It’s 1.08 am and I do not feel sleepy at all. I haven’t had much sleep in the past one month and it’s seriously getting to me. My back hurts constantly but I’m afraid to get it checked out. I do not want to be subjected to a series of appointments with the chiropractor. There’s a program on TV and I couldn’t care less, because all I am seeing is a bunch of people trying to prepare some kind of dish that I’m not sure would taste good. I have serious writers block and I am hoping something will come up, unless I am just going to bore you with my crap.
My heart is heavy and I seriously want to vent but I do not know what I am supposed to be venting about. I haven’t been on here for two weeks now and I felt the need to post something. I lost an aunt a week ago……My friend is devastated because her mum isn’t going to be with her anymore. I grieve because she died of something I totally despise. I pray God he heals my heavy heart. I pray I understand why I feel the way I do.
I could tell you a little bit about how I feel right now, but I can’t. I could tell you… No. I will just keep typing and hope it all makes sense.
The beat moves me; Disease, why did you take my loves away?
Piece by piece you took them, till I had nothing left.
By God I will fight you, till there’s nothing left of you.
These strangers paved the way for my journey and it’s been a long and fulfilling one. I have come across so many obstacles, but I am still strong. I will keep moving till I put them away. I have only one weapon, and that’s an education in the health care field. I know I want to help people, but most importantly I know I don’t want to keep seeing citizens of my country die everyday due to lack of healthcare.
“Uncle I know you are lying in the hospital right now. You can’t talk; you can’t move….I don’t know what to do. Why can’t the doctors give you adequate care? Why don’t they have the resources needed to provide effective health care? If you die I do not know what I am going to do. Uncle if you die, something inside of me is going to die. (God please don’t let him die). I saw uncle Ononiwu in my dream last night, he looked happy. I was happy to see him happy. I remember he was in so much pain before he died, but he says he is happier now. I told him my dad and I missed him and we never understood why he left us so early. He smiled and held me close.
Uncle I want you to know I am praying really hard. You won’t die, I still want you here! We all want you here! Am I being selfish? I don’t care, I want you here!”
I want my uncle here; I don’t think I can take anymore loss. I can’t write anymore right now. I thought I would feel better, but I feel worse…