Dream Man: Is It Really Wishful Thinking?

by Vera Ezimora

Is it really wishful thinking to actually believe I would end up with my dream man? I guess that depends on who my dream man is. Well, I dream of a Nigerian man (at least six years older than me and educated) that would love me day, afternoon and night. I dream of a man that would love me on day one, and love me as much or even more on day ten thousand when we are wrinkly and old. I dream of a man that would bring me a rose for no reason; he does not have to do this every week or every month, but once in a while. I dream of a man that would hold my hand whenever we go out; I dream of a man that would be proud to have me as his woman. I dream of a man that would find me enough for him, and not have the need to run after another woman. Tell me, is that too much to ask for? I dream of a man that would occasionally sit with me in the kitchen to keep me company while I’m cooking (after all, he will open his wide mouth and gladly let the food pass through his esophagus), and I also dream of a man that would know and understand me inside and outside. I dream of a man that would be wise enough to show and teach our children the right examples. Tell me, is this a wishful thought? I dream of a man who would not hit me out of anger, or call me names. I dream of a man who would want my success as much as he wants his. I dream of a man who would not be an alcohol, cigarette or drug user, and I also dream of a man who is God-fearing and family and career driven. Am I still thinking wishfully? I dream of a man that would respect me and not treat me like a grocery bag from the dollar store; I dream of a man that would trust me and be confident in our union and know that there isn’t anything I would need from any man that he already does not give me. I dream of a man who I can tell all my dreams and fears and he will not throw it back in my face, and I dream of a man who I can talk to all day and night and not feel the least bit bored. I dream of a man that would not make me start pulling my hairs out or seriously start considering chewing a bottle for lunch because of his inability to stop pissing me off. I dream of a man who would love to hear my voice first thing in the morning and last thing in the night instead of his news station. Finally, I dream of a man who is undeniably dreaming of me right now and “wishfully thinking” I am dreaming of him too.

If God could create King Solomon full of wisdom, Daniel full of faith, David full of courage, Joseph full of generosity, and Jesus full of love, then why not a Nigerian man full of Vera’s dreams? In the past, people have often called my dreams “wishful thinking”, but God in his infinite mercy has made them all reality, so why not this one? Can someone tell me that there is no single Nigerian man on the face of God’s green earth that can do all of the above? Apart from causing heart ache and producing the key ingredient for making babies, what else can men do? Well, I refuse to settle for less. I do not want a man who is only called a man because of the package he carries between his legs; I want a man who is my man. Life is too short and marriage is too long, so even if I can settle for a shoe from payless because of the unavailability of funds to buy one from Bloomingdale’s, I cannot do the same for my man. He’s got to be designers, and I’m not talking Kenneth Cole or Calvin Klein ‘cause those are cheap and common; I’m talking designers that will only make one brand and one item that has not even been heard of, and that one brand and one item is mine and no one else’s. Is this still wishful thinking?

I do not think this is wishful thinking because I know that one day I would make a great wife to a great designers’ man, and he has to meet me half way. I’ll be that wife that men believe do not exist anymore; do not get me wrong, I do not mean I will become a computerized robot who only hears the commands of her husband, but rather I would love and nurture him so much, he will not know what hit him. But do you know what wishful thinking really is? Wishful thinking is when you believe a man will change…. Ha! That will not happen; hell would have to freeze over and a midget would be able to reach the top shelf at a “Big n Tall” store before a man changes, which is why it is not one of my dreams.

I would love to continue writing, but you have to excuse me; I have to go think wishfully… it has really been paying off. (Maybe I should wishfully think of winning ten billion dollar lottery.) At the rate it has been paying off, you all need to watch out for part II, which would be me finding this dream man of mine; my soul mate in every shape and form. It is never complete if it is not a trilogy, so after that, you can watch out for Part III (Operation ‘Marry My Soul Mate’). Off I go to find him; as you know, there is a huge scarcity of soul mates in the market these days (I wonder if like gas, it has anything to do with the war in Iraq).

