So What If Your Man Cheats On You? Big Deal!

by Michael Oluwagbemi II

The other day, I was involved in the usual banter with some of my female friends (strictly friends), who have made it their life mission to convince me to institutionalize myself. Somehow, I have a feeling that either these babes were paid off by my mother to torture me or they have a desperate sister they are seeking to hook me up with. But in the course of their usual arm twisting tactics, which usually start from asking questions and eventually end up in those long sermons of how marriage is the best thing after toast bread (forgetting that at least one of them is convinced that her husband is the he-devil). In any case, at least you will expect this ogbonge married chics to know one or two things about marriage but alas, it appears they have been drinking the same water most people drink from.For the purpose of this conversation we shall call these my female accomplices Chikito. Our conversation went thus:

Me: Why do women marry?

Chikito 1: Because they have found Mr. Right

Chikito 2: Says who?

Me: Says Chikito 1…assuming she is wrong, why you marry your man?

Chikito 2: Because he is loving, level headed and funny

Me: No be money dey make man funny? I am sure quite a bunch of women thought Idi Amin was a funny man…didn’t they?

Chikito 3: Im don start with im yeye politics be dat? Make una leave am? Why you no wan marry?

Chikito 1: Because he is not done playing the field…

Chikito 2: Or because im money never reach…

Me: You see what am saying…kedu woman, Na money go kill you

Chikito 1: And that one nko…me I be Calabar woman, but for money – I no run

Me: I already know you….$500 coach bag, $900 Gucci- which poor man fit afford you?

Chikito3: her husband is poor…

Me: Yes he is, that is why he is the most popular face in Harlem knight on Tidwell (popular strip club in Houston)

Chikito 1: You, you better stop…my husband don’t cheat- he is not like you men. My honey bun is different

Me: buaahahaha (reeks in laughter) – everyone thinks their own is different. I guess those stories we hear na fiction now…I no be man?

Chikito 2: Me I can’t stay with a cheating man o…

Me: Why?

Chikito 3: (cuts in..), so will you stay with a cheating wife?

Me: You people should answer the question…instead of gallivanting around the whole place…why can’t you stick in a marriage with a man that cheated on you?

Chikito 2: I simply will not be happy?

Me: (laughs)…show me one person that got divorced and is happy thereafter? In fact one of my friends in DC, Sabella specializes in giving “it” to unhappy divorced women seeking peace in the arms of pot-bellied loafers like him

Chikito 3: Hmmm…na wa for school?

Chikito 2: No mind am; stupid chauvinist pig

Me: So I am now a Chauvinist for not supporting dismantling the family? A minute ago you were encouraging me to get married…so now, na divorce you dey advocate?

Chikito 2: I am not a divorce advocate, I am just anti-cheating

Me: Can a polygamous man cheat?

Chikito 1: Here we go again…go marry

Me: Not until you tell me one problem I have now that marriage will solve.

Chikito 3: Na lie, one will soon tie you down

Me: After she signs pre-nup and I take out a life insurance on her…

Chikito 1: Serial killer…

Group Bursts out laughing…and moves on to other matters

The 3 Myths of Marriage:

1. It will solve your problem and make you happy thereafter
2. If you are not happy with your marriage, divorce! You will be happy thereafter
3. My hubby will never cheat!

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KarriLouAustin July 18, 2008 - 6:28 pm


terry September 3, 2007 - 9:49 am

It was okay. I think the bottom line is that true Christians believe in marriage. Also those who fornicate will be destroyed by Jehovah God. And we do have alot of people in Nigeria serving Jehovah and also who have great marriages.

Anonymous July 7, 2007 - 6:39 pm

i love it

Anonymous May 23, 2007 - 5:20 am

Funny story, but I think this sorry should have a more befitting title

nubian princess May 8, 2007 - 9:40 pm

The headline of this article is in poor taste. It got my attention, but after reading it all I can say is that the trust that is broken when a spouse cheats is not to be taken lightly.

Weird that a single person that has not experienced marital unfaithfulness should be writing this article.

