Successful and Proud Of It: A Response to Sabella Abidde

It was always a dream of mine. A dream that eventually placed me in a stressful situation. For years I prayed that the day would come when I would be considered successful.I envied the rich and famous and viewed them as successful. I held steady to my jobs as daytime Dog Catcher and nighttime Private Bodyguard. I wasn’t initially pleased with what I did for a living until I realized to be successful; one has to be proud of what he or she did. I was proud to be a DCPB. I was bulky but not particularly well toned or structured in an athletic form.At 6’4, 345 pounds I towered over a lot of people and could be pretty intimidating in size. Though the most obvious bulging part of my body was my stomach, I was still intimidating in stature.

I was hired as a bodyguard based on my menacing size alone. To compliment my size in case I ever got challenged physically, I took to Karate. An outstanding sport it was. However, the intensity, speed and outrageous fast-paced metabolism that it brought to me were too much to handle so I quit after three months. Interestingly though, within three months I learnt to defend and take down. That means I learnt to weave my hands strategically in slow, circular motions, position them in a defensive way and tactfully take down potential opponents if the need ever arose. The good news is I have never had to use them. My practice routine has been steady in front of my mirror. Admittedly, the additional reasons I dropped out of training were the cost of membership and food that was required to replenish my body after each exercise. It was costing me a lot of money to feed myself and in my drive to be successful I had to ensure that I maintained my 4500 calories per day food intake at very minimum cost.

Anyway, before I digressed, I finally can be deemed successful as indicated by all the great changes and accomplishments in my life. I currently have a sport car with a moon roof. It is a 2-seater, 1984 Ford EXP. Most folks think it is a Corvette because of all the upgrades I have implemented. I smartly took off the Ford and EXP logos and glued on a Corvette sign. I spent $3,000 installing customized spinners on it (got to have the special wheels) as a sport car with no spinners is like a Jet Plane with no gas. I purchased a set of leather clothing like the Hollywood guys and practiced to walk like the rich and famous. I started drinking Starbucks coffee to make me feel special though I can’t stand the taste. At times, I would make my own coffee and simple empty it into a Starbuck cup.

I now have a savings account with some solid cash in it. Conventional wisdom says we must have six months earning in reserve and I have over $8,000 saved up recognizing the cost of my shared room is only $375 per month including utilities. Some of my friends are starting to envy my newfound success. They are probing into my actions and sudden high level of confidence and I have to control my pride to remain connected to them. My Dog Catcher job is going great and I have been able to connect with more people than I thought possible. What is it with people and dogs? The razor sharp teeth of dogs could spell doom for most folks but yet, each time I bring back one of those canine runaways the owner acts as if I am the best person on earth.

Oh, by the way, before I digressed again, I finally realized that I am a success when I suddenly received three credit card solicitations. What a blast.I was so excited that I flexed my muscles till they hurt. I had to pluck down a couple of 600 mg Motrin tablets. Well, I feel like I can afford anything I want. It takes very little to please me. I am actually thinking of a career change as a nightclub bouncer. Now, that will bring the recognition fast.

With my newfound achievements, my car, savings, ability to buy anything I want and all the recognition and more, I have no regret that I dropped out of high school. Most weak folks thought I will never make it but here I am a self-made success story. So my their friend Sabella, success comes to those that work hard and are willing to proclaim, “I have made it.” In my case, I made it and became successful all in my mind and the world embraced my new found success.

I will draft the secret to self-success after I catch the next fierce-looking dog and practice my karate. Oh, I also need to get a new set of super-thick gloves as a Rat Terrier almost chewed up the last set I had during a routine duty call. This cross breed of Fox Terrier and Manchester Terrier could be very loving but sometimes vicious when you cross it.

Ciao.

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Cynthia Okodede
Cynthia Okodede
Cynthia Okodede is a statistician who enjoys writing for fun. A recent graduate of AAU Ekpoma, her goal is to write satires that could make people laugh and relax. She views her writing as a process that could change the way people approach life, without all the seriousness and stress. When Heraclitus uttered the words "the only constant is change" in 500 BC he wasn't envisioning the current speed of change. Cynthia doesn't expect a rapid change either because of her articles. A gradual shift is good enough

5 COMMENTS

  1. So, I guess the moral of the story is to enjoy what you do and be smart about your money … and success will follow. Well, it seems easy when you put it that way.

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