Everything! While “most Nigerians are still not comfortable with public display of affection…” according to Sabella or “engage in endearing practices like candlelight dinners, flower giving, romantic walk by the lake or park…” These are some of the common ways for an Oyinbo man to let a loved one know that he or she is loved. However, I don’t always get flowers or candlelight dinners… I don’t need them when most times during our after dinner walk; John would reach for my hand, or put his arm around my shoulders (some actions speak louder than flowers). Occasionally, he might taunt me into chasing him up the hill like a mad woman with a daring “I’ll race ya” or “see you in the funny papers,” just to tick me off. He must know that an over forty woman with a petite frame is no ” fair” match for an athletic six-two- footer with the build of a Navy seal sergeant on a reconnaissance mission.
GOOFY AS CAN BE
Further, an Oyinbo man is quite comfy cracking jokes and pulling pranks on his wife, friends, and kids. My husband is not ashamed to act silly with his loved ones at all times…yes, even in public! Just the other day, while we were at a county playground, I watched him playing hide and seek with our children and some of their friends while I pushed my youngest daughter on a swing set. Afterwards, we all ventured off towards some grassy area and took turns sitting on a large piece of cardboard, sliding down the hill, screeching with excitement! A Nigerian man would not be caught dead rolling around playfully on the ground with a bunch of kids unless there’s a medical condition for that behavior. Am I right? No pun intended here!
How’s the SEX life?
Wouldn’t you just love to know! But I’m taking the fifth on this one.Nigerians generally don’t kiss and tell…or do they? Well, since this is probably the only area that interests some of you when you ask, “What’s it like?” I’ll spill a little. Let’s just say, “My wish is his command” and vice versa.He scratches my back- I scratch his!Sometimes the menu calls for an appetizer before the “main course”, other times we’re both content with a satisfying side dish. My stomach is always full (forget the myth).My eyes never wander. What happens in the closest stays in the closest!What transpires in the bedroom stays behind closed doors. What crops up on the kitchen countertop like that pulse-racing scene in “Basic instinct” is up to your power of imagination!
To wrap things up, John and I share a lot of common interests and have dabbled in many ventures as a team. Stock trading! CD Designing and Mastering! Recording Studio! Stage Performance and Touring! (Thanks to him, I can now pick up any guitar and strum a few cool tunes.) We both love the great outdoors and still go hiking in the mountains on the weekends. At times we engage the children in a family game of badminton in our backyard. We train together in our home gym and he enjoys showing me a few self-defense moves. He also handles a great portion of our grocery shopping if I’m busy with other commitments. Every so often, he and I would swing from one super market to another looking for deals and “on sale” bargains.
Anyhow, at an early age, I used to observe and compare the rapport between my parents, to my aunts, uncles and their spouses. It was obvious to me that most of my relatives were simply making do with less than they had hoped for. But I wanted more! And to their credit, I knew exactly the type of man I didn’t want as a husband and father to my children. What I wanted was a man that was considerate, civil, light-hearted, witty, easy going and devoted to me. I wanted a man that would lift me up rather than tear me down. I envisioned a man that would always inspire and challenge me to break new grounds or remind me that I should “never let the fear of striking out hold me back.” I wanted a man that could always make me beam instead of frowning (He may annoy the heck out of me or make me want to pull out my hair from time to time…what man doesn’t have that affect on a woman?). Above all, I wanted a relationship that would transcend RACE and GENDER with a husband that would always place the welfare of our children and me somewhere at the top of his priority list!
If you have a clear picture of your ideal mate or the type of lifestyle that might complement your personal preferences, no one has the right to stand in your way. You may have to go for it! You may have to wait patiently. Although the grass may seem greener in someone else’s lawn; but make no mistake; there are different strokes for different folks. And if everything you’ve read thus far never crosses your mind ever again, I sincerely hope that you would always remember this… When it comes to choosing your partner, life’s too short to settle for less!
P.S. After reading the first draft of this piece, which was originally intended to contrast a Naija man (based on what I’ve read and heard) and an Oyinbo man (based on my personal experiences) my husband asked “why do people always focus on the negative sides of Nigerian men? No man is perfect!”
He added, “Nigerian men are ambitious hardworking go-getters who do not sit around waiting for handouts. Most of the ones I know are polite. Many came here with very little or nothing; yet, within a few years they manage to make something of themselves and you need to focus on that!”
Whew! I would have, but with Bolanle’s most recent piece “Nigerian men…The good, The bad, The ugly!” I was apparently a day too late and a dollar short!
P.S. From our home to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!