got a good screw when she met Nigeria.