"3. My hubby will never cheat!" is not a myth, it is a fair expectation. It comes with the territory. The sad fact that people cheat guiltlessly in our world does not make it OK.

Rosie May 7, 2007 - 1:52 pm

Busanga, will you stay with a woman who cheated on you?

Sheila May 7, 2007 - 2:02 am

Married is a mutually beneficial arrangement, lets keep it real. Divorce is so high because to many people have this idealistic view of what marriage is all about. As for the first comment, I don't think you understand the type of marriage you are getting into. You are simply being used by a Nigerian man to gain passage into this country and thats ok as long you understand the true meaning of this relationship. I can tell though that you really love him, but he has a purpose. I can tell that you don't have much experience in Nigerian culture. I do hope for your sack however that you can turn that arrangement into something good, it is possible. As I have already mentioned that is the perfect example of a beneficial relationship. I believe strongly in marriage and love however, I think that if you go into it with the wrong thinking you will be in trouble. Let me give you my reasons for marrying. First because he is my best friend, we have a mutual love and respect for one another. Our financial goals also have to be in tune with one another because when you get married everything needs to be put out on the table especially finances and credit even if there is a lack of because if you go into this blind thinking that he or she has their affairs in order you may be quite surprised. Last but not least and should be first having a love for god that you both share because this is the foundation that will hold this marriage together when challenges come your way and they will. Now as for people who think that their men would not cheat, honey please wake up there are very few men and even some women who don't entertain that thought and maybe act on it and it is not always because their partner is not doing something right, men will be men. However,what women need to understand is that if your man is handling his affairs correctly through loving and respecting his wife and making sure that household affairs are in order you might want to think twice before divorce. Never tell your man this, but I always say what I don't know can't hurt me. This means as long he is not disrespecting me or our home, no off hour disrespectful phone calls, no one coming to tell me I saw your man doing this, then frankly I do not have time to stress over anything. This is the the deal breaker though ladies, if he does cheat first talk to him, talk to god, not your friends that won't help that just creates other issues. When all that fails one thing that men should understand is that what is good for the goose is also good for the gander so try hard and pray harder not to hurt someone in a way that you yourself would not want to be hurt. Lots of love making and communication is the key to a great marriage along with both people working hard at your careers so that their is less financial stress, thus allowing you to really enjoy each other after all this person is not just your spouse he should be your best friend, the person that has your very best interest at heart at all times. Love to all god bless.

Bola May 6, 2007 - 6:39 pm

My brother, let me educate you!

Marriage is for companionship. The Bible says "it is not good for man to be alone". If it was good, God would not have said that.

2. The Bible also says "he that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord".

Marriage if done with the right (mind you not perfect but right) person for you is the closest thing to heaven on earth. When you meet and marry your best friend, sister, mother, lover, confidante, counselor, expert chef etc all rolled in one, my brother you would never want to do anything to hurt her…..cheating included!

Reply May 5, 2007 - 8:29 pm

I read your article because the title grabbed my attention. Mind you that I am newly married. I am an African American woman, and I flew to Lagos, Nigeria and married a Nigerian man. I love him with all my heart. Just last week, I received my Approval Notice for he and my stepson to come to America. So when I saw your title, I wanted to see what you had to say.

I had a little trouble reading some of the dialect, for it was written the way, I assume, you and your female friends said it. You are a good writer (otherwise), but I must admit, for an African American, it appears like "broken English". That is the reason I rated this the way I did, for if I am struggling to read it, then it has lost some of its effect (although I think by using that dialect you wanted to give the feel of the true conversation). I just struggled in those parts though (sorry).

Is marriage the secret to true happiness, no I do not believe so. I believe you should not expect the word, "marriage" itself to bring happiness to your life. But if the two people who are marrying are ready to be married, mature, responsible, and have similiar goals, I believe they stand a better chance at finding happiness with one another. You must "first" be happy about who you are as an individual before you can be happy with someone else. That is so very important.

I enjoyed reading about your profile.


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