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Prince April 25, 2007 - 6:53 pm

Insightful analysis. However, a man with all you subscribe to here may not really exist. Psychiatry calls some of these assumptions and fantacies "delusional ideation" Good job for stiring my imagination.

rarevaluablebeing September 12, 2006 - 9:08 am

Dear Vera, I really wish that things were as black and white as you write. Unfortunately the greys dominate.

Anonymous August 27, 2006 - 4:10 pm

Vera, Vera, Vera. I love your articles and to think I just discovered you a few days ago.

You have expressed the dreams of so many women so beautifully. It may not sound realistic to a lot of people but God will surely give us the desires of our hearts.

Dream on Girl!

William May 13, 2006 - 6:31 pm

Once again, can't believe I'm up at 4am in a foreign land reading Vera Ezimora! Great work, Vera, you are a breath of fresh air!!!

Anonymous November 9, 2005 - 5:40 pm

good work once again…and so like Vera.May u find this man that elicited such a thoughtful article.Cheers.

Anonymous November 4, 2005 - 1:48 pm

hello vera,

good job mate! i have a strange feeling i should think like you. i know it will work. if you believe God and tell Him this is what u want, telling Him about david and solomon etc. i'm afraid but we'll be getting parts 2 and 3 sooner than later. i really enjoyed reading this piece. cheers. smashing work. brilliant!

smokeysmokey48238@yahoo.com November 1, 2005 - 6:42 pm

Vera Vera Vera. You and I are so alike. However I woke up years ago. You see it is almost impossible to find a man with all those qualities (okay I'll not sugar coat this) it is hard – period. Men come in packages. One man could have two or three packages out of the ten you want others may have five out of ten. But I have never met any man with all ten or even eight out of ten. So my dear prioritize your list and work your way from the top to the bottom. Don't worry Mr Almost Right will be around the corner.

Anonymous October 30, 2005 - 11:27 pm

When you are young you have a lot of dream. You will be more pragmatic when the time elapse. If you want to meet the man of your heart the first you should love and understand yourself enough the second you should know essense of love. I think good men all around the world the linchpin is whether you have eyes bright enough to find them.

Anonymous October 30, 2005 - 2:19 pm

i think i fit all the criteria in the above article.i am your dream man lol.i reckon i am 5 years younger than you though.i'm sure you dont mind a toyboy.

Anonymous October 26, 2005 - 4:00 am

thank you for given us update we all love it.am proud to be nigeria

Godwin October 25, 2005 - 7:56 pm

Complete situations are hard to come by nevertheless they are not impossible. Have you seen the sky so bright without silver linning. It is not impossible to find your dream man but it is quite possible for your dream man to also have inadequacies you may never envisage in your illusions real inadequacies that may cause some heart ache.

Have you heard statments like my husband is a good man the only problem is that he talks too much. Some will say too quiet some will complain of hyper libido etc.These issues does not necessarily make one a bad woman or a bad man but they are things partners have to put up with. Our ability to tolerate tolerable inadiquacies of our partner goes a long way to make or mar our relationships. However tolerable inadequacies is a relative thing.


Anonymous October 25, 2005 - 5:39 pm

Lol..very funny hope you are all u ask for. The reason why there is no Nigerian man that fulfils your requirement is because there are no Nigerian women that fulfils thesame including u. Life is about give and take- u are better off being realistic and stick with what you got- and pray for a man that is all you could not wish him to be and everything God wants him to be…I can imagine

sabella abidde October 25, 2005 - 11:21 am

Wishful thinking! What makes you think she is looking What makes you think I am looking Still nice try on your part. May December isnt exactly a good mix. Thanks for your comments though.

Anonymous October 25, 2005 - 8:07 am

Hi Vera; you may wanna hook-up with Sebella.

Most times what we are looking for is right under our nose. I commented on Sebella ficticious article on "In love with the President's daughter" which I think was an excellent write-up.

Anonymous October 24, 2005 - 3:32 pm

The writer is not only articulate in her thoughts of a good man but has challenged me to examine what I've settled for.

Anonymous October 24, 2005 - 8:43 am

Dreams do come true you just need to recognise them when they do.


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