Una Neva Travel Go Home?

If you dey read dis article, na him be say you self don tanda like Atanda Musa for inside your place of abode for Ala Bekee. How I take know? Well, like say you don go Nigeria, I sure say na for village you go dey now, and me know say for some villages, internet never reach there. Even if e don reach, I no sure say to read article for website go be your most pressing problem. Person wey dey live abroad wey manage go home dey behave like dog wey dem comot for him leash. Na so e go dey gbazaquine, dey jam body because him no say dem go soon come put the leash back.

You see wetin you cause for yourself, no be person do you, na you do yourself, the time wey u dey pack your load comot for Nigeria, dem force you? Now you don come see as e be, the time wey dem dey warn you, dey tell you say see as e be, you gree listen? That ozu wey you want kill, you don kill am now, abi?

Now, oyi winter don land, your mates dem don dey prepare to go home, some self don scatter for ground for village dey plan how many goats dem go slaughter that day, wetin you come dey do? You don dey plan how you want collect double shift from the oyibo wey you dey work with, as per say na double pay. Nothing spoil sha, no be only you, me ma wey dey yarn, you for ask me wetin me self dey do for here reach now, abi my mates dem never go finish? Na power? Like say you no know wetin dem Virgin Nigeria and British Airways dey charge for ticket this kind time, make dem dey go first, I dey come later.

Na so my phone don dey ring since, “Uche, you dey come back?” “When you dey land make we come carry you for Murtala?” Me no send person o! No be only Uche dem dey wait for, if dem like make dem dey wait for Bishop Nwanyanwu, ewo lo kan mi nbe.  if dem like, make dem go Aminu Kano, abi na Nnamdi Azikiwe go dey wait for me, na dem go tire. Like say na tree leaves dem dey take buy plane ticket, you go buy for yourself, buy for your family, and then you go come buy gifts, put ego for pocket. Once you don go enjoy finish for yonder and return back for January, na dat time e go clear you for eye, especially those wey chop their ike. I swear if you dey live abroad, to visit home dem dey plan am like person wey want build house for village, no be small thing.

Me ma don dey give dem excuses sotay me no come get any other excuse to give again. I first come dey yarn dem say seats don full; say dem put me for standby. E be like say dat one no come work again, now me don change my tory say armed robbers plenty for yonder, say me never want die, like say na only me those bad boys dey wait for. Me ma self don tire to give excuse. The one me dey use now na say me dey fear the political situation, say anything fit shelle and yawa fit gas anytime, and me no want dey stuck for Nigeria. All dat one na tory.

Person dey miss home no be small, dis obodo oyibo get as e be. This kind time for Nigeria, activity go don dey full ground small small. Person calendar go don full by now, if no be Igba Nkwu Nneka, e go be Iku Aka Amaka. Even self my cousin Ndubuisi Okonkwo don set him traditional wedding for December 31st, person for reach there go show body, action go dey dat side well well. Even self dem Umunna people and age grade people go don set their annual general meeting dates, where person for go ‘fight’ over him rights, which fit be over leg of goat or head of chicken, I swear I dey miss those kind things.

For my town Enugwu-Ukwu, dem go don dey arrange the annual inter-village football tournament, wey all man wey return from anywhere fit come follow jam body. Umu okolo na Umu agbogho wey dey find husband and wife dey full ground there. Person for take style reach Nkwo Enugwu-Ukwu go watch masquerades, even around Ezi Alias, action dey full there too. Person wey know say him strong, make him comot make we see am, if you like, wear Armani trousers, those small boys no send you o, dem go tear your legs with agba during the traditional free-for-all stick fights. Big man no reach for dat one, unless you settle. Igwe Enugwu-Ukwu and Eze Umunri (Osita Agwuna) go don dey arrange for him annual Ofala (igu aro) festival, all dem festivals (Ovolu, Nimkpa, Ana Enugwu etc) go don dey lined up. I swear person dey miss home.

Abi na the food wey person dey chop during this kind time? My cousin Ifeanyi (Aro Igbo) dey call am ta ko li ko. Plenty chop-chop dey always dey any compound person enter. Even for Avomimi, my mama dem place. I sure say Kings Restaurant wey dey for ebe go don stock egbene (chicken) well well dey wait for returnees. Boys go dey manya like say tomorrow no dey again. Like say I dey home this Christmas, for Christmas morning gogo, na for Eke Awka you go find me, where I dey haggle goat price with those Mallam dem. After dat na home straight, to go slaughter the goat with my people dem, the one wey me dey like well well na to roast am, I say nothing pass the smell of roasted goat on a Christmas morning, dis one na the real thing, no be dat one wey oyibo dey take machine do for us for Upton Park. After we don roast finish the next stage na for dem women to carry go, dem go use the goat blood plus the round-about and intestine go tidy ngwo-ngwo.

I swear Nigeria sweet no be small, money fit no dey but people dey jolly. No be dis kind dry Ala Bekee wey we dey, e be like say London own na him worse past self. Once shops don close, the whole street go dey deserted. People go enter inside their house dey chop turkey, dat one na life? Me ma self, we don stock up dey wait for those like us wey no fit go home this Christmas, dem fit stop by on Christmas day as par say na the same sickness catch all of us – home sickness, at least make we cheer each other up.

Unless say you get family wey you go visit or wey come visit you, nothing mega, kpata- kpata you enter night club go drown your sorrow and loneliness in alcohol. I swear for my next life, I go tanda jeje for my country. If dem like make fire dey burn our nyash, I go dey kampe.

Written by
Uche Nworah
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4 comments
  • this article is very nice and you said it all very nicely plus i was home (Nigeria) during the holidays and it was magical i didnt want to go back to boring, lonely america

  • My brother this article dey kamkpeeeeeeeeeeee. You are the true son of your papa. I like how you present the story.

  • Uche well said jare,u know the jollification dey plenty this time, as dem finish christmas,dem enter sallah, follow am with new-year, na wah oh!,who send me message come here sef, wey u no know say something dey happen,o ga o.

    Btw, u try for that Yoruba, na like this u go write an next time gangan…u go pay for this lecture.