The Untalented Mr Woodrow

by Uche Nworah

I’m having a bad day at work, my nerves are barely holding together as a result of work pressure and this creepy moron’s email pops up again on my mail box, I have been spamming his emails since 2004 but he or she keeps opening new ones. What sort of stupid and ludicrous proposal is this? He appears to be getting more desperate and now chain emails, sometimes storming my box with 5 emails at a time. I’m really going crazy with this chap and wish I could just grab his neck some how.

I have tried calling his number (08036743028) to give him a piece of my mind but haven’t been able to get through, I’m now wondering if maybe its just me, am I being paranoid or is there anyone out there that is also being harassed by this fool? This jerk can see from my name that I’m Nigerian, and that I would never fall for his con because I’m not a mugu, but for some reasons he won’t give up. Does anybody please have any ideas how I can disentangle myself from the stupid Mr Woodrow?

Unlike the smart Matt Damon in the scam movie The Talented Mr Ripley, Mr Woodrow is very untalented in his game, he has been sending me the same message now for months, maybe it is the non-personal nature of his proposals that is getting to me, and I’m tired of reading the same rubbish from him. If he was smart he should have tried something new and see if I would fall to his bait.

Below is Mr Woodrow’s storyline.


I pray you receive the email, I really want to make new friends in Nigeria. I am a staff of the U.K High Commission. I have been working at the Consule in Canada. I was posted to Nigeria in December 2005.I have really enjoyed my stay over here.

Have you been to Abuja? The Capital of Nigeria is unique, though I am yet to make friends outside the Diplomatic community. I have really enjoyed the Country and the people have diverse Culture and are hardworking. I really miss my family and friends in Canada. My Wife

Tessy has been calling me. She works for a Telecommunication firm in Nova Scotia. I want her to visit me next month I also want you to apply for the Integrated U.K Visa programme. It is meant for working class and people with previous working experience Send your Full name ,age ,date of birth ,height ,weight, evidence of previous working experience and academic qualification. Send it as a comprehensive resume.

Send it through

Reply and tell me more about Nigeria ,the people and your immediate Environment.I want to meet new people and learn more about the people of Nigeria.

My contact phone at The High commission is 08036743028.


Brant Woodrow

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Greene Eleagu May 29, 2006 - 12:13 pm

Gives one the impression of one willing to learn about and enjoy Nigeria.

Anonymous March 9, 2006 - 12:51 am

That was either the funniest or the saddest thing I have ever read. If you have not already corrected this concern, try sening the same irratating form of email back. Over and over again. Put it on your list of thngs to do right after you come out the smallhouse. LMAO. PS I really enjoy your articles..have a stellar day.

Anonymous March 4, 2006 - 2:51 pm

I get emails like that all the time.Soliciting emails that bring bile to my throat.I just delete them but they keep coming.Nothing seems to block them so now I just ignore them.


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