Dialogue with a Random Republican ‘Christian’

republican christian

“For my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” (Hosea 4: 6)

Curiosity: Why is it that your party is against social reform policies for the poor, weak and vulnerable contrary to the dictates of the bible, which many of you claim to believe in as Christians?

Republican Christian: The bible says let no man eat, if he does not work. It is a clear survival of the fittest philosophy in the bible. And God has just endowed some people to be fitter than others. If you can show me it [sic], where it says so in the bible to just give people handouts, then I will agree with you. But you see you can’t, because it does not say that anywhere in the bible.

Curiosity: It says in many places in the bible that society, should have compassion on the poor. There are examples and instructions on how to accomplish this in the bible. One instance is in Acts 2: 45, where it says the rich “sold their possessions and goods, and distributed them to all, and to each, according to his need.” And I have just quoted that.

Republican Christian: Really? It says that? Nope, I am not buying that snake oil. That is a fake quote from a fake bible.

Curiosity: But no sir. There are even more instances of equality and caring for the poor in the Christian bible. In Acts 2: 44, it says, all the people, “had everything in common.”

Republican Christian: That’s blasphemy. That’s socialism. It’s what all you commie liberals have been learning up in college.

Curiosity: Not at all sir. I’ve got news for you: actually, it is the authoritative King James Version of the bible, which historically has been the most widely accepted translation of the bible for centuries.

Republican Christian: Nope. I am not going to accept any of that fake news. That’s what you are all peddling these days: fake news. That’s just fake history that y’all are just making up as you go along.

Curiosity: Not at all sir. In fact, many famous and revered historians have lauded the commissioning of the King James Bible translation, which was undertaken by the most revered writers and scholars of the era. They were assembled for the task from all over the world.

Republican Christian: There you go again peddling that snake oil. Why would I be deceived by a fake bible, made up by fake people, all living in a fake world. That is what it is: it is all a fake world. And Jesus better come quick, because this is a sign of the end times! The end of the world has come, just as Jesus said it would.

Curiosity: But how do you know that—that the end of the world will come?

Republican Christian: Well, I read it in the bible. As a matter of fact, I have it right here on me, inside my briefcase. Let me show it to you.

Curiosity: What version of the bible do you have, if I may ask?

Republican Christian: Let me see…
He reaches into his briefcase, and pulls out a threadbare, burgundy bible.

Republican Christian: Well, it says right here: well I’ll be…It’s the King James Version.

You may also like

Leave a Comment